I couldn't have said it better. OP this is all.

Just take it gradually. Be yourself. I'm sure your husband who is the actual parent will even have to do some adjusting to come to terms that he's now a parent. So don't feel like you've to 'take her as your daughter' immediately based on advice you're receiving.

People don't just fall from the sky and become daughters over night. Even when you have your own child, It takes all of nine months for your mind to be prepared to become a mother to someone and even when you do give birth, you still have to adjust to it with time. So if you're not ready to take her as your daughter, don't feel guilty about it. You're human. People will give you advice that they can't keep themselves.

What you must always remember is that this is none of the girl's fault. So pls be fair to her. Besides she's an adult now. Her presence is less likely to hurt your marriage than if she was underage.

Best of luck.

Eketem:
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy

2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out

3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence.

4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop

5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition

6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day

prettyjo:
forgive him and accept the child.the devil is looking for ways to tear your marriage so that the other woman may come in but don't give the devil a chance.


btw




today is my birthday.

if u have not wished me a happy birthday,then u are wrong

Why you come dey blame devil for this matter now?

If after all test have been done and confirmed she is. Your step daughter. Accept her with love.
Its a test of faith, love and obedience from God. The way you treat her will determine when yours will come.

Very simple take her in and accept her as your daughter in. Be friendly with her, show love and care. I assure you nothing can threathen your marriage. Honestly with this you can be assured of your baby on the way too.

Eketem:
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy

2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out

3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence.

4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop

5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition

6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day

One of the best advice. Great words

I can totally relate to this because my mother was in the same situation. My mum didn't learn of my dads daughter until more than 20 years after their marriage. In fact till today my mother has never met the girl and neither have I. Since it happened prior to your marriage, I would advice that you handle it with diplomacy. It's a big shock but I don't believe it's enough reason for you to ditch your marriage. I would have understood your justification for a divorce or seperation if the child was conceived through an affair while you were currently married to him. Remember you also admitted that he is just knowing about it. Also make sure that he takes a DNA test to make sure that the child is truly his. Just take it easy and don't think too much so that you can allow your body the opportunity to bear a child of your own. Trust and believe that your major insecurities are due to the fact that you have no child yet but I pray that God compensates you soon. Good luck!

I'm not sure if you are still checking this site, but I'm glad I stumbled on your post today. I'm in a SIMILIAR situation with you- been with my husband 7 years and married for 1, and we both found out, ALSO in July (16) that he has an 18-year-old daughter from a brief fling. I miscarried 3 days before we found out... While I have found some solace in sites and from people who have stepfamily issues, I have not yet found someone who is going through something SIMILIAR to I, until I read your post. I'd like to talk with you to process our situation and hopefully normalize my feelings (and yours). Please email me - seek_elevation@yahoo.com

Emily, may God heal your broken spirit, comfort and console you. In JESUS name ...Amen!

Women...I just don't know. How would you conceal such a thing from the father of the child for 18years. And you will claim to love the child. Cruelty is just part of many women.

No big deal mam..u two have been togetha...we all gat old life...and probably he met u,his life was changed...he cme to u and told u..nt hiding it..xo jst find a way in ur heart to ,you knw adjust..

Please tell him to find out if the daughter is really his. If she is his daughter she will definitely add more joy and happiness to your marriage but if she is a bastard, she will definitely cause trouble to your marriage. Ile ti oba tooro, Omo ale ibe ni ko ti dagba. Make sure she is not Omo ale

You have time to type on nairaland... Abeg my advise pray to God and ask for directions.

Na wa

DNA first. After that, if it is positive. accept the daughter, treat her like yours. And i pray that the Almighty God will grant your heart desires soon. Stay blessed.

Before you decide think about this: LOVE

temilola01 the success of your marriage is in your hand. Take that girl and treat her like your own daughte it won't be long your own twin will come.

I doubt if he's just knowing about the girl now. Where has she been all these years? Why now? I don't k ow how to advise you o! Do weytin dey your mind.

I doubt if he's just knowing about the girl now. Where has she been all these years? Why now? I don't know how to advise you o! Do weytin dey your mind.

18yr old daughter or 18yr old galfrend? Jus asing...

I pray she has been properly brought up. You have no choice, accept her and treat her well. She is already an adult though, there is little you can do by way of moulding her. Just see her as another adult, accept and treat her as such.

thorpido:
If he just found out too,then you can't blame him.Some men 'shoot' and go their way only to find out later they 'killed'.There's a daughter here and she needs a father.He has a role to play in her life and you should let him.
It seems your apprehension is based on the fact that you are still trying to conceive.Don't stress yourself,just believe your own child will come.
There's nothing to fear about your marriage,he won't leave you for his babymama.

Sender,
From the way you described your mail and the time of this revelation, it's possible that he never knew about his daughter until recently.
Given the calculations of your relationship and the age of his daughter, it's also possible that she could have been as a result of accidental discharge which resulted into pregnancy.
Just so that he doesn't claim a daughter that doesn't belong to him, it is advisable for him to run a paternity test to verify the identity of the child before accepting her.
On your part please close this chapter by accepting her and taking care of her as your own.
She maybe the doors that you need to receive your own children, she may be the reason why both of you have been struggling with conception.
The uniqueness of marriage is the ability to rise beyond the challenges and blows that threatens the unity and harmony of the marriage.
You have sacrificed so much to be with him and the presence of this child won't threaten the peaceful coexistence in your marriage, so please don't lose hope or feel crushed by this revelation.
God knows better than we can possibly imagine and we pray and hope that he will use every circumstances that have challenged your marriage to prosper your marriage in the nearest future.
Please be strong and surrender everything to God who is faithful to grant you the very desires of your heart.
For more counselling and support, visit www.amaraofficial.com

Just take that daughter of his as your child. It's difficult for you to bear because you are yet to have yours. Don't worry, yours is coming.

Now, you need to fight like a woman who you are. Make sure there is no connection between your hubby and his baby mama. Don't even pretend when you find out he's trying to connect, throw it up to his face.

Don't blame him too much, afterall, you are lucky, he didn't have a boy

@ OP

Please do not mind all these people that are telling you that God has blessed you and that you need to accept her into your home.

This is a full grown adult that they are asking you to bring into your marital home. One that you are not even sure is really your husband's daughter. If she is really his daughter, he can establish a relationship without her moving in. And I'm sure she doesn't need any acceptance from you. She has her own mother and needs only her father.


Also ignore those saying that your own will come as if they are the ones who follow you to see gynecologist. The fact that you can or cannot have kids should have NO bearing on your judgement here. Na so dem go sneak second wife inside your house with your approval because you dey find pickin..

Abeg shine your eye..

Imma say this one time a 18 yo kid aimt a big deal u dont jeed to do too much for her since she is already 18 probalbly in the uni or about to enter....so in 5 years she'll be a graduate
So i think u dont need to worry all u gotta do is keep yo boo from his baby momma n u good

Everyone is absolving the man of blame. 'He shouldnt be blamed', ' accidental discharge', 'he didnt know' blablabla.

Flip roles, assuming a man was posting this, saying his wife has a child out of wedlock,

the "hôes, whôres and bîtches" choristers would populate the thread lready.

So what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

So what, he has a daughter which he do not know then what. Some ladies here advising you to leave your marriage that he is not telling you the truth but i promise you one thing leave that man you have been with for 11yrs and they will get married to him the next day. Respect yourself and stick to your man AND build your marriage. I do not care if my wife to be has a baby already with another man cos i isn't that innocent either.

Trust me if i met a girl that already has a kid, she i will choose first. Nigerians mak una change una mentality oo

this topic n thread was created in July... na now the ish come hit fp... how come?... the woman might av had solution to the problem.... mods n stewpidity

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

take a deep breath and relax. what you need to do is already in your unbiased mind. without advice from me or any other person, when your mind is relaxed, I can see through your writing that you are blessed with wisdom to take right decision at a point like this.
all I want you to do when your mind is relatively settled is to take yourself off the case, fix someone there and advice the person. following your heart will help you keep your family and your blessings will arrive in no distance time. however, be regular in God's presence at this time and always.
success

thorpido:
If he just found out too,then you can't blame him.Some men 'shoot' and go their way only to find out later they 'killed'.There's a daughter here and she needs a father.He has a role to play in her life and you should let him.
It seems your apprehension is based on the fact that you are still trying to conceive.Don't stress yourself,just believe your own child will come.
There's nothing to fear about your marriage,he won't leave you for his babymama.

YOU SAID IT ALL

. By now she should have gotten over it. This incident happened on July 27, 2 months ago.

prettyjo:
forgive him and accept the child.the devil is looking for ways to tear your marriage so that the other woman may come in but don't give the devil a chance.


btw




today is my birthday.

if u have not wished me a happy birthday,then u are wrong

Must you make every thing about you?