Obviously, this thread was created in response to some threads that has been making the rounds here concerning guys fidelity in marriage and lowered expectations and family.
First of all, the family is the primary social unit of the society and as such happiness on the home front Shouldn't be compromised.
Happiness in the home IS a consequence of our choices..choices primarily of our marriage/life partners, the choices of the kind of family we're getting into, external influences (friends, counselors etc) and personal choices.
Choices should always be made keeping in mind future outcomes... you meet a guy/girl who's unstable, promiscous, undisciplined and u end up with the person as the choicemof your life partner, wat do u expect in the future
Personal experience, I got a friend who slept with a girl on his marriage eve, overnight. Was I surprised? No..cos he had a long history of such behavior of which his long time, long suffering wife was/ is aware of. Will I take her serious if I see her complaining tomorrow, obviously NOT.
You can't make the wrong choice of a life partner and expect a happy home, same way you can't lay the wrong foundation and try to build a skyscraper #synagoguechurch
You marry for the wrong reason or you make the wrong choices then it becomes Your bed to lie on Not the norm.

Do guys cheat? Yes..
Do Most/All guys cheat??......NO!
I honestly don't know where that assertion came from.
Guys are generally sexual, but they are also reckless, egotistical but also largely responsible.
Do guys fantasize about sex..yes, a lot.... but they do that the same way they fantasize about being able to do Jackie chan stunts or being as agile and dangerous as Jason Statham, But u don't see them facing off armed individuals or leaping off the face of tall buildings do you

Fantasy doesn't necessarily equate to reality (p.s...impure thoughts weaken the resolve and shouldn't be indulged)
A guy that loves his wife will find it Really difficult to cheat on her.
Cheating ain't easy and a lot of people will rather not make the effort except it comes on a platter of gold and even then half the no will still probably reject.
There are a Whole lot of fellows who've been married for a while, faithful to themselves, their spouses amd their God but for some reason, people don't get to hear about these, rather it's the 'tales of woes ' that gets 'glorified'.
Its largely immature guys that gets led by their penis. Most marriageable fellows have already attained that discipline to a large extent and those that haven't can easily be spotted out IF u care to look.

P.s..if ur husband is faithful, step up and celebrate him to counter the negative propaganda.

I also read on a thread where ladies were advised to lower their expectations in order to be happy..
Question is...does the expectation of an event make the pain less bearable
Does it make it easier to deal with
I don't think so...trauma is trauma and no matter how desensitized u try to make yourselves, it WILL still leave a scar.
Also, wat moral right do you actually have to condemn the fellow when by your expectations you've given him the 'right' to misbehave.
Will you as a mother, lower your expectations of your children because of stories that abound of children that are bad?

Your expectations will/should hold ur spouse to task...be a reminder of his/her obligation to you.

Cheating shouldn't be tolerated and this should be made very clear to your spouse and any risky behavior (innocently or not) be nipped in d bud early enough....

Some guys cheat, some don't ...for every story of an unfaithful husband/spouse, there's Always another of a Faithful one.
The good is as plentiful as the bad, but unfortunately people never pay as much significance to light as they do to darkness.





Final note, someone once said..' advice maybe likened to metal, picked from the garbage of the persons experiences, gilded over (painted with gold) and sold for far more than it is worth'
Wise words we should always bear in mind

Peace..

cc:RoyalRoy

They will soon come for your head for daring to say "Most men don't cheat"

Mynd44:
They will soon come for your head for daring to say "Most men don't cheat"

Yea..l know..
But the truths gotbto be said.

Having a realistic expectation is not the same as lowering expectations.

No one is asking them to compromise on their values to make their partners happy but having a realistic expectation and hopefully having them over deliver should naturally allow their relationship to be pure bliss

Majority of women form opinion using hear-says and media stories as acceptable standards on how marriages ought to be.

Mynd44:
They will soon come for your head for daring to say "Most men don't cheat"

I'm coming for your head just to clear matters up I mean the first one

You actually think most men don't cheat?

But OP, isnt it same way men always talk about women? Isnt it same song that all women are gold diggers, lazy and greedy and will dump a long suffering bf as soon as a rich guy comes along?
A look on most NL post and you find that its our women that are most abused, attacked and called mean and condescending names.
99% of married naija men cheat and that is a known fact if we dont want to decieve ourselves. Many naija men dont see cheating as a big deal. They feel its normal as long as tge wife is not affected by it(far from her knowledge)

Moana:
I'm coming for your head just to clear matters up I mean the first one

What did I do?

When people give statistics on how 99%, 98%, or 97% of all Nigerian men cheat, I automatically assume they must be speaking from personal experience - but of course, these very same people would neither admit to being cheated on by their spouse, nor on their mother being cheated on by their father.

It's laughable really...

delishpot:
But OP, isnt it same way men always talk about women? Isnt it same song that all women are gold diggers, lazy and greedy and will dump a long suffering bf as soon as a rich guy comes along?
A look on most NL post and you find that its our women that are most abused, attacked and called mean and condescending names.
99% of married naija men cheat and that is a known fact if we dont want to decieve ourselves. Many naija men dont see cheating as a big deal. They feel its normal as long as tge wife is not affected by it(far from her knowledge)

sauce?

crackhaus:
When people give statistics on how 99%, 98%, or 97% of all Nigerian men cheat, I automatically assume they must be speaking from personal experience - but of course, these very same people would neither admit to being cheated on by their spouse, nor on their mother being cheated on by their father.

It's laughable really...

Was about responding to that wen I saw this..
wen peeps talk about fact and bandy about figures like 99% I honestly don't believe they gave much thot to their write up.
99% implies 9.9 outta 10 men cheat.

I wonder if she feels society would have been able to survive such figures

anyway, Ur perception, Ur reality

jaybee3:
Having a realistic expectation is not the same as lowering expectations.

No one is asking them to compromise on their values to make their partners happy but having a realistic expectation and hopefully having them over deliver should naturally allow their relationship to be pure bliss

Majority of women form opinion using hear-says and media stories as acceptable standards on how marriages ought to be.

The problem is, in majority of cases, realistic is understood as lowered expectations.

e.g..unrealistic is expecting Ur man not to cheat, while realistic is keeping an open mind cos '99%
of men cheat'.



Ppl have weaknesses and failings and sometimes it's that belief someone has in you that keeps u strong.
Don't know how realistic/unrealistic that is, but the tin is Keep Ur expectations positive and strong.

thorpido:
You actually think most men don't cheat?

Yes....I sincerely do.

An0nimus:


sauce?

I don chop am with rice.

crackhaus:
When people give statistics on how 99%, 98%, or 97% of all Nigerian men cheat, I automatically assume they must be speaking from personal experience - but of course, these very same people would neither admit to being cheated on by their spouse, nor on their mother being cheated on by their father.

It's laughable really...

Yes 9.9 out of 10 men will cheat and yes my mom was cheated on. And 100% of men I know have cheated on their wives and babes even if it was only once in their life time. Fact is they cheated. The remaining .1 % did not cheat for religious or personal reasons.

1. Most men will get extra action if they have the financial power to do so.

2. Most men who find a female willing to get it on with him based on his current financial level will hit it.

3. Only a minute percentage of men will not play around behind their wives, this includes: men with a low libido, men who take religious commands serioisly, men who intend to express their "love" in this manner, men who women do not find desirable.

4. As their is no such thing as love as and people marry for selfish reasons(moreso, women) as Babyosisi/Babymama1 has confirmed,men will seek fulfilment in beautiful women till the end of time without the slightest guilt towards their failings as good husbands.

5. Women should get with the programme or live alone, except Lady Luck bestows upon them the sort of man whose phallus is made for one woman only, which is a rarity btw.

You may be a detective and catch him and leave or commence your own cheating career. However, realise that upon revelation of your indiscretions as wife, you may be forgiven or thrown out or divorced. May the odd be in your favour

crackhaus:
When people give statistics on how 99%, 98%, or 97% of all Nigerian men cheat, I automatically assume they must be speaking from personal experience - but of course, these very same people would neither admit to being cheated on by their spouse, nor on their mother being cheated on by their father.

It's laughable really...

So if 99 percent of 9ja men cheat? Who do these men cheat with? If a man sleeps with a woman, why is it that only the man is accused of cheating. I am a woman but I wouldn't make excuses for fellow women. Our society is full of immortality. For every man cheating, there is a woman cheating.

If a girl slept with a married man while she was young, or double/triple dated in her twenties, she has no right to complain about a cheating husband! She is just at the receiving end of her own game!

I think people like Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj and all other ghetto, immoral, twerking hood rats have changed society's perception that women aren't sexual beings as much as men are. I guess women are showing us who they really are after all when these societal barriers that restricted them before are broken down.
As far as I'm concerned, all these blatant immorality in male or females does nothing for society. And all of these would have been abetted if we held men by the same stringent standards we held women when it comes to sexuality.

I do not believe all men cheat. I believe a lot of men cheat. I also know it will not change until women teach men how to treat them right. If more women start walking out of marriage because a man cheated on them, the number of married men cheating on their spouse will reduce. The main reason less married women cheat is because they know that the likelyhood of being forgiven and still being married is low.

Mynd44:

What did I do?

u made that comment and it gave me the idea

Moana:
u made that comment and it gave me the idea

Dear dear...

Come sit on my laps let me pet you

An0nimus:


sauce?

His backside

Mynd44:

Dear dear...

Come sit on my laps let me pet you

why do u want to pet me

babygirlfl:


If more women start walking out of marriage because a man cheated on them, the number of married men cheating on their spouse will reduce.

The main reason less married women cheat is because they know that the likelihood of being forgiven and still being married is low.

True. This is partly so because more men would rather not get married than go through the motions. While a mass exodus from marriages would deter men from cheating, it would deter men from marriage altogether. Men don't gain much from marriage, I assure you. It's a societal construct that we've attempted to find a way around.

What are their options outside marriage? Not that they have no viable options, don't get me wrong. I'd just like an objective assessment of what these options are.

Timbuktou:


True. This is partly so because more men would rather not get married than go through the motions. While a mass exodus from marriages would deter men from cheating, it would deter men from marriage altogether. Men don't gain much from marriage, I assure you. It's a societal construct that we've attempted to find a way around.

What are their options outside marriage? Not that they have no viable options, don't get me wrong. I'd just like an objective assessment of what these options are.

Ode!

Timbuktou:
1. Most men will get extra action if they have the financial power to do so.

2. Most men who find a female willing to get it on with him based on his current financial level will hit it.

3. Only a minute percentage of men will not play around behind their wives, this includes: men with a low libido, men who take religious commands serioisly, men who intend to express their love in this manner, men who women do not find desirable.

4. As their is no such thing as love as and people marry for selfish reasons(moreso, women) as Babyosisi/Babymama1 has confirmed,men will seek fulfilment in beautiful women till the end of time without the slightest guilt towards their failings as good husbands.

5. Women should get with the programme or live alone, except Lady Luck bestows upon them the sort of man whose phallus is made for one woman only, which is a rarity btw.

You may be a detective and catch him and leave or commence your own cheating career. However, realise that upon revelation of your indiscretions as wife, you may be forgiven or thrown out or divorced. May the odd be in your favour

why contradict yourself in Points 3 & 4..
btw @ creation, according to d Bible, One woman was made to be a companion to the man, so......

@delishpot, are u married

Moana:
why do u want to pet me

Cos I will enjoy it. You know all men are cheats and we cant control ourselves when we see a woman so.....I am acting the script out

Mynd44:

Cos I will enjoy it. You know all men are cheats and we cant control ourselves when we see a woman so.....I am acting the script out

you know im from Edo state and we cant help but resolve all issues with Olukun, so its okay you can try am

TooNoisy:


So if 99 percent of 9ja men cheat? Who do these men cheat with? If a man sleeps with a woman, why is it that only the man is accused of cheating. I am a woman but I wouldn't make excuses for fellow women. Our society is full of immortality. For every man cheating, there is a woman cheating.

If a girl slept with a married man while she was young, or double/triple dated in her twenties, she has no right to complain about a cheating husband! She is just at the receiving end of her own game!

WORD!

I don't even know what the noise is all about, WOMEN CHEAT TOO. Two can play the game. So yall should stop feeling too important.

delishpot:
But OP, isnt it same way men always talk about women? Isnt it same song that all women are gold diggers, lazy and greedy and will dump a long suffering bf as soon as a rich guy comes along?
A look on most NL post and you find that its our women that are most abused, attacked and called mean and condescending names.
99% of married naija men cheat and that is a known fact if we dont want to decieve ourselves. Many naija men dont see cheating as a big deal. They feel its normal as long as tge wife is not affected by it(far from her knowledge)

Lord have mercy

Justfollowit:

Ode!

I'm flattered I make you moist, but I'm a little busy right now.

dBard:



why contradict yourself in Points 3 & 4..
btw @ creation, according to d Bible, One woman was made to be a companion to the man, so......

@delishpot, are u married

I fail to see the contradition. If you looked closely, you'd realise I put the word love in bold, maybe I should put it in scare quotes!