I see marriage as a coffin waiting to be buried in it, while children in marriage is the nail that finally nails and seal the coffin...any how you choose to do it, provided both of you are happy in it...marriage ain't my thing, I love cohabitation. Thank goodness I don't live in a society where marriage is seen as very compulsory. I believe in pursuit of happiness. Not doing stuff to please the society. I don't live in pretence.

Traditional/church all as to do with put woman for house & bang.*say what u lik*

boxer022:
As far as Igbo culture is concerned, the traditional wedding is a complete union of the bride and groom. My reasons are as follows:

(1) It is only in the traditional wedding that the parents of the girl who is to get married bless the new union.

(2) It is only in the traditional wedding that the opportune to pay the girls bride price.

(3) Couples can live together after their traditional marriage and start having kids.

(4) If traditional wedding not held and the white wedding is held then as far as Igbo culture is concerned the parents of both bride and groom CANNOT and WILL NOT attend such a gathering and to the parents of the girl, their daughter is not married.

My eldest sister and her husband did the Introduction and Church wedding before doing the Traditional one.

Zedric: thats because most girls see white wedding as an avenue to show off but, technically, traditional wedding covers everything.

Absolutely correct.

A high budget wedding doesn't determine "happily ever after marriage"

Funnicator: I'm currently arguing this out with a group and I'm confused on where to stand.

Can one carry out only traditional marriage and live throughout his life with that? Or is the white marriage a compulsory necessity?

If the traditional marriage is a complete one, kindly state out why. If it is not, do same please.

Mods, you can move it to family section if deemed necessary.

You're most welcome.
Discuss.

Everyone should have a marriage recognized by the courts.

One of the things that we wrongly copied from our colonial masters is the issue of marriage rites and ceremony. According to the Bible, after the man must have found his wife(ie through dating, BF/GF, find wife for me, courtship,fianceship. . .), he is expected to go to the woman's family and agree with them to take their daughter as ur wife hence doing the needful rites. Now I dont see where one is obligated to go to a church after all these process and start afresh presenting his wife for another marriage ceremony called white wedding because if a priest blesses your union with ur wife at her father's place its still the same consecration to God Almighty, after all God is everywhere. So without a church/white wedding God will surely bless the marriage. Jesus the miracle maker did his first miracle in a traditional marriage at Galilee and not in the temple

Gabygaby: --------------------------------------------------- You are confused and at the same time contradicting yourself,from your statement you does not regard wedding in the church and you said you are a christian. at the other hand you couldn't declare the one you fully support,in that case you are waiting for majority vote,negative or positive. This is a complete sign that someone is not groom into the spiritual guidelines of the church of which he/she claimed to be a member and this rampant among christian. NOW LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU MAYBE IT WILL BE OF HELP IF REALLY YOU ARE NOT A HYPOCHRIST. Firstly ,Traditional marriage is a perfect spiritual arrangement on her own which will attract both physical and spiritual blessings from both parents of the new couple. secondly,church wedding is a sacrament (For we Catholics,it is the Sacrament of Marriage, or Holy Matrimony, is a public sign that one gives oneself totally to this other person. It is also a public statement about God: the loving union of husband and wife speaks of family values and also God's values.) this can be done in the church or any where considered to be sacred. NOW why is it done in the church? Just like baptism,(for we Catholics,the Sacrament of Baptism is the first step in a lifelong journey of commitment and discipleship. Whether we are baptized as infants or adults, Baptism is the Church's way of celebrating and enacting the embrace of God.) IT IS A TOTAL INITIATION INTO CHRISTENDOM which in theology means (the collective body of Christians throughout the world or throughout history) The issue here is if you are initiated or baptized in christian church you are obliged to obey the rules of initiation or you end up being mess up in life.so in the case of marriage you must wed in the church or as permited by the leaders of the church. failure to do that will amount to disobedient ,and the same Bible tell us christian that obedient is better than sacrifice. And if I may ask, is double or triple blessing a bad thing? if not why do people purposely fight the church unreasonably? Finally the two ceremonies have their great advantage and if you are a christian you are strongly advice to do the two completely so as to get the blessings from both and as well fulfill your obligation as a christian,God bless you as you do.

Is that the law of your church or that of the bible? Tell me about one couple that were joined by any priest, Jesus or any apostle in the bible. Don't mention the marriage at cana of Galilee because Jesus was a guess at that wedding. He didn't joined them and it was not done in the synagogue. What is your source of couples being joined or initiated into something? Is that a biblical teaching?

YorubaJesus:

I agree the family won't accept her as their daughter or son if there isn't a traditional rite or marriage but you see a couple is made up of two people. When other peoples opinions come into the relationship, trouble comes. If two people choose not to get married then so be it. But in developed countries, they have live in partners, legal partners etc. Marriage is not a necessity.

Bro in Nigeria, nothing is legal here. If the family do not accept bride price from you and/ or give you or your pastor their daughter, no sane pastor in Nigeria would continue with the wedding. They will always ask for the man that gave the lady out in marriage. The family would also have to sign the certificate in the court for you to have it. If you are living with a lady without fulfilling that, you are not married and your being together is not legal. If something bad happens to her, omo na big trouble be that o.

Heamah:

Bro in Nigeria, nothing is legal here. If the family do not accept bride price from you and/ or give you or your pastor their daughter, no sane pastor in Nigeria would continue with the wedding. They will always ask for the man that gave the lady out in marriage. The family would also have to sign the certificate in the court for you to have it. If you are living with a lady without fulfilling that, you are not married and your being together is not legal. If something bad happens to her, omo na big trouble be that o.

Please please please don't repeat this again. There's nothing like nothing is legal in Nigeria. No family member can stop you from getting married legally unless they know of a law that you are breaking by getting married.

tellwisdom: White wedding is the traditional wedding to the westerns. But we have chosen to add our own traditional to theirs, making it two trads...you see how foolish we are??

I QUITE AGREE WITH YOU 100%, WE FAIL WHEN WE REFUSE TO TOLL THE INDIA PHYLOSOPHY. WE SHOULD HAVE STRUCTURED OUR TRADITIONAL WEDDING IN SUCH A WAY THAT A CERTIFICATE WILL BE ISSUED AT THE END OF THE DAY.

strangest: It is complete but the only issue with it is that you do not get a certificate to show a bona fide relationship

na lie,i did correct traditional mariage after one week we went and colected our certificate,se' am as i laminate am put inside my box

salaksmana: At traditional marriages they issue certificate? Do you even know what traditional marriage means? It is what most people refer to as "engagement". So after that, without going to court the law recognises them as couple?

Don't confuse yourself, traditional marriage is not an engagement ceremony. It stands on it's own.
Yes the court of law recognizes a traditional marriage which has normally has no certification if there's evidence to prove the following
1. Parental consent to the couple

2. Presence of at least 2 witnesses to the marriage.
3. Dowry payment.

With just this evidences above, any Nigerian court (not necessarily a customary court) recognizes a traditional marriage as a legal union.

In fact, after traditional marriage if you go ahead to have a statutory marriage, the statutory marriage cancels out the customary marriage in the eyes of the law. Both laws can never blend together

Amya:

Yes the court of law recognizes a traditional marriage which has normally has no certification if there's evidence to prove the following
1. Parental consent to the couple

2. Presence of at least 2 witnesses to the marriage.

With just this 2 evidences above, any Nigerian court (not necessarily a customary court) recognizes a traditional marriage as a legal union.

So in case of anything, what will they present, there parent and two witnesses? The fact that traditional marriages are not backed by certificate issue under the Nigerian law still makes it incomplete.

Traditional wedding is enough in itself however, Christianity & Islam brought about the confusion.

I wanted a trad & change into my gown for reception or do the white joining during reception and my pastor told me that

1. Nobody will join us outside a church

2. You are not the bonafide member of a church witthout their wedding cert

3. You are not allowed to sleep together after trad if you still want to do white wedding.

Basially, most christians do not see court &trad as proper weddings. To them, only white is white. Funny enough, in my church, you cannot do court &white; they recognize court wedding as wedding proper but not holy enough as if God can be limited by space.

I kuku told my pastor that based on point one, open air crusades are invalid

Later did trad & full white

salaksmana: So in case of anything, what will they present, there parent and two witnesses? The fact that traditional marriages are not backed by certificate issue under the Nigerian law still makes it incomplete.

Present to who exactly? And I hear local govts issue customary marriage certificates on request.

Amya:

Present to who exactly? And I hear local govts issue customary marriage certificates on request.

Customary marriage certificate? Then that makes it a court wedding sis.

Heamah:

Bro in Nigeria, nothing is legal here. If the family do not accept bride price from you and/ or give you or your pastor their daughter, no sane pastor in Nigeria would continue with the wedding. They will always ask for the man that gave the lady out in marriage. The family would also have to sign the certificate in the court for you to have it. If you are living with a lady without fulfilling that, you are not married and your being together is not legal. If something bad happens to her, omo na big trouble be that o.

Marriage is a good thing, weddings are beautiful but its not for everyone. Some people want big weddings, some people want small weddings and some people don't want a wedding. I know people who have spent millions on their wedding and their got divorced a few years after the marriage and I know people who never got married and they have been together for decades. My aunt is one. She and her man have been for over three decades and never been married. Marriage is commercialised, overrated and its just a personal decision. No one, not even the parents of the couple should determine if or when to tie the knot. If I ever were to get married, I would do it after my kids are old enough to understand what's going on, so at least they can experience the ceremony too and enjoy the event.

Mynd44:
Because tradition is closer to Paganism, I am sure the both were done.

Marriage is a pagan ritual. But tradition is the means to accomplish the ritual.

salaksmana: Traditional marriage is complete because marriage only means when a man and woman agree to marry each other and the two families accepted, but it is not binding under the law that is why a court/white marriage is needed and also for the spiritual aspect of it, depending on your faith/religious belief.

My interests are:
-i want to spend less on wedding
-as a christian i believe in pastoral blessing
-i want it legalized (certificate)

I'm a fan of simple marriage, just that one have to consider the lady's interest. But do you think it's a bad idea to go to court (for certificate purpose) and invite a pastor to a traditional wedding (today's termed engagement) for blessing (or is it until someone put on white gown and suit inside the church, before the blessing can come)?

SenatorJames: My interests are:
-i want to spend less on wedding
-as a christian i believe in pastoral blessing
-i want it legalized (certificate)

I'm a fan of simple marriage, just that one have to consider the lady's interest. But do you think it's a bad idea to go to court (for certificate purpose) and invite a pastor to a traditional wedding (today's termed engagement) for blessing (or is it until someone put on white gown and suit inside the church, before the blessing can come)?

To be sincere IMO it isn't compulsory to stand before the altar before the blessing can come. People this days do meet there pastors to inform them that they wouldn't be coming to church in order to reduce expenses. It all depends on your belief, the bride and the pastor's disposition to the issue. Mind you court wedding doesn't make wedding less expensive, remember most of the money are spent at engagement and reception, it depends on how elaborate you decide to make it. This days people get married in church without inviting anybody, only the pastor, some elders of the church and immediate families will be aware. I've seen at least 5 of such church wedding, you can adopt that style in order to receive the blessing directly from the altar.

Nnamdini:

Wrong.tradional wedding doesn't cover everything.as long as you're a christain,a white wedding supercedes the traditional wedding

My dear, the Christians of yester-years did not even dress in tuxedos and white gowns to wed. Contrary to your misconception, its not CHRISTIAN wedding - it's wedding according to ENGLISH CULTURE/RITES. Go and read. Please, you need to study urgently!

YorubaJesus:

Marriage is a good thing, weddings are beautiful but its not for everyone. Some people want big weddings, some people want small weddings and some people don't want a wedding. I know people who have spent millions on their wedding and their got divorced a few years after the marriage and I know people who never got married and they have been together for decades. My aunt is one. She and her man have been for over three decades and never been married. Marriage is commercialised, overrated and its just a personal decision. No one, not even the parents of the couple should determine if or when to tie the knot. If I ever were to get married, I would do it after my kids are old enough to understand what's going on, so at least they can experience the ceremony too and enjoy the event.

Thanks for making some ignorant people here know that MARRIAGE and WEDDING are 2 different things!

salaksmana: Customary marriage certificate? Then that makes it a court wedding sis.

Pease don't be ignorant, not a good look.

yogun:

Absolutely correct.

A high budget wedding doesn't determine "happily ever after marriage"

In fact, statistically, a higher percentage of high budget weddings hit the rocks before their 5th anniversary!!! Cos its often a union of people who have not been able to understand the difference between a Marriage and a Wedding. People whose emphases are on the materials rather than the substance.

Even in the scriptural days, once a man offers/pays the bride price of a woman with her consent and the consent of her folks, and her father/guardian/kins hand her over to the man, their marriage is VALID and BLESSED before God and man. Its up to them to decide to solemnize in Church or not. THEY ARE ALREADY HUSBAND AND WIFE MIND YOU. I understand why it is hard to sell this to my fellow Christians , but its the Truth.

If you ask these same category of people if a christian wedding celebrated in Buba/Iro/Agbada/Danshiki or other traditional attire is invalid, they will not be able to say yes (cos it has been hard wired in their gullible minds that its coat-and-gown or nothing). If they do say yes, try to ask them "but why are we not doing it?" and see the stoopid expression on their faces!

What we call "christian weddings" today are more CULTURAL than RELIGIOUS. Be wise, Oh Africans!

Meristem:

In fact, statistically, a higher percentage of high budget weddings hit the rocks before their 5th anniversary!!! Cos its often a union of people who have not been able to understand the difference between a Marriage and a Wedding. People whose emphases are on the materials rather than the substance.

Even in the scriptural days, once a man offers/pays the bride price of a woman with her consent and the consent of her folks, and her father/guardian/kins hand her over to the man, their marriage is VALID and BLESSED before God and man. Its up to them to decide to solemnize in Church or not. THEY ARE ALREADY HUSBAND AND WIFE MIND YOU. I understand why it is hard to sell this to my fellow Christians , but its the Truth.

If you ask these same category of people if a christian wedding celebrated in Buba/Iro/Agbada/Danshiki or other traditional attire is invalid, they will not be able to say yes (cos it has been hard wired in their gullible minds that its coat-and-gown or nothing). If they do say yes, try to ask them "but why are we not doing it?" and see the stoopid expression on their faces!

What we call "christian weddings" today are more CULTURAL than RELIGIOUS. Be wise, Oh Africans!

In addition most marriages fall apart because of financial issues. When you take loans and sell property to finance a wedding chances are you do not know diddly squat about managing fianances

CFCfan:
My eldest sister and her husband did the Introduction and Church wedding before doing the Traditional one.

Ok, but why did they do the Traditional wedding, I am sure that in thenIntroduction that was done, her husband paid her bride price.

Nnamdini:

Wrong.tradional wedding doesn't cover everything.as long as you're a christain,a white wedding supercedes the traditional wedding

Are u out of your mind?if you don't have any meaning contribution to make while not hold your piece and learn? Must you comment on issues you know nothing about?

nnamxxx:

Are u out of your mind?if you don't have any meaning contribution to make while not hold your piece and learn? Must you comment on issues you know nothing about?

na wa oooo..bros why you dey vex naa?na man own opinion based on my own side i deliver so.maybe,for ur village na so una dey do because me self no say everybody get their own gbese concerning the issue.abeg ooo

Traditional marraiges are homegrown and in the ordinary african context shld b all!ntin like white wedding!at law it is nt recognised,it could however b appealated as statutory marraiges and it could b celebrated in d registrars office or in church!most girls choose church!so bro for more detailed info u cn contact me

Sunnybobo3:


The emboldened above is wrong. After your traditional marriage, you should go to the Customary court within the area where you wedded to register the marriage within 60 days of the marriage being conducted. After registering it, you'd be issued with a "certificate of registration of marriage". This certificate is your marriage certificate and is backed by our laws.

I did only traditional marriage and that's what I used to get my wife a UK dependant visa.

Wow. I didn't know that. I thought after trad, there is no way to get certificate unless you do court wedding.