Right now she needs advice on what to do and I'm also going to be sharing what I have advised her so far.

This man has used his foolishness to implicate my sister and their lovely kids. Before I go into details of what happened recently, I'll like to give a quick backstory of how all these came to be and how she even got herself into this mess

Backtrack to 2014 when she broke the news that someone was coming to see the family for her hand, I asked her who the person was but she refused to tell me saying I'll meet him when he comes. I was now like ha... This one you're hiding it. I never knew it was one useless guy that was living in our former area in the early 2000s that all he does then was stand at junctions disturbing girls. He also disturbed me one period like that and I so much dislike him because of his behavior plus he's fair and I dont fancy fair guys.

The day came and we started cooking. Already I had gotten a hint from my eldest sister that it's the guy and I said was that why she was hiding it? What's my own there. We move. As the day was approaching, my idowus husband called and told me to warn my sister that that guy she's pulling with is not it. That if she's trying to have something serious with him she'll be making a big mistake. I said, she's an adult and can make choices for herself.


He came with his people and we did everything and she moved in with him. Now, this guy doesn't do anything. He claims he's a lawyer but never goes to work. Most times he'll go for early morning training by 6am and after everyone has gone to work, he'll come home and be sleeping. initially my sister was covering him up that he's doing something but anytime I visit after school, I'll always meet him at home sleeping. I knew my sis was just covering him.

Before they married my sister owned a school that was doing well. After her first child the school was still doing well but they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house. Sometimes she would come to school with bruises on her face. Since she refused to talk, me I didn't bother asking because if I do she'll bark at me.it continue like that until she could no longer bear it and started opening up to me that the guy doesn't do anything. Just goes about from one junction to the other.

She took in for her second child and fell sick. The school suffered mismanagement and folded up. That was when the guy showed her his true color. They fought to the extent she left her kids and went to my sister's house. My elder sisters husband settled them and she went back.

She had her third child and the guy started his madness again. This time he would leave them and go for hours without food. When he's coming at night he'll buy food and call his children to come eat and leave my sister hungry. So anytime I go there I'll just find her something to eat. Sometimes not always.
The day I said enough is enough and decided to pull her out of that nonsense was the day she called me, I was in a bus and she said for two days now she has not eaten anything and she's having headache. That the guy said he'll deal with her. I told her to hold on and sent her the little I could that I'll come and see her.

I got there and told her she can't continue like this . I told her to start following me to school to learn how to do what I'm doing and I'll be giving her small small daily pay any day she goes with me and later she can start sourcing for her own schools and be making her own money. I put her through and took her to a school immediately and assigned her to some classes after watching me for a few mins.

We did that for a few weeks and I was giving her the small thing I could after each day. She started going out to look for schools and two schools called her. She now said she can't be following me again , I said no problem. God helped her, She now got more schools and started selling books too and making money.
When this guy saw it, he left feeding and only buys food for the children once in a while. Meanwhile their fighting continued.

Fast-forward to last year, the landlord called my sister that he has given the husband quit notice, not because he was owing but because he was always disrespecting the landlord. My sister tried to plead but he said it's not because of my sister but the husband. Now this guy's is so troublesome and brags a lot. He quarrels with the landlord a lot and always goes against the rules of the compound. I on the other hand have been telling my twin now that she has the money to get her own apartment and leave the lazy thing but she remained there.


Last two weeks Tuesday. during that heavy downpour, the landlord came with some police men and threw their things out in the rain as she was preparing her children for school. It was one of the police men that now had pity on her and said they should leave the things in the compound instead of throwing outside in the rain and helped my sister to bring then inside the gate. The husband ran away. After everything he called my sister to bring the children somewhere. When she got there it was a friend's house. He begged them to let his family stay the night and till now he's still there. I told my sister, shey I've been warning you about this guy. Bett look for a place and move in before this one's change their mind. Could you believe this man continued his laziness there? When everyone has gone out he'll go there and start sleeping till they come back from work and meet him. My sister said he has started quarrelling the man's wife . Someone who's squatting you you're challenging them.

he's talking about moving them to Mowe but my sister is not buying the idea and says she wants to get an apartment here on the mainland because of her job and move with only her children but I'm of the opinion that she should leave the children with him because if she goes with the children he'll run from his responsibility and never pay their school fees again.

What should she do because the guy travelled for his brothers burial now and the owner of the house was heard asking the wife why the guy and my sister are still in their house and said let him come back first . Meaning they are tired.

I've told her to get an apartment now o.

*and I so much dislike him because he's fair and I can't stand fair guys.

*they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house.

Summary of this long epistle

1: He first asked you out and you rejected, as a man he moved on to your sister and you resented him deeply

2: He is currently financially handicap and he irritates you, you hate poor men and poor men neither deserve marriage, or children

3: To you financial burden of a family is exclusive responsibility of a man


PS:

Dear Men, stay completely away from marriage if you are not financially bouyant as you are only rated for your financial strength by Women



.

I know that sister of yours is you.
Well if you have the money rent a place and save yourself the embracement.

Please go with your children no matter what even if you don't have the money for their school fees, they can start at a later time.

The best time to leave is when your husband is not at home. Just leave with the basic items that you'll need at your new place.

I wish you all the best.

Una no dey gree take advice

Jewessgratitud3:
Right now she needs advice on what to do and I'm also going to be sharing what I have advised her so far.

This man has used his foolishness to implicate my sister and their lovely kids. Before I go into details of what happened recently, I'll like to give a quick backstory of how all these came to be and how she even got herself into this mess

Backtracked to 2014 when she broke the news that someone was coming to see the family for her hand, I asked her who the person was but she refused to tell me saying I'll meet him when he comes. I was now like ha... This one you're hiding it. I never knew it was one useless guy that was living in our former area in the early 2000s that all he does then was stand at junctions disturbing girls. He also disturbed me one period like that and I so much dislike him because of his behavior plus he's fair and I can't stand fair guys.

The day came and we started cooking. Already I had gotten a hint from my eldest sister that it's the guy and I said was that why she was hiding it? What's my own there. We move. As the day was approaching, my idowus husband called and told me to warn my sister that that guy she's pulling with is not it. That if she's trying to have something serious with him she'll be making a big mistake. I said, she's an adult and can make choices for herself.


He came with his people and we did everything and she moved in with him. Now, this guy doesn't do anything. He claims he's a lawyer but never goes to work. Most times he'll go for early morning training by 6am and after everyone has gone to work, he'll come home and be sleeping. initially my sister was covering him up that he's doing something but anytime I visit after school, I'll always meet him at home sleeping. I knew my sis was just covering him.

Before they married my sister owned a school that was doing well. After her first child the school was still doing well but they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house. Sometimes she would come to school with bruises on her face. Since she refused to talk, me I didn't bother asking because if I do she'll bark at me.it continue like that until she could no longer bear it and started opening up to me that the guy doesn't do anything. Just goes about from one junction to the other.

She took in for her second child and fell sick. The school suffered management and folded up. That was when the guy showed her his true color. They fought to the extent she left her kids and went to my sister's house. My elder sisters husband settled them and she went back.

She had her third child and the guy started his madness again. This time he would leave them and go for hours without food. When he's coming at night he'll buy food and call his children to come eat and leave my sister hungry. So anytime I go there I'll just find her something to eat. Sometimes not always.
The day I said enough is enough and decided pull her out of that nonsense was the day she called me, I was in bus and she said for two days now she has not eaten anything and she's having headache. That the guy said he'll deal with her. I told her to hold on and sent her the little I could that I'll come and see her.

I got there and told her she can't continue like this . I told her to start following me to school to learn how to do what I'm doing and I'll be giving her small small daily pay any day she goes with me and later she can start sourcing for her own schools and be making her own money. I put her through and took her to a school immediately and assigned her to some classes after watching me for a few mins.

We did that for a few weeks and I was giving her the small thing I could after each day. She started going out to look for schools and two schools called her. She now said she can't be following me again , I said no problem. God helped her, She now got more schools and started selling books too and making money.
When this guy saw it, he left feeding and only buys food for the children once in a while. Meanwhile their fighting continued.

Fast-forward to last year, the landlord called my sister that he has given the husband quit notice not because he was owing but he was owing but he was always disrespecting the landlord. My sister tried to plead but he said it's not because of my sister but the husband. Now this guy's is so troublesome and brags a lot. He quarrels with the landlord a lot and always goes against the rules of the compound. I on the other hand have been telling my twin now that she has the money to get her own apartment and leave the lazy thing but she's there.


Last two weeks Tuesday. during that heavy downpour, the landlord came with some police men and threw their things out in the rain as was preparing her children for school. It was one of the police men that now said they should leave the things in the compound and helped my sister to bring then inside the gate. The husband ran away. After everything he called my sister to bring the children somewhere. When she got there it was a friend's house. He begged them to let his family stay the night and till now he's still there. I told my sister, shey I've been warning you about this guy. Bett look for a place and move in before this one's change their mind. Could you believe this man continued his laziness there? When everyone has gone out he'll go there and start sleeping till they come back from work and meet him. My sister said he has started quarrelling the man's wife . Someone who's squatting you you're challenging them.

he's talking about moving them to Mower but sister is not buying the idea and says she wants to get an apartment here on the mainland and move with only her children but I'm of the opinion that she should Leave the children with him because if she goes with the children he'll run from his responsibility and never pay their school fees again.

What should she do because the guy travelled for his brothers burial now and the owner of the house was heard asking the wife why the guy and my sister are still in their house and said let him come back first . Meaning they are tired.

I've told her to get an apartment now o.

You can force a horse to the stream but you can not force it to take a drink of it. You have done and said your best as a good sister. Let her do her wish!

Your sister deserves what she gets. I will have no pity for such individuals.

If you deliberately commit blunders with your life, i will never be there for you.

Both deserve each other!

Team I wan marry by force!

The only solution is to divorce and move on. If she remains with him, it will be worse 5 years down the lane.

He has casted a spell on your sis.because how could she sees hell as her comfort zone

You claimed the husband is Jobless but still pays the children school fees, you're definitely not telling the truth....you just wants people to condemned the husband.

Curse777:




*and I so much dislike him because he's fair and I can't stand fair guys.

*they started having issues because she was the one bearing most of the financial burden in the house.

Summary of this long epistle

1: He first asked you out and you rejected, as a man he moved on to your sister and you resented him deeply





.

Resent him because he went for my sis? You're high. If this is all you could pick from the story then you're no different from the lazy blob

2special:
You claimed the husband is Jobless but still pays the children school fees, you're definitely not telling the truth....you just wants people to condemned the husband.

Ok. You're entitled to Your opinion

Skyview01:
Mercychen, Your sister deserves what she gets. I will have no pity for such individuals.

If you deliberately commit blunders with your life, i will never be there for you.

Both deserve each other!

Team !
I wan marry by force!

boss no one is above mistake haba but I think Jewessgratitud3 is also lying... She is trying to paint the man bad and it is not as it is

At first, you chose to mind your bizness.

Later on, you chose to delve into their matter. Why didnt you continue minding your bizness??

People think by minding ones bizness, he/she is doing any good. You are causing more harm than good to yourself

Jewessgratitud3:


Ok. You're opinion

But ur sister sef is very stewpid and I'm sorry to say..

She born 1, ẹ no change, born 2, ẹ no change.. Still born 3

Haba

I feel so sorry for her

vincenteger:
I know that sister of yours is you.
Well if you have the money rent a place and save yourself the embracement.

Please go with your children no matter what even if you don't have the money for their school fees, they can start at a later time.

The best time to leave is when your husband is not at home. Just leave with the basic items that you'll need at your new place.

I wish you all the best.

It s not me and it will never be me I reject that kind of man. If and when I decide to marry, I'll marry a sensible and hardworking man by the grace of God.

GOFRONT:
At first, you chose to mind your bizness.

Later on, you chose to delve into their matter. Why didnt you continue minding your bizness??

People think by minding ones bizness, he/she is doing any good. You are causing more harm than good to yourself

Yes at first I chose to mind my business because she was hiding a lot of things and sometimes if I try to ask we'll end up quarrelling. So I lock up.

Skyview01:
Mercychen, Your sister deserves what she gets. I will have no pity for such individuals.

If you deliberately commit blunders with your life, i will never be there for you.

Both deserve each other!

Team !
I wan marry by force!

You and this mercychen moniker self .

What will I do. She's my twin na. I no go just keep quiet dey look.

Jewessgratitud3:


You and this mercychen moniker self .

What will I do. She's my twin na. I no go just keep quiet dey look.

I agree say you no go keep quiet. But look at it from this way, she deliberately married a low life, someone who has nothing doing and totally irresponsible.

She also went on to birth three kids for for the guy. I cut off my own blood sisters for half of that.

I support family members as much as possible and try to advise and warn when they are about to make irrational decisions but I would not allow their wrong decisions to affect my quality of life.

Infact I distance myself from anyone, friends or relatives, who constantly make wrong life choices. I will end up with unnecessary burdens.

Jewessgratitud3:


Resent him because he went for my sis? You're high. If this is all you could pick from the story then you're no different from the lazy blob

So are you happy he found love with your sister ?!

do you fully accept him like your brother ?!
and

do you believe his trying times are not forever and your own lucky times are not forever?!

and

You guys need each other without hate

Skyview01:


I agree say you no go keep quiet. But look at it from this way, she deliberately married a low life, someone who has nothing doing and totally irresponsible.

She also went on to birth three kids for for the guy. I cut off my own blood sisters for half of that.

I support family members as much as possible and try to advise and warn when they are about to make irrational decisions but I would not allow their wrong decisions to affect my quality of life.

Infact i distance myself from anyone-friends, relatives- who constantly make wrong life decisions.

Yeah I get your standpoint and you have every right to how you treat such people. I remember sometime last year when the guy fell sick and she started caring for him again and I said after all he did to you you still went caring for him on the sick bed? She picked quarrel with me and told me to stop coming to their house.

So I understand you but my church mind any time she calls no dey allow me

I want to understand this, does he currently pays the children school fees? If yes, where does he gets the money from, since he doesn't works?


As for your sister:
If the man is totally irresponsible like you painted the situation, she needs to move to her own rented apartment with her children.

She should not make the mistake of giving birth again.

She should also look into starting her school again even if it means starting it as a children only school and expand its scope with time.

author=Curse777 post=126107760]

So are you happy he found love with your sister ?!

do you fully accept him like your brother ?!
and

What's this one saying? If I didn't accept him as a brother I won't be going to their house after they got married even after I discovered he's a good for nothing fellow

do you believe his trying times are not forever and your own lucky times are not forever?!

Your own lucky times will not be forever.

Trying times? You're sounding like the lazy guy. Look there's a difference between trying times and being plain lazy. Every one has had trying times but lying down everyday and expecting the trying time to be over is just stupidity. I have had trying times, no be my eyes I take enter teaching job when I saw that the white-collar job is not forth coming.
The wife too had trying times but when I advised her to rise up and start following me out, she didn't relax at home claiming trying times and today she's earning a living.

What stops him from driving a Keke or Korope since the lawyer job no enter? No be young guys dey drive Uber and all dey take dey live large? What's he's excuse? Trying times? Mtchewwww. You need to change your mentality.

You guys need each other without hate.

I don't hate him, I dislike his character and approach to life.

Stevenbright:
I want to understand this, does he currently pays the children school fees? If yes, where does he gets the money from, since he doesn't works?


As for your sister:
If the man is totally irresponsible like you painted the situation, she needs to move to her own rented apartment with her children.

She should not make the mistake of giving birth again.

She should also look into starting her school again even if it means starting it as a children only school and expand its scope with time.

He does one part-time business that doesn't sell all the time like that. I think that's how he gets his money but it's not like a regular job that brings in steady money. Instead of him to go look for a regular job that he's sure of getting money every month, he'll rather sleep all through.

I've told my sis to advise him to get a Keke or car for Uber, she said he'll be forming a whole lawyer. Lawyer for this hard time that every body is doing any kind of hustle to put food on the table for their family? Hian!

Even me as a lady I have thought of riding danfo a long time ago when I didn't have anything doing. Nothing wey no come my head that period until I now prayerfully asked God to direct me and lead me to the path I am today. It wasnt rosy at first cos I was earning 18k then but I continued just to be leaving the house and from there I continued till I got here. Why will a man not use his brain and do same?

I see family men coming to schools everyday to look for jobs and they are getting jobs, can't he do same pending when his dream job comes? Na to dey speak English up and down instead of putting that English to good use and make money.

Jewessgratitud3:

He does one part-time business that doesn't sell all the time like that. I think that's how he gets his money but it's not like a regular job that brings in steady money. Instead of him to go look for a regular job that he's sure of getting money every month, he'll rather sleep all through.

I've told my sis to advise him to get a Keke or car for Uber, she said he'll be forming a whole lawyer. Lawyer for this hard time that every body is doing any kind of hustle to put food on the table for their family? Hian!

Even me as a lady I have thought of riding danfo a long time ago when I didn't have anything doing. Nothing wey no come my head that period until I now prayerfully asked God to direct me and lead me to the path I am today. It wasnt rosy at first cos I was earning 18k then but I continued just to be leaving the house and from there I continued till I got here. Why will a man not use his brain and do same?

I see family men coming to schools everyday and to look for jobs and they are getting jobs, can't he do same pending when his dream job comes? Na to dey speak English up and down instead of putting that English to good use and make money.

Alright, I see.

No body waits for a dream job to come to him or her because even if it eventually does come, that individual won't be prepared/ready for it as he or she may have rusted away in-terms of experience/mental ability over time and that opportunity will pass on to the next available prepared person.

But next time, still be a bit fair to others by making it clear he does something which he is not getting regular income from probably because he is not really committed to it.

Stevenbright:


Alright, I see.

No body waits for a dream job to come to him or her because even if it eventually does come, that individual won't be prepared/ready for it as he or she may have rusted away in-terms of experience/mental ability over time and that opportunity will pass on to the next available prepared person.

But next time, still be a bit fair to others by making it clear he does something which he is not getting regular income from probably because he is not really committed to it.

I didn't want to mention what he does because he might be a member here or someone that knows him could be here. secondly, because what he does is seasonal. Drops by luck. Na that one family man supposed fold hands dey wait for? For how long?

Ok sha. I've heard you.

Why are you carrying this your sister's issue for head abeg? Don't you have a life of your own to attend fully to? Let her stew in her own porridge until she is ready to engage her brain naw!

Mhizzard:
He has casted a spell on your sis.because how could she sees hell as her comfort zone

They say women are attracted to bad guys, this is what happens when you marry a bad guy.
Marry better man, una go talk say him dey boring.
Advice: leave his ass, help your sister raise the kids.

Kevineleven:

They say women are attracted to bad guys, this is what happens when you marry a bad guy.
Marry better man, una go talk say him dey boring.
Advice: leave his ass, help your sister raise the kids.

How does a woman identify these "better man" you lot keep babbling about? How does a man identify this "better woman" your ilk keeps yapping about? Do they have a particular mark on their foreheads are into a particular profession or do they have a particular smell or expression about them?

Kevineleven:

They say women are attracted to bad guys, this is what happens when you marry a bad guy.
Marry better man, una go talk say him dey boring.
Advice: leave his ass, help your sister raise the kids.

that is the real true behind woman choice of choosing man.

Kobojunkiee:
Why are you carrying this your sister's issue for head abeg? Don't you have a life of your own to attend fully to? Let her stew in her own porridge until she is ready to engage her brain naw!

Korkor.. I no get mind. If I say I'll never ever interfere in her matter again, once she calls like this, my mind will melt again. No mama, no papa, we only have each other. That's why.

In this country Nigeria,if u are married to a lazy spouse,u are already in hell on earth.


Best thing to do is to leave the man.

Jewessgratitud3:
■ Korkor.. I no get mind. If I say I'll never every interfere in her matter again, once she calls like this, my mind will melt again. No mama, no papa, we only have each other. That's why.

You can lend her your ear but you don't need to interfere. She created the mess for herself and continues to enable it, so nagging sounds more like you bleating. You need to let her mature from her experiences on her own.