Dear Nairalander,

I have a friend i was dating for a while, we are planning to get married next year, but the issue is: I dont have inner peace about the Guuys family, I do not feel loved, I feel they lie to me a lot and not friendly, I am confused. whenever i am alone i feel like quitting but whenever i see my Fiance he just lighten my world and i forget my thoughts but when i am alone, I will go back to my thoughts of quitting, He told me about one of their uncle that is brutal and fetish and the uncle will represent his father on our wedding day since his father is late.

Please I need advise.

Thank you all.

Note: we have done Introdction already. His elder Brother that represent his father during the Introduction was as if he was forced to attend the program. The elder sister didnt show up,, she said the road was blocked and she had to go back home. which I really doubted.

Sweetheart,a broken relationship,engagement is better than a broken marriage. Think twice. Shalom

Are you marrying the man or the family??

The man and the family of course.

This decision is not what anybody can or will make for you.

It is yours and yours alone to make.

It is choice madam. Remember, you will live with your decision for the rest of your life so be wise about it. May God guide you to the best decision.

Have you talked with your fiancé about it?

I believe that he should be the one you should be able to share your worries with openly.

i assume you are also "eran lile" like your fiance's family else you wouldnt have been comfortable dating the guy and neither would you be wondering after all these stories.

so, you have not told us about your own side since like attracts like.

Express ur fear to Ur Man, besides whateva advice u get here doesn't change anythn, d decision lies in You.

It is so obvious that u will have to battle with his family after your wedding,but if u truly loves him and know that u can bear what lies ahead,go on. After all God might just make a way and take the both you far away from all of them. But just seek God's direction first.

Juzzybabe:
It is so obvious that u will have to battle with his family after your wedding,but if u truly loves him and know that u can bear what lies ahead,go on. After all God might just make a way and take the both you far away from all of them. But just seek God's direction first.

we are actually far rrrr away from them. But they dont call me. I do tge calljng. They feel I am making a hell of money so i shid be the one chasing them.

ttymyluv:



we are actually far rrrr away from them. But they dont call me. I do tge calljng. They feel I am making a hell of money so i shid be the one chasing them.

Then you have no problem! If you think you can spend the rest of your life with him,go ahead. But be prayerful.

carefreewannabe:
Have you talked with your fiancé about it?
I believe that he should be the one you should be able to share your worries with openly. [/

quote][quote author=itstpia8 post=28936924]i assume you are also "eran lile" like your fiance's family else you wouldnt have been comfortable dating the guy and neither would you be wondering after all these stories.
so, you have not told us about your own side since like attracts like.

I discussed it with my Fiance but he said i am marrying him and not his damily, my parents also said same but i feel the live shid be mutual between me and my inlaws. I told him i was not comfortable with the way the family behaves but he also tells ne they love me n not the way i think but i do not feel the love. I am a peaceful person. I grew up in an environment where there is love.

thank you

[quote author=ttymyluv post=28943186][/quote]

You have to decide for yourself now.

Everyone will tell you something else, it won't make the decision easier so listen to your inner voice. Let your intuition guide you. You are a female, we have a very good intuition.

ttymyluv:

we are actually far rrrr away from them. But they dont call me. I do tge calljng. They feel I am making a hell of money so i shid be the one chasing them.

So their family members should be calling you that what? Sooner or later now the over familiarity will turn to insult. I am sure his parents have enough to worry about with their own children than chasing you down. Sometimes because they do not call does not mean they dont love you. Abeg, you are worrying over nothing. If you go into a family expecting that they worship the ground you walk on, then you will be in trouble because you will keep starting issues that are non issues. In fact you have a long way to go in life considering your present mindset.

ttymyluv:



we are actually far rrrr away from them. But they dont call me. I do tge calljng. They feel I am making a hell of money so i shid be the one chasing them.

so who exactly is chasing who, because the whole thing is getting confusing.


are they the ones chasing you, or you're the one chasing them?

Why dont they like you?
Have you tried to have a relationship with them . . . it doesnt have to be lovey dovey, but a cordial one.
The truth is that you wont get on 100% with every single in-law and you will get on with some more than others
You may want to question your fiance on why they are the way they are; it could be them, it could be you or a mixture of both. There may be a history; maybe they liked his ex.
In some cases, not all, it takes time for people to warm up to other people.

its up to you; you know better than anyone here what really went/is going down and you know them better than anyone.

You need to sit down and have a long hard think about things and if you can deal with it. Dont be pushed or pressurised. You are the one who knows where the shoe pinches.
There is no point both you and your husband constantly fighting in the future over something you already knew that was going to happen.

carefreewannabe:


You have to decide for yourself now.

Everyone will tell you something else, it won't make the decision easier so listen to your inner voice. Let your intuition guide you. You are a female, we have a very good intuition.

So we men have bad intuition?

Ummm..the case here is a serious one as his family is important but sit him down and talk to him,they might hate you more coz they wil think you hav bewiched him if he succesfully deassociate your from their family,beta still,itz him you are marrying not his family,or does he live with his family?

I an the one chasing them. I noticed they do not call me so i stopped a little while and they didnt call me still so i now decided to call his elder bro since he is the head of the family now but surprisingly he said : are we quarelling? so i told my fiance he said why didnt he( the bro call me). my fiance also said there are some things he expects from his bro that he neglects.

Stop chasing them already, over familiarity breeds contempt sister, it's not a must that everyone must like you or even show you that they do, going about wanting them to be lovebirds with you is somewhat annoying if you asked me, give people their space and concentrate on your man especially since they told you, they have no issues with you, haba!

All I can say is that you are just beign needy and insecure,relax if they didn't like you,they won't allow you to marry their brother.
Maybe they are not good at expressing their feelings especially if na boys full the family,(a rigid and uptight family) with less girls to lighten the mood.

my brothers wife said i am paranoid. well mayb . I pray God takes away fear from me..

When you get to the market,you don't consider the noise in it,but focus on whom you have a deal with..

Are you "money",that everybody must love,or chase after?

Abeg,focus on your hubby,about the family,act normal,and don't be too obsess about their love.

I think you should focus on your husband. Yes the family needs to love you but I feel that with time they would get to accepts you. Talk to your man and have him know how you feel. He might be able to correct things from his own side or at least help you get over the fear. You love this guy already so do not give up on this your chance. No relationship can be 100% smooth and I guess this is the rough current in your own waters. Just focus on your love for him and everything would fall in line. You can visit my blog to get help directly. just click my signature www.askralphblog.com

Sis, pls av u told ur mum abt this?

My mum, said I should focus on my husband too and since we live distance apart with his family. Hubby said everybody cannot like me. If everybody likes me then something is wrong.