My family's next door neighbors are the sweetest couple ever and you'd never hear them engaging in fights and they hardly argue... They're couple goals.

But their two sons are nothing to write about... Their first son is always beating up his wife, he started beating her up when she was still his girlfriend... The guy's parents even advised her to stop seeing him if she valued her life because their son is a violent type... She didn't listen and she said she'd rather die from his beatings than leave him.

One day he started beating her up in the presence of his parents, they just sat back and watched... My mom decided to go and try to separate them, but she was mistakenly punched in the face and fell, he then panicked and stopped beating his girlfriend... This year the couple's newborn baby got caught up in the middle of their fight and ended up getting injured... Men from the area came and beat up the guy before calling the police.

As for the couple's second son, he serving a life sentence in prison for murder.

The couple are doing quite well for themselves and they're very peaceful... So I don't think the whole thing is hereditary.

No two marriages are the same...!

Every marriage is unique to those involved.

Op, your marriage will be what you decide to make it... That decision begins with your choice of life partner.

If marry for money and physical needs only, just know it will likely end badly.

Notplayn:
Dear happily married people that came from a broken home, please speak up.

Someone said it's not hereditary and I agree. But just saying that is no much help.

Marriage is very scary to me right now. Actually, for many years.

And it's something my partner is very interested in. I want it too, but the fear is all I can feel.

Stupid post

Post of learned Nigerians

nairalee:
One family woman always hurrying me to get married. I finally asked her ladt month. Madam going by your constant fights with your husband do u think I'll be enticed to get married?

You're not sensible answering her with her predicament in her marriage she may have been making efforts in her marriage but her husband maybe her nightmare so you don't have common sense! My parents have a good marriage means I have to be careful whom to marry so that I can have as well great marriage like my parents! See the red flags and be truthful to yourself is this person good for me will he/she give me peace not just marry for money or beauty, marry a good man /woman they're still good man and woman out there just for you to choose right!

When a bird learns how to fly without the fear of falling and land crashing. That is when the free mind will to succeed in any and every life choose you make.

Don't get it twisted, Love is a beautiful thing.

Many fall in love but can't fight for or stay in love, marriage.

A couple of 100yrs old husband and wife came on a live show and people watching all admired there togetherness but was so blunt about the challenges of life they stayed and fought together as loving couples.
The couple advices the views to stay and fight for love that challenges will forever and surely come knocking on your marriage but you have to combat the challenges as couples together and this is what kept them married this long.

Aunty Op.

Let go of your fear and be ready to spread your wing and fly in your marriage cuz I believe you can do it.

Things we do for love.

Ask God to direct the both of you in his path cuz God is Love

Patience is everything when you deal with women and men. But especially women

The best thing is never to marry at all. But if u must marry, the both parties must decide to make it work; irrespective of family background.

nairalee:
One family woman always hurrying me to get married. I finally asked her ladt month. Madam going by your constant fights with your husband do u think I'll be enticed to get married?

And wetin she replied you?

sonnie10:
Don’t go and be telling them every detail of your household. Preserve some and preserve your dignity.
Not when your husband is short of money and you support him with the house rent, then you go at his back and lament to your parents.

Even your close siblings, stop telling them belittling stuff about husband, because they will turn around and tell your parents.

Don’t compare your father to your husband, that is an insult.

Find creative ways to diffuse tension. Don’t try to win any argument. Somethings are not worth repeating. Say it once and leave it there.

Call your husband sweet names, let him feel that he is incharge. Pray for him and his source of income. Let him hear you pray. This will make know that you wish him well.

Let him know that everything will be fine, even in very difficult situations . Celebrate even the little things he do.. He will do more.

Always forgive and advise him .

Oil no go finish for ur head. I know a marriage who crashed because the wife was always discussing their quarrels with her twin sister and that one in turn tells their mother who had lost her marriage too. They developed hatred for the man and began to disrespect him. The man couldn't take it and ended the marriage himself. She tried to come back but he insisted it was over. STOP PORTRAYING YOUR SPOUSE IN BAD LIGHT TO YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY WILL USE IT AGAINST HIM/HER.

harmony75:
You're not sensible answering her with her predicament in her marriage she may have been making efforts in her marriage but her husband maybe her nightmare so you don't have common sense! My parents have a good marriage means I have to be careful whom to marry so that I can have as well great marriage like my parents! See the red flags and be truthful to yourself is this person good for me will he/she give me peace not just marry for money or beauty, marry a good man /woman they're still good man and woman out there just for you to choose right!

How is he not sensible? What is wrong in asking if her type of marriage is what she is prodding the young man into? Why not allow the woman answer the question herself? Or are you the woman, or is that your story?

And you do not think that those who don't mind their businesses but keep meddling into others private lives asking them to get married as if marriage is all life is about are equally not sensible and deserve such interrogation?

nairalee:
One family woman always hurrying me to get married. I finally asked her ladt month. Madam going by your constant fights with your husband do u think I'll be enticed to get married?

What was her reply abeg?

The Reason Why You Have To Go Through Discipleship.

Apostle Joshua Selman.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAzMxACu-hg?si=-bpkfOtwjl2s0Kgp

I will give a simple answer: NEVER say negative things about your spouse to your parents who lost their marriages too. They(especially the single mothers) will pour the venom on your husband because they have not recovered from their failed marriage. You will think she's fighting for u . No she's destroying your marriage and you eventually end up like her. I always advice, never marry from a broken home because they are psychologically derailed.

OloYeOfEgbE:


Fake nonsense...

Chooking mouth in someone's marriage..Aproko

You obviously wanna sleep with her

I don't understand this your outburst o. He simply rejected the advice becos she is struggling with hers too. Which one be he wan sleep with her.

Samantha124:
My family's next door neighbors are the sweetest couple ever and you'd never hear them engaging in fights and they hardly argue... They're couple goals.

But their two sons are nothing to write about... Their first son is always beating up his wife, he started beating her up when she was still his girlfriend... The guy's parents even advised her to stop seeing him if she valued her life because their son is a violent type... She didn't listen and she said she'd rather die from his beatings than leave him.

One day he started beating her up in the presence of his parents, they just sat back and watched... My mom decided to go and try to separate them, but she was mistakenly punched in the face and fell, he then panicked and stopped beating his couple's newborn baby got caught up inetting injured... Men from the area came and beat up the guy before

am only interested in one thing here,what did you did to the guy after he landed punch on your caring mom?

Exceed15:


I don't understand this your outburst o. He simply rejected the advice becos she is struggling with hers too. Which one be he wan sleep with her.

Rest in jesus name

nairalee:
One family woman always hurrying me to get married. I finally asked her ladt month. Madam going by your constant fights with your husband do u think I'll be enticed to get married?

That is a good question

sonnie10:
Don’t go and be telling them every detail of your household. Preserve some and preserve your dignity.
Not when your husband is short of money and you support him with the house rent, then you go at his back and lament to your parents.

Even your close siblings, stop telling them belittling stuff about husband, because they will turn around and tell your parents.

Don’t compare your father to your husband, that is an insult.

Find creative ways to diffuse tension. Don’t try to win any argument. Somethings are not worth repeating. Say it once and leave it there.

Call your husband sweet names, let him feel that he is incharge. Pray for him and his source of income. Let him hear you pray. This will make know that you wish him well.

Let him know that everything will be fine, even in very difficult situations . Celebrate even the little things he do.. He will do more.

Always forgive and advise him .

If you can conquer the war of going about ranting about your marriage, you would have solved your marital issues by half.

I never tell my issues to anyone. Not my mum, not my sisters, not to friends, do I even have friends? My husband remains my best friend. We're a decade old and we're still going strong.
Whoever wants to marry should just pray for a discerning spirit to choose right. Not all marriages are bad. My parents have been married for over 50 years and they're still Romeo and Juliet, Tani mo fẹ fi temi jọ? Patience, Contentment and Tolerance and a little love.

When you remember how you felt bad and ashamed whenever your dad was beating your mother, you don't need someone else to tell you to build a happy home and respect your wife so that your children will not pass through the same emotional abuse.

When you remember how you felt bad and ashamed whenever your dad was beating your mother, you don't need someone else to tell you to build a happy home and respect your wife so that your children will not pass through the same emotional torture.

I doubt I wanna get married........ I'm not even sure I'm capable of been a good father.

So make we come publish toxic parents online....oga go for personal therapy

I did nothing... It was a mistake and the punch wasn't aimed at her... The guy helped her get up and we helped brought her back to the house.

My mother sometimes can also like interfering in matters that do not concern her... I mean the girl was warned many times by the guy's parents to run for her life because they know that their son is toxic, but she still chose to be stubborn... This same guy once held his parents at gunpoint... His parents were there watching like they were watching some Iron man movie and didn't bother separating them in their own house, but my mother on the other hand decided to act like the superwoman of the day and ended up landing on the ground with a slight bruise on her cheek.

Mhizzard:

am only interested in one thing here,what did you did to the guy after he landed punch on your caring mom?

It begins by avoiding similarities with the challenging aspects of your parents' relationship. Take the time to comprehend their marital challenges, proactively identify them, and take measures to prevent those issues from flourishing in your own marriage. Be meticulous in selecting your life partner – choose someone who genuinely loves you rather than making excuses to convince yourself of their love.

A successful marriage is built on the foundation of friendship, complementing the love you already share. While there's no foolproof manual for navigating marriage, prioritizing friendship can contribute to its longevity and happiness.

nairalee:
One family woman always hurrying me to get married. I finally summoned coirage to ask her last month. Madam going by your constant fights with your husband do u think I'll be enticed to get married?

Bros what was her was respond?

saintopus:
You see, what you have to understand in marriage is that no matter your background in marriage it takes lots of patience, courage and lots of love and forgiveness to sustain it.

Your parents may have lacked this but its up to you to learn the lessons and create a better family for yourself and loved ones.

It sounds good in theory but if you did not experience a stable home with two parents, you have no reference point to build one yourself. Whatever we learn at home in our formative years is what we carry into the world. It is extremely hard to change dysfunction that has been built into one’s DNA.

We all have habits that we struggle with whose origins can be traced to our youth and upbringing. So for anyone to think you can just overcome family dysfunction is nothing but pure fantasy. It can be done but it takes constant consciousness and vigilance…most will not succeed. Very often those raised in dysfunction are not even aware of the dysfunction. Sometimes you want to over come but can’t because you have no reference point or experience of what it takes. This is why the cycle tends to continue.

A man is brought up in a home by a single mother he has no father reference figure. He has not seen what it takes for a man to have peace at home because he has not experienced the dynamics of 2 parents at close quarters. He starts a family and feels it is everything he has to comment on and does not have the knowledge that for peace you have to learn to see and not see because he has not seen his father have to do these things. A woman is brought up by a single mother, as the breadwinner the mother is naturally masculine and aggressive because she has to perform the masculine roles of a missing father, the daughter has never experienced a scenario where the mother is submissive to anyone or has trust in a man, she has never seen the dynamics of a man and a woman in a stable and peaceful home. How is she supposed to unlearn what she has been nurtured in her formative years and trust and depend on and be a partner to a husband? Children from broken homes are more likely to have broken homes themselves because painful as the experience may have been and determined as they may be to avoid it themselves…. You can’t give what you don’t have! especially these days that marriages are fragile. It is possible but the vast majority will repeat the cycle.

By prayer and removing the memories from the end and correcting the mistakes. And applying wisdom and tolerance.

As a little boy, I already knew what was good bad, & constantly seeing a woman (my mother) cry every time broke me. So i made a resolution never to hurt my wife. Truth is, it starts with you, you have to make the choice of being a good person before thinking of marriage. hold conversations, create scenarios with your spouse & hear/see their reactions, then you can decide who you want to spend your life with.

Here to also learn, but I'll chip in a few things:


1. Forgive your parents. You grew up seeing them hurt and hurting, and deep down, you may resent their actions. This is because kids (especially in Africa) often can't talk to parents and don't hold those difficult discussions where parents may even need to apologize.

Slowly, this builds up to the point where you silently and even unknowingly resent them or aspects of their life. Forgiving and letting those things go is the first step to being free.

2. Know that hating something doesn't mean you can't or won't do it. That's why children of violent men may hate their dads for bearing their mum, but will find themselves beating their wives.

Children of nagging women may hate seeing their mother's verbally and emotionally abusing their dads, but will end up verbally abusing their husbands. You hate it but do it.

Remedy? Recognize these things your parents struggles with and PROACTIVELY WORK on removing it from your life.

3. Practice discipline and mental control a lot. See, discipline is a singular quality with different facets. You can't separate discipline in one area of life from another. For example, you can't have food discipline but not discipline with sex....you'll become a glutton eventually, just wait.

Practice discipline I'm every area of life so you can build the mental fortitude and strength to navigate marital issues without resorting to abuse.

Notplayn:
Dear happily married people that came from a broken home, please speak up.

Someone said it's not hereditary and I agree. But just saying that is no much help.

Marriage is very scary to me right now. Actually, for many years.

And it's something my partner is very interested in. I want it too, but the fear is all I can feel.

Never report your partner to a third party including your family members in time when there's misunderstanding. Learn how to love and respect your partner n trust me, peace shall be yours. Some things to that to broken homes during the era of our parents are manageable but were not, due to negligence, family interference, culture,etc. Marriage is sweet if both parties under the basis of their coming together. Thanks