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And What If She Is Cheating? - Family - Nairaland

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My Uncle's Wife Is Cheating On Him, I Need Help / My Sister Is Cheating On Her Husband For Not Supporting Her Financially / I Am Suspecting My Wife Is Cheating On Me (2) (3) (4)

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And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 2:00pm On May 11, 2016
This write up stemmed from the allegation that Lekan abused Ronke to death. He has denied it though but tried to justify his actions by that fact that Ronke was cheating on him. Apparently it is an established fact he cheated and that of Ronke remains an allegation.

To all Nigerian men that this story may concern, please get it into your skull, you do not own a woman, she is your companion. You are the head and she is the neck, the two needs to work together or go their separate ways in peace.

I do not encourage cheating but if a woman cheats in marriage or a man cheats in marriage, the best is to separate if you cannot live with it and talk it through for improvement.

The right to associate is a fundamental right, so if your wife is cheating on you, try and talk it through and hope for better or let her go.

No justification for a woman beater. #leaveyourmanifheisabusingyou.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by kiddoiLL(m): 2:04pm On May 11, 2016
so whats your story behind this post?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Creamish(f): 2:06pm On May 11, 2016
kiddoiLL:
so whats your story behind this post?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by lezz(m): 2:16pm On May 11, 2016
fancyupage:
To all Nigeria men, please get it into your skull, you do not own a woman, she is your companion. You are the head and she is the neck, the two needs to work together or go their separate ways in peace.

I do not encourage cheating but if a woman cheats in marriage or a man cheats in marriage, the best is yo separate if you cannot live with it and talk it through for improvement.

The right to associate is a fundamental right, so if your wife is cheating on you, try and talk it through and hope for better or let her go.

No justification for a woman beater. #leaveyourmanifheisabusingyou.
Your story seems to stem from a larger experience you didn't state here.

There's no justification beating a woman in so far that the woman did not strike first or initiate violence.

And why do you tag Nigerian men to this?

Violence against women has higher occurrence rate in the West than in Africa!

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by thorpido(m): 2:32pm On May 11, 2016
Op,na vex u take post.Have you been a victim?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by mhizeva(f): 2:38pm On May 11, 2016
You are one of those people rubbishing this world.....

So many women will translate that meaning that they have authority even when they cheat... They will start giving excuses and claiming equality instead of being sorry for their actions.

Review your post it lacks any vital form of message

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 2:39pm On May 11, 2016
thorpido:
Op,na vex u take post.Have you been a victim?

No to disappoint you, I am writing based on Ronke's death and the fact that some men seek to be justifying his anger.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 2:54pm On May 11, 2016
A woman always have authority, so does the man. If a man can cheat and flaunt it, why can't the woman?

my message is simple, if you cant cope because your spouse cheated, move on, don't beat her up.

mhizeva:
You are one of those people rubbishing this world.....

So many women will translate that meaning that they have authority even when they cheat... They will start giving excuses and claiming equality instead of being sorry for their actions.

Review your post it lacks any vital form of message

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by bukatyne(f): 2:55pm On May 11, 2016
mhizeva:
You are one of those people rubbishing this world.....

So many women will translate that meaning that they have authority even when they cheat... They will start giving excuses and claiming equality instead of being sorry for their actions.

Review your post it lacks any vital form of message

What has adultery got to do with 'authority' or 'equality'?

A wife has the right to cheat; the husband has the right to divorce her.

The OP is very clear.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Mamatee07: 3:08pm On May 11, 2016
The Sister's family has come out to say the man even impregnated someone while married which was a bone of contention between them.

Amazing how the men who cheat the most make the most noise accusing their wives of cheating. I guess they think everyone is like they.

So he was cheating and even got someone pregnant and yet she didn't kill him

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by sweetcocoa(f): 3:15pm On May 11, 2016
mhizeva:
You are one of those people rubbishing this world.....

So many women will translate that meaning that they have authority even when they cheat... They will start giving excuses and claiming equality instead of being sorry for their actions.

Review your post it lacks any vital form of message
I'm sorry to say(am I? I think not) but you are talking nansenz.

Yes, they have authority whether they cheat or not, just like the man has authority to walk away if he wants to.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by crackhaus: 3:45pm On May 11, 2016
fancyupage:
A woman always have authority, so does the man. If a man can cheat and flaunt it, why can't the woman?

my message is simple, if you cant cope because your spouse cheated, move on, don't beat her up.

Hard to admit, but all this talk about who has a right to cheat in marriage will be better laid to rest of women collectively try to abolish this thing called marriage rites (bride price) being paid on their heads.

The truth is that some men (even if they don't say or act like it) have this innate belief that a woman who milked them with expenses such as bride list, bride price, paying for almost everything in the wedding including her wedding dress, and basically giving her the big Cinderella wedding she always dreamed of...has no right to cheat on him - it is what it is.

Women should help themselves and help everyone. Whether you're a working wife or not, some men still feel a woman has no right to cheat on them with the way Nigerian marriage rites are structured.

What you should be trying to deal with is the foundation, which poses the question
"Why exactly do a lot of Nigerian men feel that their wives have no right to cheat on them?" - don't rush, think about it deeply and tell me what you come up with.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 3:59pm On May 11, 2016
crackhaus:

Hard to admit, but all this talk about who has a right to cheat in marriage will be better laid to rest of women collectively try to abolish this thing called marriage rites (bride price) being paid on their heads.

The truth is that some men (even if they don't say or act like it) have this innate belief that a woman who milked them with expenses such as bride list, bride price, paying for almost everything in the wedding including her wedding dress, and basically giving her the big Cinderella wedding she always dreamed of...has no right to cheat on him - it is what it is.

Women should help themselves and help everyone. Whether you're a working wife or not, some men still feel a woman has no right to cheat on them with the way Nigerian marriage rites are structured.

What you should be trying to deal with is the foundation, which poses the question
"Why exactly do a lot of Nigerian men feel that their wives have no right to cheat on them?" - don't rush, think about it deeply and tell me what you come up with.

Some Nigerian men need to attend marriage building classes. Any man that thinks the bride price give him the right to treat his wife like a "thing" is a fooooollll. The bride price is more of a tradition than anything.

In the UK men can buy expensive wedding rings to propose, more expensive than the bride price but such men don't treat their women like a thing. Being a woman abuser is a mental health issue and not a bride price issue in my opinion.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by crackhaus: 4:12pm On May 11, 2016
fancyupage:


Some Nigerian men need to attend marriage building classes. Any man that thinks the bride price give him the right to treat his wife like a "thing" is a fooooollll. The bride price is more of a tradition than anything.

In the UK men can buy expensive wedding rings to propose, more expensive than the bride price but such men don't treat their women like a thing. Being a woman abuser is a mental health issue and not a bride price issue in my opinion.
I understand you're upset, but I'm sure you can see I didn't talk about just the 'bride price', but on the whole the way Nigerian marriages are structured.

We not talking about the UK here, but even then I don't think western men take too kindly to their wives cheating on them too.
I've seen cases where these men also feel it's their right to cheat, it's a universal thing for men to think they have more right to cheat so don't even bother with the comparison - it isn't a uniquely Nigerian thing, we just take ours to a whole 'nother level.

This is why I wanted you to answer that question which you didn't, perhaps due to your emotional state at the moment.
But I'll ask again...

"Why exactly do a lot of [size=20]Nigerian men[/size] feel their wives have no right to cheat on them?"

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 4:24pm On May 11, 2016
In the UK, women cheats similarly to how men cheats. Cheating by UK men is so subtle compare to how we make noise of it. Cheating in UK us more secretive.

And to answer your question, I said it is because they are foooollll. An ignorant man is a foolllll. They need classes to give them knowledge.

Just to clarify I m not going through any emotional challenge with reference to the issue. Infact I can never be beaten twice in a marriage. First beating I am out for good.
quote author=crackhaus post=45525406]
I understand you're upset, but I'm sure you can see I didn't talk about just the 'bride price', but on the whole the way Nigerian marriages are structured.

We not talking about the UK here, but even then I don't think western men take too kindly to their wives cheating on them too.
I've seen cases where these men also feel it's their right to cheat, it's a universal thing for men to think they have more right to cheat so don't even bother with the comparison - it isn't a uniquely Nigerian thing, we just take ours to a whole 'nother level.

This is why I wanted you to answer that question which you didn't, perhaps due to your emotional state at the moment.
But I'll ask again...

"Why exactly do a lot of [size=20]Nigerian men[/size] feel their wives have no right to cheat on them?"[/quote]

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by thorpido(m): 4:36pm On May 11, 2016
fancyupage:

To all Nigerian men, please get it into your skull, you do not own a woman, she is your companion..
You start by saying the above and now below you are specific about some men
fancyupage:


No to disappoint you, I am writing based on Ronke's death and the fact that some men seek to be justifying his anger.
I'm not disappointed at all.
Your write-up is apt,it's just that you seem to make domestic violence the male exclusive.I'm sure you heard of the woman who stabbed her husband to death in his sleep.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 6:45pm On May 11, 2016
@fancyupage
shouldnt you have just said:" WOMEN, instead of cheating i suggest you divorce, as your husband could kill you for it.... since they dont react to cheating as we women do"

as much as his act is wrong, she has a part to take, if indeed she cheated. you cant expect any RIGHT outcome from doing something that is wrong.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by bukatyne(f): 6:52pm On May 11, 2016
MRBrownJ:
@fancyupage
shouldnt you have just said:" WOMEN, instead of cheating i suggest you divorce, as your husband could kill you for it.... since they dont react to cheating as we women do"

as much as his act is wrong, she has a part to take, if indeed she cheated. you cant expect any RIGHT outcome from doing something that is wrong.

Are you honestly implying that it is 'OK' to kill a cheating wife/spouse?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 7:18pm On May 11, 2016
bukatyne:


Are you honestly implying that it is 'OK' to kill a cheating wife/spouse?

again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 9:43pm On May 11, 2016
bukatyne:


What has adultery got to do with 'authority' or 'equality'?

A wife has the right to cheat; the husband has the right to divorce her.

The OP is very clear.

Bukatyne see me see wahala oo. I was going to reply her but I could not even construct the words. Like really? A woman should be beaten or killed because she cheated?. Lord have mercy cry

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 9:53pm On May 11, 2016
crackhaus:

I understand you're upset, but I'm sure you can see I didn't talk about just the 'bride price', but on the whole the way Nigerian marriages are structured.

We not talking about the UK here, but even then I don't think western men take too kindly to their wives cheating on them too.
I've seen cases where these men also feel it's their right to cheat, it's a universal thing for men to think they have more right to cheat so don't even bother with the comparison - it isn't a uniquely Nigerian thing, we just take ours to a whole 'nother level.

This is why I wanted you to answer that question which you didn't, perhaps due to your emotional state at the moment.
But I'll ask again...

"Why exactly do a lot of [size=20]Nigerian men[/size] feel their wives have no right to cheat on them?"

To be honest as far as I am concerned a wife really should never ever ever conceive of cheating due to the fact that she may end up giving someone else's baby to her hubby. Very wrong. I honestly believe it is worse for a wife to cheat and I would support any man who divorces his wife due to cheating and this is whether he has cheated or not.

BUT never ever ever in his life should violence be used. If you caught her cheating call her mother and father immediately and inform them of what happened. Divorce her immediately!. DO NOT HIT HER. DO NOT KILL HER. If you do, you are a beast and you deserve to spend the rest of your life in jail or killed by firing squad!

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by bukatyne(f): 9:53pm On May 11, 2016
fem29:


Bukatyne see me see wahala oo. I was going to reply her but I could not even construct the words. Like really? A woman should be beaten or killed because she cheated?. Lord have mercy cry

Na real mercy my sister.

If a woman cheats and you can't take it, send her or yourself packing.

Na by force?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 9:56pm On May 11, 2016
MRBrownJ:


again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

Ridiculous! Consequences of doing something wrong is death!disgusting train of thought

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by bukatyne(f): 9:56pm On May 11, 2016
MRBrownJ:


again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

Nobody has the right to revenge via death.

There are consequences of cheating & death (through the spouse) is not one of them.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 9:57pm On May 11, 2016
bukatyne:


Na real mercy my sister.

If a woman cheats and you can't take it, send her or yourself packing.

Na by force?

The way people reason is mind boggling. Ayam just tired

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by bukatyne(f): 10:01pm On May 11, 2016
fem29:


To be honest as far as I am concerned a wife really should never ever ever conceive of cheating due to the fact that she may end up giving someone else's baby to her hubby. Very wrong. I honestly believe it is worse for a wife to cheat and I would support any man who divorces his wife due to cheating and this is whether he has cheated or not.

BUT never ever ever in his life should violence be used. If you caught her cheating call her mother and father immediately and inform them of what happened. Divorce her immediately!. DO NOT HIT HER. DO NOT KILL HER. If you do, you are a beast and you deserve to spend the rest of your life in jail or killed by firing squad!

What is the difference BTW a husband and wife cheating (apart from the child stuff)?

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 10:08pm On May 11, 2016
MRBrownJ:


again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

People do wrong things all the time, yet I see no reason why we should resort to any sort of jungle justice or even start justifying such; on the contrary, we must always seek to understand and resolve such conflicts in a graceful way or else we will end up slaughtering each other.

I will always prefer constructive solutions to destruction of any kind.

If I find out that my partner is cheating, I can resort to violence, which will give me a fleeting feeling of relief but create more trouble or I can take this experience and use it to my advantage.

The faster people learn to own their emotions the better. Anything else is bondage.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 10:11pm On May 11, 2016
bukatyne:


What is the difference BTW a husband and wife cheating (apart from the child stuff)?

It's just the child thing really. I'm sure we humans evolved to see the female cheating as more of a taboo. Due to the fact that she is the one that gets pregnant and may pass off another persons child as her partners
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 10:20pm On May 11, 2016
fem29:


It's just the child thing really. I'm sure we humans evolved to see the female cheating as more of a taboo. Due to the fact that she is the one that gets pregnant and may pass off another persons child as her partners

This is one of the reasons.

However, anyone can infect their partner with STDs.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 10:36pm On May 11, 2016
fem29:
Ridiculous! Consequences of doing something wrong is death!disgusting train of thought

the consequences of doing something wrong could be ANYTHING... and expecting it to be whatever YOU deem acceptable is a joke. any person reacts differently and people should simply ACT RIGHT, instead of expecting their partners to be cool about cheating (which is wrong, btw). she knew the kind of mad man she was married to, she should have known better than to cheat on a mad man.

Mindfulness:

People do wrong things all the time, yet I see no reason why we should resort to any sort of jungle justice or even start justifying such for that matter - on the contrary - we must always seek to understand and resolve such conflicts in a graceful way or else we will end up slaughtering each other.

If I find out that my partner is cheating, I can resort to violence, which will give me a fleeting feeling of relief but create more trouble or I can take this experience and use it to my advantage.

The faster people learn to own their emotions the better. Anything else is bondage.

yes, you are probably right, but sadly jungle justice is a REAL part of Nigeria that is here to stay.... and people will keep on taking the law into their own hands. is it right? probably not, but thats Nigeria for you where many things aint RIGHT. who are we trying to kid here? go out and see how thieves are killed with a tyres over their heads; how thieving women are humiliated and almost raped; how wives gladly and openly beat up and disgrace the mistress of their husbands etc
THIS IS NIGERIA, stop pretending you dont know how things work, just because it happened to a woman!

bukatyne:
Nobody has the right to revenge via death.
There are consequences of cheating & death (through the spouse) is not one of them.

sadly, everyone has the right to do what they please while facing being wronged, and if that act is against the law then they should be punished for their act. is killing your cheating wife right? hell no, just like cheating on a partner equally isnt. the minute a person does something wrong, it creates a situation where ANYTHING can happen, depending on whoever is at the receiving end... some just walk away and divorce, some get revenge, and others kill. if this is the 1st time you heard about a cheated person killing their partner then "welcome to the real world"... happens very often.

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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 10:39pm On May 11, 2016
MRBrownJ:


yes, you are probably right, but sadly jungle justice is a REAL part of Nigeria that is here to stay.... and people will keep on taking the law into their own hands. is it right? probably not, but thats Nigeria for you where many things aint RIGHT. who are we trying to kid here? go out and see how thieves are killed with a tyres over their heads; how thieving women are humiliated and almost raped; how wives gladly and openly beat up and disgrace the mistress of their husbands etc
THIS IS NIGERIA, stop pretending you dont know how things work, just because it happened to a woman!


As long as people like you (and I cheesy ) know better, there is hope and I believe am sure that things will get better. wink
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by crackhaus: 12:20am On May 12, 2016
fancyupage:
In the UK, women cheats similarly to how men cheats. Cheating by UK men is so subtle compare to how we make noise of it. Cheating in UK us more secretive.
I find it amusing that you keep comparing UK men to Nigerian men...was that the purpose of your thread initially or you don't know what else to say?

Is your problem now based on the fact that men in the UK don't cheat so brazenly, or that women in Nigeria also have an equal right to cheat like Nigerian men do?
It's hard to keep up when you keep changing goalposts...


And to answer your question, I said it is because they are foooollll. An ignorant man is a foolllll. They need classes to give them knowledge.
This answer makes you look like a simpleton, no offence.

Try again:
Why exactly do a lot of Nigerian men feel their wives have no right to cheat on them?

For some reason, I feel you already figured out the well thought-of answer but you just don't want to give me the pleasure.



Just to clarify I m not going through any emotional challenge with reference to the issue. In fact I can never be beaten twice in a marriage. First beating I am out for good.
I'm glad for you, but you fail to imagine that most (if not all) women who've been subjected to physical abuse in their marriages, may have actually held the same opinion.

- Why do you think a lot of women stay in abusive marriages?
- Why is it that those who eventually find the courage to leave actually do so only after the abuse must have gotten really bad?
- What makes you think you'll actually be able to just up and leave after one act of physical abuse?

I'm not a woman but I seem to understand some women more than they understand themselves.

When a man lays his hand on most of you the first time, all it will take to stop y'all from leaving is him offering a plea for forgiveness probably on bended knees (don't deny this) - most of you don't want to be the one among your friends who got a divorce after bragging about how wonderful your man was to anyone that cared to listen, and even worse, most of you don't want to be seen as the one who divorced a husband because he laid his hands on you once...cos this would mean y'all didn't know what you were doing in the first place by getting married to a violent man - so what do you do? y'all stay put and accept his very convincing apology with a belief he'll never do it again.

It's all about the 'optics' for most women - "my family, my marriage, and my husband, ought to look good and perfect on the outside so we can keep being the envy of friends and family.

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