What's Expected Of Nigerian Women - Culture (2) - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Culture / What's Expected Of Nigerian Women (7625 Views)
THROWBACK PICTURE: Nigerian Women Being Taught How To Wash Clothes In 1915 / Beauty Of Middlebelt Nigerian Women / The Beauty Of Northern Nigerian Women (2) (3) (4)
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Nobody: 10:43am On Nov 30, 2007 |
almondjoy:Hey Everyone! Almondjoy~ Before you marry someone from another culture, I will agree that it is wise to learn what you can about their culture, but, you cannot learn everything before you are married. There are things that both husband and wife will learn maybe even years down the road. Sometimes it is because one person does not realize that a phrase or action means something entirely different to their spouse. For instance where I am from when you talk about someone having wings that refers usually to a child growing up and leaving his parents' house to be on his own, but to my fiance a person with wings makes reference to somone who is considered mean. I am a white chick living in Hawaii and this summer I am going to be arriving in Nigeria to marry a naija man, whom I love dearly. Through talking to each other everyday we can see some of cultural differences. Everytime we speak I can see differences, and I always ask him to explain and I explain what it means to me. But I know that when we do get married and live together there is still going to be things we learn about each other culturally. Learning anothers culture can take a life time. It is hard to ask someone, oh how do people in your culture act, because everything seems normal and not different. So my fiance and I have talked about it and have agreed to ask each other questions even if they seem dumb because we do not want to make assumptions and be totally wrong and misunderstand each other which can lead to arguments! We have agreed to ask and educate each other, and this will be something that we will always do. We may reach a point where we have a lot of knowledge about the culture of the other, but we never know everything. I feel that is important to remember. Besides just being respectful, which is also important, being open-minded, being willing to ask, being observant, and being willing to learn are all things that will help anyone I think learn about another culture. Learning someone else's culture is hard work, and it takes a lot of getting used to if it is vastly different than your own. Even if you have made visits to Nigeria and have been thrust into the culture if it is only for a visit it effects you differently than it would if you were permanently placed in that situation. I speak from experience. My family took a vacation to Hawaii about 8 years ago to buy property, and it was a moderate culture shock. Things were different and there were soo many different cultures in one place, which is something I had never experienced before. It was a shock but it was also fun especially I think because everyone knew we were tourists so we were treated differently than a local. However when my family moved to Hawaii 2 years later, the culture shock I experienced then was completely different!! It was more harsh, and there were soo many things that I did not realize were different and that I had not experience during our brief vacation. Now 6 years later I am still learning and adapting to the culture here. Part of that might be because there are many differing peoples here, and each is not the same as the next, but still just learning the general way things are thought about and spoken about here is still sometimes challenging. I mean where I was from on the east coast sarcasim is popular, but here is Hawaii no one understands it!! When you are sarcastic people think you are serious!! It is still something that trips me up regularly with my social exchanges. I know when I arrive in Nigeria this summer I want to spend time with my fiance's younger sister as well as his sister-in-law, so I can see what he is used to not just culturally but in his family environment as well. So I can take cues from how they act and interact with those around them. I also look forward to just being in public places and taking in the sites and watching how other men and women interact and go about their daily business. I am sorry everyone I did not mean to be sooooo loooooong winded about this. But I feel that everyone who has contributed so far has made a point; some people might be easier to listen to than others because of word choices, but still everyone seems to be attempting to be helpful. I hope that my experiences and thoughts make sense to someone and maybe help even if I did talk too much (sorry again  )!!Aloha y'all!! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by almondjoy(f): 3:06pm On Nov 30, 2007 |
Thank you Kattrina. Take care of yourself and all the best. May your dreams come true! Happy Holidays!  All the very best! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by SisiEko1(f): 6:54pm On Nov 30, 2007 |
YOU ARE EXPECTED TO ENTERTAIN UR HUSBAND  .QUESTION.COM!!!!! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Nobody: 9:30am On Dec 01, 2007 |
almondjoy:@almondjoy I think you are attaching yourself too much to culture, you are giving loads of negative information on this forum maybe u have an issue to share(i know your next line of action is to attack me with words like you have done to some people on this forum but please don't swear or insult my folks, any reasonable reply with be discussed) I am married to a white lady whose grandmother never saw a black man before, her cousins call me Akin. My point is: studying culture won't really help but i believe understanding and respect of eachother is more important. i am not going to allow my wife to bow or kneel down for my parent because that is not her culture( my parent respect that and we are all happy). We respect eachother and we allow room for mistake and improvement. I am not going to put a burden on my relationship with my wife because i am an African man. My wife,my kids and extended family not the other way round and i don't give a s"""t about tradition or culture. @Katrina My dear, you've made some good points but PLEASE study your man not the culture. trust me you r going to be treated very well when u go to Nigeria but STUDY your man, thats your main priority. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by bigbee(m): 4:50pm On Dec 01, 2007 |
my comments will go specifically to pmdaboh. i see that u prefer to be refered to as BLACK AMERICAN and not AFRICAN- AMERICAN. does that mean that even though u are an american u do not want to recognize the fact that u are of AFRICAN DESCENT  All the other questions about cultural rudimentations will fall in place as u go along in ur marriage.As AN AFRICAN -AMERICAN I have researched for 20 years to descover that my ancestral roots is from nigeria and nothing can bring a man joy as to find a closure in his life. i think u should be proud of ur ancestry first . |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Nobody: 2:30am On Dec 02, 2007 |
cool4ny: I try to do both. Whenever I read/learn something about culture in Nigeria I was speak to my fiance about it afterwards. I ask if whether or not what I read is accurate, how widely practiced it is, should I worry about it when I come over, and then I ALWAYS ask him how he feels about a particular tradition/practice and if it is something that he incorporates in his life and if he expects me to honor/practice the tradition too and if it is something that he will still want to actively practice once we move to Hawaii (when his paperwork done). Like he told me in Nigeria (at least where he is) it is frowned up for women to where trousers expect around the house, in front of family, and I am willing to honor that and not offend anyone, but I once I get to the US I want to be able to put on a nice comfy pair of jeans and be able to take off places in them. So I HAD to know if this was something he was going to insist upon my continuing practice of here in the states; he said no as long as that is what the culture is here. (I know that might seem dumb to some, but if he was going to insist upon me wearing dresses/skirts all the time even once we leave Nigeria I was going to have a MAJOR problem with that!!) He is to the point where he expects my questions, LOL. If he brings up something (or even if it is something I bring up) he will automatically now tell me his thoughts on the matter. We have gotten into a lot of good discussions this way; I find it very helpful is my study of him and his values. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Octupus(f): 8:19am On Dec 02, 2007 |
@POSTER I agree intoto with cool4ny. A man who loves his wife should be prepared to make excuses for her and DEFEND her,no matter what.At least,until she is comfortable with a particular act.He must never allow her to be embarrassed simply because she doesnt unders tand a custom.And same goes with the wife.Both must be prepared to stick close to one another and defend yourselves from those who might want to cash in on your spouse's ignorance of cultural practices. So indeed the key thing is to study the individual you want to marry and be sure that he/she is prepare to protect and shield you at all times.That's all you need and all will be fine.You can then quietly study the culture from the practices of other couples you observe and learn at YOUR OWN PACE. Best wishes. @kattrina, I am not aware of any culture in Nigeria where they frown at women wearing trousers.People only frown at it for religious reasons and not cultural.I am not saying your fiance is telling lies please.So dont quote me.All I am saying is,when you come to Nigeria,observe what the other wives do and then ask your fiance relevant questions.If you see other wives freely wearing trousers then ask him why not you? All the best. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Nobody: 10:11am On Dec 02, 2007 |
@Octupus Maybe culture is not the appropriate term to use; I am not sure. I just know that such is practiced in the area where my fiance lives, and that his sister and sister-in-law both observe the practice. For my fiance and his family I do know that it is not because of their religious customs. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by simibrazil(f): 9:11pm On Dec 02, 2007 |
I am Brazilian my babe oga is nigerian. We have been dating for 4 years and he wont get married with me (he said) because he must get married with a naija woman because he is the oldest son. If he marry me his family might die (he said it). Trying to became nigerian I start studying the culture and get envolved with nigerians and make nigerians friends. I learned how to make egusi, stew, jollof rice, I care about his food, I learned how to cook just because it is important to him, take care of the house but I didnt learn be quiet when he say something I dont agree and others stuffs. We are happy! The difference of cultures made our relationship became more rich became we learn with each other everyday. (my opinion) |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Octupus(f): 10:52pm On Dec 02, 2007 |
@Kattrina, Tell me which part of Naija your fiance comes from and I will tell you what obtains there.I have lived in Nigeria for the past four decades. @Simibrazil, You too,tell me where your man comes from and I will brief you.However, it is true that some traditions insist the first born male must marry from there kind.That means the man cannot even marry other Nigerian women who dont come from their tribe. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Leilah(f): 12:58am On Dec 03, 2007 |
Simi, how will you fell when he leaves you to marry a nigerian woman? I know you are happy now but no mater what you learn about him and his culture, you will not be a nigerian just like me I am not Nigerian also. I think your a pretty lady that can find someone that WILL marry you. Why give a man what he wants when he will not even agree to marry you |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by FemiATL: 3:19am On Dec 03, 2007 |
@Simibrazil Wow! You learnt how to cook all that food. My wife makes a total mess of the Nigerian food she cooks. The best she can do is fry plantain----boil rice and make stew---which she calls sauce--------and I am very fine with that. I make the other Nigerian stuff I can whip together too-------I suck in cooking too. But coming to you---------I am really taken aback by what your fiancé said and just like "Octopus" said-------there are some tribes/families that want their first child to marry from their tribe etc-------personally I do not know of any and I have not heard of it, but knowing Nigeria it is possible. I am not a time waster so if I were you--------I will start making plans to move on------but if you say you are happy------maybe things might change-------then I guess you can hang in there and see what happens. Leilah is right about how you look------I am just echoing her oh!------before some people start calling me "onishe kushe" God Speed. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Nobody: 10:29am On Dec 03, 2007 |
@Octupus My fiance Peter lives in Ogba Ikeja. I am not sure if that is where he grew up or not. I know that his family did move recently (within the past year), but I am pretty sure they were close to the same area however I am not positive. He told me he is Igbo, but has grown up in Yoruba land. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by davidif: 2:25am On Dec 04, 2007 |
It simply depends on the husband. But my wife must be a medical doctor by the grace of God and she must also be a mother. This is one of the reasons i only want to marry a naija girl, because they can combine both, in other countries especially in yanki, because a girl is now a medical doctor and sophisticated she can't cook and would rather eat out and employ a nanny, God forbid bad thing. Also, most of all she has to be a very very strong christian. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by pmdaboh(f): 2:55am On Dec 04, 2007 |
@Bigbee You do not know me at all nor why I choose the terminology of Black over African America. I write articles, and my most recent one, which is very popular on nigerianmuse.com is entitled, Is Black Really Beautiful? The article is also posted on nigeriansinamerica.com (under Life Abroad Category). Why do Black people love the terminology of African American when we, as a whole, are so far disconnected from the Motherland until it is not even funny. I found out how much Black people really felt about Africans when I fell in love and married my Nigerian husband. The constant negativity that flowed from the African American lips would make a grown person shudder. Who said African American was a better term than Black--and before that we were referred to as Colored. If you take the time to read my article, you will see why I prefer the term Black. But no matter what a person's preference, our connections to one another, acceptance to one anohter's culture, and openness to learn about one another is what counts! Patricia |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by TmeD0(m): 5:55pm On Dec 04, 2007 |
simibrazil:Let me guess Simi, your boyfriend gave you that name and he is Yoruba. Am I correct? Ok, here's what I can infer from your remarks above. Firstly, if your man is Yoruba, I don't recall anywhere in Yoruba tradition that states that if the eldest son marries out of their tribe, the whole family will die. That in Yoruba is called "Odu" meaning a fabricated story. Secondly, if your oga no wan marry you after 4 years of courtship, then something isn't right. I'm not going to speculate but there are tons of possibility why your oga is not too eager to tie the knots. My advice? Consider talking to him and if he still insisting on not marrying you, maybe it's time to move on. Things might look good now but believe me just like Leilah stated, you will never be a Nigerian in the eyes of his family members. On the other hand, it might depend on how receptive the family is. Best of luck to you. Peace! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Leilah(f): 7:18pm On Dec 04, 2007 |
@T@medo, I think the lady's name is Simi thats short for Simone. I'm not sure what tribe the boyfriend is from. yes, after four years of courtship and a lovely looking woman like herself I think she needs to re think. None of my business but I would hate to see her hurt. by the sounds of it he already has a wife or is engaged to a nigerian or is planning that. Simi, go and ask him to take you to Nigeria? you will see his response. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by simibrazil(f): 8:53pm On Dec 04, 2007 |
Octopus He is Igbo !!! Leilah I was trying to "became nigerian" for change his mind. You know? Hopefull never die. My friends used made the same question that you did and the answer is as I love you him so much I ll be cool , suffer a lot at first but I will survive. I had plan a lot of things for my life and nothing happened as I had planned, so NOW IS LIKE THAT WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE, IF I DIE TOMORROW AT LEAST I LL DIE HAPPY. FemiATL At first I had prejudice with nigerian food because it doesnt look like good, that okro melting , etc, I didnt have courage even to eat. For my babe oga a woman that cook is very important, he told me he d prefer my food than the food the most expensive and chic restaurant. So I start learning and I think everything delicious and I have been enjoying eat with the fingers. I still don't eat meats like : tongue,liver, bush, foot and head and he love it . This one I still don't have courage even to touch because I feel disguting. Example: he likes egusi with fish,meat and chicken togheter, it doenst exist here, my friends look and say wooooowwww this guy is crazy, or you eat one meat or another but everything togheter ? so I made it just with Fish and he liked anyway and my brazilian friends too, is a kind of adaption and I wear african clothes e don't complain about nothing , lol T@medo, No you are wrong, he is Igbo. Thanks for the Advice anyway Leilah, again Do you have crystall ball girl ? so tell me 5 number for i play in the lottery. Yes, my name is Simone and my nickname is Simi or Brown Sugar Doll (smile). He is going to Nigeria for Christhmas and I have been insisting to go with him (I pay my ticket) and he said NOOOO, I start crying, he said: Why you don't want I go to Nigerian ? I have been far for years and I want stay with my family and I replied of course I want you go to see your parents but I want go togheter, he said for I stop disturbing him. Leilah I have already dated a lot of men during my whole life, I am 32 already and he is the only one that I feel in love, he is perfect, he is handsome, he is too strong (people fear when he get close because he look like bad too) and I feel protected, he is strong cristian, he kiss very good like that actors in hollywood movie, when we are sleeping he hug very strong , awake me with kiss, we talk a lot of bullshit sometimes and have fun, his butt is just amazing, sometimes I sleep on it as pillow, he take care about me he is very honest , wise and he make me became a better person each day. I am not a homely girl (his wish) I am business woman, I have a lot of contacts, friends and thats why I fear don't find another man like him. I know the world and average men is "dirty", unfaithfull. Like him just exist he, God made 1 sample and put in the trash the "round shape"  |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by omoge(f): 11:21pm On Dec 04, 2007 |
wow Simi you are kind hearted. i think your guy has something he is keeping away. spending time with the family shouldn't make him to refuse your going with him. it's not like he will be with them 24hr 7day and night anyway (even if he's not been home for 30years). there are many Igbo married to foreign women. their parents do welcome such women. oh well only for Osufia case  so maybe your babe oga has Osufia kind of thing. You tried sistah. . . pray hope he marry you like you hope for. if it were me, i won't cook for you o. go eat the road side food. i won't cook lai lai . i will keep my new and improved kitchen expertize for moi.you say you no marry me, but want my cooking and playing the role, No Way. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Leilah(f): 1:38am On Dec 05, 2007 |
Simi, my husband took me to Nigeria and proved what i needed to know to me, do you think he won't be with other ladies in Nigeria I hope I didn't insult you I was just saying it. You are happy now, but at the end when he never marries you and goes for one of his own women how much could your heart take it? I admire your positive outlook on things, think you deserve better though. Good luck. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by wendymanda: 1:53am On Dec 05, 2007 |
It simply depends on the husband. But my wife must be a medical doctor by the grace of God and she must also be a mother. This is one of the reasons i only want to marry a naija girl, because they can combine both, in other countries especially in yanki, because a girl is now a medical doctor and sophisticated she can't cook and would rather eat out and employ a nanny, God forbid bad thing. Also, most of all she has to be a very very strong christian. Are you a doctor? |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by wendymanda: 1:53am On Dec 05, 2007 |
It simply depends on the husband. But my wife must be a medical doctor by the grace of God and she must also be a mother. This is one of the reasons i only want to marry a naija girl, because they can combine both, in other countries especially in yanki, because a girl is now a medical doctor and sophisticated she can't cook and would rather eat out and employ a nanny, God forbid bad thing. Also, most of all she has to be a very very strong christian. Are you a doctor? |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by Octupus(f): 7:27am On Dec 05, 2007 |
@Kattrina, I live at Ogba myself,on LSDPC Estate,Ijaiye Rd(Ask your man to confirm this place).I can tell you categorically,that married and single women wear trousers and jeans freely in this part of Nigeria. @Simibrazil, It is true that some parts of Igboland practice that culture.If he comes from such a place,too bad.You can marry him only out of rebellion and I dont think that's too good as you may wish to relate with your in-laws after marriage. All the best to you both. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by simibrazil(f): 7:04pm On Dec 05, 2007 |
Leilah, If I were you I would say the same thing. You are 100% right. I am a kind of stupid when we love we dont think racional. Then I ll get old and single with no babes because of him. Yes, I dont deserve it  Octopus, when he told me it I thought he was joking (culture issue) it doesnt exist here and when I tell people they dont believe either. That's why I enter here and I realized that the issue is real serious  Kisses People, you are so kind |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by almondjoy(f): 8:39am On Dec 10, 2007 |
simibrazil: Dear Simibrazil, Why do you set yourself up for such a heartbreak? You know this guy has no intentions of marrying you despite what you want---I am assuming you want to marry him since you are in love with him. Do you think it is wise to waste any more time on this guy? That would be selfish on his part and careless on your part. I hope and pray you know what you are doing going into the New Year 2008.All the best honey. Please do not waste your best "reproductive" years on a guy who has no intentions of marrying you. I respect his wishes for wanting to choose whom he decides to settle down with. But you must take control of your life. Four years is enough with him, don't you think? I am sure you can find another guy with smooth "buttucks" to use as your pillow.  Happy Holidays! A.J. |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by simibrazil(f): 10:17am On Dec 10, 2007 |
Hello People You are encouranging me. Almondjoy, you are so funny. I smiled a lot when I read your e-mail. Yes, I will enter 2008 alone. He is going to Nigeria next week and he will be back just in february. The time I need for start geting used with his ausence. I re-read every posts and re-think about myself and my "reproductive years" and you are all right. I ll finish this romance. Kisses Simi |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by omoge(f): 3:31pm On Dec 10, 2007 |
abeg finish it kia kia our sister simibrazil . i don't like it when men play their wayo (cunning) games simibrazil: |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by teena(f): 12:24pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
simibrazil: Yes my dear Simi, I think you have taken the best decision for you in this issue. I am an Ibo lady and from your posts, I believe your guy likes you , wouldnt want to hurt you, but cannot marry you. There must be some issues at stake for his reason, as he is travelling to Nigeria for such a period of time now, its likely a wife has been arranged already for him by his pple back home or he is coming home to select the MISS RIGHT. Be that as it may, I respect his courage of letting you know his stand on the relationshp without sentiments. Honestly, its not easy for us ladies to let go our partners when we are sincerely in love but I pray you draw strenghts from that and move on with your life as I hope that God shall soon bless you with the right man that will suit your heart desire. GOODLUCK! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by almondjoy(f): 1:57pm On Dec 11, 2007 |
simibrazil: I am happy for you. Please do not forget to change the locks to your house or apartment. Burn all pictures and anything that reminds you of him. Knowing our "brothers", he might try to keep you as a "spare" fling. Give him a nice kick in the arse! Change your telephone numbers too! Goodluck honey! |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by ELUMARO: 2:26pm On Dec 13, 2007 |
About our culture in nigeria,actually there are suppose to be differences in culture.Base on |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by ELUMARO: 2:38pm On Dec 13, 2007 |
it is expected that there will be differences in culture .It is our culture her but inthis era that we are in,40% of women have been learning to be independent that is the career |
| Re: What's Expected Of Nigerian Women by samiola: 12:33pm On Dec 14, 2007 |
Before going into the topic proper, i will like to state that a woman's role or responsibility goes beyound rearing of children,she is naturally endowed with the responsibilty of shaping destinies of generations because even when a man is lacking in his responsibilities once a woman is up and doing,the destiny of a child is defined. Now to the topic in question, firstly a Nigerian woman in the early part of her life needs to empower herself, in essence she should either go to school,learn a trade,learn a vocation,because this is the ultimate responsibility she sure has to do if she is to contribute positively to the society and above all learn morals and also ensure that she is grounded in God's own way and precepts because any other responsibility at the long run will count as nothing at the end of the day. So my advice to all Nigerian women is that the minute they miss the point then they loose the whole essence of womanhood. Thank you. |
A Short Story Of Tiv People / A Fulani Invention, Popularised By Hausa Merchants ; Adopted By West Africans. / Serer People From Senegambia
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 118 |