My wife confessed to me on her own recently that she had not gotten any educational qualification. That the ones i thought she has was forged. In this kind of situation, what can i do? the marriage is blessed with kids.

napaj:
My wife confessed to me on her own recently that she had not gotten any educational qualification. That the ones i thought she has was forged. In this kind of situation, what can i do? the marriage is blessed with kids.

Have you asked her why she went that far so you can appraise the situation to see if there is any objectivity in which I doubt.

I have seen a similar case only that the confession came a few days before the wedding and the guy still went ahead to marry the lady to save himself, her family and his from embarrassment. It turned out to be a costly mistake on his part though after some time. You can learn from that experience so that you manage the situation properly.

1. Try to see things from her own perspective especially by taking into consideration her age at the time (Younger people sometimes make bad decisions they only realise when they mature)
2. Find out why she told the truth. If she was was pushed by circumstances then you may have bigger problems to deal with such as trust.
3. Trust your instinct. Ask her if there are many more secrets that she feels you need to know about (God help you on this one)
4. Be the man and solve the problem. Push her to go back to school.
5. Ask yourself if you can still trust her. If no then there are many steps to take to build that...She will need to play a bigger role.
6. See it as the vicissitudes of life and do not regret it. It could have been worse. What if she told you about a medical problem she was hiding and you did not have kids. Out there many are abound with worse situations.
7. Finally never feel betrayed. Life throws mad situations at us daily. How we handle it is what matters
8. Focus! Focus!! on the good

Nothing justifies this kind of lie especially when it's withheld for so long.

Weigh your options. Do you really wish to let her go and break up your family or would you rather forgive her and move on even if it's for the sake of the kids? I advise the latter since this is in the past but the final decision is yours.

Forget die-vorce oga

Has her behaviour for once made you see her as someone who has no educational qualifications?

It is one thing to be educated and behave it,it is another thing to be uneducated and show it..

She deceived you,
but it might be what you requested for she gave you.

Whole marriage is based on a lie. When you go to court to get married they ask you each information you signed on the form one by one and you affirm. Any lie is forgery and the marriage based on the lie can be declared null and void

I would like to know why she went that far as to forge her school certificate and lie about her education?

As far as i know for women it is quite easy,any suitor who is interested can even go as far as to see you through school if they really want to marry you.
Was it the condition you gave her before putting a ring on it?....

And for the divorce or separation whatever you are thinking,forget it!What will you tell your kids you drove their mother away for?

In as much as i hate lies and deceits,i see no reason why you should divorce her.

Try discuss with her,and find out what prompt her to go that far.....

This kind of deceit is very hard to ignore. Why would she lie about something like this?

edwife:
I would like to know why she went that far as to forge her school certificate and lie about her education?

As far as i know for women it is quite easy,any suitor who is interested can even go as far as to see you through school if they really want to marry you.
Was it the condition you gave her before putting a ring on it?....

And for the divorce or separation whatever you are thinking,forget it!What will you tell your kids you drove their mother away for?

In as much as i hate lies and deceits,i see no reason why you should divorce her.

Try discuss with her,and find out what prompt her to go that far.....

Ok, i will do just that, cos am not even with her at the moment.

She did a TERRIBLE thing.
However, you are married to her not her degrees.

Odilafta:
Has her behaviour for once made you see her as someone who has no educational qualifications?

It is one thing to be educated and behave it,it is another thing to be uneducated and show it..

She deceived you,maybe
but did she buy the rings and point a gun at you to say "I do"

Am not too surprise she just confessed now though; cos i have been doubting those certificates she professed to have not too long we got married. But the criminal act of it is what is bothering me and future tendency.
The point now is that circumstances surrounding her is not making my plans for her to further her education and probably get an office work is not working at all.

napaj:


Am not too surprise she just confessed now though; cos i have been doubting those certificates she professed to have not too long we got married. But the criminal act of it is what is bothering me and future tendency.
The point now is that circumstances surrounding her is not making my plans for her to further her education and probably get an office work is not working at all.

Have you considered that she may not have seen her act as criminal at the time. Probably an act of childish foolishness.

In as much as this will hurt you,it's not enough to throw away the marriage.
What kind of work is your wife doing and in what way will educational qualifications affect it?
You have to move forward from here.If possible get her back in school.

1stCitizen:


Have you asked her why she went that far so you can appraise the situation to see if there is any objectivity in which I doubt.

I have seen a similar case only that the confession came a few days before the wedding and the guy still went ahead to marry the lady to save himself, her family and his from embarrassment. It turned out to be a costly mistake on his part though after some time. You can learn from that experience so that you manage the situation properly.

1. Try to see things from her own perspective especially by taking into consideration her age at the time (Younger people sometimes make bad decisions they only realise when they mature)
2. Find out why she told the truth. If she was was pushed by circumstances then you may have bigger problems to deal with such as trust.
3. Trust your instinct. Ask her if there are many more secrets that she feels you need to know about (God help you on this one)
4. Be the man and solve the problem. Push her to go back to school.
5. Ask yourself if you can still trust her. If no then there are many steps to take to build that...She will need to play a bigger role.
6. See it as the vicissitudes of life and do not regret it. It could have been worse. What if she told you about a medical problem she was hiding and you did not have kids. Out there many are abound with worse situations.
7. Finally never feel betrayed. Life throws mad situations at us daily. How we handle it is what matters
8. Focus! Focus!! on the good

Thanks so much for ur response. I told her i forgave her immediately she told me because of God and the children. Though i have plans for your point number 3, when ever am with her.

napaj:
My wife confessed to me on her own recently that she had not gotten any educational qualification. That the ones i thought she has was forged. In this kind of situation, what can i do? the marriage is blessed with kids.

Is her education holding your marriage together or her character?

1stCitizen:


Have you considered that she may not have seen her act as criminal at the time. Probably an act of childish foolishness.

is possible, cos she was in her very early twenties then

rokiatu:
Is her education holding your marriage together or her character?

both are not holding it together at all. Her character is even worst

napaj:



both are not holding it together at all. Her character is even worst

Sorry sir my mistake.

napaj:


is possible, cos she was in her very early twenties then

I regret many decisions I took at that age and so does everyone even you. Sometimes we do things out of youthful exuberance and peer pressure and the shame may not allow us to speak up when we have to, then we go into a downward spiral of using one lie to cover another and end up deceiving those that are dear to us...until our guilt and conscience overpowers us and we end up hurting innocent people severely by our revelations.

I strongly believe you should not worry much about this. Activate the solution mode quickly. She will worship you for it.

thorpido:
In as much as this will hurt you,it's not enough to throw away the marriage.
What kind of work is your wife doing and in what way will educational qualifications affect it?
You have to move forward from here.If possible get her back in school.

she is not working, all my efforts to even establish a business for her is not working as she will always give reasons to leave the business

How far is the marriage?
How many kids?
What effect is she incorporating into the family?
Is she creative on her own?
What's your marriage plan "full or educated housewife?

Seriously, a lie always requires an element of forgiveness but this something that (after kids and what I'm assuming to be a functional marriage) you should not be looking to take drastic action over. As she was able to convince you she was educated, then she must possess the qualities of a graduate (although these are grossly overexaggerated and are often merely the difference of a piece of paper between two people).

You say it disrupts your plans; does she want to be educated? What are her aspirations and do they fit into yours? What are your biggest fears for the future? Communicate these with your wife by encouraging openness and discouraging any more secrets and lies.

Flytefalls:
Seriously, a lie always requires an element of forgiveness but this something that (after kids and what I'm assuming to be a functional marriage) you should not be looking to take drastic action over. As she was able to convince you she was educated, then she must possess the qualities of a graduate (although these are grossly over-exaggerated and are often merely the difference of a piece of paper between two people).

You say it disrupts your plans; does she want to be educated? What are her aspirations and do they fit into yours? What are your biggest fears for the future? Communicate these with your wife by encouraging openness and discouraging any more secrets and lies.

Thanks for ur kind advice. I told her i forgave immediately she told me. But how to cope with the mentality that my wife is not educated when i come across a young educated chick is my challenge now.You are a woman too u understand what am saying now.

napaj:


Thanks for ur kind advice. I told her i forgave immediately she told me. But how to cope with the mentality that my wife is not educated when i come across a young educated chick is my challenge now.You are a woman too u understand what am saying now.

If that is your problem then I would dare say you are being a bit vain. The most successful people in the world are either school drop-outs or not even with certificates and as my dad will say....." It is never too late to go to school"

You claim she is not educated because she does not have certificates. A Certificate does not automatically translate to education. If she was able to get away with the deceit for so long it means she's got what it takes. I know many with first degrees who can not even handle a 2 minute intelligent conversation or write properly.

Listen protect your own. No one has to know about this especially your close family. Just help her get a certificate if it matters to you so much....remember a certificate in Nigeria does not guarantee a decent job..... ask those with Phd's that applied as drivers for Dangote.

Well, you confessed she "blessed" you with "kids"!

Better head to the lab for some quick DNA swabs!

She deceived you into marrying her? Did u marry her for her qualification or for love? Anyway,I will advice you to forgive her because it is just the best. Keep her secret for the sake of the love that exist and the children.

i dont see how u were deceived into marrying her because of fake degree certificates
Please if u werent under duress or a spell when u married her i dont see why u can possibly say u were forced or deceived

This is serious.

Why lie with something sensitive as that.

Op,sit her down,you could be the cause of the lie,either directly,or indirectly. Eg maybe you always say you can't marry an uneducated lady in your speech.

If you are capable of sending her back to school (if need be),then do it,keep it within you,and her.

If you can open a business for her,don't waste time,if she deserves it,after all,life goes beyond education.

Many of you folks do not understand the op! There is a pointer to the fact that one of op's attraction to his wife is her qualification, among many other things. For some people, it could be sense of dressing, manner of talking, peculiar body shape etc. So, dear Op, I feel your pain. My 2 cent to you is to write down her misdeeds in black & white, prioritize them based on how their severity, know the ones you can accept/ tolerate, then vehemently tackle those you cant tolerate. Let seriousness show in your attitude on this!

rokiatu:



Sorry sir my mistake.

Lol. You asked and you were answered.

why did she had to lie or deceive you in the very first place? I mentioned something about deceit in one other thread. I dislike deceitful people. what do they really gain by deceiving people? deceit in marriage is very bad, even if your lips forgives your spouse, your heart is fixated on that wrong done. When you expect much from people and they don't want to disappoint you, they deceive you just because they want to earn your respect. @op, your heart must be very large and I think people out there should not expect much from people so as not to get the wrong impression

baba , no time .... divorce am sharply . she may be alternating some important documents that may have severe future consequences to you ....I wouldnt think about this twice.

She kept it away from u all this years
And now reveal to u after 3kids thinking u will not abandon her for another woman because she knows how principle are u about marriage





This woman have a very deep heart that can harbor such lies for a long time

Better do ask if there are other secrets u need to know off
Then u evaluate ur relationship after all discoveries

Don't react on impulse..... Think over it and the consequences of ur actions on the kids, you and lastly her




This is a trust issues and I guess the trust you did have for her must have being eroded by her actions and discovery