jumzzy448:
model 3. let me work and keep my money. so if anything comes up and hubby is not readily available, i can shoulder the responsibility.

MarvellousGod:
I don't stand anywhere! !!!!


I must make decisions with my husband, I must have a say.. we must talk things over, he can't just decide alone.... Nobody has the final say in a marriage, decisions should be reached by both couples. ..


btw, why are you men not disputing my first point??

dabossman:


Personally, the only part of your comment I don't totally agree with is saying "nobody has the final say". Somebody must make the game call and be responsible for it ultimately.

I'll give an example. Recently my wife and I had a three day long argument about letting our child resume school after the whole Ebola scare. Left to her the kid won't resume till January when we can be 100% sure all is well. I was of the opinion that it was now safe to go back to school and that the Ebola situation had been largely contained successfully. I told her I understood her concerns but I believe her position was based largely on fear and some misconceptions. I didn't see why the kid should lose a whole term on that basis. At the end of the day I had to make the call. She concurred grudgingly, and the child is back in school. Like I said in my previous post, it doesn't mean I don goof sometimes, but my wife knows I made the final call with good intentions after considering all our different opinions. And I admit it when I goof.

There have also been issues where I said "you know what, we'll do It your way". If things go wrong I don't blame her. I still take responsibility for making the call to do it her way. That's what is expected of a team leader, be it a CEO, football coach or hubby\parent. Someone must make the game call, otherwise issues will remain pending forever.

publicenemy:


Please can i marry you ?
.

But think the man should always have an edge in the final say thing,but it depends on how reasonable and responsible he is in his decision making.
Take for instance..I heard a woman narrate her ordeal on air on a radio station.

She and her husband was travelling at night with their kids in the car,they drove past about 4 guys whose vehicle broke down on the high way and the wife begged the husband to stop and help them,her husband refused stating that they could be criminals but the wife was insistent and unhappy and the husband not wanting to offend the wife by having the #FINAL SAY stopped and drove back to the guys. As soon as her husband got down and approached the guys to help them out one of the guys brought out a gun and shot him on the spot and he died.they were robbed of everything,kicked out of the vehicle and the robbers drove of with the vehicle.Today she is a widow working in the church just to get food to take care of her kids.
As much as i appreciate ur post and love your mentality you need to know that women are naturally emotional and are very likely to make decision based on emotion and when your husband is always succombing to you wishes in decision making,trust me even you will see him as less a man and that isnt good news.so sometimes your husband just have to overule ur decision,have you upset,apolohise and make you understand why he had to do that and as a wife you have to stand by him regardless of the fallout from that decision.

But you are absolutely right,both parties should make the decisions.

I really love your post,not many Nigerian ladies think that way.

dabossman:


This usually isn't because people are working too hard just to provide for the family, but because today's workplace demands too much of employees. It worse in a country like Nigeria where Labour Laws are not enforced. Even the working woman is not spared. Many working wives are made to work long hour and even weekends, usually leaving them with little time for family and health issues too.

greatgod2012:
It's obvious and unfortunate that many don't really understand what marriage is all about.
Marriage is all about partnership, teamwork, in everything, every aspect and every area in love, understanding and empathy.
Marriage is not about one-man battalion, it's about two people working as one in every area that involves their marriage and lives.
If, as wife, you really love your husband, with understanding and empathy, you will realise that it's "unmarriage"(formed by me) to saddle your husband with all the financial responsibilities, apart from the fact that it isn't good for his health, it shows that you yourself aint committed to being teamed up with your husband, (selfishness)which sooner than later, may brings up unhealthy marital relationship to spring up.

Similarly, if, as a husband, if you really love your wife and see her as part of you, you will involve her in every decision to be taken at home, and in your life, when it comes to household matters, you will know that you're both one and act accordingly. You will see her as part of you that mustn't be neglected or abandoned.
At the end of the day, both parties enjoy their commitment towards each other and peace reigns absolutely.

Missy89:

true but most men want to keep the status quo while trying to benefit from new trends

tantamount to eating your cake and having it dont u think?

saymalcolm:


If marriage is not a partnership, pray tell what it is then?

dabossman:


Personally, the only part of your comment I don't totally agree with is saying "nobody has the final say". Somebody must make the game call and be responsible for it ultimately.

I'll give an example. Recently my wife and I had a three day long argument about letting our child resume school after the whole Ebola scare. Left to her the kid won't resume till January when we can be 100% sure all is well. I was of the opinion that it was now safe to go back to school and that the Ebola situation had been largely contained successfully. I told her I understood her concerns but I believe her position was based largely on fear and some misconceptions. I didn't see why the kid should lose a whole term on that basis. At the end of the day I had to make the call. She concurred grudgingly, and the child is back in school. Like I said in my previous post, it doesn't mean I don goof sometimes, but my wife knows I made the final call with good intentions after considering all our different opinions. And I admit it when I goof.

There have also been issues where I said "you know what, we'll do It your way". If things go wrong I don't blame her. I still take responsibility for making the call to do it her way. That's what is expected of a team leader, be it a CEO, football coach or hubby\parent. Someone must make the game call, otherwise issues will remain pending forever.

udifrancis:


Does it mean she contributes some to the well being of the family ?

lakamua:
So model 3 is waiting for her husband to die before spending the money on herself and her children. What a bad wife

3coins:
if a man shares house expenses with his wife,he should be ready to share home chores with her. .finish

walcolm:


@OP, nice post and quite relevant to the world we now live in.

the only problem i have with the post is that you have painted 3 different pictures of the wife but only one of the husband....that's putting men in a myopic box and that's unfair to the male gender. there are men who believe in the feminist ideologies and will be more than happy to support and marry a feminist. the problem with feminism in this part of the world is that most women now hide under the ideology to commit murder. they want the freedom and perks feminism brings but they dont want the responsibilities that comes with the power. the proverbial faith is a prime example of a woman who wants the freedom of feminism but doesnt want the responsibility that goes with it

the proverbial faith in your post is also a liar if she claims she takes care of the household chores and the needs of two children...no woman can work full time and do that. the househelp paid for by the husband is probably the one doing the chores and caring for the children 80% of the time because she's at work full time like the husband so claiming that as her contribution and excuse for withholding her earnings from the family is a lie

the proverbial beatrice deserves to have a say in the affairs of the family if her husband accepts her contribution to the family finances. if she's putting in 100% of her earnings just like her husband is putting in 100% of his earnings into the family purse, then she deserves to have an equitable say in the family decisions

egobetatoday:


i wish i could like your post several times over. that is just the truth

zboyd:


Not when it come to household expenditures. The husband won't allow it.

But the wife saves most of her salary for a rainy day, because you never know what may happen.

What she doesn't save, she uses on herself and entertainment for the kids.

Some women over here are married to men like this woman's husband.

My mother married one, as did I. There's no reasoning with men who think like this, based on my own personal experience. Best go with the flow to avoid arguments.

In fact, all the men on my father's side of the family are like this woman's husband.

MarvellousGod:
I don't stand anywhere! !!!!

I want to work and contribute to my family projects/expenses. .

AND

I must make decisions with my husband, I must have a say.. we must talk things over, he can't just decide alone.... Nobody has the final say in a marriage, decisions should be reached by both couples. ..

QED


*modified*
See them mentioning me.
if your wife can't participate in decision making, then why marrying her?? Does anyone need to tell you to involve your wife in decision making when the effects of those decisions are going to be borne by both of you? If you think taking decisions alone in your home makes you a man, then I only but pity your wife who's irrelevant in her own home.

btw, why are you men not disputing my first point??

greatgod2012:
It's obvious and unfortunate that many don't really understand what marriage is all about.
Marriage is all about partnership, teamwork, in everything, every aspect and every area in love, understanding and empathy.
Marriage is not about one-man battalion, it's about two people working as one in every area that involves their marriage and lives.
If, as wife, you really love your husband, with understanding and empathy, you will realise that it's "unmarriage"(formed by me) to saddle your husband with all the financial responsibilities, apart from the fact that it isn't good for his health, it shows that you yourself aint committed to being teamed up with your husband, (selfishness)which sooner than later, may brings up unhealthy marital relationship to spring up.

Similarly, if, as a husband, if you really love your wife and see her as part of you, you will involve her in every decision to be taken at home, and in your life, when it comes to household matters, you will know that you're both one and act accordingly. You will see her as part of you that mustn't be neglected or abandoned.
At the end of the day, both parties enjoy their commitment towards each other and peace reigns absolutely.

Debonair01:
It beats me a times how marriage has become so broken and everyone trying to make it scientific. I paint another scenario, one which i am very conversant with.

My dad and mum both were working, but no formulae was used for anything (per say), Granted, my dad takes care of the MAIN responsibilities, and my mum the minor ones but these roles were easily interchangeable whenever the need arose.

Pops pays our fees, gives us some upkeep money, Mums usually gives us additional money for other frivolities (clothes, shoes.. just playing around money). In them of house hold stuff, my dad would usually buy the bulk food (bags of rice, beans, yam), but my mum takes care of most additives and fruits and the likes. Some months, moms wld go out and buy the bulk foods (looking back now, she is usually very excited when ever she does, maybe because of exra money she just made or just the joy of buying them) and other times my dad comes home with the food additives. Clothings, each buy for themselves and for one another. (mums real did like buying for my my dad tho).

DECISIONS WERE ALWAYS TAKEN TOGETHER, with few exceptions where apologies are made and efforts to make it up, like my dad buying my mum a gift to apologise or my mum preparing a special delicacy

WHAT IS MY POINT

As much as it might sound quite idealistic, but if my parents could do it for almost 50yrs, any sincere couple can. Just do things sincerely for one another, contribute when you can. and this includes even house chores. it surprises me when pple talk about whose responsibility it is to do what; the answer is.. its both yours, Just do them with joy and love.

ps: i remember when my dad started a building project, and all house hold purchases went to my mum, even our fees a times. But even then, She would contribute some to the building and He some to house. There was no clear cut lines.

keemaQ:
The man you are going to end up with would be unfortunate .. very greedy, self centered mindset.

ocelot2006:



Point of correction, Marriage is NOT a partnership.

Meggy007:
When I see issues like this I begin to wonder what dating/courtship is all bout. I mean if people will team up (for the right reasons) yu'll know yur partners spending habit while yur dating.

For instance yur with a girl who never gets yu anything on specials days or ordinarily and yu as a man complains but she doesn't budge and yu go ahead and marry her. Then don't friggin complain when it she keeps her earnings to herself as yur wife!(Model 1)

Yur good to your man,get him stuffs when necessary,show him you care in more ways than one,which probably he appreciates, but he never sees reasons with you on serious issues yu both thrash out, una come marry, ehn, swallow yur cross and endure when he appreciates yur money but not yur brains(model 2)

Or yur that girl who your man refuses your gifts or any monetary assistance yu give to him(yu go dey think say na lobe and be blushing from ear to ear at that time and be bragging to yur friends how yur man don't let yur fEet touch the ground)una come marry, then he works his butt half dead to keep his family going insisting yu keep yur money, just STFU and carry yur burden!!!(Model 3)

Yuv got brains ladies and gents,use it when picking your man or woman for life,and above all PUT GOD FIRST in dating and after

Ps:greatgod2012 lady and d one who's got loving parents after 50yrs, you both DOPE.
CHEERY SHOUTOUT to my momma who's the pillar of me crib todei.you're my inspiration! And dad,me love you plenty too.