ronald4lif:


http://www.wsj.com/articles/living-together-may-be-even-better-for-your-health-than-marriage-1424145641

http://www.today.com/health/couples-who-cohabitate-are-happier-marrieds-1C9382221

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1248423

The above are just three among other links of research that suggest cohabitation is better or same as marriage. For the record, I don't submit to these research even as I don't agree anyone is better and it's subjected to individual's perspective. I'm aware there are also many studies that posits marriage is better as either is derived from the pundits and the community/individuals whose opinions were collated.

I'm not backing cohabition but saying that whichever of the two anyone finds suitable they should grab it and care less about objections and what the greater populace thinks. No one should rub in their opinion on others. Just accept which you think is right for you and let others theirs.

Interesting to say the least. This study does indeed state that married couples have no significant advantage over cohabiting couples in terms of happiness and self esteem.

It is however important to note that the study (the only one of it's kind from your links) only focuses on a 6 year span for cohabiting couples - indeed the researchers agree that long term cohabiting couples are a rarity.

Also the study does not take into consideration the welfare of children and how they fare viz-a-viz a married or cohabiting arrangement.

I think there is no arrangement that trumps marriage when the totality of all the components that stem from the long term relationship between a man and woman is considered.

freecocoa:
I definitely want children(the thing I'm sure of/want most in life)I don't have kids yet because I'm not as financially secured as I think reasonable enough to raise kids, now if marriage happens along the line, then fine but if not, I'll have my kids anyways.

It should be different for everyone really, don't let society decide for you, just do what will make you happy.

I don't believe everyone is meant/built for marriage(as we know it).

creating further misery for a child by raising him/her without a father cause its just about what you want that matters.children are not a pair gucci heels you decide to pick off the shelfs of shoperite when you feel bored.that child has a right to a normal life.same which you enjoyed.

troy20:

creating further misery for a child by raising him/her without a father cause its just about what you want that matters.children are not a pair gucci heels you decide to pick off the shelfs of shoperite when you feel bored.that child has a right to a normal life.same which you enjoyed.

And what makes you think the child won't have his dad in the picture? Let's even assume he won't, what makes you so sure, he'd be miserable? So all the kids raised without their dads end up miserable?

freecocoa:
And what makes you think the child won't his dad in the picture? Let's even assume he won't, what makes you so sure, he'd be miserable? So all the kids raised without their dads end up miserable?

if you'd grown up without one you would have known what it is like.and c'mon please swithrt you and i know you would rather the father trips down a staircase and snap his neck if his existence will cause any discomfiture or insecurity.atleast it will make an easier story.

troy20:

if you'd grown up without one you would have known what it is like.and c'mon please swithrt you and i know you would rather the father trips down a staircase and snap his neck if his existence will cause any discomfiture or insecurity.atleast it will make an easier story.

You didn't make any sense.

Finally someone saying what has to be said.
@OP tumbs up!

MarvellousGod:
Good for y'all.. what you wish comes to you. ..

For me, I have always desired a successful career and a wonderful family of my own. Not for the society but for my own fulfillment..

I remember before my marriage when I was telling my mum how I was going to miss her and how I wished I could stay longer. She said No, I needed to build my own family too that I was enjoying the family built by she and my dad.....

You can say the right man/woman hasn't come along instead of saying marriage doesn't matter to you et al... Through marriage you were conceived and through marriage we can be able to answer God's call which is "Go into the world and multiply"...
Your wish, your life though!

However, I don't agree with the saying that women are nothing without men because I know I had my own voice before marriage and made some achievements too.....
Also, I don't like the way some people go about it, as if marriage should matter to women alone.. For eg, that your male friend

Bottomline: I think marriage should matter to both men and women because you can't keep enjoying what your parents built without attempting to build yours......

you are full of wisdom. God bless u

troy20:

creating further misery for a child by raising him/her without a father cause its just about what you want that matters.children are not a pair gucci heels you decide to pick off the shelfs of shoperite when you feel bored.that child has a right to a normal life.same which you enjoyed.

You make a very good point.

It's a sad world where the role of fathers in a child's life is deemed optional and non vital, unfortunately that's the direction the so called modern world is heading in. On account of the fact that women can now hold their own financially, many women fall for the grave error that they can raise optimal and well balanced children on their own. All of the evidence that points to the contrary that we have around us somehow goes unnoticed. I mean, take a look at the black community in North America where absent fathers and baby mamas are prevalent (granted a lot of the women are economically disadvantaged to begin with), the children from those kinds arrangement face more difficulties and are the worst performers under virtually any indices used.

Marriage is not the highest calling for the woman I agree, that lies in her engaging her unique spiritual nature but marriage is the best construct to enjoy a long term relationship and raise children in this world.

freecocoa:
I definitely want children(the thing I'm sure of/want most in life)I don't have kids yet because I'm not as financially secured as I think reasonable enough to raise kids, now if marriage happens along the line, then fine but if not, I'll have my kids anyways.

It should be different for everyone really, don't let society decide for you, just do what will make you happy.

I don't believe everyone is meant/built for marriage(as we know it).

I love freecocoa's post any day

olashas:

I love freecocoa's post any day

freecocoa:
I definitely want children(the thing I'm sure of/want most in life)I don't have kids yet because I'm not as financially secured as I think reasonable enough to raise kids, now if marriage happens along the line, then fine but if not, I'll have my kids anyways.

It should be different for everyone really, don't let society decide for you, just do what will make you happy.

I don't believe everyone is meant/built for marriage(as we know it).

I guess you don't think that it is important that children be born and raised within a marriage /family setup?

Don't you think you are thinking more about what is good for you, rather than what might be ideal for your yet to be unborn kids?

freecocoa:
You didn't make any sense.

really? Well then the complexities of raising healthy children by two parents is on it self telling this days.how much more one growing up without one.no single parent child ever grows up same with a peer who has the presence of both parents expecially a father.if you are not married or cohabitating with the father, its still a man's sperm who i imagine would be alive and breathing with the knowlegde that he has a child with you. or maybe you would have the child through sperm donors.but the point is if you had a child from a man the old fashion way i suppose, what would be the picture with the father? The closest i could guess was that you performed some sexual cannibalism just like the praying mantis.

plaetton:


I guess you don't think that it is important that children be born and raised within a marriage /family setup?

Don't you think you are thinking more about what is good for you, rather than what might be ideal for your yet to be unborn kids?

I don't see how I've implied that, I did say that if marriage happened then fine, if it doesn't, does not mean a man won't be in the picture, the only difference is that we won't have signed any dotted lines.

I really don't have anything against a beautiful marriage, I just believe it's not something one should do if, he/she isn't sure, and believe me, most people go into marriage for many selfish reasons/societal pressure and I don't want to be such a one.

troy20:

really? Well then the complexities of raising healthy children by two parents is on it self telling this days.how much more one growing up without one.no single parent child ever grows up same with a peer who has the presence of both parents expecially a father.if you are not married or cohabitating with the father, its still a man's sperm who i imagine would be alive and breathing with the knowlegde that he has a child with you. or maybe you would have the child through sperm donors.but the point is if you had a child from a man the old fashion way i suppose, what would be the picture with the father? The closest i could guess was that you performed some sexual cannibalism just like the praying mantis.

My dear I don't know how all the above relates to my post, so two people can't genuinely care about each other except they are married? Hian!

bukatyne:


Would you say Mother Teresa was not fulfilled?
What about Apostle Paul (in the Bible)?

Madam don't compare men & women of this present day to paul & mother theresa. Their intentions for leading a single life was entirely for God's work. But we know the present day man & woman lacks interest in marriage because of their nasty & uncouth attitude. Every marriage requires some level of tolerance & humility, which they obviously lack. The bible condemns cohabitation. U can't be preaching what the bible condemns & at the same time making reference to the bible to buttress it. Or u think those condemning marriage can live a life of pure celibacy?

ApexTitan has answered you accordingly.

Note;

The study was only done over 6 years - and almost certainly amongst younger couples. We all know about the "flush" that comes with a new relationship. Especially one that has very few cares - other than simply being together.

And more so when one does not have to give thought to long-term considerations, knowing that you can simply walk, if it doesn't meet your expectations. There is no happiness like that which is care, cost and commitment free.

With marriage comes more than selfish expectation, and for many - especially men, lots of pressure, and a not so easy burden. But you see, individual gratification and selfish measures of "happiness" are not what marriage is primarily about.

The measure of a marital relationship is not simply how "happy", or how much of their desires they satisfy, or if they get the gratification they crave. Marriage is about bringing joy, making others happy and sometimes stifling your own desires to do so.

A good marriage can ask that of you. It doesn't make men responsible per se, but it may well demands heightened levels of responsibility and sacrifice from them.

Marriage is about way more than the individuals in it, or even their happiness as a couple. It gives greater guarantee of good outcomes for children - which the studies you posted conspicuously failed to mention - and these outcomes are greater for life-long marriage, not a derisory 6 year span. I wonder how they studies would have panned out over even 10 years?

Marriage is about bloodlines, kinship ties and strong communities. It's about inheritance, generational prosperity and strong nations. You see the studies you referenced although seemingly researching marriage, had very little to do with it.

It was merely considering “relationship happiness “, which is but one aspect of marriage – not the sum - and not something you have to be married or even co-habbing to experience.

Feel free to predicate your position on individual autonomy and desires, no one denies you that. But your attempts to equalise all relationships, or all individual choices, to justify your stance is simply lame and unthinking. Please try harder.


TV

ronald4lif:


http://www.wsj.com/articles/living-together-may-be-even-better-for-your-health-than-marriage-1424145641

http://www.today.com/health/couples-who-cohabitate-are-happier-marrieds-1C9382221

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1248423

The above are just three among other links of research that suggest cohabitation is better or same as marriage. For the record, I don't submit to these research even as I don't agree anyone is better and it's subjected to individual's perspective. I'm aware there are also many studies that posits marriage is better as either is derived from the pundits and the community/individuals whose opinions were collated.

I'm not backing cohabition but saying that whichever of the two anyone finds suitable they should grab it and care less about objections and what the greater populace thinks. No one should rub in their opinion on others. Just accept which you think is right for you and let others theirs.

freecocoa:
I don't see how I've implied that, I did say that if marriage happened then fine, if it doesn't, does not mean a man won't be in the picture, the only difference is that we won't have signed any dotted lines.

I really don't have anything against a beautiful marriage, I just believe it's not something one should do if, he/she isn't sure, and believe me, most people go into marriage for many selfish reasons/societal pressure and I don't want to be such a one.

Fair enough, and I agree.

The lies society keeps telling us..no wonder we have some women that the only thing they have to themselves is bearing another mans name
..remove it and they are nothing.

I believe this post. is very straight forward. A woman can be anything she wants to be without the societal requirement of having a man by her or she amounts to nothing.

So is she expected to halt her dreams, feel less of a human because she has no man?

For those saying.. the dream of every lady is to get married.. I beg to disagree

Marriage is seriously overrated.
Everyone won't get married...
Some will get old and die single ...not because they couldn't get a man but because they decide not to.

Like I said...if marriage comes in the process. of self actualization, embrace it. Don't live your every minute feeling less of yourself because the society tells u so..

Total hogwash

Live your life
Affect those around you
You weren't created ONLY to get married and bear another mans name
There is a bigger purpose
Marriage should be an addition
A topping on the cake
Not the entirety of your existence on earth.

vivienobidike:
The lies society keeps telling us..no wonder we have some women that the only thing they have to themselves is bearing another mans name
..remove it and they are nothing.

I believe this post. is very straight forward. A woman can be anything she wants to be without the societal requirement of having a man by her or she amounts to nothing.

So is she expected to halt her dreams, feel less of a human because she has no man?

For those saying.. the dream of every lady is to get married.. I beg to disagree

Marriage is seriously overrated.
Everyone won't get married...
Some will get old and die single ...not because they couldn't get a man but because they decide not to.

Like I said...if marriage comes in the process. of self actualization, embrace it. Don't live your every minute feeling less of yourself because the society tells u so..

Total hogwash

Live your life
Affect those around you
You weren't created ONLY to get married and bear another mans name
There is a bigger purpose
Marriage should be an addition
A topping on the cake
Not the entirety of your existence on earth.

Mutter, please, you are needed here 0 !


TV

The writer of that article seems quite insecure as a woman. One person told you such a comment and you dey lament as if dem wan kill you. If truly she, in particular did not need a man, she won't have been lamenting like this. I guess, the shoe fits in her case.

Who needs A man when you can have more than one. Abeggi

freecocoa:
My dear I don't know how all the above relates to my post, so two people can't genuinely care about each other except they are married? Hian!

My dear freecocoa, even though I aint exactly a fan of marriage, I gotta tell you this..."suspect any man who claims to love you but does not want to marry you"

njokusboy:


My dear freecocoa, even though I aint exactly a fan of marriage, I gotta tell you this..."suspect any man who claims to love you but does not want to marry you"

Lol, and you just concluded it has to be the man's idea, great.

I believe a woman's highest vocation does not lie in marriage, and neither does it lie in a professional career. It is something that is to be found when she makes use of that ennobling power which her Creator has endowed her with - it is spiritual.

That this idea sounds strange to people today is an indication of how limited the sphere of our understandings have become.

I think all these efforts to find total validation for the woman in marriage or worse still in a professional career is a disservice to her true essence. Marriage and motherhood are all sacred canons, it is completely foolish to deride them or deem them irrelevant in place of a career, but the woman's highest function is on a much higher level.

funlord:


I wonder who even told this women that "even with a man" they are anything? Whether single or married you are all just plain old beings like the men themselves! Your impact on the lives of others as well as the world you live in is what shows your quality and "makes you something", not some useless ring or some highly publicised display of vanity called a wedding! Stop trying to live your lives based on the perceptions of nobodies! Kai!

I 100% agree with you

ApexTitan:
I believe a woman's highest vocation does not lie in marriage, and neither does it lie in a professional career. It is something that is to be found when she makes use of that ennobling power which her Creator has endowed her with - it is spiritual.

That this idea sounds strange to people today is an indication of how limited the sphere of our understandings have become.

I think all these efforts to find total validation for the woman in marriage or worse still in a professional career is a disservice to her true essence. Marriage and motherhood are all sacred canons, it is completely foolish to deride them or deem them irrelevant in place of a career, but the woman's highest function is on a much higher level.

Also agree with you.

Same with men.

We serve a higher purpose than marry & die. Whether positive or negative.

johnydon22:
So true. . forget this societal stereotypes. . . A woman do not depend on a man for her happiness.. a woman can live a life of personal fulfiment, independency and a wonderful happy life without that being dependant on a man being in her life or not..

You captured my thought! l have worked with lots of wonderful Reverend Sisters and l marvel at the aura of fulfilment they exude despite not having their own biological families. l recall some years back when an elderly Reverend Sister was celebrating her 50yrs as a Nun, you need to have seen how the Church was over-filled as girls who she taught over the decades across Nigeria and Ghana who are now mothers and grandmothers flew in from different parts of the world to celebrate her, all adorning their aso-ebi because they felt her motherhood towards them.

Marriage is not meant for everyone. Most married people don't know the meaning of marriage.

For those who want to get married go ahead, for those who prefer to be single go ahead. Choosing not to be married is a personal thing, no need celebrating it and acting like it's an achievement, same with the married folks.

Marriage hmmmmmm. Still thinking Dis my freedom is very sweet.

I don't agree with what your friend or many other people think about women concerning marriage, but we as women should realize that we are like flowers and so should get married when ever the right man comes. It is not like you have a man somewhere that will come marry you when you have achieved all you listed. What happens when you are done achieving all you listed and no man comes or those that come are not in anyway what you want? What happens to you after then? Please be wise and plan your life well so you don't say had I known. And incase you think am silly ask those single ladies that followed the path that you are about to thread.

Sambarry has arrived

where are my stalkers

Tony also said

In addition