coderXO:
I've seen alot of posts with women that have been supportive to their men.
This is the ideal situation. In such an environment where everything is shared and in the open, a man certainly has no reason to
put any one else as his next of kin. Even if such was the case before they got married, he would eventually get it changed
when the relationship between he and his wife has developed far deeper than anyone else in his nuclear family.

This is how it ought to be.

However, the problem is some of these women are something else.

Their approach is that what the man brings home is for the home, but what she
personally brings home is hers.

So imagine a scenario like that.

I pray God gives us all wisdom to deal with these sort of matters and most importantly
helps us marry the right person.

There are many husbands and wives today that have no business been together.

. I am not of that mentality that what I earn is only mine..and what he earns is for us! I met this dude, 1year after he started working. That's when we started dating. Its from then we started building our lives. That's is why I can boldly say that 60percent of what's in our home now, I contributed to it cos d other 40percnt is what he had before we started dating. 80percent of his clothes even up till now are gifts from me. Even when we decided to get married, our wedding was contributory funds too!! Am not mincing words here...but he can't say same about me cos I understand he is not really good at giving gifts and am not compalining either. My only disappointment is that he decides to make his brother a beneficiary of things I shared in other than me because we don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet!

Sophyrocks:


Chai!! No wonder a lot of marriages are shams!! with this mentality of yours, i pity whoever becomes your wife oooooo. Ladies need to pipe low on this marriage thing because of the kind of men they will end up with. I thank God i'm not the 'Marry by fire by force kind' ooo.

lol wat i need is just children, and a boy which is d heir to my throne, i dnt need a wife dat will tie me down bcaus i love to Bleep different ladies 4rm all around d world. #wink

People saying the man is right for using his brother as next of kin amaze me. What happened to trust in marriages?

The wife should be his next of kin and she should be entrusted to take care of his kids if anything happens to him not his brother or family. Once you marry you and your wife become one and not this one leg in and one leg out that seems to be practised.

If he doesn't trust his wife enough to make her next of kin and vice verse then maybe the relationship should be evaluated.

It intrigues me when you see family members fighting a woman over her husbands wealth and assets or taking the kids simply because they can bully her or they are more influential. It is wrong.

Your husband is not right in his decision in having his brother as his next of kin.Even if he did that before he got married, he was supposed to have changed it or notified you of the issue.I believe that the marriage is based on false information.There must even be more to his person as you might end of knowing that the marriage is based on deceit.

I knew a lady who also was a victim of this same issue whereby all the landed property he had, even his bank account, he used his brother as the Next of Kin.

When the wife stumbled into seeing the documents, she confronted her husband and the man responded that it does not matter.He was annoyed with his wife that she want to destroy his relationship with his brothers.
All of a sudden, after about 3 months the wife confronted him, he traveled and fall ill and he never made it and died.The brothers now came after the property that it was a family project they had. She was saddled with the responsibility of training the children and her brother in laws never want to help take care of the children.All they were after was the property left behind by their late brother.

peedeeasobie:
If you listen to most single ladies here and their advises, you will ruin your home.

Talk and discuss with your husband.
Don't let any unhappy Lady make you unhappy in your home through their dirty suggestions.

Leave the single ladies alone. Is it the single ladies that asked Op's husband to exclude her as his next of kin and exclude her from his will? Even if there are no single ladies in Nigeria, you miserable married folks will still find a way to blame Nigerian single ladies. Leave them alone please you sadist and underachiever!

Lol. Women and their innate sense of entitlement.

Why should you be? Next of kin is dependent on who you can trust the most, and perhaps you've not done enough to earn his trust. Or maybe, you have betrayed his trust in the past, and he sees no reason why you should be included.

The current consciousness of the planet is about individualism, and all "man" for himself. You're just a mere appendage, till you can prove beyond reasonable doubt than you can earn his trust.

Smart husband right there, and blood is always thicker than water. If I were in his shoes: I'd put any of my sisters on the form. I trust those beautiful women with my life. Get ya own shiit, don't trouble the smart guy, and enjoy ya marriage. Marriage is a partnership these days - more of a business, and level of trust is dependent on what's at stake. Women in relationships/marriages aren't loyal, and trusting them with ya possessions is like auctioning ya life to the lowest bidder.

BritneyStacy:
. I am not of that mentality that what I earn is only mine..and what he earns is for us! I met this dude, 1year after he started working. That's when we started dating. Its from then we started building our lives. That's is why I can boldly say that 60percent of what's in our home now, I contributed to it cos d other 40percnt is what he had before we started dating. 80percent of his clothes even up till now are gifts from me. Even when we decided to get married, our wedding was contributory funds too!! Am not mincing words here...but he can't say same about me cos I understand he is not really good at giving gifts and am not compalining either. My only disappointment is that he decides to make his brother a beneficiary of things I shared in other than me because we don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet!

Madam,
Open a savings account in your name only and start saving. You are not married to a white man or a man from the western world. You are married to a Nigerian-bred man who can wake up one morning and dump you at anytime. Some Nigerian men will dump you if you don't have a male child for them. Some will dump you even after you have had male and female children for them. Nigeria is a terribly chauvinist and misogynist society.

This is why paedophilia is also very prevalent in this society. The average Nigerian-bred man does NOT know how to genuinely love a woman. Some have been known to kill their wives if their wives happen to be making more money than them and then they run off to marry a young girl in her late teens or early twenties. So, be wise. The average Nigerian woman is not enjoying her life in Nigeria and that is the truth because the laws favour men and not women. Plan your life in such a way that you won't be at the receiving end of any mistrust in your marriage. Good luck!

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

The only logical reason he must have done that is if you dont have a child for him, but if you do have a child for him send me a private message and i will tell you how to go about it.

justi4jesu:





Get the 21st century cure, You need it.

No! Thanks,
Seems you took an overdose of your so called "21st century cure".
All Am seeing are the symptoms, and it's not good

ethylene:

No! Thanks,
seems you took an overdose of your so called "21st century cure".
All Am seeing is the symptoms, and it's not good

Spill it, i could get you the cure for free if you were nice but No you decided to wash your dirty linens without soap & H₂0

BritneyStacy:
. I am not of that mentality that what I earn is only mine..and what he earns is for us! I met this dude, 1year after he started working. That's when we started dating. Its from then we started building our lives. That's is why I can boldly say that 60percent of what's in our home now, I contributed to it cos d other 40percnt is what he had before we started dating. 80percent of his clothes even up till now are gifts from me. Even when we decided to get married, our wedding was contributory funds too!! Am not mincing words here...but he can't say same about me cos I understand he is not really good at giving gifts and am not compalining either. My only disappointment is that he decides to make his brother a beneficiary of things I shared in other than me because we don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet!

How long have you been married? The next of kin in the document was filled before or after you were married?


----updated-----

....nevermind. I see that you are newly married.


See even though you are his wife, your bond with him is still new. As time goes on, you will be the most important person in his life.

It ought to be already be his mindset. But some of us aren't so experienced with these things.

3,4,5,7,20 years down the line, you will be everything to him.

If his mindset was programmed to see you as that, it will happen very fast.

It obviously is not. Just go about your life and don't worry too much about this matter.

You guys are just starting out. This doesn't stop you from saving some money on your own.

Do you part and be a good wife. Have a light-hearted discussion with him about it.

Not asking him if he writes you as his "next of kin," but suggesting he is the most important person in your life. Are you his?

You get my drift?

You'll be fine.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

madam there is a God,turn to him with all ur heart.he will help u,take carw.

I don't get this statement at all? Why would the children be next of kin when your wife should be your partner?

The husband and wife are one and there should be transparency and trust between both hence the wife should be husband's next of kin and vice versa. in the event the husband is no more the wife is the one who will look after the kinds until they are adults.

Your statement just sounds like your wife is a pest or gold digger or something... "why would a sensible man make is wife his next of kin"

kendrick9:
why would any sensible man make his wife next of kin,When he has sons/children?

Na wa o.

Could it be that your husband doesn't trust you?

Justfollowit:


If you knew me well you would know that I don't play that card

Why don't you answer my question? If truly it is fair.

The truth is she contributed because she had an expectation.

Besides I knew of such situations that despite being a legal wife. It took ages for the court to rule in the woman's favour that is after spending lots of money on legal fees. If it had been her name, the brother wouldn't have had any legal standing at all. The worse they could do is to threaten her life.

i must admit you have raised a possible scenario but would you then say that her hubby's reason for omitting his legitimate wife from his will is bore out of wickedness? Or would you say his siblings are influencing his decisions?.........if wickedness,why 'practising' it on his wife not brothers? and if external influence is the cause,shouldn't the wife be a man's closest confidant. ? If her conscience is clear in terms of her r/ship with her hubby,then its best to confront him,whether unsatisfactory or not,its then best she changes her approach towards money in her family

softapple:
lol wat i need is just children, and a boy which is d heir to my throne, i dnt need a wife dat will tie me down bcaus i love to Bleep different ladies 4rm all around d world. #wink

Why dnt you just settle for a baby mama than a wife since you wanna remain irresponsible? there are women who dnt really care about men and just want children only. I hope your wife is free to sleep around too.

freecocoa:
Na wa o.

Could it be that your husband doesn't trust you?

Even in marriage, we earn our stripes.

A marriage of 2 years is not comparable to that of 20.

dasparrow:


Madam,
Open a savings account in your name only and start saving. You are not married to a white man or a man from the western world. You are married to a Nigerian-bred man who can wake up one morning and dump you at anytime. Some Nigerian men will dump you if you don't have a male child for them. Some will dump you even after you have had male and female children for them. Nigeria is a terribly chauvinist and misogynist society.

This is why paedophilia is also very prevalent in this society. The average Nigerian-bred man does NOT know how to genuinely love a woman. Some have been known to kill their wives if their wives happen to be making more money than them and then they run off to marry a young girl in her late teens or early twenties. So, be wise. The average Nigerian woman is not enjoying her life in Nigeria and that is the truth because the laws favour men and not women. Plan your life in such a way that you won't be at the receiving end of any mistrust in your marriage. Good luck!

Shiite, the current crop of Nigerian females isn't particularly promising either.

Greedy, brainless, superficial putting it mildly.

While you are working making money to build yourself and acquire assets, she is using her own salary to buy face powder and 150k Brazillian hair and 100k gucci bag.

Then she wants to be half owner of what you own.

Shiite. Mtschew.

God help you not marry a fool.

dasparrow:


Madam,
Open a savings account in your name only and start saving. You are not married to a white man or a man from the western world. You are married to a Nigerian-bred man who can wake up one morning and dump you at anytime. Some Nigerian men will dump you if you don't have a male child for them. Some will dump you even after you have had male and female children for them. Nigeria is a terribly chauvinist and misogynist society.

This is why paedophilia is also very prevalent in this society. The average Nigerian-bred man does NOT know how to genuinely love a woman. Some have been known to kill their wives if their wives happen to be making more money than them and then they run off to marry a young girl in her late teens or early twenties. So, be wise. The average Nigerian woman is not enjoying her life in Nigeria and that is the truth because the laws favour men and not women. Plan your life in such a way that you won't be at the receiving end of any mistrust in your marriage. Good luck!

Gbam!! You have said the bitter truth. Marriage in nigeria is a sham!! Marriage in nigeria isnt marriage o.

Sophyrocks:


Gbam!! You have said the bitter truth. Marriage in nigeria is a sham!! Marriage in nigeria isnt marriage o.

Rubbish.

If you are unwise enough to marry a dummy, it is your own palaver.

Male or Female.

Do your due diligence.

Many happy couples out and about living happily ever after.

coderXO:


Rubbish.

If you are unwise enough to marry a dummy, it is your own palaver.

Male or Female.

Do your due diligence.

Many happy couples out and about living happily ever after.

You call all those marriages? Ridiculous!! How many are happy? look around you. All of them looking like they were forced to marry squesszing face up and down!! The marriage in nigeria is a sham!! A plot to keep people in bondage and stuck to muderers, paedophiles and rapists!! A plot to keep women miserable!! Take it or leave it! A lot of people are not properly married. My opinion.

Sophyrocks:


You call all those marriages? Ridiculous!! How many are happy? look around you. All of them looking like they were forced to marry squesszing face up and down!! The marriage in nigeria is a sham!! A plot to keep people in bondage and stuck to muderers, paedophiles and rapists!! A plot to keep women miserable!! Take it or leave it! A lot of people are not properly married. My opinion.

Scare monger. You are afraid of it apparently. Stop scaring these people.

You or your environment perhaps that is what you see.

I see beautiful loving marriages everywhere that I aspire to be like.

Maybe you are looking for paradise.

Marriage is beautiful granted you have done your homework.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Who is your next of kin ?

I do not support your husband's actions with the fact that you have contributed financially to the family's possessions , even be it a little bit. I suggest you confront your husband about what you discovered and tell him what the implications of his actions may lead to , be very careful how you table this as some men might think you're only after his possessions and that you may try to off him soonest.
I hope the wisdom and understanding to table this comes to you soon

dasparrow:


Leave the single ladies alone. Is it the single ladies that asked Op's husband to exclude her as his next of kin and exclude her from his will? Even if there are no single ladies in Nigeria, you miserable married folks will still find a way to blame Nigerian single ladies. Leave them alone please you sadist and underachiever!

My dear, I'm not married yet. Before you proffer 'dangerous suggestions' to a married person, you must understand the peculiarities of each marriage.
Every union is unique and should be treated as such.
You can't give a blanket advice based on how you feel.


'sadist and underachiever' really?
Is that what you are going with?

Someone that spews insults like this, most likely comes from a 'hateful' background.
I understand.

@britneysstacy,it really hurts to see such from the one u sacrificed everything for.
I'm happy u are not idle.
Even though u r not idle,yet I can see the attack some folks that don't know what marriage is all about are throwing ur way.

Don't stress it cos he won't listen.
Let ur action henceforth show him that u are a human and needed to be treated so.

So I suggest u start afresh but this time have some secret he won't be aware of.
Not all cos it may cos squabble in ur home.

As per next of kin issue, look for a trustworth person and make him or her.
U can change that later.m
Note: u can state that u want that particular person to handle ur affairs until the children are of age.
How u want the person to handle it bla bla bla.

It is well. Ur hubby didn't do well.
It's d degenerated society we find ourselves in.

Singles, do take note.

Sophyrocks:


Why dnt you just settle for a baby mama than a wife since you wanna remain irresponsible? there are women who dnt really care about men and just want children only. I hope your wife is free to sleep around too.

yea baby mama dats wat i need, i dnt need a wife, i just want to live my life as free as a bird, any amount of money she needs i will gv to her for the full custody of my child, afta all marriage is nt important. wink

coderXO:


Scare monger. You are afraid of it apparently. Stop scaring these young folks.

You or your environment perhaps that is what you see.

I see beautiful loving marriages everywhere that I aspire to be like.

Maybe you are looking for paradise.

Sorry o. if you call what you see around you marriages. Nigerians generally dont know anything about marriage with lots of them marrying for wrong reasons. You must be used to the suffering and smiling mode. I have only seen very few good marriages. The rest are nothing to write home about and many more are coming. even the comments here shows that marriage in nigeria is doomed!

softapple:
yea baby mama dats wat i need, i dnt need a wife, i just want to live my life as free as a bird, any amount of money she needs i will gv to her for the full custody of my child, afta all marriage is nt important. wink

Issorait. I hope you let whoever you wanna get involved with know about this on time. Dnt deceive a woman that you want a normal marriage when you are not cut out for it.

justi4jesu:



Spill it, i could get you the cure for free if you were nice but No you decided to wash your dirty linens without soap & H₂0

All this drugs Wey mallam-Adamu say sample for dia buka Na him u wan give me? Make nafdac catch u 4 dia
As my boy Wey u bi, I go bring u food come cell.
Dat Dudu Osun soap Wey u dey use, I fit borrow am?

Sophyrocks:


Issorait. I hope you let whoever you wanna get involved with know about this on time. Dnt deceive a woman that you want a normal marriage when you are not cut out for it.

yea u are already aware, so can u pls bear a child 4 me?

ethylene:

All this drugs Wey mallam-Adamu say sample for dia buka Na him u wan give me? Make nafdac catch u 4 dia
As my boy Wey u bi, I go bring u food come cell.
Dat Dudu Osun soap Wey u dey use, I fit borrow am?

Free me ohhh....be warned

softapple:
yea u are already aware, so can u pls bear a child 4 me?

Are you sure you are o.k?