I have been laughing all day because I remember when my ex was saying and doing the same thing you are doing to your babe.

Almost same scene only that growing up I had more money and supported him,as soon as money started coming in we were world's apart. He wanted to club and show off I was more conservative, I wanted to save and build a future.

He wanted a big car, I wanted to be more modest and invest in a land.

I was also worried that his income was less than what he was spending


He got tired of my constant questions and there were ready big babes who helped him blow 100k at a go in a club, that was living to him. When he finally left me sighting our age, and our different lifestyles I almost died, I cried for ages but I moved on, he moved on too and married one of the babes who had better " taste" than I did


Well when I was getting married he was stunned at the kind of person I married and the kind of wedding I had, some called it a " Presidential wedding " because former President's, ministers etc were all there, this life.

Anyway my husband and I are the same, we have the same mentality towards money and live modestly, we plan,we save we compliment each other.

Now EFCC is on my exes case, money isn't flowing like before so wahala is on home front. He tries to reach out and complian I murmur words if prayers and tell him " It is well". Like I said free her, God that gave me my own husband who appreciates me as I am will give her her own husband who won't look down on her

Eketem:
I have been laughing all day because I remember when my ex was saying and doing the same thing you are doing to your babe.

Almost same scene only that growing up I had more money and supported him,as soon as money started coming in we were world's apart. He wanted to club and show off I was more conservative, I wanted to save and build a future.

He wanted a big car, I wanted to be more modest and invest in a land.

I was also worried that his income was less than what he was spending


He got tired of my constant questions and there were ready big babes who helped him blow 100k at a go in a club, that was living to him. When he finally left me sighting our age, and our different lifestyles I almost died, I cried for ages but I moved on, he moved on too and married one of the babes who had better " taste" than I did


Well when I was getting married he was stunned at the kind of person I married and the kind of wedding I had, some called it a " Presidential wedding " because former President's, ministers etc were all there, this life.

Anyway my husband and I are the same, we have the same mentality towards money and live modestly, we plan,we save we compliment each other.

Now EFCC is on my exes case, money isn't flowing like before so wahala is on home front. He tries to reach out and complian I murmur words if prayers and tell him " It is well". Like I said free her, God that gave me my own husband who appreciates me as I am will give her her own husband who won't look down on her

Have you truly "moved" on?

I see you sending bank alert to Mr ex

Acidosis:


Have you truly "moved" on?

I see you sending bank alert to Mr ex

Kwa kwa kwa kwa, bank alert indeed, local babe like me send bank alert, abeg oh I have no money to pop 200k champayne, make I send bank alert to widows instead, na only " it is well " alert I dey send

edwife:


There is nothing wrong in wanting more, like I said, when wanting more- we should not neglect what we already have.

My grandma used to say If you get a new pot, do not throw away the old pot.

I can tell you have already made up your mind and honestly i will advice that you let her go, you know why because i don't want her to suffer in this marriage. You will never be satisfied with her unless she becomes what you want her to be.It is not going to be sudden but you are not patient enough to wait until she does.

You don't love her, there is something special when someone loves you the way you are without trying to change you.She doesn't need it and she definitely doesn't need YOU.I wish she could read this and move on.It will hurt but it will also save her from a loveless marriage,nagging and resentful husband.A life full of agony.

You're wrong. He loves her alright. If not, considering the kind of person I've percieved him to be he would have left a long time ago and the fact that they live far apart would have made it easier.

This kind of people make logical decisions in everything they do. And he won't think twice about dumping her if he doesn't think he would work something out. That is what he is doing, trying to work something out and you guys shaming tactis won't work. All he needs is practical solution.

Eketem:



Kwa kwa kwa kwa, bank alert indeed, local babe like me send bank alert, abeg oh I have no money to pop 200k champayne, make I send bank alert to widows instead, na only " it is well " alert I dey send

hmmn,

Don't you think "it is well" alert is dangerous?

My concern actually is the continued communication with the said ex.

Acidosis:

hmmn,

Don't you think "it is well" alert is dangerous?

My concern actually is the continued communication with the said ex.

Let's not digress from the main topic. Just shared my story as encouragement for the lady in case she ever reads this.

I have no need to explain or justify communication here.

Have a nice night, poster, best wishes to you both in whatever decision you take

PresVA:
I hope op doesn't end up with an 'indomie' girl..then, come here complaining to us about how she spends money on frivolities, can't cook and can't keep a house tidy. ..

This op thinks the whole relationship revolves around him.. feeling like you've made it, what big investments have you made?

I hope you don't regret your decision shaaa..

Please help ask him again...what exactly has he achieved that keeps him displaying his ego out here?I'm so pissed!!!

PresVA:
I hope op doesn't end up with an 'indomie' girl..then, come here complaining to us about how she spends money on frivolities, can't cook and can't keep a house tidy. ..

This op thinks the whole relationship revolves around him.. feeling like you've made it, what big investments have you made?

I hope you don't regret your decision shaaa..

Now you have just striked the nail on the head....what investment have I made? I can't work and run another investment....that is suicidal. I need someone who is emotionally smart someone who is hungry to achieve. Because she will be at the vanguard of anything I venture into but she is not putting up that smart attitude. It goes beyond food or clothing. I told her to take a course or an additional degree but she preferred giving me a million excuses ranging from family to what have you....seems people here don't just grasp my point...its cool anyway....

Eketem:



Let's not digress from the main topic. Just shared my story as encouragement for the lady in case she ever reads this.

I have no need to explain or justify communication here.

Have a nice night, poster, best wishes to you both in whatever decision you take

Oh okay, that's fine

Eketem:
I have been laughing all day because I remember when my ex was saying and doing the same thing you are doing to your babe.

Almost same scene only that growing up I had more money and supported him,as soon as money started coming in we were world's apart. He wanted to club and show off I was more conservative, I wanted to save and build a future.

He wanted a big car, I wanted to be more modest and invest in a land.

I was also worried that his income was less than what he was spending


He got tired of my constant questions and there were ready big babes who helped him blow 100k at a go in a club, that was living to him. When he finally left me sighting our age, and our different lifestyles I almost died, I cried for ages but I moved on, he moved on too and married one of the babes who had better " taste" than I did


Well when I was getting married he was stunned at the kind of person I married and the kind of wedding I had, some called it a " Presidential wedding " because former President's, ministers etc were all there, this life.

Anyway my husband and I are the same, we have the same mentality towards money and live modestly, we plan,we save we compliment each other.

Now EFCC is on my exes case, money isn't flowing like before so wahala is on home front. He tries to reach out and complian I murmur words if prayers and tell him " It is well". Like I said free her, God that gave me my own husband who appreciates me as I am will give her her own husband who won't look down on her

Looking at what you wrote up there I will explain few things to you. I have not gone to see a movie at the cinemas before yet I work on the island, I don't drink, I am not a fan of any football team, I don't even know the name of any club. I spend more education presently I have a private online German tutor. I have asked her what do you want to do besides the secretary job...it's been six years take an additional course/diploma or degree. She has excuses to give...I don't have any investment but my introverted nature is making my savings look good. Now I work very looooong hours sometimes my engagement team can call from another country due to time zone difference, I wake, turn up skype...work starts....till God knows when I can't be doing these and investing its suicide....I am not saying start saving pennies when I will lose pounds on the long run. I need someone hungry to achieve. Yes wear expensive clothes but you will work the money out with your brains. I want someone I can give xxxx amount and I will be confident she will utilise it well....It goes beyond being "just modest" or "nice"....I will keep an open mind till the end of the year then if am not convinced....i think I have done what is required

Marxxx:
Now you have just striked the nail on the head....what investment have I made? I can't work and run another investment....that is suicidal. I need someone who is emotionally smart someone who is hungry to achieve. Because she will be at the vanguard of anything I venture into but she is not putting up that smart attitude. It goes beyond food or clothing. I told her to take a course or an additional degree but she preferred giving me a million excuses ranging from family to what have you....seems people here don't just grasp my point...its cool anyway....

I think I understand you now... I also need a partner I can make major decisions with and discuss important issues with. .. she seems not to be a go getter, she's ok the way she's. . She's your gf, keep trying she'll come around hopefully. .. Remember she stood by you when things weren't rosy.. You can find ways to reach out to her better. ..
You can sit her down and tell her the big plans you have for both of you, what part she'll play and how you'll really need her good involvement...

I wouldn't advice you leave her because marriage goes beyond thinking big, you need someone who understands, respects and helps u in hard situations..

Your first post was centered on material things, how she didn't buy good clothes et al...hence people's comments

Marxxx:
Looking at what you wrote up there I will explain few things to you. I have not gone to see a movie at the cinemas before yet I work on the island, I don't drink, I am not a fan of any football team, I don't even know the name of any club. I spend more education presently I have a private online German tutor. I have asked her what do you want to do besides the secretary job...it's been six years take an additional course/diploma or degree. She has excuses to give...I don't have any investment but my introverted nature is making my savings look good. Now I work very looooong hours sometimes my engagement team can call from another country due to time zone difference, I wake, turn up skype...work starts....till God knows when I can't be doing these and investing its suicide....I am not saying start saving pennies when I will lose pounds on the long run. I need someone hungry to achieve. Yes wear expensive clothes but you will work the money out with your brains. I want someone I can give xxxx amount and I will be confident she will utilise it well....It goes beyond being "just modest" or "nice"....I will keep an open mind till the end of the year then if am not convinced....i think I have done what is required

Oga the point is that you have changed, you want her to change and fit into your new life, she doesn't want to change, she wants to be her. If you can't deal with that leave her she will find someone and you will find someone.

It doesn't have to be identical, the aim of the story was to show everyone in the long run will find the right fit for them.

Poster what makes you think, you will find a woman that poceses all this qualities with no weakness.

In marriage you have to compromise, your patner might be good in one thing that you are not good at, patners compliment each other,

So if you are more ambitious, the lady might be a good house maker you combine your stronger links and you will be fine. She does not have to be perfect per se, you will find all this polished girls out there that will also be very lacking in some aspects,

Anyway follow your heart.

Mr op,na your type dey make girls pretend ooh...
you are just bringing up excuses...if you don't love her..let her go..no dey block her progress...

or mould her into what you want her to be...change is not easy..u have to exercise patience..she will pick up..

Your development is very natural.

You were very young when you met your girl, you have grown up, developed, changed and your preferences shifted. In relationships, we either develop in the same direction or we don't.

Before you leave her, try this. Focus only and exclusively on her good qualities for three weeks. Ignore anything that disturbs you and appreciate everything that you like about her.

See what happens.

Marxxx:
Looking at what you wrote up there I will explain few things to you. I have not gone to see a movie at the cinemas before yet I work on the island, I don't drink, I am not a fan of any football team, I don't even know the name of any club. I spend more education presently I have a private online German tutor. I have asked her what do you want to do besides the secretary job...it's been six years take an additional course/diploma or degree. She has excuses to give...I don't have any investment but my introverted nature is making my savings look good. Now I work very looooong hours sometimes my engagement team can call from another country due to time zone difference, I wake, turn up skype...work starts....till God knows when I can't be doing these and investing its suicide....I am not saying start saving pennies when I will lose pounds on the long run. I need someone hungry to achieve. Yes wear expensive clothes but you will work the money out with your brains. I want someone I can give xxxx amount and I will be confident she will utilise it well....It goes beyond being "just modest" or "nice"....I will keep an open mind till the end of the year then if am not convinced....i think I have done what is required

y wait till end of d year?

Pls free that nice girl for more deserving guy right now!
You'd b marvelled at d amount and kind of guys that would jump right into seekin her hands for marriage.
A year is too long a time to wait.. you wasting your time and more importantly, the time of that sweet young lady.

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream like we used to back in the village. And even taps my head in public...back then I enjoyed all these attributes. Not anymore. The few times she visited she was already picking up a quarrel with the lady in the next flat.

You give her money to buy good clothes she ends up buying cheap fabrics. Get good shoes she will buy mallam slippers. I am not from a rich home too but we all work hard so that we can be happy.

What got me mad was last year xmas I gave her my 13th month salary everything. I told her specifically get an "Expensive dress and shoe". The top guys are hosting we the mid-level guys. I reminded her severally ensure you get good stuff. That day I was filled with rage, I mean is this what you bought with six figures? This gown with the rickety shoe? I told her not to follow me but my heart couldn't bear seeing her cry. Yet she is still resisting change.

I shouldn't be typing all these but I don't have friends I don't trust people. She has been my only friend. I am a perfect introvert and a Choleric.
When I consulted the only acquaintance I had back in the university he told me to raise about 1.5m and settle her. He said he gave his ex 1.3m to settle her. I knew her back then on campus. He got married early this year. I am also thinking same right now. But the past memories of us is causing my hesitation. And I can't watch her cry.

I am in my late 20's and planned getting married last year I even told my mum but her attitude is causing my hesitation hence I postponed the proposal. Can't figure out anything l need a good advice.

It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

Take her along while shopping..

Guide her. Girls no dey hear word..

PresVA:
I think I understand you now... I also need a partner I can make major decisions with and discuss important issues with. .. she seems not to be a go getter, she's ok the way she's. . She's your gf, keep trying she'll come around hopefully. .. Remember she stood by you when things weren't rosy.. You can find ways to reach out to her better. ..
You can sit her down and tell her the big plans you have for both of you, what part she'll play and how you'll really need her good involvement...

I wouldn't advice you leave her because marriage goes beyond thinking big, you need someone who understands, respects and helps u in hard situations..

Your first post was centered on material things, how she didn't buy good clothes et al...hence people's comments

he said he had already talkd to her before now..
Lets leave him jorr.. He should break up wt her.
This isnt gonna b d first ppl breakin up after 10yrs of dating.
I hav always told my frnds dat datin a guy for 100yrs doesnt guarantee marriage. OP's case is one of the example..

Eketem:


Oga the point is that you have changed, you want her to change and fit into your new life, she doesn't want to change, she wants to be her. If you can't deal with that leave her she will find someone and you will find someone.

It doesn't have to be identical, the aim of the story was to show everyone in the long run will find the right fit for them.

As simple as dat.. he wld find someone, she wld find someone..its nt a big deal.
Its only bad when he settles wt her knowing he cant cope wt her person..So its better, u let go Marxxx. A Broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

On aside,

Why do we like extremities here?

It is either a lady is down to earth and not classy (wife material) or she is an olosious fake hair babe that burns N100,000k per night?

No in-between?

Mindfulness:
Your development is very natural.
You were very young when you met your girl, you have grown up, developed, changed and your preferences shifted. In relationships, we either develop in the same direction or we don't.
Before you leave her, try this. Focus only and exclusively on her good qualities for three weeks. Ignore anything that disturbs you and appreciate everything that you like about her.
See what happens.

Very correct

He has grown and the babe is not growing.

Not everyman wants a lady who is content developing domestically alone neither does every man thinks all there is to a wife is cook, clean and cradle.

bukatyne:
On aside,

Why do we like extremities here?

It is either a lady is down to earth and not classy (wife material) or she is an olosious fake hair babe that burns N100,000k per night?

No in-between?



Very correct

He has grown and the babe is not growing.

Not everyman wants a lady who is content developing domestically alone neither does every man thinks all there is to a wife is cook, clean and cradle.

I wonder.

edwife:

Hehehehe Thanks.

What's funny?

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

Hello Marxxx, I'd just like to say a few things. I hope you give them a thought.
If anyone is going to be able to change her it's you. Why? You both were alike once upon a time.
Like someone pointed out, you had a motivating reason to change. Your job, career recognition.
Find out what her motivating factor is.
You both share a history of "razz" (and I use that word not at all in a derogatory manner), if you choose, you can also both share a history of being as classy and blue-blooded as you like.
Nothing will beat the level of fun you can both have if it ends in marriage.
It's the power of friendship that helps sustain a marriage through troubled times. Please don't throw it away.
Are you ideals still the same? Your belief systems, your life aspirations? If they are nothing is lost.

In closing, I heard the advice a man with about 60 years of experience in marriage gave his son who was in his 40's and had yet to get married.
"They are only two things a man requires in a woman: a woman that is loyal and a woman that is honest".
If she has both these qualities the sky will be your limit in marriage.
If you have no question of her love for you, Packaging can be very deceptive. Especially in corporate Nigeria.

Buddy its completely a normal situation you are in.its hard to get on with it when you have made this much life upgrade.its easy to forget how much the other has made into that progress so far.its good you allow yourself to reach into that past you both have had together from time to time.you would be surprised everytime you do of how much they made you-even more that surprising that you want to let go.It will keep you incheck with your decisions eventually.and above all with a personality such as yours as you have described, it will probably be impossible to find another suited to it that perfectly.weigh it carefully buddy

cococandy:



Oya leave her make we hear word.

Marxxx i will just start by telling you one of the things i learnt the wrong way
1, true and pure love comes only once in a persons lifetime. Its important that u keep it when u receive it. From your story, she is down to earth person and she loves u. She knows u more than anyother lady and she will understand u better than everyother person. I have a friend( graoduate from univ of conventry) that married a village girl. Its not because he didnt see any graduate to marry but he saw something that most girls lack respect. She has been with you for ten years and 1.2m wont even pay for her love. If u know the kind of rice u want to it why dont u cook it oneday for the both of u to eat and after eating you tell. Treasure, i dont want the crayfish rice anymore this is what i want to eat. I know u will cook it better than me and i cant wait to eat urs. You can go out on a sat and suprise her with the kind of clothes u want and tell her how beautiful she looks on them and and why she should wear it for u( not because you are rich but because it attracts u and makes u long for her) tell her what she deserves to hear. If u cant encourage her because u r an introvert then leave her the way she is. Lastly u dont sound romantic.

abi20:
Marxxx i will just start by telling you one of the things i learnt the wrong way
1, true and pure love comes only once in a persons lifetime. Its important that u keep it when u receive it. From your story, she is down to earth person and she loves u. She knows u more than anyother lady and she will understand u better than everyother person. I have a friend( graoduate from univ of conventry) that married a village girl. Its not because he didnt see any graduate to marry but he saw something that most girls lack respect. She has been with you for ten years and 1.2m wont even pay for her love. If u know the kind of rice u want to it why dont u cook it oneday for the both of u to eat and after eating you tell. Treasure, i dont want the crayfish rice anymore this is what i want to eat. I know u will cook it better than me and i cant wait to eat urs. You can go out on a sat and suprise her with the kind of clothes u want and tell her how beautiful she looks on them and and why she should wear it for u( not because you are rich but because it attracts u and makes u long for her) tell her what she deserves to hear. If u cant encourage her because u r an introvert then leave her the way she is. Lastly u dont sound romantic.

He's not romantic at all at all...You really got him with these points of yours'#kudos#

zemaye:

yes na

salihuali1:


Hello Marxxx, I'd just like to say a few things. I hope you give them a thought.
If anyone is going to be able to change her it's you. Why? You both were alike once upon a time.
Like someone pointed out, you had a motivating reason to change. Your job, career recognition.
Find out what her motivating factor is.
You both share a history of "razz" (and I use that word not at all in a derogatory manner), if you choose, you can also both share a history of being as classy and blue-blooded as you like.
Nothing will beat the level of fun you can both have if it ends in marriage.
It's the power of friendship that helps sustain a marriage through troubled times. Please don't throw it away.
Are you ideals still the same? Your belief systems, your life aspirations? If they are nothing is lost.

In closing, I heard the advice a man with about 60 years of experience in marriage gave his son who was in his 40's and had yet to get married.
"They are only two things a man requires in a woman: a woman that is loyal and a woman that is honest".
If she has both these qualities the sky will be your limit in marriage.
If you have no question of her love for you, Packaging can be very deceptive. Especially in corporate Nigeria.

"Love" is a vague term. I miss her a lot; sure I do. Do I have the craving of wanting to be with her sure...I mean after years of skinning rabbits and squirrels together such degree of attachment is inevitable. She is not just my best friend but my only friend. Having said that you will also agree that life is more than attachments, feelings and memories. Reality is constantly knocking. Life is competitive sometimes you make sacrifices just to get on. I have tried all manner of Motivation I considered reasonable to uplift her level of interest but she ends up doing it her way. So many people say take her shopping....when I don't do shopping I get things online and have it delivered. I try to raise her interest by getting her expensive things with the belief that the worth of these items can ginger her interest and to also let her know that she can also achieve same. I have overlooked so many things ok just take additional courses at my expense....but every idea I bring forth...there is always an excuse waiting for me...

herboshedhe:

He's not romantic at all at all...You really got him with these points of yours'#kudos#

You are funny. Seemingly you have a flair for sarcasm. Why do you say I am not romantic? What is your definition of romance? I see people gallivanting is that what you call romance? What does a person do that qualifies them as romantic? "Romantic or Romance" is a complex term. Perhaps you should analyse those activities that you tag "romantic" rather than using "romantic". I see sending of flowers to someone you care about as a sign of showing fondness. Now that is "romantic" right? I will appreciate you list activities that qualifies a person as romantic. Then you can judge effectively....

Marxxx:
Now you have just striked the nail on the head....what investment have I made? I can't work and run another investment....that is suicidal. I need someone who is emotionally smart someone who is hungry to achieve. Because she will be at the vanguard of anything I venture into but she is not putting up that smart attitude. It goes beyond food or clothing. I told her to take a course or an additional degree but she preferred giving me a million excuses ranging from family to what have you....seems people here don't just grasp my point...its cool anyway....

ops to be candid, you are disappointing me..... That was how an ex of my cousin said he doesn't like my cousins way of dressing, he bought her his taste and my cousin was wearing them, still he wasn't satisfied he went dating another gal and when my cousin found out, she dumped the guy and move on.... The guy has had more than 3 relationships in the last two years while my cousin will be wedding this year to a guy who loves and admire her old ways of dressing and the guy is telling everyone that my cousin dumped him because of the new guy
Please tell the girl to move on and one man's poisonis another man's food

abi20:
Marxxx i will just start by telling you one of the things i learnt the wrong way
1, true and pure love comes only once in a persons lifetime. Its important that u keep it when u receive it. From your story, she is down to earth person and she loves u. She knows u more than anyother lady and she will understand u better than everyother person. I have a friend( graoduate from univ of conventry) that married a village girl. Its not because he didnt see any graduate to marry but he saw something that most girls lack respect. She has been with you for ten years and 1.2m wont even pay for her love. If u know the kind of rice u want to it why dont u cook it oneday for the both of u to eat and after eating you tell. Treasure, i dont want the crayfish rice anymore this is what i want to eat. I know u will cook it better than me and i cant wait to eat urs. You can go out on a sat and suprise her with the kind of clothes u want and tell her how beautiful she looks on them and and why she should wear it for u( not because you are rich but because it attracts u and makes u long for her) tell her what she deserves to hear. If u cant encourage her because u r an introvert then leave her the way she is. Lastly u dont sound romantic.

Ok I get you. Thanks. I have given more to make things work out for us. I will always try. But if it doesn't work out at least I will be exonerated. And my conscience will relieve me of guilt. Since the first day we met till this moment I have never cheated in my thoughts and in words let alone physically. You know I have asked her to quit her job and come to lagos since December and this is feb. No sign of her...I offered to pay her until she settles. I told her I will get a different apartment for her. She can get two or three certification before the year runs out and I will ensure she get something doing but no sign of her yet....I appreciate your advice. How do you define "romantic"?