Rejoice with those that are rejoicing. That was this case when my long time friend, Bode a.k.a Bodmas told me he would be getting married. I wasn’t shocked at all because the guy was old. At 34, he sure should be planning of settling down. He got admission at the age of 29. We just graduated, when people like us are waiting to go for NYSC. Him sef don pass the age to serve. His brother in Bauchi helped him to get a job in that state. So him don forget about service. He don get job while we go wait, serve, come start to dey find work. Well, I wasn’t surprised because he was getting old. But I began wondering, it was so fast. Barely 3 months we left school, he’s getting married. ‘Who give am money,’ I thought to myself. Or maybe the guy don do me maga. He was my roomie and I could remember he always complained of not having money almost all the time. For that hostel, na biscuit and water we take know bodmas. He takes biscuit and water for breakfast and same for dinner. I won’t forget during our first semester examination. One of those days, we were on our way to school when he began vomiting garri and groundnut in front of so many students at the school bus park. Most times, I paid for his breakfast, lunch and dinner. All that made me surprised to how he got the money to have his wedding.

As bodmas was telling me about his wedding, I didn’t waste time to tell him, all the money I spent on him in school, that day of his wedding would be the day I will recover them. Not in monetary value but in food. I wan chop till I tire. He laughed as I said it before dropping the call. After dropping the call, I began wondering while Bauchi. Why is it not Lagos or Ibadan, or even Portharcort, that would even be manageable. But Bauchi! The distance from warri to the place would be much.

I began preparations for my boy, bodmas’s wedding.

I began making enquiries on how to get to Bauchi. I was told it would take up to 27 hours to get to Bauchi from warri. Naso I begin swear for Bodmas. Must I spend 27 hours on the way before I eat his wedding rice! Because I don’t want what happened at his sister’s wedding to repeat itself. After spending over N10,000 to Abuja, not even N5 pure water was offered to me. The families of the groom fought throughout the wedding. But I thank God I escaped injury at the event. I could have received several punches.

I don’t just want to spend over 30 hours on the road, stopping at Kano and then taking another bus to Bauchi. I was lucky enough that a friend asked me to join one of their relatives that was taking their children to Yankari games reserve in Bauchi. So I could even pay less. I decided to join them. Arrangements were made and I was told to come as early as 5:30am the morning we would leave.

The day came and I arranged my belongings. I made sure I came out at the junction they would meet me. When the bus came to the junction and stopped for me to enter. I discovered it was a 15 seater bus and all seats were occupied. “Where I go come seat down nah,” I asked. a row meant for 3 people is been occupied by 5 people. “I thought you people said there was enough space. Where I go come sit down now. Where the space?” I asked standing like a confused person. The driver had to tell the woman and her children at the second row to adjust for me to seat. They adjusted and I entered and sat. A seat meant for 3 people were occupied by 6 people, 2 adults, 3 teenage girls and a little boy. We were just packed like sardine. I wasn’t confortable. I thought of coming down from the car but I had another thought, “what if I come down, it’s not sure I would get another car going to my destination. It was definitely going to be a delay.” I had to manage it, plus the offensive odour in the bus. I had to wind down the window glass were I was seated. I didn’t even know who told them to wind up when there was no air conditioner in the bus. I was blaming myself for conceding to the decision to join the bus in the first place. We had just started the journey and my buttocks had already started aching me. ‘Only God knows if my buttocks would still be with me before we get to Bauchi.’ I wondered.

I prayed that God should sustain me till I get to Bauchi because with the state I was, only him could help. Looking at the faces of people I was travelling with, they looked like people heading to sambisa forest. Majority of them were so dark in complexion that they could be likened to darkness. One of the young girl sitting at the seat behind me, looking at the tribal marks on her face, one has no choice but to curse people who gave her the mark. They practically designed her face with marks. Infact it’s no longer tribal mark, that was punishment.

The woman who was seating on the row I was. She couldn’t even control her children. Na so one who I guessed was the youngest reciting “A is for apple.” He turned to me:

“uncle,” as he tapped me and said.

“My name is Ese and I am 6 years old and the name of my school is Umukoro comprehensive primary and secondary school, Sapele.”

I began wondering who asked him all what he’s saying. As I even asked him.

The little boy tapped me again, “Uncle, should I read A is for apple,” he said. Na so I look this boy. I nearly provoke. If not that he was a little boy, I would have slapped him. no be that him own dey do me. I just ignored him. He continued reading. Before I knew what was happening, his teenage siblings joined him. They had practically turned the car into church choir, they have created their own project fame in the bus. The noise they were making was disturbing and the driver couldn’t tell them to keep quiet. Na so I call their mama, tell her say them dey disturb the whole place with noise pollution. They totally ignored me and continued their noise and chanting. Unfortunately I wasn’t with my phone ear piece. I had to shout at the driver to caution the woman and her children. ‘That no be there papa car wey dem they make noise inside.’ that was where I realized that the driver was their dad and they were all going to yankari game reserve. Chaiii. I just realized that I was on a long thing. The man sef is a weakling. He couldn’t even tell his wife and kids to keep quiet.

To make matters worse, they brought out one big food flask full of rice. Immediately they opened it, the smell that came out was like a rotten. I began imagining, “so this people will eat this.” The smell of that food can even send someone to early grave talkless of swallowing it. But I watched as their mother dished it into plates for the children. They were just gobbling the food into their mouth. They were really enjoying it. The youngest of them took a spoon of the rice and stretched to their dad. He opened his mouth and swallowed it. “Hmmm, you people should keep my own for me ooo,” their dad said. “Keep your own for you!” I thought to myself. Shey this man wan die. Even the one he ate, I am worried because he’s the driver, I don’t want him to die on the steering.

I was engulfed in fear. With that kind of food eaten by this people, I was waiting for any of the kids to start shouting, “mummy my stomach” or any of them collapsing and dyeing. Infact, after eating the food, they all fell asleep. Except for the driver. I was scared, I thought they have died. The food done kill them. I considered the food to be poison. 2 hours gone after the meal, the kids were still sleeping. I thought the food had killed them.

They finally woke up. I felt relieved. Maybe they have a special digestive tract that digest that kind of poison. “if they can be eating this kind of thing outside, only God knows what they would be eating at their home,” I thought to myself.

I thought I was done with bad smell from the rice they ate. Not until couple of hours later, the mum brought out palm oil beans from another food flask. When she opened the food flask, the odour from this was more corrosive than the rice they ate. And I began wondering what kind of spices they use in cooking their food; maybe they use toilet water sef, because the beans smells like toilet water. Well, since they ate the other one, I know they can still eat the beans. ‘Their stomach would digest it’ I thought to myself.

But I wasn’t confortable right there because the smell had turned my system apart. I started having running stomach. What did one expect? After inhaling all those odour from the poison they were eating. I turned to see if other passengers were feeling what I was feeling. But they were looking calm. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I had to tell the driver plainly that I want to throw up, he should stop. He did. I rushed out and I almost vomited my intestine. They were all telling me “sorry.” The driver got me water. I was so angry with him. he should just tell his wife to stop polluting my system rather than telling me sorry.

After a short while, we went back into the car. Thank God they(driver’s family) have finished eating their poison. The journey continued. I couldn’t wait to get to my destination.

When I finally got to Bauchi, I was so happy. God had given me freedom and deliverance from people who nearly killed me inside their car. Bodmas came to pick me from the park.

http://www.hovabuzz.com/frontline/1000-my-unfavourable-experience-inside-the-car-travelling-to-bauchi-for-a-friend-s-wedding

qbd2:
Hmm, waiting for d part two. Btw, is this a fiction or reality story?

zeezahbee:
Waiting for part 2. Am sure u might not even get any food at bodmas wedding

onismate:
which fiction!

this was real ma sister.

qbd2:

Den I must commend u for ur literary skills

qbd2:

Den I must commend u for ur literary skills

crowns2:
Very funny story LOL

milychocs:



Really?
The poster reads like an ungrateful sort to me sha, making fun of people he feels he is better than...and they were helping him out
Jeering at peoples' food....
.....the dig at the child that wanted to play with him
No one forced him to enter the vehicle

And his story about Bodmas's uni misfortunes wasnt told with empathy
There are so many decidedly not funny things about this story

I hate

onismate:
Oya my friends.... Make una read this tori tooo.. Lighternote chimaamaechi17 onatisi suzzy16 SkinnyDude JayJustus Soyedele1 johnsonsegxy Iamoilprince bimbofela honeric01 Moana tosynbolade Phema zeenhle BALLERON otokx

onismate:
Oya my friends.... Make una read this tori tooo.. Lighternote chimaamaechi17 onatisi suzzy16 SkinnyDude JayJustus Soyedele1 johnsonsegxy Iamoilprince bimbofela honeric01 Moana tosynbolade Phema zeenhle BALLERON otokx

onismate:
Oya my friends.... Make una read this tori tooo.. Lighternote chimaamaechi17 onatisi suzzy16 SkinnyDude JayJustus Soyedele1 johnsonsegxy Iamoilprince bimbofela honeric01 Moana tosynbolade Phema zeenhle BALLERON otokx

onismate:
Oya my friends.... Make una read this tori tooo.. Lighternote chimaamaechi17 onatisi suzzy16 SkinnyDude JayJustus Soyedele1 johnsonsegxy Iamoilprince bimbofela honeric01 Moana tosynbolade Phema zeenhle BALLERON otokx

suzzy16:
tanx for d mention and piece

suzzy16:
tanx for d mention and piece

lighternote:
Shebi u left Bauchi n ran to Malaysia or the other way round?
You are good in narrative.