Right I totally agree that's why initially when I couldn't find a job, I asked him to start up biz for me nd he didn't so I started it on my own. For his bday, it's not from his money cuz he doesn't give me allowance or anything but from da biz wen I started or from feeding money as I plan well from jan

babyosisi:


@ happysisi
You know why he sees it as a waste ?
It's his money
He pays the piper so he dictates the tune
If the money was from your own earnings,,he wouldn't mind
Making your own money gives you a lot of say in the home,I tell you

moca:

Exactly.
Me too I'm learning.
It's a tradition in my new family o. They celebrate everything.
Even father in law has called and scolded me for forgetting his birthday.
Imagine?

I now have where I wrote all down and my phone too reminds me.
We learn everyday.
I found out hubby loves it when u praise him so I do that. His head will swell.
I bought a very expensive perf the other day and gave him. I just close eye and pay.
Chei! Marriage!
See me going into men's store to look for things. It's well o!

They love it!!
Sometimes we have to go straight up Nollywood to get what we want nne

happysisi:

Right I totally agree that's why initially when I couldn't find a job, I asked him to start up biz for me nd he didn't so I started it on my own. For his bday, it's not from his money cuz he doesn't give me allowance or anything but from da biz wen I started or from feeding money as I plan well from jan

happysisi,has your hubby always been this way or did he change?Did you spend enough time dating before marriage?Did you observe these things then?
I think the problem is more than just you not working,it's something to do with your hubby's personality.
The first thing is to get a job or start some biz so your are more financially independent.Also try to get your husband to change by teaching him lovingly.It'll require a lot of patience on your part too.

I saw a mention

Good thread osisi. May God bless your home

I havent read the 53 pages so apologies if I am repeating what has already been said

All I want to say is to encourage somebody who may be going through difficult times.

The main advantage of marriage is companionship . . . . Babies, finance, sex and everything else is a part of it too, but the main thing is companionship and you will appreciate that companionship later when the kids are older and have left home and its just the 2 of you left at home.

Right now it may seem an undending cycle of wiping kids noses, inlaws flexing, career building, juggling finances, petty misunderstandings, getting to understand each other etc but everything in life is a phase and all this will pass. There will come a time when kids grow, careers are at their peak and finances are in place.

Yesterday evening, son was at the gym and daughter was lying at the bottom of my bed and we were both watching Boston Legal and It seemed like yesterday we both used to wacth Postman pat and tellytubbys. In short my kids have grown up.

The kids dont have our time, and they have their own lives to live and now is the time that hubby and I have more time to ourselves, and I appreciate our friendship and companionship more now than ever. Last year they both ganged up and refused to go on a weekend away with us (I guess we are too boring)

We have been through our ups and downs, We have been through valleys and tough days, but we both agreed a long time ago that we will just have to work at things and we are both enjoying that commitment now. The longer that we are married the more we are enjoying it. We used to have misunderstandings in the early days over all sorts of things, now we hardly do and now we joke and prance about alot.

The knowing that you have a best friend that you can totally be yourself with, and dont have to hide anything from or pretend, your number one fan, the deep and firm voice that encourages you when you are unsure, the one who supports you and says Yes you can do it. The one who winks at you from accross the room and you stand taller within you. The one you can tell anything to and who understands you fully.

So I want to encourage someone. It may seem difficult now, It may seem that you are from different planets, but so long as you are both commtited and respect each other and have the same goals, you will both come out at the other side stronger
Every good marriage has a testmony and a story behind it. You are not alone. It will get better. It is worth it.

This issue of hubby not buying gifts eh... I don suffer no be small. My guy has only bought me something when he travelled abraod and dat was like 4 yrs after marriage. I go buy am gifts on his birthday even made him a surprised birthday party. he has never given me a birthday or valentine gift oh. But guess what. I keep on buying him the gifts on his birthday and valentine day hoping one day he would learn. At times I can see how uneasy he feels when I give him a gift. I am certain one day he would see how important it Is to me.
I remember the year I threw him a surprise birthday party he was soooo happy and kept on thanking, some months later it was my birthday and he said "baby ur birthday is on the 24 right,
I said no baby its on the 25th.
He said ok how are we going to celebrate it?
l did not answer. Na so my birthday come pass with just a happy birthday message on Facebook.

stages:
This issue of hubby not buying gifts eh... I don suffer no be small. My guy has only bought me something when he travelled abraod and dat was like 4 yrs after marriage. I go buy am gifts on his birthday even made him a surprised birthday party. he has never given me a birthday or valentine gift oh. But guess what. I keep on buying him the gifts on his birthday and valentine day hoping one day he would learn. At times I can see how uneasy he feels when I give him a gift. I am certain one day he would see how important it Is to me.
I remember the year I threw him a surprise birthday party he was soooo happy and kept on thanking, some months later it was my birthday and he said "baby ur birthday is on the 24 right,
I said no baby its on the 25th.
He said ok how are we going to celebrate it?
l did not answer. Na so my birthday come pass with just a happy birthday message on Facebook.

Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

@chaircover & babyosisi, good wisdom nuggets from both of u, wisdom is the principal thing in marriage and every other human endeavor, in all your getting, get wisdom:

For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it...Ecclesiastes 7 vs 12........

Speaks wrong grammar;
The one responsible for the whole family;
Does not have a savings account;
Somewhat people pleasing;
Future goals are not that convincing;


These and a few others are the reasons I decided to call it off. Did I do the right thing?

Cc; Babyosisis, Chaircover, Bukatyne, et al.

U guys are saving lives. May you not lack in your areas of need. Amen.

chaircover:


Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

Chei! Meeeen!!!
They can never get it right!

moca:
There is one important aspect I want to touch.
Spending.
D truth is that some women spend money as if there is no tomorrow.
Haba. Brazillian,horse,peruvian,all join,they r competing at d detriment of their family.
Every owambe,they r there with d matching clothes.

Though ur hubby might not complain but majority don't like it. And the old saying that u judge a caring man by his wife's standard of living will make some to keep mute.

I was at d parking lot in shoprite when one man was complaining to another that wifey just went in to shop with 70k and at d end of the day,she will come out with nothing tangible. And truly she came out with nothing tangible.
She and her entourage.
As soon as they came out,hubby closed his mouth and pretended all is well. Guess he never knew I was nearby.

This drives a man into d hand of another woman.
Makes a man keep late night.
Or start bozzing.
Ladies,safeguard ur home.

Immediately after my wedding, a galfriend asked me "where is ur own car? If na me,i no go gree o. Or rather I will be going to work with his. U can't marry this type of man and u r not riding d latest car in town"
That was d beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

Be wise.

No body is a mind reader

If the hubby has issues with his wife's spending habits, he should say so to ensure resentments does not build up and both parties are aware of their spouses' expectations and strive to meet them.

chaircover:


Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

100% true

When you are assured of your spouses' love, it goes a long way in how issued are seen/handled.

bukatyne:


No body is a mind reader

If the hubby has issues with his wife's spending habits, he should say so to ensure resentments does not build up and both parties are aware of their spouses' expectations and strive to meet them.

Some have been complaining bitterly.
Some men have taken their wives spending habit to the kinsmen,to tell u how serious it is.
Some women spend the monthly feeding allowance on asoebi and jewerlies.

Some homes have dissolved because of the way women spend money lavishly.

At a time,the catholic women's organisation brought out a uniform for all cos wives makes hubby's wanna steal for august meeting,s wears.
Yes,all these makes a hard working man to go to one joint and cool his head sometimes after work. The rest they say is history.

Nigerians r very if not the most flashy and materialistic set of people in this planet earth.
We love to show a lot.
And guess what? It's our men that suffer for that. This is fact.
If it's ur own money,i wouldn't mind but u sit at home and spend as if ur hubby is related to dangote,haba!

moca:

Some have been complaining bitterly.
Some men have taken their wives spending habit to the kinsmen,to tell u how serious it is.
Some women spend the monthly feeding allowance on asoebi and jewerlies.

Some homes have dissolved because of the way women spend money lavishly.

At a time,the catholic women's organisation brought out a uniform for all cos wives makes hubby's wanna steal for august meeting,s wears.
Yes,all these makes a hard working man to go to one joint and cool his head sometimes after work. The rest they say is history.

Nigerians r very if not the most flashy and materialistic set of people in this planet earth.
We love to show a lot.
And guess what? It's our men that suffer for that. This is fact.
If it's ur own money,i wouldn't mind but u sit at home and spend as if ur hubby is related to dangote,haba!

If the husbands complain, then I support them 100%

Yea some wives can spend for Africa

We dated for a long time. Infact throughout our courtship, he was unemployed while I was employed. The funny thing is that I am not materialistic or demanding just da basic things a man would do for his wife, I have to ask nd ask like doing hair, eye brow etc. I hate to ask for things Datz why I hate that I haven't been able to find a job. He is also good outside. He can pay for ppls stuff nd all.

He doesn't seem to want to change. His pride and ego won't let him. I have made up my mind to let him be nd not expect anything not to be disappointed and pray God gives me job



.

thorpido:
happysisi,has your hubby always been this way or did he change?Did you spend enough time dating before marriage?Did you observe these things then?
I think the problem is more than just you not working,it's something to do with your hubby's personality.
The first thing is to get a job or start some biz so your are more financially independent.Also try to get your husband to change by teaching him lovingly.It'll require a lot of patience on your part too.

These days I don't blame women with spending for example until you hear their stories as to why they do. Some men won't spend on their wives but will gladly give family members, outsiders nd gfs. Some women even add more to their kids school fees etc.

moca:

Some have been complaining bitterly.
Some men have taken their wives spending habit to the kinsmen,to tell u how serious it is.
Some women spend the monthly feeding allowance on asoebi and jewerlies.

Some homes have dissolved because of the way women spend money lavishly.

At a time,the catholic women's organisation brought out a uniform for all cos wives makes hubby's wanna steal for august meeting,s wears.
Yes,all these makes a hard working man to go to one joint and cool his head sometimes after work. The rest they say is history.

Nigerians r very if not the most flashy and materialistic set of people in this planet earth.
We love to show a lot.
And guess what? It's our men that suffer for that. This is fact.
If it's ur own money,i wouldn't mind but u sit at home and spend as if ur hubby is related to dangote,haba!

happysisi:

We dated for a long time. Infact throughout our courtship, he was unemployed while I was employed. The funny thing is that I am not materialistic or demanding just da basic things a man would do for his wife, I have to ask nd ask like doing hair, eye brow etc. I hate to ask for things Datz why I hate that I haven't been able to find a job. He is also good outside. He can pay for ppls stuff nd all.

He doesn't seem to want to change. His pride and ego won't let him. I have made up my mind to let him be nd not expect anything not to be disappointed and pray God gives me job



.

I honestly think your husband can improve.He just doesn't find a reason to think more of you now which is not good.I wish your hubby could get some counsel.
Like you said,make yourself happy and don't dwell too much on your current situation.

chaircover:


Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

Love is what keeps us together. I love him and he does too.That's why I refrain from envying other wives who receive gifts.

Chinum:
Speaks wrong grammar;
The one responsible for the whole family;
Does not have a savings account;
Somewhat people pleasing;
Future goals are not that convincing;


These and a few others are the reasons I decided to call it off. Did I do the right thing?

Cc; Babyosisis, Chaircover, Bukatyne, et al.

U guys are saving lives. May you not lack in your areas of need. Amen.

You mean you quit the relationship(bf\gf)?
1-Grammar can be worked on(if he's willing)
2-That will be a big challenge on your finances as a couple.
3-He can't save if he is responsible for his whole family.
4-That's a problem if it is excessive.
5-A grown up man should have goals even if they may evolve over time.

Apart from all the above,is he a good man?
You may have done what is good enough for you.Honestly,it's not easy starting with so many baggages.

chaircover:


Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

moca:

Chei! Meeeen!!!
They can never get it right!

Guilty as charged.I have to keep learning too.
Honestly you ladies need to understand our brains are not wired that way .The way ladies see is not the way we do.We think of providing for the family and ensuring security and well being.Other things that don't look like emergencies have to take an effort.

thorpido:
You mean you quit the relationship(bf\gf)?
1-Grammar can be worked on(if he's willing)
2-That will be a big challenge on your finances as a couple.
3-He can't save if he is responsible for his whole family.
4-That's a problem if it is excessive.
5-A grown up man should have goals even if they may evolve over time.

Apart from all the above,is he a good man?
You may have done what is good enough for you. Honestly,it's not easy starting with so many baggages.

Yea, I just called it off, nt just a bf/gf r/ship, more like 2 adults looking 2wards settling down. I'd say, he is a good man although I think the question is kind of relative, I just want to know if those were good enough reasons to bolt out. Thanks Pido.

thorpido:
Guilty as charged.I have to keep learning too.
Honestly you ladies need to understand our brains are not wired that way .The way ladies see is not the way we do.We think of providing for the family and ensuring security and well being.Other things that don't look like emergencies have to take an effort.

Lol
now dat you have learned start by surprising dat woman in ur life with a gift. Tell us the results tomorrow.

chaircover:
I saw a mention

Good thread osisi. May God bless your home

I havent read the 53 pages so apologies if I am repeating what has already been said

All I want to say is to encourage somebody who may be going through difficult times.

The main advantage of marriage is companionship . . . . Babies, finance, sex and everything else is a part of it too, but the main thing is companionship and you will appreciate that companionship later when the kids are older and have left home and its just the 2 of you left at home.

Right now it may seem an undending cycle of wiping kids noses, inlaws flexing, career building, juggling finances, petty misunderstandings, getting to understand each other etc but everything in life is a phase and all this will pass. There will come a time when kids grow, careers are at their peak and finances are in place.

Yesterday evening, son was at the gym and daughter was lying at the bottom of my bed and we were both watching Boston Legal and It seemed like yesterday we both used to wacth Postman pat and tellytubbys. In short my kids have grown up.

The kids dont have our time, and they have their own lives to live and now is the time that hubby and I have more time to ourselves, and I appreciate our friendship and companionship more now than ever. Last year they both ganged up and refused to go on a weekend away with us (I guess we are too boring)

We have been through our ups and downs, We have been through valleys and tough days, but we both agreed a long time ago that we will just have to work at things and we are both enjoying that commitment now. The longer that we are married the more we are enjoying it. We used to have misunderstandings in the early days over all sorts of things, now we hardly do and now we joke and prance about alot.

The knowing that you have a best friend that you can totally be yourself with, and dont have to hide anything from or pretend, your number one fan, the deep and firm voice that encourages you when you are unsure, the one who supports you and says Yes you can do it. The one who winks at you from accross the room and you stand taller within you. The one you can tell anything to and who understands you fully.

So I want to encourage someone. It may seem difficult now, It may seem that you are from different planets, but so long as you are both commtited and respect each other and have the same goals, you will both come out at the other side stronger
Every good marriage has a testmony and a story behind it. You are not alone. It will get better. It is worth it.

Now that is a woman who understands everything I am talking about.
Life and marriage is so much sweeter when the kids are older
I will be away with Oga in a few days for almost a week alone in a hotel room .This will be the third of such trip in one year
Things we could never do a few years ago.
When I look back at some things we fought over I will be like ,how childish was that?
I never believed there will come a time I could go for months without a serious argument that will make us nt talk to each other a few days
And to think that there were times I wanted to quit
Thanks for sharing this
Once you are certain in your heart that this man truly loves you,it is easier

thorpido:
Guilty as charged.I have to keep learning too.
Honestly you ladies need to understand our brains are not wired that way .The way ladies see is not the way we do.We think of providing for the family and ensuring security and well being.Other things that don't look like emergencies have to take an effort.

Yes
I have been there when hubby forgot my birthday
I was so sad and upset
It never happened again
But I have come to realize that men and women are wired very differently so I overlook many things that were issues before

Chinum:


Yea, I just called it off, nt just a bf/gf r/ship, more like 2 adults looking 2wards settling down. I'd say, he is a good man although I think the question is kind of relative, I just want to know if those were good enough reasons to bolt out. Thanks Pido.

If you couldn't get past that in courtship,it was better you quit the relationship

When I come back I will share about the two occasions I wanted to quit the marriage and what happened
This may help someone
I like how everyone is being real on this thread

Chinum:
Speaks wrong grammar;
The one responsible for the whole family;
Does not have a savings account;
Somewhat people pleasing;
Future goals are not that convincing;


These and a few others are the reasons I decided to call it off. Did I do the right thing?

Cc; Babyosisis, Chaircover, Bukatyne, et al.

U guys are saving lives. May you not lack in your areas of need. Amen.

Oh yes, you are on the right track. You have just saved yourself from a lot of baggage, series and series of heartache and nagging. I am not married yet o. But from the experience ive got i will tell you what you would have gone through if you had gone ahead to marry him. The truth is;

1) This your ex isnt prepared for married life yet. He has responsibilities on his head to carry and will carry them till he gets old.

2)His people will see you as an obstacle and a competition. They always have self entitlement issues. You will not be liked amongst his relatives. Once you make demands whether for yourself or the family, he must divide everything by half, of which the other half will go to his relatives. sometimes it could be more than half. You and your family will be denied of so many things since he is a people pleaser. Once they sense they are not getting as much as they are used to before you appeared into the scene, they will call you all sorts of names accusing you of doing nothing but eating your husband's money. And your husband will never support you or be by your side in this. He will join them in accusing you too. His people must be satisfied first before you.

3) He will experience delay in achieving a lot that his mates at his stage has achieved already. The responsibilities he is carrying will cause the delay.

4) He will make you spend your money on most of his responsibilities in the home while he spends his on his relatives.

5) A breadwinner will have no savings. Imagine a marriage with no savings coupled with a people pleaser. Debts are sure. His relatives will be nowhere to be found when this happens and you will be made to step in carrying his responsibilities. This is why he cannot tell you or has no knowledge of his future plans.

In order to remain married to this sort of man, you must be financially independent and be willing to share the benefits that are to be reserved for your family with his relatives, FOREVER!!!

Babyosisi,you don't know what you've done to me and my marriage with this great thread..God bless you big ma'am and may your home continue to be called blessed.I dey follow you for food section bumper to bumper sef#stalkeralert#
I've learnt alot via this thread and its a great eye opener.
Chaircover,God bless you for sharing your experience too.Now I believe greatly in the saying that "experience is the best teacher".

Thank you so much for the write up. You have saved me the time and energy in would have used to type it. This is also what I am experiencing.

He takes care of his family needs most times before mine, thus not enough most times. When I asked him to start up a biz for me nd his brother who has a transport biz but uses the money on girls nd to have fun asked him of money, he gave him nd didn't give me. With the happenings, I feel that my kids and I are extended and his family are nuclear.

I don't know if he's scared of what his family wi say like he now makes money nd abandon dem but most times he does things to my own detriment.

I am in support of helping family members but at the same time, he makes dem lazy, even da ones abroad has nothing to contribute. He always say in a family, God brings out one person to help others nd I don't believe such. It's cuz he's always giving dat they don't want to work hard.

So many things I wanna say but don't want to type dem cuz I will start crying. Just wanna take it as it is nd continue to look on to God for a job cuz that will end my problems

Sophyrocks:


Oh yes, you are on the right track. You have just saved yourself from a lot of baggage, series and series of heartache and nagging. I am not married yet o. But from the experience ive got i will tell you what you would have gone through if you had gone ahead to marry him. The truth is;

1) This your ex isnt prepared for married life yet. He has responsibilities on his head to carry and will carry them till he gets old.

2)His people will see you as an obstacle and a competition. They always have self entitlement issues. You will not be liked amongst his relatives. Once you make demands whether for yourself or the family, he must divide everything by half, of which the other half will go to his relatives. sometimes it could be more than half. You and your family will be denied of so many things since he is a people pleaser. Once they sense they are not getting as much as they are used to before you appeared into the scene, they will call you all sorts of names accusing you of doing nothing but eating your husband's money. And your husband will never support you or be by your side in this. He will join them in accusing you too. His people must be satisfied first before you.

3) He will experience delay in achieving a lot that his mates at his stage has achieved already. The responsibilities he is carrying will cause the delay.

4) He will make you spend your money on most of his responsibilities in the home while he spends his on his relatives.

5) A breadwinner will have no savings. Imagine a marriage with no savings coupled with a people pleaser. Debts are sure. His relatives will be nowhere to be found when this happens and you will be made to step in carrying his responsibilities. This is why he cannot tell you or has no knowledge of his future plans.

In order to remain married to this sort of man, you must be financially independent and be willing to share the benefits that are to be reserved for your family with his relatives, FOREVER!!!

happysisi:
Thank you so much for the write up. You have saved me the time and energy in would have used to type it. This is also what I am experiencing.

He takes care of his family needs most times before mine, thus not enough most times. When I asked him to start up a biz for me nd his brother who has a transport biz but uses the money on girls nd to have fun asked him of money, he gave him nd didn't give me. With the happenings, I feel that my kids and I are extended and his family are nuclear.

I don't know if he's scared of what his family wi say like he now makes money nd abandon dem but most times he does things to my own detriment.

I am in support of helping family members but at the same time, he makes dem lazy, even da ones abroad has nothing to contribute. He always say in a family, God brings out one person to help others nd I don't believe such. It's cuz he's always giving dat they don't want to work hard.

So many things I wanna say but don't want to type dem cuz I will start crying. Just wanna take it as it is nd continue to look on to God for a job cuz that will end my problems

It is a good thing you have decided to get a job. Please do o. There is absolutely nothing you can do. A breadwinner has being one before you came in and will continue to be one. And his relatives will always feel entilted to his money. This is the reason one has to think very hard as to how to cope with certain situations before diving into them. Before marrying a breadwinner, you must have accepted to be COMPLETELY financially independent. There will be times he will want to coerce you to be responsible over the family needs so that he can concentrate on his relatives alone. You will have so many arguements on this. Such situations turn women to bitter nagging wives. Their husbands will make them look like they are crazy or something. It can be that bad. Since you are already married, you've got to do what you've got to do. Not to worry Ma'am, once you start earning your own money, you will worry less. There's nothing like being independent, earning your money and taking care of your needs.

There is nothing wrong with helping relatives. But most men do not know hoow to strike a balance and end up keeping their relatives at loggerheads with their wives. They sometimes do not know how to say 'NO' when there is a need to or when there are family projects to execute. They also do not know how to keep the entitlement issues from their relatives in check. Its just like a man having absolutely no control over his own money.

Sophyrocks:


Oh yes, you are on the right track. You have just saved yourself from a lot of baggage, series and series of heartache and nagging. I am not married yet o. But from the experience ive got i will tell you what you would have gone through if you had gone ahead to marry him. The truth is;

1) This your ex isnt prepared for married life yet. He has responsibilities on his head to carry and will carry them till he gets old.

2)His people will see you as an obstacle and a competition. They always have self entitlement issues. You will not be liked amongst his relatives. Once you make demands whether for yourself or the family, he must divide everything by half, of which the other half will go to his relatives. sometimes it could be more than half. You and your family will be denied of so many things since he is a people pleaser. Once they sense they are not getting as much as they are used to before you appeared into the scene, they will call you all sorts of names accusing you of doing nothing but eating your husband's money. And your husband will never support you or be by your side in this. He will join them in accusing you too. His people must be satisfied first before you.

3) He will experience delay in achieving a lot that his mates at his stage has achieved already. The responsibilities he is carrying will cause the delay.

4) He will make you spend your money on most of his responsibilities in the home while he spends his on his relatives.

5) A breadwinner will have no savings. Imagine a marriage with no savings coupled with a people pleaser. Debts are sure. His relatives will be nowhere to be found when this happens and you will be made to step in carrying his responsibilities. This is why he cannot tell you or has no knowledge of his future plans.

In order to remain married to this sort of man, you must be financially independent and be willing to share the benefits that are to be reserved for your family with his relatives, FOREVER!!!

Wow, thanks a lot Soph. Good 2 know I was not being too choosy as I hv been accused of in the past.

Chinum:

Wow, thanks a lot Soph. Good 2 know I was not being too choosy as I hv been accused of in the past.

Thanks dear. No you are not choosy at all. People will always talk. Develop a thick skin my dear and people will leave you alone. its obvious a lot of ladies do not calculate these things before marriage. But you are not one of them. Infact, you must be really intelligent and aware of what you want to have broken down those red flags here. Before a woman marries, she must be a mathematician o. Calculate!! Think about issues in the long term. Life is real, marriage is real. No fairy tales. You've got to be real.

All the best as you make wise choices. Dnt worry, you will get a good man of your choice.

Sophyrocks:


Thanks dear. No you are not choosy at all. People will always talk. Develop a thick skin my dear and people will leave you alone. its obvious a lot of ladies do not calculate these things before marriage. But you are not one of them. Infact, you must be really intelligent and aware of what you want to have broken down those red flags here. Before a woman marries, she must be a mathematician o. Calculate!! Think about issues in the long term. Life is real, marriage is real. No fairy tales. You've got to be real.

All the best as you make wise choices. Dnt worry, you will get a good man of your choice.

Amen. Thanks dear.