TPIA3:



Why dont you want to marry from your own tribe, ie why are you intent on marrying yoruba?

I am not bent on marrying yoruba, neither do I see anything wrong in marrying from my own tribe. I just believe I have to like a lady and date her first before thinking of marrying. Am not tribalistic, so I dont go out looking for only ladies from my tribe to date. If I dont like ur person, even if ur from my village, I wont date u.

Dats my kinda mentality. Hope I answered ur questions?

Are you implying it is tribalistic to prefer marrying your own tribe?

You are attaching negativity to that?

TPIA3:
Are you implying it is tribalistic to prefer marrying your own tribe?

You are attaching negativity to that?

It is not tribalistic in marrying from ur own tribe but it becomes tribalistic when u insist or focus on d tribe instead of d person. Me, am more interested in d person dan d tribe.

obongproff:


It is not tribalistic in marrying from ur own tribe but it becomes tribalistic when u insist or focus on d tribe instead of d person. Me, am more interested in d person dan d tribe.

The person and the family.

Eyop:


The person and the family.

yeah, but I prefer to focus on d person becos I wd be spending d rest of my life with her and not her family. If her family is messed up, I can manage. Besides, its my house, so I can control d extent to which her family can interfere. But if d lady in question is messed up? Hmm! Dat na major issue.

obongproff:


It is not tribalistic in marrying from ur own tribe but it becomes tribalistic when u insist or focus on d tribe instead of d person. Me, am more interested in d person dan d tribe.

Your personal preferences are not a yardstick to judge other peoples own.


Preferring to marry your own tribe is a preference, so is preferring to marry outside your tribe.

obongproff:


yeah, but I prefer to focus on d person becos I wd be spending d rest of my life with her and not her family. If her family is messed up, I can manage. Besides, its my house, so I can control d extent to which her family can interfere. But if d lady in question is messed up? Hmm! Dat na major issue.

My brother family is also part of it. The individual comes first and the family follows. Once you marry the girl,you automatically belong to her family and if you marry from the wrong family,you are finished even though the girl/lady in question would be living with you. You cannot do away from the family. Once you investigate that the family is ok,then proceed no wahala. The state he or she comes from is irrelevant.

TPIA3:



Your personal preferences are not a yardstick to judge other peoples own.


Preferring to marry your own tribe is a preference, so is preferring to marry outside your tribe.

yeah ur rite. And am not judging no one. People marry for different reasons. My own reason for marrying has absolutely notin to do with her tribe.

Besides, am not rily judging anyone by thinking day are tribalistic. Like u said, its dia preference. So some ppl are tribalistic by prefering to marrying from dia own tribe, while odas like me are 'Personistic' by prefering to marrying a particular type of person.

Eyop:


My brother family is also part of it. The individual comes first and the family follows. Once you marry the girl,you automatically belong to her family and if you marry from the wrong family,you are finished even though the girl/lady in question would be living with you. You cannot do away from the family. Once you investigate that the family is ok,then proceed no wahala. The state he or she comes from is irrelevant.

Bros na very serious mata way u bring up so oh! So how person want use investigate her family na?

obongproff:


Bros na very serious mata way u bring up so oh! So how person want use investigate her family na?

If you don't have an idea,consult the elders and they will put you through . Let me take you back home bro because i believe you are from AKS just like me. There are some places in our dear state(Uruan,Ibeno,Ikot-Abasi,Oron,etc) that once you mention it to 10 people,8 will tell you not to go and if you must go,be ready to carry proper investigation and even extend the investigation to extended families and in conclusion anything you see after,you take. Marriage isn't boyfriend and girlfriend but a lifetime affair and i don't believe in divorce so i must ensure that all is well before i put my head so you see why i said State doesn't matter?

So i do advise people to carry out their investigation spiritually,traditionally and otherwise before getting so deep emotionally with a guy or lady because it would be very devastating if on the long run you discover that the girl or guy in question isn't fit for marriage due to one problem or the other with the family. So it has nothing to do with the girl in question because she might be innocent but that girl you love came from a background which is her root so once you confirm that family is ok and that spiritually no problem,carry on.

Eyop:


If you don't have an idea,consult the elders and they will put you through . Let me take you back home bro because i believe you are from AKS just like me. There are some places in our dear state(Uruan,Ibeno,Ikot-Abasi,Oron,etc) that once you mention it to 10 people,8 will tell you not to go and if you must go,be ready to carry proper investigation and even extend the investigation to extended families and in conclusion anything you see after,you take. Marriage isn't boyfriend and girlfriend but a lifetime affair and i don't believe in divorce so i must ensure that all is well before i put my head so you see why i said State doesn't matter?

So i do advise people to carry out their investigation spiritually,traditionally and otherwise before getting so deep emotionally with a guy or lady because it would be very devastating if on the long run you discover that the girl or guy in question isn't fit for marriage due to one problem or the other with the family. So it has nothing to do with the girl in question because she might be innocent but that girl you love came from a background which is her root so once you confirm that family is ok and that spiritually no problem,carry on.

Ikpa! Iko afo tang ah ko ah kam ifiok eti eti!

obongproff:


Ikpa! Iko afo tang ah ko ah kam ifiok eti eti!

Ufan,do your homework very well. Always commit everything to God and let him show you the way.

Cheers,
Eyop

obongproff:


yeah ur rite. And am not judging no one. People marry for different reasons. My own reason for marrying has absolutely notin to do with her tribe.

Besides, am not rily judging anyone by thinking day are tribalistic. Like u said, its dia preference. So some ppl are tribalistic by prefering to marrying from dia own tribe, while odas like me are 'Personistic' by prefering to marrying a particular type of person.

if you are bent on marrying outside your tribe, imo, then your reasons for doing so should go beyond mere voyeurism.

note, i said imo.

Timbuktou:
It's not really a yoruba thing. It cuts across all tribes in Nigeria. Igbos say it all the time that they can't marry yoruba people too. Nothing new there. I was once 'toasted' an igbo girl, and when it was time to give me her number she asked for my name I told her. She mumbled something in igbo language tucked her phone away and that was that. One Nigeria indeed.

Tufia!

We refined Nigerians do not think that way.
But come to think of it, are you trying to say you did not see any 'wife material' amongst your own people?

veave:
We refined Nigerians do not think that way.
But come to think of it, are you trying to say you did not see any 'wife material' amongst your own people?

Na wa to u oh. So u rily dont think dat way and den ur asking if I didnt see any wife material among my ppl. Are u rily sure u dont think dat way?

itstpia8:


if you are bent on marrying outside your tribe, imo, then your reasons for doing so should go beyond mere voyeurism.

note, i said imo.

U guys can be funny oh. It's not by speaking big big grammar oh! Do u even know d meaning of voyeurism? And it wot context are u using it now?

veave:
We refined Nigerians do not think that way.
But come to think of it, are you trying to say you did not see any 'wife material' amongst your own people?

Is this another 'refined' way of thinking?
Eg, an Igbo man works in Crossriver, the probability of him getting married to an indigene of crossriver is high.

jmoore:

Is this another 'refined' way of thinking?
Eg, an Igbo man works in Crossriver, the probability of him getting married to an indigene of crossriver is high.

Yeah thats true... i only asked the question cus he was so bent on yoruba-igbo marriage ish... if someone does not accept you, you go were you will be welcome with arms open wide... my opinion tho.

veave:




Yeah thats true... i only asked the question cus he was so bent on yoruba-igbo marriage ish... if someone does not accept you, you go were you will be welcome with arms open wide... my opinion tho.

Babe! Is it dat u cannot read or u just skipped d places wia I insisted dat am not bent on marrying from yoruba or any oda tribe? Na wa to u oh!

obongproff:


Babe! Is it dat u cannot read or u just skipped d places wia I insisted dat am not bent on marrying from yoruba or any oda tribe? Na wa to u oh!

No, you were not bent on marrying from any other tribe, but you were stressing on knowing why they dont like to marry each other. So i went ahead to tell you that if someone doesn't want to marry you, go to were they will agree to marry you. Be it hausa, igbo, yoruba, igala, edo etc... after ally, we have seen cases where both parties were from same village but because the girls mum had a different click from the guys mum in womens union, they strongly refused to allow their children wed. So what are you saying again?

My extended family is the same. I asked and I think it is borne out of culture and what they feel should be upheld. The expectations of the incoming spouse and how they respect those expectations to avoid conflict. Also when there is a problem between couples it is easier to resolve when both families come from similar backgrounds. As opposed to another culture where a certain action towards conflict resolution will be seen as an insult.

baby124:
My extended family is the same. I asked and I think it is borne out of culture and what they feel should be upheld. The expectations from the incoming spouse and how they respect those expectations to avoid conflict. Also when there is a problem between couples it is easier to resolve when both families come from similar backgrounds. Etc.

i see it differently....
if there's a problem between the couple, it should be easier to resolve if they are from different backgrounds as familiarity poses its own problem - chiefly contempt.

veave:



No, you were not bent on marrying from any other tribe, but you were stressing on knowing why they dont like to marry each other. So i went ahead to tell you that if someone doesn't want to marry you, go to were they will agree to marry you. Be it hausa, igbo, yoruba, igala, edo etc... after ally, we have seen cases where both parties were from same village but because the girls mum had a different click from the guys mum in womens union, they strongly refused to allow their children wed. So what are you saying again?

U know say to follow woman argue day give headache? Madam eh! Wot ayam saying be say, I want to marry someone becos I like d person irrespective of d tribe d person is from. Do u understand now? Or shd I speak it in ur dialect before u understand?

Na wa oh!

obongproff:


U know say to follow woman argue day give headache? Madam eh! Wot ayam saying be say, I want to marry someone becos I like d person irrespective of d tribe d person is from. Do u understand now? Or shd I speak it in ur dialect before u understand?

Na wa oh!

I actually do not understand english in the evening. I nor go mind if you speak am for my language sha

veave:



I actually do not understand english in the evening. I nor go mind if you speak am for my language sha

Chai! U like quarrel pass fight!

coogar:


i see it differently....
if there's a problem between the couple, it should be easier to resolve if they are from different backgrounds as familiarity poses its own problem - chiefly contempt.

Contempt, how?

baby124:

Contempt, how?

the contempt familiarity breeds....
when people know too much about you or your culture, it might also make them want to take the piss.

obongproff:
well, d odds are much. Wia do u live? And u know u dont have to marry from ur tribe abi? Besides, hav u dated any of dem before?

I have dated ONE before and he proved me right.
I am married to a man from a different tribe and nationality, but Bantu nonetheless.

obongproff:


Wot ayam saying be say, I want to marry someone becos I like d person irrespective of d tribe d person is from. Do u understand now? Or shd I speak it in ur dialect before u understand?

Na wa oh!

the question is why did you specify yoruba in particular to the exclusion of other tribes.

if you want to marry outside your tribe, there are many to choose from, the decision is up to you.

modified

obongproff:


Chai! U like quarrel pass fight!

My broda, nor be my fault o. I be good geh before... na nairaland tish me o