Sad, sad state of affairs!

Justfollowit:


What if she is the bread winner and instead if asking her husband to include her name on everything, she assumes that he would do right by her. Now he hasn't done what is right, I don't see anything wrong if she claims to be entitled to everything he also has.

Stop trying to make her sound arrogant. If she indeed contributed 60% it is common sense that she should be allowed to enjoy what she had laboured for the sake of marriage.

Thank you jare!! this thread is a real eye opener.

Op, dnt ever make the mistake of getting pregnant. If you try it, you will regret it!!

Dyt:
Hmmnmnn

If I say anything now, they will call me names

But sorry o woman
U are very dumb
Lived n living all ur life for a man, even without seeing his will u shld have made smth for ursef, well welcome to the real world

As in

No savings, No pension plan, no life insurance, no will... Waiting for a man's benefit? This is why people belittle women.

Singing
This love
Can trouble one
Abi how patoranking and tiwa sing am


Actually I think every woman who has a hrt of gold cld give everything to her man, I have been there, done that, infact given all he thinks I had
but not for once don't I have a backup

I am a very bad lover

Ewuro4:

As in
No savings, No pension plan, no life insurance, no will... Waiting for a man's benefit? This is why people belittle women.

https://www.nairaland.com/1838365/suggestions-new-marriage
Op sef, barely a year into ur marriage with this ur supposed prince charming, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. What if he used that before he got married to you? What stops you from ironing it out with him as your dear hubby instead of running to nairalanders? Concentrate on having a child first if you are interested in that and then ask him to change the next of kin to ur child in due time. This one no be issue now, abeg.

Justfollowit:


Thoughtlessness indeed!

Tell me something else please

Lol...so what else do you want me to tell you?

What would you have her do? Fight her husband? Drag him to court? NO!

I'm simply letting her know that she should not take offense yet, not till she discusses with her husband to know his reasons for acting the way he did.

In time, everything will become clear.

Dyt:

Singing
This love
Can trouble one
Abi how patoranking and tiwa sing am


Actually I think every woman who has a hrt of gold cld give everything to her man, I have been there, done that, infact given all he thinks I had
but not for once don't I have a backup

I am a very bad lover

But frankly, Some information are best remained confidential and any sensible & understanding partner should understand this as a norm.

Will and insurance details are confidential. No peeking.

Ewuro4:




But frankly, Some information are best remained confidential and any sensible & understanding partner should understand this as a norm.

Will and insurance details are confidential. No peeking.

Trust me she wld act better now

I can do 2 things here depending on my Jezebel mood
Get me a property and purposely put on the bed where its boldly written in my name, maiden self
2. I can't think right now, but trust me I won't say a word to him abt it

lighternote:
https://www.nairaland.com/1838365/suggestions-new-marriage
Op sef, barely a year into ur marriage with this ur supposed prince charming, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. What if he used that before he got married to you? What stops you from ironing it out with him as your dear hubby instead of running to nairalanders? Concentrate on having a child first if you are interested in that and then ask him to change the next of kin to ur child in due time. This one no be issue now, abeg.

Have u been reading?
She said it was dated Feb abi March 2015

Pipo are winckend

Jackeeh:
Are there no kids from ur marriage? I'm of the opinion the familly's first offspring ought to be his next of kin. I may be wrong though. Have a dialogue with your husband. Most Brothers and sisters in law often times metamorphosize into enemies when the unifying factor( their brother u married) is no more. The love they had for you just disappears. They forget the man's kids are still around. And woe betide you if you had no child for their brother. This things do happen. Talk to your husband. But after the talk,whether it goes well or not, head to the bank for your own personal account. Also see how you can establish yourself and rack in more money for yourself. Don't rely too much on your husband's assets. That's the mistake most married women make. Make your own money as well. It will help you stand firm.

welcome to d real world! I remembered how my mother suffered with my dad, going extra mile to Mk tinz better for d family. few yrs b4 he died, my mum said he just decided to change d beneficiary at hs place of work to my mothers name despite DT hs brother collected all my dads property and car den .even now too he is dead too. we suffered en, it was just God on our side.

my advice, pls v ur own alc Mk ur own money, whatever both of u shd contribute to housekeep, do but mkbsure u v ur own stuffs and investment. such a man can even marry another wife and will everytin BT of u v worked 4 to her.

Swt@! Get an account opening form. Fill it and use ur mums names as d next of kin. Put d forms whr u tink he may see it without getting suspicious. Hopefully he wld see it, and if he doesn't say anytin abt it, keep mum. Start ur own personal savings with ur maiden name too. Tnx! Wish u d best in settling dis issue

BritneyStacy:
. I am not of that mentality that what I earn is only mine..and what he earns is for us! I met this dude, 1year after he started working. That's when we started dating. Its from then we started building our lives. That's is why I can boldly say that 60percent of what's in our home now, I contributed to it cos d other 40percnt is what he had before we started dating. 80percent of his clothes even up till now are gifts from me. Even when we decided to get married, our wedding was contributory funds too!! Am not mincing words here...but he can't say same about me cos I understand he is not really good at giving gifts and am not compalining either. My only disappointment is that he decides to make his brother a beneficiary of things I shared in other than me because we don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet!

TheRainmaker1:


Lol...so what else do you want me to tell you?

What would you have her do? Fight her husband? Drag him to court? NO!

I'm simply letting her know that she should not take offense yet, not till she discusses with her husband to know his reasons for acting the way he did.

In time, everything will become clear.

I admit I was too hasty in my conclusion

I hate the fact that this type of issue is judged based on gender.

What is wrong with being considerate and altruistic?

Maybe I am just different o

In situations like this, I blame the woman.

When will some Nigerian women stop making themselves victims. Stop giving too much power to a human being even though he is your husband because anybody can change at anytime. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are at the mercy of your husband. Men hardly put themselves in such situation. How many times have you heard a man and woman build a house together and document it in the woman's name only. I do not understand why women think it's OK to do that.

You are contributing and you don't insist and make sure your name is in the documents? You won't bother about his will if your name is in the documents as he will only be able to will his share to whoever he wants. Even when you are a housewife (at the agreement of the two of you) you should insist that your name is in the documents or you go back to work, make your own money and build your own house in your name.

Men worry about their wife remarrying after their demise and yet some women think there is nothing wrong in polygamy.

BritneyStacy:
This is a follow up to my earlier post this morning. I want to shed some light and possibly answere some questions raised by some Nairalanders..
We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because my husband insited he is not ready for one yet. That he needs time to setup this particular business and getting a baby would distract him sort of. I differed greatly from that.mbut he isnsited that he I get pregnant when he is not ready I should be ready to cater for it alone till he is ready. I had to yeild n register for family planning. Now I am thinking of deliberately getting pregnant and telling him it was a mistake so as to secure my place in the marriage. Unfortunately,I gave him almost al my savings to start the business which am yet to understand what form its taking till now.
Secondly, when I said I contributed to about 60percent to what is in our home now, am not making a mistake. I met him just 1year after he started working. He had barely nothing in his apartment as he just startewd working na and that is quite understandable. We Ђåvε̲ been dating since then till we finally got married.. Since we started dating, I Ђåvε̲ been supporting him! I'll cite just an instance-when he bought a car , the car dealer got something costlier than his budget. I gave him 200k then to balance the payment. That was before we married. There are many other instances ike that. I wouldn't mention them because I did it for us and I believ in "us" but now it feels am alone in such thoughts.

OP you have learned. Start your own savings account pronto. A Nigerian woman I know is in a situation like yours but they've been married for 20+ years and nothing has changed. She spent so much of her own money before and after marriage, brought him into the UK, sent money home to his family when he had no job, sacrificed her own preferred career for her children, and tries hard to give them all a good life with little help from him. His family in Nigeria are his beneficiaries (although he's not wealthy tbh). She's always told me never to expect much from my husband; she's extremely bitter about how things have turned out, but has managed to save and build a house in her part of Nigeria to give to her children.

Hold your head up and start afresh. If this is the kind of marriage your husband wants then don't forget to look after yourself. I'd not suggest you try and get pregnant right now either.

babygirlfl:
In situations like this, I blame the woman.

When will some Nigerian women stop making themselves victims. Stop giving too much power to a human being even though he is your husband because anybody can change at anytime. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are at the mercy of your husband. Men hardly put themselves in such situation. How many times have you heard a man and woman build a house together and document it in the woman's name only. I do not understand why women think it's OK to do that.

You are contributing and you don't insist and make sure your name is in the documents? You won't bother about his will if your name is in the documents as he will only be able to will his share to whoever he wants. Even when you are a housewife (at the agreement of the two of you) you should insist that your name is in the documents or you go back to work, make your own money and build your own house in your name.

Men worry about their wife remarrying after their demise and yet some women think there is nothing wrong in polygamy.

Amen!

coderXO:


Even in marriage, we earn our stripes.

A marriage of 2 years is not comparable to that of 20.

What is this supposed to mean? So you go into marriage hoping to get to trust your partner or what? Aren't you supposed to already have crossed that hurdle before reaching the point of marriage?

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Don't be offended with wat am abt to say. Lemmy ask did? Women do U marry yo be ya husband's next of kin? If its for ya children, then its a good one. Except if U just married him for ya money or expecting a lot from d family or had joint business with him. I do not wish to marry man and want him to make me his next of kin. Although marriage from d registry covers it and it must be so. But for U to start getting jittery coz U just found out that U aren't his next of kin, am not happy at ol.

Confronting is good but be matured abt it. Pls don't make him feel like a much on it. Ask him politely coz as thick as men think they are, they are bigger babies. But nonetheless, like I said, except if U av a share in d house and there are papers to it, hand over to God. These days some little things in d family looks magnanimous that d husband can easily misquote. But pls, they and hold on to ya work and share ya things to ya children. If he cant fix U, let his children be.

Make Una no crucify me O. Am an independent lady and pray to God to get a sensible man who will know his responsibility and not come after my salary. Oshe!

babygirlfl:
In situations like this, I blame the woman.

When will some Nigerian women stop making themselves victims. Stop giving too much power to a human being even though he is your husband because anybody can change at anytime. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are at the mercy of your husband. Men hardly put themselves in such situation. How many times have you heard a man and woman build a house together and document it in the woman's name only. I do not understand why women think it's OK to do that.

You are contributing and you don't insist and make sure your name is in the documents? You won't bother about his will if your name is in the documents as he will only be able to will his share to whoever he wants. Even when you are a housewife (at the agreement of the two of you) you should insist that your name is in the documents or you go back to work, make your own money and build your own house in your name.

Men worry about their wife remarrying after their demise and yet some women think there is nothing wrong in polygamy.

@bold is quite funny.
Some people don't want to rest when they die

They will still hover around as monitoring spirits to police their wives so she won't cheat on their ghosts

nedu2000:
If my wife makes life a living hell for me,I'll do d same thing
Mrs wifey look at. the mirror

From this comment I would say that you apppear to be quite a spiteful and immature individual, hence the last person able to give sound advice on mature things like mariage.

Mr Nedu please look at the mirror

cococandy:

@bold is quite funny.
Some people don't want to rest when they die

They will still over around as monitoring spirits to police their wives so she won't cheat on their ghosts

lol

BritneyStacy:
This is a follow up to my earlier post this morning. I want to shed some light and possibly answere some questions raised by some Nairalanders..
We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because my husband insited he is not ready for one yet. That he needs time to setup this particular business and getting a baby would distract him sort of. I differed greatly from that.mbut he isnsited that he I get pregnant when he is not ready I should be ready to cater for it alone till he is ready. I had to yeild n register for family planning. Now I am thinking of deliberately getting pregnant and telling him it was a mistake so as to secure my place in the marriage. Unfortunately,I gave him almost al my savings to start the business which am yet to understand what form its taking till now.
Secondly, when I said I contributed to about 60percent to what is in our home now, am not making a mistake. I met him just 1year after he started working. He had barely nothing in his apartment as he just startewd working na and that is quite understandable. We Ђåvε̲ been dating since then till we finally got married.. Since we started dating, I Ђåvε̲ been supporting him! I'll cite just an instance-when he bought a car , the car dealer got something costlier than his budget. I gave him 200k then to balance the payment. That was before we married. There are many other instances ike that. I wouldn't mention them because I did it for us and I believ in "us" but now it feels am alone in such thoughts.

Madam, having gone through your write- up, I deduce this that you are surely into bondage and been taken advantage of as I believe that you married a fraud.I am sorry to use that word.

How can you be taken advantage of up to the point that you were asked by a man you are married to and he is not ready for children and if you get pregnant, that you are on your own? I now ask you; are you into BONDAGE or are you blind to note that this man is deceiving you? Were you been blindfolded spiritually or that you do not know what you want as a grown up?

In fact it is even better that you do not have a child for such a man and you can walk out of this relationship because there is no light along the tunnel.

One should note that you do not marry out of sympathy. One should not marry out of sympathy. I believe that he is taking his time to establish himself and come one day, he would take another woman.

Find your way by taking a walk.

Dyt:



I know u
Hmmmmm
Tunlabo?

Na tunesh? Wow!

Tunespa,iba re ooo!!!! I fear you mehn...

Idowuogbo:

Na tunesh? Wow!

Tunespa,iba re ooo!!!! I fear you mehn...

I doubt
No mind am

And What is This selfishness with If the man dies and the women remarries?

Why doesn't the man kill her? That is 100% guaranteed.

A wife invests her life in contribution to the common wealth of the family and the husband thinks she is not trustworthy enough to be his NOK?

Is marriage compulsory? If you cannot do right, why don't you just stay single?

@OP:

In This case, trust but verify.

Open a new account and learn to be financially prudent and build your own wealth.

After a while you are no longer desperate, you can ask why he did So.

Right now you are thinking you committed all and he betrayed you. Don't discuss with him now.

You need a calm head.

Modified:

forget about confronting him sef and work on yourself. Forget securing your place in the marriage... you are not a security woman.

Since his condition is that you train the kid alone, tell him you have considered it and are willing to cater for the baby till he can find his feet. Go ahead and have it.

Open a new account fast!

andyanders:

Madam, having gone through your write- up, I deduce this that you are surely into bondage and been taken advantage of as I believe that you married a fraud.I am sorry to use that word.
How can you be taken advantage of up to the point that you were asked by a man you are married to and he is not ready for children and if you get pregnant, that you are on your own? I now ask you; are you into BONDAGE or are you blind to note that this man is deceiving you? Were you been blindfolded spiritually or that you do not know what you want as a grown up?
In fact it is even better that you do not have a child for such a man and you can walk out of this relationship because there is no light along the tunnel.
One should note that you do not marry out of sympathy. One should not marry out of sympathy. I believe that he is taking his time to establish himself and come one day, he would take another woman.
Find your way by taking a walk.

andyanders:


Madam, having gone through your write- up, I deduce this that you are surely into bondage and been taken advantage of as I believe that you married a fraud.I am sorry to use that word.

How can you be taken advantage of up to the point that you were asked by a man you are married to and he is not ready for children and if you get pregnant, that you are on your own? I now ask you; are you into BONDAGE or are you blind to note that this man is deceiving you? Were you been blindfolded spiritually or that you do not know what you want as a grown up?

In fact it is even better that you do not have a child for such a man and you can walk out of this relationship because there is no light along the tunnel.

One should note that you do not marry out of sympathy. One should not marry out of sympathy. I believe that he is taking his time to establish himself and come one day, he would take another woman.

Find your way by taking a walk.

Exactly my thought jare! I've said it b4, probably d man have seen dat his wife is d hardwrkin type n also generous too, n he's nw using her 2 build his 'empire', only 2 be thrown out later. Otherwise, why would he nt want 2 raise children nw, wen its obvious dat dey can confidently take care of their children? Girl u better b wise oo!

Justfollowit:


I admit I was too hasty in my conclusion

I hate the fact that this type of issue is judged based on gender.

What is wrong with being considerate and altruistic?

Maybe I am just different o

Lol@ your being different.

I don't think you're being different; I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not judging based on gender. I'd probably say the same thing if it were the husband complaining that the wife didn't choose him for her next-of-kin.

I'm a proponent of gender equality, but I also believe that when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together in marriage, then they should be committed to resolving whatever differences arising between them amicably.

I believe in proper communication any day, rather than rash actions and claiming of 'rights', which would only lead to more trouble.

Next of kin issue always bring dispute in Nigeria,because in most families they are already depending on that which makes them carefree about working hard to get their own . No wonder the whites always will everything to the CHARITY to avoid cases like this.

freecocoa:
What is this supposed to mean? So you go into marriage hoping to get to trust your partner or what? Aren't you supposed to already have crossed that hurdle before reaching the point of marriage?

Simple relationship math. A couple who have been together 20 years will have a greater bond than newly weds. Simple.

If the world was ruled and governed by these NL members posting Shiite on this thread, it would've been pure chaos.

Shiite! What a hapless set of morons.

Thank God for normal people sha.
I appreciate them more now reading what all these retards are offering

SirShymexx:
Lol. Women and their innate sense of entitlement.

Why should you be? Next of kin is dependent on who you can trust the most, and perhaps you've not done enough to earn his trust. Or maybe, you have betrayed his trust in the past, and he sees no reason why you should be included.

The current consciousness of the planet is about individualism, and all "man" for himself. You're just a mere appendage, till you can prove beyond reasonable doubt than you can earn his trust.

Smart husband right there, and blood is always thicker than water. If I were in his shoes: I'd put any of my sisters on the form. I trust those beautiful women with my life. Get ya own shiit, don't trouble the smart guy, and enjoy ya marriage. Marriage is a partnership these days - more of a business, and level of trust is dependent on what's at stake. Women in relationships/marriages aren't loyal, and trusting them with ya possessions is like auctioning ya life to the lowest bidder.

I strongly agree with that. NOK/will issue should be dependent on who you can trust the most. Nevertheless, nuclear family should be the choice provided trust is earned. Where there is no trust, an alternative might be considered but there should be a clause (reasonable share) in fairness to the wife/children.

BTW Sirshymexx, if you trust her as much as you trust your sisters, I know you would pick her or your still believe blood is always thicker than water?

coderXO:
...Do you part and be a good wife. Have a light-hearted discussion with him about it.

Not asking him if he writes you as his "next of kin," but suggesting he is the most important person in your life. Are you his?

You get my drift?

You'll be fine.

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