My husband isn't based in Nigeria and I will be joining him soon since he can't wait to see the progress of my pregnancy. The issue is that I am concerned if I will be able to take care of myself there without my mother when the baby arrives. My mum is kind of head strong,she always wants tins done her own way and I perceive my husband may not like her behavior if he gets to know her well(as a result of cohabitation). Months ago my husband shared a dream he had which got him worried,he said my mum was dragging me out of his house n he was begging her. I told him not to think abt that since he is in gud terms wit her....in my heart I knw she can do such(to be honest with myself).

Another reason why she may not be able to come for the omugwo is the financial cost/burden it will be on my husband to book flight to and fro.we are newly weds and I am aware of our financial strength as it is nw.

It's my first child and I knw my mum may be looking forward to it but not at the detriment of my marriage wellbeing.

Are there mothers here who handled their post natal care themselves maybe becauseof proximity problem or whatnot?? If yes, how was it? I want to start preparing my mind.

i am sure your husband is aware if this if he is a Nigerian.. Explain to him first then you know what next

winetapper:
i am sure your husband is aware if this if he is a Nigerian.. Explain to him first then you know what next

Actually from my post,it's something I want to avoid, not as tho it's completely out of my hands. I am being cautious.

@OP:

Congrats

I love your honest assessment of the whole situation. You are not projecting your mom as a saint here.

Your MiL seems not to be an option due to finances also.

@Post matrum care: Do you have relatives/family friends where you want to move to? If no, you might have to rrely on midwives, church members, trustworthy neighbors and DIY thingy.

It is well.

I am sure other posters with practical experience will come along.

I believe you are going to a western country where things are well set up and you could get post-natal support system where that is.The whites don't do omugwo and yet they are able to nurse their newborns.

However,you should be able to manage your mum no matter how difficult she is except you didn't grow with her.The most important issue here to me is the finances.

thorpido:
I believe you are going to a western country where things are well set up and you could get post-natal support system where that is.The whites don't do omugwo and yet they are able to nurse their newborns.

However,you should be able to manage your mum no matter how difficult she is except you didn't grow with her.The most important issue here to me is the finances.

My thoughts exactly. Other races don't have to press hot water on their bellies right? And they turn out fine. Even before I got married,I have always known I will have to put my foot on the ground regarding my mum.

bukatyne:
@OP:

Congrats

I love your honest assessment of the whole situation. You are not projecting your mom as a saint here.

Your MiL seems not to be an option due to finances also.

@Post matrum care: Do you have relatives/family friends where you want to move to? If no, you might have to rrely on midwives, church members, trustworthy neighbors and DIY thingy.

It is well.

I am sure other posters with practical experience will come along.

Thank u. I dont have a MIL. It's well. I just want to hear from others who has faced such on their own.

You can do it,

When I had a baby it was just me and my husband, no family or friends,

My husband had to go to work the next day after the baby was born, and I had a c section,

Hubby really helped but we managed it.

Platnum1:

My thoughts exactly. Other races don't have to press hot water on their bellies right? And they turn out fine. Even before I got married,I have always known I will have to put my foot on the ground regarding my mum.

Lol @ pressing the tummy with hot water.That action yields little if any result.
It's just as good as placebo.

Platnum1:
My husband isn't based in Nigeria and I will be joining him soon since he can't wait to see the progress of my pregnancy. The issue is that I am concerned if I will be able to take care of myself there without my mother when the baby arrives. My mum is kind of head strong,she always wants tins done her own way and I perceive my husband may not like her behavior if he gets to know her well(as a result of cohabitation). Months ago my husband shared a dream he had which got him worried,he said my mum was dragging me out of his house n he was begging her. I told him not to think abt that since he is in gud terms wit her....in my heart I knw she can do such(to be honest with myself).

Another reason why she may not be able to come for the omugwo is the financial cost/burden it will be on my husband to book flight to and fro.we are newly weds and I am aware of our financial strength as it is nw.

It's my first child and I knw my mum may be looking forward to it but not at the detriment of my marriage wellbeing.

Are there mothers here who handled their post natal care themselves maybe becauseof proximity problem or whatnot?? If yes, how was it? I want to start preparing my mind.

My husband did my omugwo as much as he could
You two can do it

Miami11:
You can do it,

When I had a baby it was just me and my husband, no family or friends,

My husband had to go to work the next day after the baby was born, and I had a c section,

Hubby really helped but we managed it.

Tell me about it
My husband even brought the other kids next day and left them for me to babysit in my hospital room because he had to attend to his pHD lab project.he returned late in the evening to get them and couldn't stop apologizing,he had no choice really.
I had to order them dinner from the catering services while he was gone
I really missed my mom that day and tears filled my eyes

I haven't done it but I just want to encourage you that you can do it
I hope that's ok.
Well I've a friend in Texas who did her two kids omugwo by herself since it hasn't been convenient to bring her mom or MIL over. She's not the most hardworking lady I've ever known. So if she can do it, I think you can too.

As for your mom, you can't avoid her visiting forever. For now you may not be able to afford it, but when you can, just put your foot down like you are already prepared to do. By the time you've made it clear to her that she can't disrespect your spouse, she will hopefully get the message.

I'm in the exact situation (my mum is trying to come over but her reason is the distance and she's old). My sister did it for a month when she had her son and she advised that you contact maybe a Naija kitchen or restaurant and order food in coolers. Your hubby can be warming it rather than you cooking. Other races do it (Indians sha being their mum and an aunt and pamper the new mum) and they survived.

@Thorpido, so hot water and tying doesn't work? I thought it was effective. Some Asian races do it and swear by it.

If your husband is supportive, then you can do it.. When my sister had her first baby, mum couldn't go.... She and her husband took turns staying awake at night, cooking, feeding the baby, etc... Then some delegates from the hospital you're going to put to bed will keep visiting you to know your condition and that of the baby...


But dear, if your husband isn't one that will drop his ego and support you, then you're on a long thing... My sister's own was easy cos her husband is someone that does any kinda house chores.. .. All the best.

Onegai:
I'm in the exact situation (my mum is trying to come over but her reason is the distance and she's old). My sister did it for a month when she had her son and she advised that you contact maybe a Naija kitchen or restaurant and order food in coolers. Your hubby can be warming it rather than you cooking. Other races do it (Indians sha being their mum and an aunt and pamper the new mum) and they survived.

@Thorpido, so hot water and tying doesn't work? I thought it was effective. Some Asian races do it and swear by it.

The effect is negligible,it's almost like placebo.What really matters in a woman's post-partum recovery are her intrinsic qualities.The body is able to recover with or without hot water pressing.

Wow. Thank u all so much. I am motivated. My husband is very supportive n he cooks really well too. I knew ppl must have gone tru similar ordeals. Thank u so much.

As for my mum,she is already making serious shakara with the thought that I need her more than anytin.lol.

thorpido:
The effect is negligible,it's almost like placebo.What really matters in a woman's post-partum recovery are her intrinsic qualities.The body is able to recover with or without hot water pressing.

Could u pls elaborate on such intrinsic qualities?

Platnum1:

Could u pls elaborate on such intrinsic qualities?

They are the natural properties of muscles,vessels,ligaments,etc that enhances the body's recovery and healing.Using hot water to press will have some effect though usually negligible.You have to consider that the heat also just gets to the superficial layers of the skin.
The body will fall back to shape with or without the hot water pressing.

thorpido:
They are the natural properties of muscles,vessels,ligaments,etc that enhances the body's recovery and healing.Using hot water to press will have some effect though usually negligible.You have to consider that the heat also just gets to the superficial layers of the skin.
The body will fall back to shape with or without the hot water pressing.

Very informative.thnx

Yes you can do it on your own

Remember that God's intention of marriage to LEAVE AND CLEAVE. You are now a wife therefore your husband and new found home is priority. Dreams are mostly warnings so do what is best for your home and leave your momma where she is in her OWN husband's house.

Bring her into your home at your own risk.

As others have said, you can do this by yourself. I have 3 kids here. My mother could not be with me for the first two months when I had my kids. Hubby worked 2 jobs since I cannot work when pregnant so I was alone. I did it and even hosted in laws when they came to visit the babies. I was in my twenties when I had my kids and I missed my mother but I survived and u will.

Yes I did it though hubby had two weeks paternity leave where he did most things (bless him). When he went back to work I was alone until he came back. I had few friends and family come in sometimes though. You can do it especially with a supportive husband. I commend your honesty about your mum. If most people were that honest, we would have fewer MIL problems.

Yes, you can.
My mum only spent 2weeks(on/off) with me because she had things to attend to back home.
The truth is, it isn't easy especially if you are first time mum,or someone who can't cope welll under pressure.
Then you need a very supportive husband who is ready to help always. My husband was always there for me. We did the vigils together even till now.
All the same, my baby is almost three months old and I can tell you it gets easier with time. Am used to it now, and am quite sure that even when I have a second baby, I might not need my mum for that long.
Wishing a safe delivery in advance

My mum doesn't believe in coming to stay in her daughter's house for any thing. I was on my own.. Hubby had to work.. So he was away. It was very stressful.. As I didn't know much about taking care of a child... Infact eh! My son is the first newborn I have ever held... I did it.. Tho I made lots of mistakes.. Yes it was difficult.

With my next child.. Its was better.. Good luck to you.

Yes you can! My mom did hers for all her kids

Amazing. Thanks guys. I am geared up already

Onegai:
I'm in the exact situation (my mum is trying to come over but her reason is the distance and she's old). My sister did it for a month when she had her son and she advised that you contact maybe a Naija kitchen or restaurant and order food in coolers. Your hubby can be warming it rather than you cooking. Other races do it (Indians sha being their mum and an aunt and pamper the new mum) and they survived.

@Thorpido, so hot water and tying doesn't work? I thought it was effective. Some Asian races do it and swear by it.

d hot water works o!

milvet:
d hot water works o!

LOL!

Oyinbo mericine versus native remedy.

You see Platnum1,

You can do it

Platnum1:
Wow. Thank u all so much. I am motivated. My husband is very supportive n he cooks really well too. I knew ppl must have gone tru similar ordeals. Thank u so much.

As for my mum,she is already making serious shakara with the thought that I need her more than anytin.lol.

You can do it especially if your husband is supportive
Mine cooked and cleaned
The only time my husband really cooks is right after I had a baby,he will cook stew,soup,rice,yam peppersoup with uda ( Igbo spice used for nursing moms)
He always brought me yam peppersoup with uda next day at the hospital just like they did back home and I so appreciated that.

Have your husband shop for every food you will need
Let him prepare your meals
Just worry about you and the baby
I managed myself just me and hubby

bukatyne:
You see Platnum1,

You can do it

I sure can thank y'all v.much