edwife:
I did and I don't regret doing it I will post when I am less busy,but you can send me an email too if you want-I won't mind giving you a call

NickiRoman:
Hmmmn,Am not in the category to give advice concerning this issue,but let me the attention of those who can.
Babyosisi
Cococandy Hi
KanwuliaJara
Sambarry
Chaircover
Aisha2
EfemenaXY
Your advice are needed here.

babyosisi:


Marriage is a choice
That choice comes with sacrifice,sometimes a lot of sacrifice
you cannot be married and live apart
A 3 year marriage and you are in two different continents?
It won't work
Separation cannot be called marriage,maybe there's another name for it?? Separation marriage?,sorry I may not be current
About giving up your income and financial leverage,I ask again,do you want to be married?
If the answer is yes move to Lagos and live with your husband,if the answer is maybe,I don't know,I'm not sure then stay in the UK
But a word of caution,he probably has a woman there anyway
That's the reason he is comfortable with the choice so far and hasn't pressured you to move
Are you even sure he wants you to move
You may disrupt some things,you know
There could be a whole family with kids that may not be comfortable with your return
Do your homework

Misssessay:
Hi guys, I really need ur frank advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 3 years on and off long distance. We are both career wise doing very well for ourselves although he's more advanced than I.

Needless to say the spark has fizzled. I love him deeply
Most important, where is the love if you can't give up the whole world to be with you love?

Plz I need ur advice - given the unemployment situation in Nigeria, is it reasonable to expect me to give up everything - in search for a career/ life in Lagos? ( am not Nigerian)

Hard to say, but the unemployment situation globally is also something to talk about especially for strangers, but foreigners get advantage over Nigerians even in Nigeria

Ladies who have done this -[s] what is it like giving up ur independence - monthly paycheck - income? [/s] singlehood

Forget about how it worked for them, how do you want it to work for you?

Can't help but think [s]it would be easier for him to join me in the UK[/s]I am selfish - really frustrated - but can't stand the separation

Frank opinions plssssss

mcdokwe:
Believe it or not, if the man moves to the UK, he and his family who are likely to be dependent on him would have to strain you awhile for succour whilst he tries to get employment or not and the same women here would berate his lazy ass for living off a woman thereby giving you the impression you are doing something that never should be done in marriage.

iykedare:


Are you joking?

Notyourb1tch:
When your gut does not feel right about something it is usually right. kanwuliajara,cococandy,chillisauce, headlamp1,  babyosisi and bukatyne, moca and mutter have all raised valid points. My fear especially is wrt to the financial aspect. Talk to your husband about this. If you don't mind me asking which nationality are you ( white, jamo,  African?)

Judie7654:
where in the Uk are you in?... It's cool we both follow Nairaland... Thought I was alone..

mcdokwe:

Believe it or not, if the man moves to the UK, he and his family who are likely to be dependent on him would have to strain you a while for succour whilst he tries to get employment or not and the same women here would berate his lazy ass for living off a woman thereby giving you the impression you are doing something that never should be done in marriage.

Notyourb1tch:
When your gut does not feel right about something it is usually right. kanwuliajara,cococandy,chillisauce, headlamp1,  babyosisi and bukatyne, moca and mutter have all raised valid points. My fear especially is wrt to the financial aspect. Talk to your husband about this. If you don't mind me asking which nationality are you ( white, jamo,  African?)

mcdokwe:
op you are better off not taking the advice of women like this. Believe me or yes, she cuts across like someone who brags about having a perfect union and would need the constant misfortune of others to remind her how perfect hers is.

How on earth does she dare insinuate your hubby is married to other women even when nothing in your post suggest same thereby generating destructive ideas in you?
From my little time here on earth, I have come to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that our fates are dynamic whether in marriage or other secular or conventional endeavours. That something turned out perfect for you doesn't necessarily mean it would for me if I applied your tactics to the later therefore calling for the need for us to be discretional.

You got it all wrong in the thinking that you are doing it for your hubby- the better choice should have been marriage, yes you are doing it for your marriage and not hubby. You need to tell yourself whether beinG happily married is more important than proving you can do without him.

I have heard some ask why he didn't consider moving to the UK himself. But now let's look at the bigger picture here- as an African, a man is wholly responsible for the upkeep of the family, the ladies role is mostly seen as supportive and as such when it isn't there, it is inconsequential. Believe it or not, if the man moves to the UK, he and his family who are likely to be dependent on him would have to strain you awhile for succour whilst he tries to get employment or not and the same women here would berate his lazy ass for living off a woman thereby giving you the impression you are doing something that never should be done in marriage.

Then you said his income is higher

it's a pity such things weren't sorted out before the marriage, but believe be you should move down here and if your prefer life in the UK, be around him to convince to move with you later in life, you got that power, don't lose it for anything but if you make this about personal interest now, then forget the possibility of ever getting him to move no matter how bad things get now or ever.

Beautiful unions are built by people in it, build yours now and reap from it in the future.

God bless you with the wisdom to make the right choice

mutter:


Agree totally with the above.

Something telly you it might be wrong and you better listen to that voice.

In Nigeria there is no social security. No way you can survive if the man kicks you out and you do not have a job.

An influential man can even take your kid`s from you and kick you out. Nothing you can do about it.
You will be very dependent on him. At his mercy.
That is not good for a healthy relationship.

Nigerian marriages are very much family marriages and if yo don`t have a family it can be hell.

It could work out but it could be hell.

Ewuro4:
You signed up for this, marriage is about sacrifices. I hope you can take your relocation process on step at a time to rekindle the spark in your marriage. It's all worth it for a man who's not trying to hide you abroad like we always read here.

Good luck dear.

edwife:


I was abroad and relocated in imo State after marriage,then back abroad after some years

edwife:
I did and I don't regret doing it I will post when I am less busy,but you can send me an email too if you want-I won't mind giving you a call

Misssessay:


It's a head over heart issue - while I love and trust him dearly. I think all of us women have AT LEAST one friend who has screwed up their lives at the expense of a man......

rolled:
Chei
Op take your matter off NL
So many Negative comments.na so Nigerian men bad reach?
[b]Some women here don already dash the op husband an invisible wife
[/b]It's so easy for you all to say my hubby doesn't cheat but can't trust another person's hubby
Op shebi you have a family in the uk

Talk to them

Misssessay:


We were living together when married... this long distance thing is quite recent :/

You speak allot of sense - I have no family but a few friends already in Nigeria.

Your right even if I didn't I wud still hav to move

Now - my hubby says that in Nigeria it is not typical to share accounts.... :/ and that if there is anything I need he will provide me.... so I guess that's out of the question.

Not exactly the way I'd like things to be - but just trying to save as much as I can before I go