Nobody touches my phone married or not, obviously I'm not interested in yours so why take up an interest in mine? The marriage will work out fine if you're not being insecure and riding through everyday paranoia.

What i know is that its easy for a lady to have comcubine and not get caught for year than for man..

Reason: If a lady say don't call me until i call you guys will abide and will be expecting her flashing.... even it it take hours.

But a lady will never wait for hours if you dont call her she will call you and will be claiming to have equal right with you wife abi no be woman like her.... Woman are the most desperate human created by God..

There's red flg in it...

germainediva:
Initially when hubby suggested it I refused but when he insisted I give in 4 peace sake......his reason ;in case he carelessly drops it nobody wll b able to access it, so when I demanded d pass word he gave me but after some wks he changed it and refused t give me d password.and said we both nid a little privacy.............but any time he has d opportunity he quickly checks my fone tho I password my fone too.

Bottom line is ur Hubby is hiding something from u....

U need to be told the truth...

There's nothing wrong in both parties locking their phones with passwords. What is wrong is not telling each other the password. Though locking your phones helps you with unauthorized usage by smart kids like mine

Such phones were designed to be used by the owner only....the reason for a password. If one partner thinks he/she needs 24/7 access ...just to check to see if the other may be cheating....then that partner does not trust the other. No relationship can prosper when one doesn't trust the other. How can you have a healthy relationship when one is investigating the other? What if I have confidential information of others such as medical status?...sensitive business info?....you have a right to see all that? I find it most disgusting to be asking for access to someone's phone....married or not. @OP....your pastor friend sees you as a fool/gullible for him to seriously tell you such is a sin. He has planted the seed of distrust in you....that would soon blossom and destroy your marriage. Great topic!

Originalsly:
Such phones were designed to be used by the owner only....the reason for a password. If one partner thinks he/she needs 24/7 access ...just to check to see if the other may be cheating....then that partner does not trust the other. No relationship can prosper when one doesn't trust the other. How can you have a healthy relationship when one is investigating the other? What if I have confidential information of others such as medical status?...sensitive business info?....you have a right to see all that? I find it most disgusting to be asking for access to someone's phone....married or not. @OP....your pastor friend sees you as a fool/gullible for him to seriously tell you such is a sin. He has planted the seed of distrust in you....that would soon blossom and destroy your marriage. Great topic!

You sound like you have something to hide as well. Who said that the reason a woman should know his spouse's password is to monitor him? The reason is a word called OPENNESS! Look, once you get married you basically give up your rights to privacy. You of your own volition decided to marry because you WANT TO SHARE your life with someone. If you want to retain your right to privacy then please don't get married!

It makes absolutely no sense for a couple to keep secrets. That is the beginning of disaster

sevule:


You sound like you have something to hide as well. Who said that the reason a woman should know his spouse's password is to monitor him? The reason is a word called OPENNESS! Look, once you get married you basically give up your rights to privacy. You of your own volition decided to marry because you WANT TO SHARE your life with someone. If you want to retain your right to privacy then please don't get married!

It makes absolutely no sense for a couple to keep secrets. That is the beginning of disaster

Openness to what?...all knowledge or info I have? Let me give you an example of what I referred to.... a friend of mine confided in me that she is HIV positive. I give her advice and most importantly moral support to keep her positive and not dive into depression. Are you saying that if married....my wife should be able to browse my fone and learn about her status? With your mindset of openness your friends have to be very careful and screen you out of sensitive information which you would have no problem allowing your wife to access....and I know you would swear your wife is not a gossiper. Openness has a limit...and one such limit is the cell phone.

sevule:

You sound like you have something to hide as well. Who said that the reason a woman should know his spouse's password is to monitor him? The reason is a word called OPENNESS! Look, once you get married you basically give up your rights to privacy. You of your own volition decided to marry because you WANT TO SHARE your life with someone. If you want to retain your right to privacy then please don't get married!
It makes absolutely no sense for a couple to keep secrets. That is the beginning of disaster

lets take ur HIV example for instance, r u saying that d spouse has no right to know d partner's status? Its wrong. If we assume d partner wont be supportive, at least it will guide her towards mking a good decision as regards n if there is luv , they will both understand. Look i dont support these too much secrecy thing u all r talking abt. At that level, nothing good comes out of keeping such amount of secret. U dont hv d right to hide anything. Even if its ur account or cheating issues, being open shud help u plan ur finance n avoid cheating respectively. Unless u dont want to change from our parents ways. From my experience, those who lock phones from their wives or husbands r those who dont want to retire home n leave d street alone. It has nothing to do with information management as its called these days.

the guy don't want to die young, the easy way to die of heart attack is by reading your wife test message or chat.

Trust is important in marriage but some people have real difficulty building trust. It's only natural but can be overcome by showing openness and sincerity. OP, your husband may have nothing to hide but is scared of being misinterpreted or misunderstood. Even when your phones are open you can easily misunderstand contacts, text messages, chats etc. it's possible you both are the suspicious type and if so this might help you in your early years until you prove your loyalty to each other.
People come here and paint ideal scenarios. Beware no two marriages are the same.

publicenemy:
That's no marriage..

Are old are you?

I never locked my phone with a password until I started noticing my hubby going through my phone at night and chatting with my friends when I am asleep I challenged him and he said I was hiding things then I decided to use a code and trouble started, I gave him the code but he still sneak behind me to go through my phone, I never gave him the new password again.....the base of every relationship is TRUST if you don't trust your spouse there will be trouble....
N.B I went through his phone for the first time after many months and saw a history chat on his BB asking a girl for the size of her bra!!!

Its wrong nd culd also be gud. They maybe usin d password as security so others won't av access to it. Bt it'lbe right if d 2 partners culd unlock each other's fone witout hidin d code

Right.

We lock phones for many reasons.

My kids are so adventurous and they will turn your life to nightmare.

My wife is free to use my phone to make calls or do anything. But I don't touch her phone though.

Locking of phones doesn't signal exactly the desire to hide something from your wife but for anthorized access because phone of these days contains alot, at least for me.

It all depends on your job or business or more generally stated, your motive.

nairalife2013:
pray u dont marry a husband who really loves privacy and follows his creed to the last letter and has the bucks and spends it in droves and buy u a little carry-all fon that is worth some very plenty coins and the fon to u and yur friends is a machine and has everything but one soul and get himself a metal fon piece that only him knows has two souls and with an eagle-eye-stealth-invader!
Hahaha. I dong laff tire over yur proud and self-satisfied statement: I procure phones for my wife and kids. My own fon has two lives. One is ghost. The other is human. The human has password for som apps. If any intruder touches it without first prompting the "notch" , it snaps the intruder and send the pix immediately to my email. If u steal it, soon as u try to off it, it snaps and send to d same route, yur pix & location. All contacts in stealth mode cannot be seen; calls, msges and every thing from stealth contacts cannot be seen by any1 else except if u know the "prompt sign" and the promt sign change sequentially as set, every 24hr. U can re-arrange any format by email, even when the fon is off, the latest format comes to life as soon as u power on the fon. The other life the phone has, the second soul, is the ghost mode! It only needs yur own phone serial data etc to invade yur phone and suck all yur data including unsaved passwords and all- it stores (in digitally order) all the actions u hav taken on yur phone, as far as yur phone is within the radius range of 10mtrs or bluetooth distance. Itz the second soul that is home to all invisible data. I can move anything there!
Hahaha. The day I showed mywife somthings abt myfon, she was so shocked, there's no word I can use to describe the awe that strck her! ...and dat was just a piece of the iceberg!!!

Reading through your comments gave me headache this early morning walahi!!!!
I don't need to pray again.....I got the best.....

Luvdmx:

Are old are you?

Why asking? U wan marry me?

Learn to delete such messages. It's still not an excuse.

Originalsly:
Openness to what?...all knowledge or info I have? Let me give you an example of what I referred to.... a friend of mine confided in me that she is HIV positive. I give her advice and most importantly moral support to keep her positive and not dive into depression. Are you saying that if married....my wife should be able to browse my fone and learn about her status? With your mindset of openness your friends have to be very careful and screen you out of sensitive information which you would have no problem allowing your wife to access....and I know you would swear your wife is not a gossiper. Openness has a limit...and one such limit is the cell phone.

The foundation any marriage is trust.Trust is stronger than love.You can love without trusting,but hardly can you trust without loving.Infact trust is mutual love,It is love without fear.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.Proverbs 31v10-12

The hubby is hiding a German juice...lolz

nairalife2013:
pray u dont marry a husband who really loves privacy and follows his creed to the last letter and has the bucks and spends it in droves and buy u a little carry-all fon that is worth some very plenty coins and the fon to u and yur friends is a machine and has everything but one soul and get himself a metal fon piece that only him knows has two souls and with an eagle-eye-stealth-invader!
Hahaha. I dong laff tire over yur proud and self-satisfied statement: I procure phones for my wife and kids. My own fon has two lives. One is ghost. The other is human. The human has password for som apps. If any intruder touches it without first prompting the "notch" , it snaps the intruder and send the pix immediately to my email. If u steal it, soon as u try to off it, it snaps and send to d same route, yur pix & location. All contacts in stealth mode cannot be seen; calls, msges and every thing from stealth contacts cannot be seen by any1 else except if u know the "prompt sign" and the promt sign change sequentially as set, every 24hr. U can re-arrange any format by email, even when the fon is off, the latest format comes to life as soon as u power on the fon. The other life the phone has, the second soul, is the ghost mode! It only needs yur own phone serial data etc to invade yur phone and suck all yur data including unsaved passwords and all- it stores (in digitally order) all the actions u hav taken on yur phone, as far as yur phone is within the radius range of 10mtrs or bluetooth distance. Itz the second soul that is home to all invisible data. I can move anything there!
Hahaha. The day I showed mywife somthings abt myfon, she was so shocked, there's no word I can use to describe the awe that strck her! ...and dat was just a piece of the iceberg!!!

Badest man ever liveth . I dof my cap for a very very senior superior

wisestman:
I'm really sorry if I'm going to sound too blunt but any couple dt does dat needs to hv their head checked. Both of u shd go n read dis book " no more two but one" by gbile akinni so u can understand wat it is to be one no longer two. Tired of all dis trying to modernise d institution of marriage.

I'm telling you. . The kinda marriage advice people give these days eehh.. making marriage seem like a battle field. . Privacy my as$.. if you need privacy, then remain single and nobody will hv access to your life issues. ..

Even if you lock your phone because of your kids or any other reason, your partner should know the password. ..

germainediva:
Pls want to know your take on this: Hubby insisted dat we should password our fones and not tell eachother d password so we can have some privacy so for like 2yrs or so its been like dat but a Pastor friend of mine insisted dat its a sin...... ......tho me am indifferent.

Why run to your pastor for advice? Is he a professional family consultant? Are you one of those women who give pastors control over their marriage? If the privacy thing was of a concern to you, why didn't you discuss it with your husband before running to a pastor?

If you trust your husband, then you don't need to worry about anything. He might have found out you're always snooping around his stuffs and not every man likes that.

How would you feel if your spouse were to check your email to see who you've been contacting, and what you've been saying? Or, to check your internet history to determine the internet sites you've been visiting? Or, to look over your texting history and cell phone records?

If you'd be okay with that, let's step it up a notch. How would you feel if your spouse were to install, without your knowledge, a GPS unit on your car to see where you've been? Or, a phone recorder on your cell phone or landline to hear what you're saying? Or, a keylogger program on your computer to know exactly what you're doing on your computer? Or, hire a private investigator to secretly follow you around and make video recordings of your activities?

If you're like most spouses, you would view my first set of investigative methods to be essentially benign, and revealing a possible paranoid streak in your sweetie. But you'd probably consider the second set to be a flagrant violation of your privacy. Does that pretty much sum up how you'd feel?

And yet, I recommend all of the above. So, how can I justify this advice when it goes against the grain of most spouses?

I begin with the proposition that a great marriage is a transparent marriage. The more you know about each other, the easier it is to meet each other's emotional needs, avoid Love Busters, and make decisions with each other's interests in mind.

A related proposition is that none of us is perfect. We all have predispositions that if left unchecked can cause us to hurt others, especially our spouse. But if our behavior is known to our spouse and others, we are much less likely to yield to those destructive predispositions. The public holds us accountable for our behavior, making us much more caring.

In marriage, this destructive predisposition is manifest in a variety of habits that I call Love Busters. But among those destructive habits, there are few as damaging as our tendency to be unfaithful. Yet, I estimate that over 60% of all marriages experience infidelity, one of the most painful experiences a betrayed spouse can have in life.

So snooping is reasonable, especially when there has been evidence of a budding romantic relationship outside of marriage. If my wife were to check up on me without my knowing about it, it would probably be based on certain facts that would have aroused her curiosity. But knowing now what I know about the devastating effects of unfaithfulness, I'd encourage, not discourage, her -- unless I was really up to something I didn't want her to know about.

What are some of the red flags that would lead a spouse to snoop? The biggest and brightest of them all is for you to claim a right to privacy. If you were to refuse to give your spouse your passwords to your computer, social networks, or cell phone records, or to what you do with your time away from each other, that would trigger almost anyone's curiosity. What's my spouse trying to hide?

There are other red flags. One of them is having a close friend of the opposite sex because that's how most affairs develop. An opposite-sex friend at work, someone you are with recreationally, or someone you simply enjoy talking to about almost anything is the person to whom you are most likely to become emotionally attached. Do you have any close friends of the opposite sex outside of your marriage?

Another red flag is being separated overnight -- or for days, weeks, or months. The longer you are separated from each other, the more likely one of you will have an affair. Jobs that require spouses to be separated are much more highly associated with infidelity than jobs that allow spouses to sleep together overnight.

Other red flags include unexplained absences, where it's difficult to know where a spouse was for a period of time, excessive consumption of alcohol, and a marriage that has lost its spark. These are but a few of the conditions that inspire snooping.

So if your spouse has been snooping on you, and you haven't been having an affair, don't discourage the snooping. Instead, address the red flags. What have you been doing that makes your spouse worry about an affair?

Give your spouse all of your passwords, provide your spouse with your schedule, be available by cell phone throughout the day, and be willing to give a full account of everything you do and everywhere you go. Don't tolerate secrecy in your marriage.

Don't have close friends of the opposite sex. Your spouse should be your best and closest friend. And be sure that your spouse enthusiastically approves of the friends you do have.

Don't be separated overnight. But if it's impossible to avoid, create precautions that would make having an affair while you're apart essentially impossible.

Avoid drinking to excess and going to parties by yourself. And when you go to a party together, stick together throughout the evening.

But if your marriage has lost its spark, if you are no longer meeting each other's most important emotional needs of affection, intimate conversation, sexual fulfillment, and recreational companion -- if you're no longer in love -- start doing something about it today. The greatest risk for an affair is when a marriage is no longer romantic. That's when someone else can step in to fill that void. When that happens, that person can seem to be impossible to resist, regardless of how much damage an affair is to the betrayed spouse, children, and even to the unfaithful spouse. If you and your spouse are not in love with each other, restore that love so that neither of you must choose between a loveless marriage and infidelity.

Snooping usually reflects a spouse's loss of trust. And that loss of trust is usually caused by red flags that should be addressed in a marriage. Even if no affair is actually taking place, the snooping itself should not only be encouraged to help provide evidence that mistrust is unwarranted, but it should also trigger a serious effort by the suspected spouse to remove the red flag.

Consider signing the following agreement: "(husband) and (wife) agree that there is no right to privacy in our marriage and hereby preemptively waive any claim to the same by either one of us until death do us part." Each of you should sign two copies of the agreement, one for each spouse, and keep them in a safe place. If you agree today that there should be no privacy in your marriage -- that each of you has the right to snoop on each other -- you'll spare yourselves considerable grief and sorrow tomorrow.

Don't criticize the snooper. Instead, eliminate the conditions that made the snooping seem reasonable to your spouse.

[You may want to forward or copy my post to your husband]

prettythicksme:
It is damm wrong!!I and my guy share d same password in everything social networks,phone,atm pin,everything.

By guy I hope you mean husband but if boyfriend, I will like you to have a rethink about the social network part & ATM.

Couples who divorced were once the loveliest couples & never imagined they will part ways someday.

The social network password ought to be private, if things should go south between you & your partner, that can become a tool of destruction against you.

Remember when the human heart is broken or grieved, it can damn all consequences just to get revenge

That I refuse to share my towel with you or tooth brush doesnt mean I don't love you! Hygiene standard dictates I have mine while you have yours

it's just an advice & I hope you consider it

Is that supposed to be a subject of discusion?How on earth should couples use passwords to lock their phones?That is pure madness.They should rather be friends than been couples.

peegirl:

Correct guy.

Yes o.

strenghtofawoman:
I don't care wat ur pastor says, but if a husband or wife decides to password his/her phone, u re only telling ur partner that thres something u dnt want him/her to know , this is the foundation of mistrust

Same goes for couples who says, dnt touch my phone and I won't touch urs its wrong.. " In marriage, two have become one" pls let's stop all this negative attitude that only bring trouble.

Waht the hell re u even hiding, ur girlfriend/boyfriend, if this is it, then u don't deserve to be a husband/wife

there is nothing wrong putting a password on your phone for security reason ( if it gets lost or stolen) but it becomes very suspicious if you refuse your spouse to have access to your phone.

One of the things why I should lock my phone is that common bank alert of a buisness which I have on my phone, my wife will see it and think it is my morning without knowing how much I am owing the bank. She keeps demanding heaven and eat because he saw money in my account. For this reason I lock my phone.

chuna1985:
U just can't live with me in the same house with a locked phone. Even if u have other reasons to lock ur phone, u tell me the password sharp sharp.

So what exactly are you doing/looking for in the phone ab initio. That means you know be trust her be dt

germainediva:
Pls want to know your take on this: Hubby insisted dat we should password our fones and not tell eachother d password so we can have some privacy so for like 2yrs or so its been like dat but a Pastor friend of mine insisted dat its a sin...... ......tho me am indifferent.

It's not good. That shows there is skeleton in the wadrope.

Dat one na marriage??!