Naijanascam:
Don't even think about him anymore.....live your life to the fullest Sir...if he can't reason well sale off the house and use the money to maintain yourself to live longer because that's the first thing he will sale immediately you die....

Selling it is good, but I will suggest if everything else fails and you truly want to kick me out ie he is refusing to leave on his own:

Rent the house out for 12 months with proper documentation, ensure the lease states 12 months with no renewal and that Landlord will take ownership after 12 months.

If you meet a good lawyer, they can include a quit notice with the agreement papers that the tenant will sign before taking possession of the house.

Then use the money and go and rent another place he will not know of, even if you have to add small money to the rent and move out.

If he doesn’t move, police will kick him out…after a year come back and take your house.

My only fear is, hope he is not the type that will want to harm you.

AFONAMARO:
Your son has an entitlement mentality, and people like him rarely see faults in their selfish thoughts/behaviour. Don't be surprised that he'll even argue with you about moving out, claiming that the (your) house is his inheritance .

Oga, there are many teachers out there living on their own with wife and kids, not to mention your son who is single and entitled.

Kindly cut off every form of assistance from him immediately. And if he tries to threaten you, eject him.

So far as he's earning money, he should be responsible for some bills in an apartment that he does not pay rent.

Lord have mercy,rich people give their children jobs upon graduation,furnished houses and cars for their wedding and continual support to make life eazy for them cos they know the economic realities even when it is almost not affecting them.
We poor people want the jobless children to feed their immediate family,parents,relatives and inlaws,make life more miserable for the poor children...I really understand how you feel,if u can do well to help him get a good job,why not or why can't you.sincerely speaking there is a great difference between when you gave birth to him and now thats why u see alarming rate of fraud,killings for rituals and all sort.
My opinion:pls do not victimise him or cause rift between you and your son.try to encourage him,admonish him,advise him to get a form of skill or the other while he finds his balance.there are so many paying skills like computer and phone repairs,tilling or what ever he wishes to learn.when he start to feel more comfortable, he will atleast stop depending on you.its a relief if is not reciecing from u...dont mind all these yahoo boys that flaunt expensive cars and appearances,the ritualist wey most of them know pass their age.

Carlyboi:



The things you said bout your cousin are just so funny I was compelled to leave a comment cos I wasn’t planning to do so...he would make a best seller if he should write a book on excuses...unfortunately people are just different you know our thoughts,personality and drive just vary in degree and kind!you just have to keep encouraging and tolerating him hopefully things get better for him someday soon..and reduce the rallying too that might show him the need for him to make his own money or have a source of livelihood!

We're trying to be tolerant but also trying to see that he makes hay while the sun shines as age is no longer on anyone's side.
He even posted on our family WhatsApp this morning an article that talks about helping siblings. I just dey look am. Thanks for your input.

Kingcalls:


Face reality

What's reality?

Why should a graduate still be living under his father's roof?

If the man says he doesn't want you to bring a woman into the house or staying out beyond 9, you woulf call him a tyrant, yet you can't live on your own.

Tueh for such a person.

Kobojunkie:
I would but it has been a while for me and such movies. But I do know there are lots of movies out there to help parents understand how to become friends with their adult children, this while still helping train them for better life out there.

He won't know where to look, sadly.

Beremx:
The current situation of the country made him to still be living under your roof. Don’t frustrate him and make him misbehave. He’s still a good boy unlike some sons who are jobless and shameless. Give him more time to look for a better job and let him move on

The father problem is not him living in his house
His problem is him not helping in paying bills

How can a son who is working and not paying rent can afford to help sort bills at home

He's a wicked son abeg


If you check well now
One babe dey corner de collect him salary from am in the name of love


Sir abeg take that poster advise that said
You should assign bills to your kids simple

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

He is a lazy and selfish man. Do not for a second think he’ll be if any assistance to you even if he earns good money.
At 29, he should be out of your house, hustling to assist you and his younger one.
You make him comfortable that’s why.
What you should do is this.
1, electricity bill, food and other little stuff in the house should be shared. If he doesn’t contribute, make sure he does not eat or even charge his phone. Disconnect the light in his room.
2, give him an ultimatum to leave your house. You have over pampered him.
Is it not obvious that when he marries, he won’t take responsibility of his own family?
Whatever you get now, use it for yourself only.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

He is a brilliant chap with a bright future. He is just unfortunate to be a Nigerian in Nigeria like many even here on this platform.

He is not gainfully employed because of the typed of government we have here

Kindly advice and support him to leave the country to saner societies where professionals are appreciated.

You will be shocked at how early his life will change and he will start sending you money for upkeep

wahala dey

Great0ne1:

Very good question. After doing my son my son, you want him to learn what you might never have bordered to imbibe in him, at a young age. Parents know this. Your children are not your pet. You are there to prepare then, for life challenges ahead. If you fail to do this, you have failed as a parent

... Thank you. He is here now blaming the boy alone.

I don't know how to bend a dry stick o, you raised him like that...some of us na at 17 we run from house...

Malory:
Shatap

OP, this is definitely your son's account that he just opened to argue with you anonymously! Ha!

shawante:
You don't want your son to enjoy you now that you're alive abi?

You she say ur head correct?

Totilopussylick:
I recommend you send him to a barbing school

I will give to you unfiltered. You suck at parenting. You did not raise your kid to be independent and responsible. What You're now seing is the consequences of your past mistakes.

Kobojunkie:
Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things.

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do.

movie and real life do not compare. One is scripted down to the last dot while the latter is live action, need I say more?

PrimadonnaO:
He won't know where to look, sadly.

Why?

TruthUntold:

movie and real life do not compare. One is scripted down to the last dot while the latter is live action, need I say more?

You will be shocked to know that many of what you see in some of those movies are in fact based on true life relationships between children and parents.

Not all movies are fictional.

Dear Sir Desusi!

I’m firstly gonna applaud you for constantly fulfilling your fatherly duties to your kids even though you owe them that responsibility being their progenitor but as soon as they become adults you’re not necessarily obliged and even young kids abound who have got only deadbeats Sperm donor to call Dad!

To your post I think you need to understand how unfavorable the economy is to people generally not to talk of someone who’s underemployed and a male child..we males deal with loads of pressure and responsibilities which sometimes can be overwhelming,but....I can’t absolve him of responsibilities especially if the bills have become a burden for you...so he needs to sit up and man up.

Let me ask these questions..do you deprive access to the house or visit especially females?second do you think he’s genuinely financially incapacitated or he’s just not willing to try?I asked bout the access cos he might spending money on entertaining women elsewhere if he’s into women and if he’s actually kind then you can’t go too hard on him...you can tell your daughter bout it and get her to see reason or anyone else you think can get through to him friends,relatives or lover(s)if applicable.

Then try and saddle him with the smallest bills to start with and try awaken that sense of responsibility in him,also don’t try push him or force him out,don’t put me under undue pressure,don’t denigrate or Shame him cos of his financial and employment status...that would do more harm than good and strain and scar your relationship for life.

At the end of the day if nothing changes do whatever you can going forward and prioritize your needs he would always sort himself out and also it’s only a matter of time he won’t live with your for life I’m here thinking 5yrs at the most he would find his footing and move in to his own apartment...if you can accommodate,groom and raise him for 29years of his life what is 5years less or more that you can’t bear and also put him in your prayers constantly,pray for him to thrive!

tensazangetsu20:
So long as you made the selfish decision to have children, you are completely responsible for them till you die. As if they are sharing high paying jobs in Nigeria.

Making them stand on their feet is one of the responsibilities, not necessarily feeding them forever

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

I am really just mesmerized by your age and writing culture , what went wrong?

Esthered:

We're trying to be tolerant but also trying to see that he makes hay while the sun shines as age is no longer on anyone's side.
He even posted on our family WhatsApp this morning an article that talks about helping siblings. I just dey look am. Thanks for your input.

You’re welcome...the reason I said you should reduce the rallying but don’t complete ignore him just don’t go out of your way if he needs 10 give him 2 one thing is gonna happen it’s either he wakes up and smell the coffee or he keeps waiting on handouts from family and settling.He seems like an entitled person.

Yemon:
My brother I know what you are passing through,so with me.I am retired too above 60 with two graduates sons of 7 years and 5 years ago and to ice it up a girl had twins(boys)for one of them,all under my roof apart from the girl.

I laugh at the comments. As every thumbprint differs, so also lives, destinies, so it is not the same strokes for the different folks. You can't really judge another because you had a triumph in that area.

His 29 years old may not really be at fault.

Now, I personally put the blame on his father, and as for you sir, I put the blame on you too(with due respect). Reason being that some of you educated oldies always think about reading, reading and reading with certificate.

You didn't actually make the children know that it is harsh outside there and for them to beat this, they need to be encouraged from a very young and youthful days on how to make a living (money), let's say at age 20.

Many of you only think one way, it's about certificate, not about skills of value they can start using to make a living.

After all, you want all the control over their lives, you won't tell them the importance of money and responsibility perhaps for fear they may misbehave apart from wanting to control everything about them.

They graduate at 23, 25 in a country like this and instead of letting them get a job or encourage them to business or skills, you rush them off to do masters as if you people are even well connected with real creme de la creme in the society.

They finish masters perhaps at 27,28 you want PhD. You may not even sometimes think about how they can be independent and have joy of being a man or a woman.

And at those ages, some children of those who are not as educated as yourselves are already doing well and able to stand in the society as men and women. And at those ages, your children are already feeling stranded.

Don't make mistake that the 29 year old being discussed in this thread is a happy man. So are some others in their 30's which are affected. Some really long for their independence but they are already unhappy, and don't even know how to forge ahead simply because of one thing : you people do not allow them responsibilities even when they desired it at their younger age.

I don't wanna be rude to you, but I know what I'm talking about. May God deliver those in distress.

Tina001:


If not for anything, at least respect his age. See the way u talking to a 60years old man. Must you display your lack of home training I blame social media

Good home training to Africans means licking a stranger’s balls because he is a certain age. The same reason Blacks cannot stand up to your parents or older people at home whenever they vote an idiot in to govern, the same reason the black race will always remain at the bottom.
We don’t have anything to show or brag about to the world; only our respective ages.

best!

Golan007:
Eject him from the home.

Kobojunkie:
Why?

This 60 year old man may not be a movie junkie.

There's a possibility he wouldn't even know where to download movies from.

And if he finds a download site, or Netflix option, how much effort would he be required to put in, reading synopsis after synopsis to know that there will be similar conversations in the plot for him to learn from?

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Graduation in Nigeria now is no longer a passport towards meaningful livelihood. It only ensures that the graduand can become a reasonable member of the society.
What you have to do is to invite your son for a talk.
1.Ask him what his passion is in life. As in, what is that one thing that he knows that he is good at. That thing he does with little effort and excels.
2. When he tells you and you're convinced that he got it right (of course you must have seen signs without being told)
3. Verify from him if he is motivated to chase that passion, if the answer is yes, your problems are halved.
4. Ask him to make a budget of what it takes to KICK-START that passion.
5. Make your own research to confirm if he did a good job with (number 4) above as you won't entertain hiccups after.
6. Provide that "LAST PUSH" and make it clear that it's handsoff from that point as long as economic parental support is concerned.
7. Follow up with advice when called upon.
8. Good luck to both of you.

He needs to be evicted ASap so he can get sense to take up responsibility

he needs to learn the hard way since he has been getting all on a platter of Gold obviously

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

I will tell you from experience that it is futile to talk and talk again you will turn his enemy on a long run and what you are preventing will happen which is neglecting you.

But to be the wise man here, like my father did, he became my friend for more than a month he never hint me of his plan. He was so friendly that I have forgotten what we use to fight about then gbam one morning without provocation he just came over to my room and said I want to rent this room out due to the fact am old and I can’t work again. So when is it convenient for you to move out?

Be ready to send him out if he decline to contribute some money to pay bills.

Blackbishop:
I will tell you from experience that it is futile to talk and talk again you will turn his enemy on a long run and what you are preventing will happen which is neglecting you.

But to be the wise man here, like my father did, he became my friend for more than a month he never hint me of his plan. He was so friendly that I have forgotten what we use to fight about then gbam one morning without provocation he just came over to my room and said I want to rent this room out due to the fact am old and I can’t work again. So when is it convenient for you to move out?

Hmmmm.
What a wise decision.

ur son does not like the fact he's living with u... the economy of d country is hard... ur concern shouldn't be about trying to take d small he earns from teaching. show him u care about him. talk to him about saving and trying to start up something of his own, that way, he sees u as a father.

pls don't add to his frustration. the young man is probably depressed. these days, training a child to a university level ain't enough because merit is dead in Nigeria. it's about connections and nepotism. so on ur part, don't think u have done all that needs to be done to a child. today's Nigeria is different. u can do more by asking friends for job openings...

I don't know ur child, but don't be surprised, if he has a good paying job, he would take care of u. pls don't push him towards thinking about fast ways of making money

PrimadonnaO:
This 60 year old man may not be a movie junkie.

There's a possibility he wouldn't even know where to download movies from.

And if he finds a download site, or Netflix option, how much effort would he be required to put in, reading synopsis after synopsis to know that there will be similar conversations in the plot for him to learn from?

He is 60, not daft. Abeg, let's stop pretending being old in age means one is helpless.

Martha Stewart is 80 years old, and she can find her way around these things with her eyes closed.

If Op knows how to get to a movie rental store and ask questions, he can get movies to watch that will help him.