Pls I Nid Ur Advise. - Family - Nairaland
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| Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Ajity: 11:13am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Pls good pple of nairaland I nid ur advise...I opened a New acct to post dis... Am married wit kids buh d problem is hubby lives wit his uncle who is also married wit kids, his uncle ask him to com and stay wit him cos hes nt always @home + d house is a big house, so dats where I live wit him after our marriage thou He has hes own site wich is yet to b complete so He doesnt wanna rent any apartment, He wants to move to his house frm dere... D problem I av is d uncle wife always complaining abt food cos we cook and eat frm d same pot, am tired of her complaining abt no food in d house again, gas has finish, cooking soup and taking it to her room and so many other tin even I dont invite visitors cos she wil b feeling lik u av given dem all her food, So many tinx dat I cant even explain... Pls I nid ur advise cos av decided to start cooking seperately buh I dont knw ow to go abt, pls I nid advise on ow to stay wit dis type of person. TIA |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Dyt(f): 11:17am On Oct 07, 2016 |
So sorry Your husband has decided that fate for you Pls manage her You are in her house so therefore abide If you living in another person's house You have to adapt to however they treat you Be it family or friends People are that way 11 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Artistree: 11:18am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Simply start cooking separately, no need for explanations, since she's been doing it. By the way, who provides feeding money? 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by mamadsquare: 11:19am On Oct 07, 2016 |
The best solution is you and your family moving out of there! Renting an apartment for you guys to stay before he completes your family home doesn't make him less of a man. Plead with him to reconsider his stance. What do other members of your hubby's family think of this living arrangement? 5 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by DTOBS(m): 11:24am On Oct 07, 2016 |
Ok, let's get the epistle right... Your husband has an uncle who is married (Great) You and your husband with your kids are staying with your husband's uncle family (wife + kids) ( Too bad) Your husband uncle's wife is acting strange (Why won't she? You re eating her food) Your husband is still staying there (He is not serious) And you re also still staying there looking at doing your own cooking separately? (You re not serious too) *Talk sense to your husband's head *Make plans on how to have Temporary apartment till he finishes his own house *Never see your uncle's wife as a bad person cos she is/was not. 14 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by thorpido(m): 11:31am On Oct 07, 2016 |
What kind of arrangement have you and your husband gotten yourself into?If you were staying in the BQ of a big mansion,it would be understandable. It's either you convince your husband to get a flat while he completes his house or you resign yourself to your present status which will bring a lot of resentment and eventually quarrels in the future. 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Ajity: 12:03pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
I dont knw ow e wil feel if I tell him abt anoda apartment... Buh u guys no d Way naija is dis days assumming dere is money his own house wil av bin completed by nw... Am confuse lik kilode |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by mamadsquare: 12:21pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Ajity: How he will feel if you talk about another apartment? Seems you are making excuses for him in your mind already. If he is so bent on moving straight to his house, he should have done that before you guys got married! 3 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by EfemenaXY: 12:22pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Ajity: Why are you confused "like kilode"? You don't sound very smart and I bet you don't work either. You're a married woman, not a child. If you don't like your situation, you get the hell up and do something about it! What are you doing to ensure your living situation becomes bearable? Do you lot contribute to the feeding and utilities (i.e. rent, petrol to run the gen, etc) or do you just sit there doing nothing but feeling entitled in another couple's home? What are you doing to ensure you get your own place as soon as possible? Nothing? Smh. 11 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by sexymoma(f): 12:46pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
This one mess for person mouth add salt join ooo  4 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Ajity: 1:26pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
EfemenaXY and dyt can I pm u guys |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Dyt(f): 2:27pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by blank(f): 2:48pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Why not help her out instead of cooking separately? Buy the gas you will both use. Buy foodstuffs in the house for her. Pay some of the fuel costs. If they buy fuel every week, buy for them so that it can be every other week. She feels you guys are leaching off her and her family that's why she is acting up. Contribute financially to the house and you will see a difference in her attitude. It's not easy feeding yourself and another family for a long time. 6 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by eyinjuege: 2:57pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
It's not too much for you and your husband to be buying foodstuff in the house. You're not paying rent are you? Every month, make sure you buy enough foodstuff for the whole household, buy bread, eggs and plantain regularly home. Fill the gas at least every month, and if there are extra cylinders make sure you refill as soon as one is empty. When you cook, make sure it's for everyone. There's no free lunch in free town 5 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by EfemenaXY: 5:12pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Ajity: No. 3 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Nobody: 5:30pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
The least you and your husband can do is pay for utilities and food since you're living rent-free. The way you sound sef, you go get big appetite, why won't the madam carry her pot to her room before you eat up all the food in the house. 5 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Ajity: 7:28pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Timbuktou:Lolzzz |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Richy4(m): 8:04pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
i understand the fact that your man tried to save money by staying with his uncle so that he can use the money he would have used for rent to invest it on the building project.... but cooking together, what is wrong with you and your husband's mentality? You people are married for God's sakes... and should cook separably from your uncle.... and when something as little as gas finishes, u or your husband will sort it out because u were living rent free... I do not know how you gonna rectify this crazy style of living but I feel that the anger of your uncle's wife is justified.... 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Ajity: 8:51pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Richy4:tnkx i Richy4:tnkx sir, I tink we wil wrk on d seperation |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Nobody: 9:13pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
I dare say the arrangement you guys are having is a bit queer. However, something has to give. It's either you guys stomach all the thrash being thrown at you by your uncle's wife, or you move out. There is no two ways, or grey area about this one. It's just white and black. Choose. |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by sisisioge: 9:23pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
O lordylordy! Can't be easy mehn. You have to form a reform o. Just tell her in passing while the mood and atmosphere is right that you want to start experimenting on cooking without Maggi or salt... I'm sure she won't want her family eating that. That's how u could launch your own separate pot o. Amo, I wish your bobo didn't have to bring this to the table for you. It's not cool. |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Prettiepearlz(f): 9:33pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
I think the least you could do is help them out with some of the bills.We are all human, I can bet you would do the same if you are in the other woman's shoe (no offence intended). You live in a rent free house due to your hubby's uncle good nature, you are supposed to help with the groceries and even the gas bill, to fill gas now sef na money. So why won't she complain if she isn't getting any help? Madam, please do all these things to avoid trouble or tell your hubby boldly that you think it's time to have a house where you want to be the commanding officer. 3 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Richy4(m): 9:36pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Ajity: Please do the best you can to make it work without fighting or quarreling..... All eyes in that family will be on you ie to know if you want peace or not, if u want to unite or divide the family...... whatever u want to do, have one thing at the back of your mind;your husband is trying to cut his coat according to his cloth, and u have been supporting him all this while, please continue to support him.. and make sure u do all u can to finish your own house...You will only take a cool shower when u start living in your own home no matter how big the mansion you are living presently was... 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by RiloKiley: 9:50pm On Oct 07, 2016 |
Some of you are really mean though. 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by EfemenaXY: 11:47am On Oct 08, 2016 |
RiloKiley: How? 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by jeff1607(m): 2:28pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
It doesn't necessary mean a flat should be rented, cos it doesn't make sense no matter how big a house is as long as you reside there you must share stuff. If you ve noticed all you and hubby has spent is equivalent to renting another apartment cos you tend to please the real occupants of the house, even if u buy or pay for everything in a house, your inlaw will stil find an excuse. Once someone is squatting with another, the squatter will end up trying to please the person a end up spending more he/she might borrow money and no payup. Am guessing ur choice of a house is preventing your man in getting a new place. Go out there look for a small comfortable place n show or tell him if possible try looking for one where agent fee isn't paid cos they charge like helll, tell him and if he doesn't listen then be calm that you have tried. Nothing beats better than having your own privacy, if na self con with attachment sef take am it's only for awhile, unless you ain't telling the truth. He is your husband not your father let him know ( not see ooo) the effect and toll it's taking on your person and kids, if it's a few months to complete den manage all the horrors that would be unleashed, note dat no matter what you do in that house it will never be enough. 1 Like |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Acidosis(m): 3:12pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
Please do not confront your husband on the need to get an apartment. You know his condition better. It takes our fingers to instruct you to confront him, but it actually takes about 300k+ to rent an apartment. If he can afford it conveniently, I'm sure he'd have rejected the uncle's offer.. 2 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Nobody: 3:34pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
OP, you've overstayed your welcome. 2 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by MrDavidson: 3:58pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
EfemenaXY:Ma'am it seems you know you're the one he's directing it at (my guess). Some of your statements are very demeaning, to say the least. Saying the OP doesn't sound smart is very bad. 6 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by Nobody: 5:28pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
The truth is that women have different relationships from men. A man will overlook some things but a women wont and it was inevitable that after a while you and your SIL will have issues. You are also both wives and not really related What also makes it more difficult is that there is no end date in sight. sometimes when you have difficult guests, you know their leave date so you have that to look forward to and just countdown. Unfortunately Both husbands are most likely oblivious to the tensions going on. Your husbands uncle had good intentions, but most times these things dont work out. OP you need to talk to your husband about things, but don't just nag him to "lets leave" You need to be realistic Can he really afford to leave what is your contribution to the property being built and how much do you have put away towards the new apartment If you dont have any money, then start looking for money Also do you and your husband put anything down towards the expenses/food in the home you live in now? If not, then that may be the root cause of the tensions, so you need to both pull your weight. 4 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by southernbelle(f): 6:37pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
You can't really please the other lady till you move out; if you were in her shoes, I'm sure you'll not be comfortable with the arrangement too. But you and your hubby should contribute as much as you can to the feeding. If you can afford to make soup and stew at least once in a week, please do. Nobody will carry the soup you prepared to her bedroom. 3 Likes |
| Re: Pls I Nid Ur Advise. by morayo3: 8:28pm On Oct 08, 2016 |
Dyt:That's the POINT |
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