pls remove the must,did she tell you she dnt respect her?

Oyimeoyimemua:
you must respect ur bros wife,inlaws will always make it sound like the wife is a very wicked person
get something doing please
something must have gone wrong somewhere




Being an orphan is not d end of life
I am an orphan too and I didn't let that define me

The nature of comments I read on this thread is totally disheartening.

For crying out loud, this is Nigeria, how do you expect a female full time student to cater for herself completely while in school and still come out in flying colors?
It's not a tad easy..

For those screaming the elder bro owes her nothing?
Like seriously??
It's family first before anyother thing.
Maybe you guys should experience half a dose of what she's presently passing through as that will only make you understand what it feels like been in a tight corner with no help even from an immediate family member who's perhaps in a position to help you but decides to sit back and do nothing.

Humbledbyfaith
Sweetie!! I know it hasn't been easy but you're almost getting to the end of this trying phase.

Have you tried every possible means of sourcing for funds?
Like your extended family, late parents friends, church, townspeople?
If yes!! I'll suggest you defer your admission for a year and see how to personally go about working and saving money.
You already have the skills in hairdressing, have a workable plan on how to make money off and save up for your fees.

Also at school, you could make money by braiding and fixing for fellow students.
It's left for you to manage your time effectively so your studies won't be affected adversely.

See how to talk to your bro when he's in his best mood and and of course at the absence of his wife.

It can only get better dear, trust me!!
All the best.

uplawal:
shes doing peety peety hairdressing,but she cant do much now as she has to concentrate on her finals.

That is where the problem lies..

Now that she has concentrated on her studies nd with reality on ground does she expect grasses to change to money

Please, am only interested in the way out nd not the blame game.

taryour:


yes you are very right freecocoa, the brother wife might be bad, and brother bewitched.

but really it's not about the brother or the wife now. it's about the op being INDEPENDENT of anybody. it will really go a long way in her life before and after marriage.

Ofcourse, I agree, that's why I encouraged her to seek ways to help herself, but then, somehow, we all still need each other one way or another, even if we feel or think we don't. The fact that OP needs to be financially independent, doesn't mean her brother shouldn't help her when he can, she has said she is not lazy and I see where she is coming from, let's even assume she works and somehow, doesn't have money to meet her needs, can't she ask her bro to help if he can help? The point is, she needs help and is sure he can but just won't help, instead he is helping only people on his wife's side, that's not cool na.

you dnt have to know what i will do to help her,even if i cant help her,God will direct some other people to help her,and that should not stop me from encouraging her situation in words,good words heal broken souls,i have christians that are good, that have even helped me in life,its an individual thing when it comes to christianity,its not an insult to christianity either, i only said that because only christians,not all,but most will think the way most devilish women are thinking on this thread,a muslim will never think that way because its a major sin,hope you can distinguish btw major sins form minor sins,this one the brothere and wife are doing can actually land them in hellfire,so take heed.

cococandy:

I've an assignment for you. Stop. Take a deep breathe. And ask yourself how your comment is helping the OP.

The fact that people like me advice her to stop looking up to her brother and try for herself doesn't mean we think he shouldn't help her.
Yes he should.
How about in this situation that he isn't doing it? What's a better advice than encouraging her to see herself capable than dependent?

Does your ranting against his wife and other posters help her? Instead of giving her constructive advice like things she can do to get by, you're indulging her in the pity party that she's been looking all year long.
Ask yourself again if after instigating her to hate the sister-in-law more, you'll be there to give her actual practical physical support that she needs when they get more and more alienated from her brother due to her attitude towards his wife (read her past posts).

Meanwhile you call yourself a good person. Taking the liberty to insult all the Christains on this thread by saying our way of life is evil. What have you done as a good Muslim to help her now?

You're even judging people you don't know. Maybe we should all call our brothers and sisters-in-law to come show you how our husbands have been helping them before you know you're not the only 'good' wife on this thread. Right? Madam good woman.

God !!!!
I am sorry for u sis

I pray that this never happen to my happy family

we are five brothers without any girl
I usually tell my brothera we should be conscious abt the woman we are marring into the family


today I am not wicked
I am not wizard
but immediately u marry a bad woman
it is that time ur wife wil remind u that I am wicked and wizard

so we only pray to marry a God fearing woman

just be prayerful my sis

because there is a tribe in igboland immediately the man marry,he is to cater for all his wife siblings


which tribe are u sis

@cramjones...

I sight you..
U can help a sister abi nah only political jargons u go dey feed us with

Oh so you know good Christians?

How come the Christian way of life was just evil to you few comments ago?
And Why did you assume I was Christian if not your natural bias?
What if I'm not?

Are you at some point in your life going to start reasoning before you talk?

Questions for you to ponder on. If you can.

uplawal:
you dnt have to know what i will do to help her,even if i cant help her,God will direct some other people to help her,and that should not stop me from encouraging her situation in words,good words heal broken souls,i have christians that are good, that have even helped me in life,its an individual thing when it comes to christianity,its not an insult to christianity either, i only said that because only christians,not all,but most will think the way most devilish women are thinking on this thread,a muslim will never think that way because its a major sin,hope you can distinguish btw major sins form minor sins,this one the brothere and wife are doing can actually land them in hellfire,so take heed.

Pls get behind me wicked wife,if you care to read well of my posts you should not be blind to the ."until after she get married honourably",pls carry your fake attitude next door.

taryour:


oh cool. how nice and kind hearted of you. keep rubbing your sibling on the head and parting their back. you know they have you so they don't need to work at all. you should literally give them every kobo they will ever need in life. they should be totally dependent on you.

even after they marry, you will have to continue paying their bills, house rent, kids fees, clothe them and their spouse and also don't forget to give each of the pocket money weekly including their spouses and kids.

according to your rules up their, siblings are never to be independent.

freecocoa:
I know what you are saying dear, your own is even money, my cousin's wife own na food, my yeye cousin open mouth say, food wey him wife cook is for both of them and say them decide to give him siblings no mean say them go demand for the food, if them no give them , this thing even happened in their father's house o, just that it was he who bought what the lady cooked.

See dear, you just have to understand that if your bro really wants to help, he will, except he is more f00lish, wicked and selfish than you thought, of course his priorities have been adjusted, you are still a vital part of his life, family is family, he just has to know that there's a place for you in his life and make comprises, just like you should for him, that's why you need to start thinking of ways to support yourself because he may no longer be able to give you as much as he used to, plus you don't plan to depend on him forever, do you? Why not start now since its actually important you do, to help your brother and yourself? What I don't agree with is him not helping at all, that's not a loving brother.

Don't heap all the blame on his wife, if you think she's coming between you and your brother, it's cos he let her. That's why I said I don't know how strong your bond is but you should be able to call him out, if he talks rubbish, be the adult and tell him he is being an a$$, instead you are there crying, Tah! Cry for what? go talk to your bro jor.

cry? i no ever cry na... this was over 6 years ago na...

banmee:


I don't know if you are serious or not, but I have been thinking of doing something like this come first of January. It would be nice if we, and by we, i mean people who are not rich but can help students in Nigeria with small stipends to sustain them in school. I am thinking of giving one deserving student, no older than 22, 50 to a 100 dollars a month for a year, every year. Problem is the selection process. What do you think?

Thanks in advance bro for ur great concern.I wish I have enough to join in this noble venture,u are the real MVP for me.

uplawal:
pls remove the must,did she tell you she dnt respect her?

from the look of things there is no respect for d bros wife in fact the way she is sounding she see d SIL a rival
this didn't just happen
there is more to this story
inlaws can be funny

mind u am not justifying what d bros wife is doing
but I feel if she behaves well it is the SIL self that will help her get money easily from her bro cos:
1..she is d wife

2 she knows when the Hubby has money or not

3she knows how to approach the man
So complaining on NL will not bring money out of her brother's pocket. Abi how many Niralanders have asked her to send in her acct no for financial help

uplawal:
pls remove the must,did she tell you she dnt respect her?

from the look of things there is no respect for d bros wife in fact the way she is sounding she see d SIL a rival
this didn't just happen
there is more to this story
inlaws can be funny

mind u am not justifying what d bros wife is doing
but I feel if she behaves well it is the SIL self that will help her get money easily from her bro cos:
1..she is d wife

2 she knows when the Hubby has money or not

3she knows how to approach the man
So complaining on NL will not bring money out of her brother's pocket. Abi how many Niralanders have asked her to send in her acct no for financial help?
Babe wise up ohhh,relate well with you sis inlaw and get what u want

cococandy:
When someone gets married, their immediate family comes first then brothers and sisters come second.

When you act towards the wife or husband as if they've come to take something that belongs to you, it will breed friction. Your comments about your brother's wife since he got married shows you think that you guys should come first before her.
Sorry it doesn't work that way.

On the chance that your brother is really uncaring like you've painted, you have no choice than to fend for yourself.
If you didn't have him what would you do? See it as your cross and bear it.

Yes your brother was pulled from private school because your elder brother now has more responsibilities. You're in Nigeria. You've the seen the hard economic situation. When there's more responsibility than money coming in, everyone has to adjust. If he kept your brother in private school, where will the money to take care of his new duties as a husband come from? You may not even know how much money he makes. Don't assume.

I believe members of this forum have adviced you enough. You can't keep lamenting from year to year. At some point you'll have to pick yourself up and realize you're the only one you have. Goodluck to you.

Is there really a need to say some people are first and others follow though? Family is family, even though we all know that everyone has to adjust when marriage happens, no one should have to feel like they don't matter anymore to their family because someone got married.

Some part of her brother does belong to her, so she can make demands and actually expect that they be met(reasonable demands ofcourse) and it shouldn't breed friction if the husband and wife are nice/reasonable. Even if he likes let him be making 100 naira a month, he owes her something but then, not everyone understands family/loyaty.

GoldenJAT:
i pray u don't encounter some situations in life... Just pray fervently u ain't face with situations like this... ur comment really annoyed me, though it changes nothing.... it is only d person that wears a shoe that knows where it is pinching him or her... u ended up saying nothing!!!

Don't mind her jaree. Just because she bakes cake and probably has a boyfriend for financial support

You might be an athiest thats your business, i assumed you are a christian cos muslims wont think in that direction they dare not try it,except the person is ignorant of the words of Allah,even olorishas will not reason like you are reasoning,yeah i got good christians who would do good personnally,but majority would not bother since theres no law saying they should not do such,hence i said christians and that does not mean am being bias or intolerant,i quit replying you.

cococandy:
Oh so you know good Christians?

How come the Christian way of life was just evil to you few comments ago?
And Why did you assume I was Christian if not your natural bias?
What if I'm not?

Are you at some point in your life going to start reasoning before you talk?

Questions for you to ponder on. If you can.

uplawal:
Wao,your generations wont lack by doing this,only wise people think like this.

U are also wise madam,I ve seen ur response to heartless pseudo-feminists here. Nothing is gona weaken ur husbands luv for u.

2sexynet:
cry? i no ever cry na... this was over 6 years ago na...

Lol, you know today is Friday so I have small liquor in me, I assumed you were the OP, no mind me.

Correct woman you be.what if te brother meet the same fate that happened to their parents God forbid do they expect an outsider to care for their lineage?A yoruba adage says eniyan ma nponmi do ongbe ni,meaning you will have to fetch water keep for thirsty days.

freecocoa:
Is there really a need to say some people are first and others follow though? Family is family, even though we all know that everyone has to adjust when marriage happens, no one should have to feel like they don't matter anymore to their family because someone got married.

Some part of her brother does belong to her, so she can make demands and actually expect that they be met(reasonable demands ofcourse) and it shouldn't breed friction if the husband and wife are nice/reasonable. Even if he likes let him be making 100 naira a month, he owes her something but then, not everyone understands family/loyaty.

@Op,

Are you still in dare need? Kindly respond to my pm.

Stay strong!

Regards,

freecocoa:
Ofcourse, I agree, that's why I encouraged her to seek ways to help herself, but then, somehow, we all still need each other one way or another, even if we feel or think we don't. The fact that OP needs to be financially independent, doesn't mean her brother shouldn't help her when he can, she has said she is not lazy and I see where she is coming from, let's even assume she works and somehow, doesn't have money to meet her needs, can't she ask her bro to help if he can help? The point is, she needs help and is sure he can but just won't help, instead he is helping only people on his wife's side, that's not cool na.

vert very true sis, she will certainly need some little assistance once in a while. but I tell you the op isn't completely posting the whole truth. she has never for once said something nice about her brother wife judging from her previous topics. it's more like she dint even want her brother to marry which is kinda selfish. in my second post on this thread I apologise to her for my previous post and I went ahead ahead to read her previous topics.

to be honest, I really don't have any ish with her brother or his wife even though they both have their faults. am more on the op and how she is trying to get herself out of all of this. life is not as we always expect it to be, it deals with everyone in different shades of blow. rather than her sitting and lamenting a way forward is her best bet. her hairdressing doesn't stop her for studying for her final year.

there lots of ladies out their who don't even have shelters not to talk of a brother or sister and they still find their way (doing legal and clean stuff)

her brother and wife should be her priority now, rather the best possible way forward.

I wonder why some pple r so insensitive to d plight of others.
If things is been handed down to u on a golden platter, should u act so condescendingly 2 d less fortunate?
It happened to a childhood friend several yrs ago dat i had to house her 4 d nyt wen her bro nd d wife threw her out, i must say dis a lady that i really admire bcs of her simplicity nd humility.
To say i was stunned would be an understatement wen she called me on dat nite of d incidence... To d glory of God 2day she's doing well 4 herself.
NB:
Pray to be in d Op's kinda situation then come back here nd give ur testament.

Ameen sir.i just wonder,what is wrong with we women,can you imagine responses like "once a man marries then his immediate family comes first, what happens for instance if he has to care for his retired parents,siblings in school and other deprived cousins?they have forgotten God actually places so much roles on men that is why they will forever remain the head of a family

nifton:

U are also wise madam,I ve seen ur response to heartless pseudo-feminists here. Nothing is gona weaken ur husbands luv for u.

look the simple solution your problem are,

1. don't see your bro wife as enemy, she is in her mat home only that she is just selfish
2. do all in your capacity to be her friend, go extra mile to do house chores for her, the work won't kills you
3. if she sends you on stupid degrading errand do it with all joy, it is for limited period
4. let her feel she is well accepted into the family, she will be happy for acceptance
5. make her feel she is deputy commander in chief
6. always ask" any work you want me to do for you ma "
7.dont complaining and don't try to get your bro attention at her expense if you do this you are competing with her.
8. always use ma for her , well
9. Top it all with prayer of favour in her sight

look nobody is immune to the power of love, most people love to be heard also women love to be in control especially in their matrimonial homes. Once you start doing this she will feel she is now in control with no conflict in sight and anything you need she may be the one to get them for you.And your bro also will be happy that his wife is highly respected and loved by you guys. The rest is ....... . It is tried formula. Make a woman in control and you will get her favour. But if you try to drag superiority with her in that house eh heh you will see wennn. Don't even try it.

uplawal:
Correct woman you be.what if te brother meet the same fate that happened to their parents God forbid do they expect an outsider to care for their lineage?A yoruba adage says eniyan ma nponmi do ongbe ni,meaning you will have to fetch water keep for thirsty days.

Lol @ fetching water for 30 days.

OP's story is actually making me laugh because it reminds me of the nonsense nollywood like drama my cousin's wife puts up.

Even if there's no money, she has no place cutting into the conversation like that, when the request never even land, Shior.

uplawal:
Pls get behind me wicked wife,if you care to read well of my posts you should not be blind to the ."until after she get married honourably",pls carry your fake attitude next door.

you are the same one that called me wicked, arrogant,fool,idiot and yet you don't know me. it's a faceless forum woman. you got so much hate in you, especially for Christians and this just proves it

https://www.nairaland.com/1817946/hijra
even a fellow Muslim like you correct you and here you still are hating about. what the heck has religion gotten to do with this thread you really need a brain reset.

enjoy yourself woman. the floor is all yours. have a good night.

I just made out time to read through what a lot of people wrote in here especially the female....

God!!! I can't imagine how heartless some people can be....Was it the Economic condition that made people develop the heart of stone or what?

at least if you can't help, Why compound her problems with harsh words....Some ladies were raised right....they do not need to go to different men for support....I guess the op is in Nigeria...I saw the other thread some graduate were saying there was no job... So where do u expect an undergraduate to get a job if a graduate cannot find one...

In my own opinion, she did no wrong asking his brother for support...And the sister in law has no right to address the girl that there was no money since she was not addressing her. even if there was none. That was the Elder brother's responsibility to say. She was rude saying that..It was a conversation between siblings....

A wife is supposed to be more respective to her inlaws not the sis inlaw acting like a beggar in her lineage,you talking as if you know how the wife been to her as well,what if the wife has not been good to the lady even before marriage? and after,i tell you some women can be very heartless, i am married and i treat my husband family good and if my brothers wife tries rubbisah with me,then shes in for it,infact my brothers wife dare not call me by name cos i dnt call my inlaws by name, i will call her by her name too even if she older than 10yrs,btw am in my mid 30's.

Oyimeoyimemua:
from the look of things there is no respect for d bros wife in fact the way she is sounding she see d SIL a rival
this didn't just happen
there is more to this story
inlaws can be funny

mind u am not justifying what d bros wife is doing
but I feel if she behaves well it is the SIL self that will help her get money easily from her bro cos:
1..she is d wife

2 she knows when the Hubby has money or not

3she knows how to approach the man
So complaining on NL will not bring money out of her brother's pocket. Abi how many Niralanders have asked her to send in her acct no for financial help?
Babe wise up ohhh,relate well with you sis inlaw and get what u want

Infact very rude, if am the sis, i will never talk to her again,but i will forgive her kids born and unborn because our ancestors blood runs in them but for that wife,no no no.

Richy4:
I just made out time to read through what a lot of people wrote in here especially the female....

God!!! I can't imagine how heartless some people can be....Was it the Economic condition that made people develop the heart of stone or what?

at least if you can't help, Why compound her problems with harsh words....Some ladies were raised right....they do not need to go to different men for support....I guess the op is in Nigeria...I saw the other thread some graduate were saying there was no job... So where do u expect an undergraduate to get a job if a graduate cannot find one...

In my own opinion, she did no wrong asking his brother for support...And the sister in law has no write to address the girl that there was no money since she was not addressing her.. That was rude...It was a conversation between siblings....

I do wonder why people are so heartless, why can't people just keep their fingers if they can't help people's issues but compounding it more by making her feel bad.
As a lady and undergraduate it's quite hard to meet up and fund yourself if you're not prostituting around.
People like her are who some men take advantage of because they are needy so the brother should know better. As a man myself, what's in this world? If family comes first that should include his siblings who by right under reasonable thinking he's become their parent to guide them. That family he only sees in his wife now will come back to hunt him because when all is said and done your siblings are your most trusted aly and especially in this case.

The most destructive thing anyone would do in life is marrying wrongly.

taryour:


vert very true sis, she will certainly need some little assistance once in a while. but I tell you the op isn't completely posting the whole truth. she has never for once said something nice about her brother wife judging from her previous topics. it's more like she dint even want her brother to marry which is kinda selfish. in my second post on this thread I apologise to her for my previous post and I went ahead ahead to read her previous topics.

to be honest, I really don't have any ish with her brother or his wife even though they both have their faults. am more on the op and how she is trying to get herself out of all of this. life is not as we always expect it to be, it deals with everyone in different shades of blow. rather than her sitting and lamenting a way forward is her best bet. her hairdressing doesn't stop her for studying for her final year.

there lots of ladies out their who don't even have shelters not to talk of a brother or sister and they still find their way (doing legal and clean stuff)

her brother and wife should be her priority now, rather the best possible way forward.

I agree that the most important thing is a way forward but I still understand why she would lament and may not have wanted her brother to marry the lady.

My family would have preffered my cousin didn't marry his wife but he said he wanted her and everyone had to get on board, believe me sister, there are people you should advice a loved one against marrying, there just are, so OP may actually have good reasons why she didn't want her bro marrying the lady, and from her story, I think it's pretty obvious.

Yes religion has alot to do with every aspect of life except you dnt believe in God,and Islam religion forbids such action in it entirety,maybe the muslim you said is ignorant of that ordinance of Allah,if such muslim can think am wrong then shame to him or her.goodnight to you to.

taryour:



you are the same one that called me wicked, arrogant,fool,idiot and yet you don't know me. it's a faceless forum woman. you got so much hate in you, especially for Christians and this just proves it

https://www.nairaland.com/1817946/hijra
even a fellow Muslim like you correct you and here you still are hating about. what the heck has religion gotten to do with this thread you really need a brain reset.

enjoy yourself woman. the floor is all yours. have a good night.