I have being a guest of this great forum for a long time. I have seen problems being solved here just by first sharing it here in addition with the advices. Not to talk more, straight to the issue that necessitated the creation of this page.

A brother needs advice and help. A little background for easy understanding. A hardworking and enterprising youngman from Edo state (Benin) decides to settle down. While the lady is from the East (Imo). Her story is that she had a kid for a man, the kid passed away @ infancy and cohabited with another man much later. She claimed that she was forced into the marriage by her mom (for her selfish reasons). Which she left because she didn't love the man.
Now it gets interesting, these 2 individuals met and fell in love. The young man does not mind her past because he finds out that she possess all the right attributes of a wife. He takes the lady to meet his parents as the norm. Here, the problem starts, after hearing their son and his request. They refuse to support the union and categorically stated that "it will be over their dead bodies and will disown him if he try to disobey them".
The young man is confused and doesn't know what to do.
Should he obey his parents and leave the lady? Or risk everything and marry the lady?

Any suggestion or help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Why he wan be over dir dead bodies nau....





Ds our cultural old skool lape parents sef

yomi007k:



Why he wan be over dir dead bodies nau....





Ds our cultural old skool lape parents sef

I tired oooo! But are they right to refuse based on the lady's pasts and mistakes, despite her positive characteristics?

scabit:


I tired oooo! But are they right to refuse based on the lady's pasts and mistakes, despite her positive characteristics?

I really dnt feel so.



Everybody makes mistakes.. if na d guy don born b4 shey dem for fit yan like ds?



I thank God my parenta r very soji ppl....





Praise da lord.

yomi007k:



I really dnt feel so.



Everybody makes mistakes.. if na d guy don born b4 shey dem for fit yan like ds?



I thank God my parenta r very soji ppl....





Praise da lord.

There are a lot of mistakes in this world that if you make them,It can either mar or make ur happiness.I personally no matter whatever love I can't settle with such a lady.if the dude loved her,he would have known his parents answers already before telling them her past.

George22016:



There are a lot of mistakes in this world that if you make them,It can either mar or make ur happiness.I personally no matter whatever love I can't settle with such a lady.if the dude loved her,he would have known his parents answers already before telling them her past.

Well no be big deal.


If dey dnt want her, let her be.


Im sure someone worthy will pop up.

She had a baby for a man, what
Your parents may be right happened to the man after the baby died?
She cohabited with another man who she claimed she never loved.........bro open your eyes.
Your parents may be right.
No parents wants fairly used or finished goods for their children

Don't rush into marriage with the lady. Let her spend some time with your family maybe they'll see the qualities you see in her.

Above all, respect your parents' advise and also don't forget that you're the one that will live with the girl and not your parents.

I hope I haven't confused you.

nnamdibig:
She had a baby for a man, what
Your parents may be right happened to the man after the baby died?
She cohabited with another man who she claimed she never loved.........bro open your eyes.
Your parents may be right.
No parents wants fairly used or finished goods for their children

But their sons can turn other girls to fairly used

No parent will outrightly say YES to such union without some reservations. Give them a break, they are humans.


Take note of the word "parent", not e-pocrites.

ElsonMorali:

But their sons can turn other girls to fairly used

That is if you allow yourself to be used when it's not right

Marriage is for life.
Pick the best you come across.
Dont marry out of pity.
When the troubles start, and they will
You'll be the first to start singing the popular song "had i known".

Leave her. Look for better options with less baggage.
This may sound very harsh but its the truth.

Why did your parents reject her, because of her past

Why really would you tell your parents that aspect of her past? Even if they had accepted her, some things (such as her co-habitation etc) is best left btw you and her and not your entire family.

I'm not sure I will marry without my parents blessings but then I won't go about parroting everything about my man to my parents.

Na you wear the shoe, knows where it hurts.

Why tell your parents all the details of her past?It should be your own decision to accept that or not.

Now that your parents have know about it,they will have their reservations and rightly so.
If you can't get them on your side,maybe you should move on.

what're your parents' reason for not wanting you to marry the girl?

If I may ask, what baggage are you talking about exactly?

That she was once a mom?
Or that she had another failed relationship?

You have already assumed (based on your response) that the lady must have been the one at fault. ( I stand to be corrected).

Everyone deserves to be happy and if the guy is genuinely in love with her regardless of her past then why on earth can't he marry her?

5minsmadness:
Marriage is for life.
Pick the best you come across.
Dont marry out of pity.
When the troubles start, and they will
You'll be the first to start singing the popular song "had i known".

Leave her. Look for better options with less baggage.
This may sound very harsh but its the truth.

I dey wonder same q . y did ur parents reject her? @Op

ifyalways:
Why did your parents reject her, because of her past

Why really would you tell your parents that aspect of her past? Even if they had accepted her, some things (such as her co-habitation etc) is best left btw you and her and not your entire family.

I'm not sure I will marry without my parents blessings but then I won't go about parroting everything about my man to my parents.

Na you wear the shoe, knows where it hurts.

thorpido:
Why tell your parents all the details of her past?It should be your own decision to accept that or not.

Now that your parents have know about it,they will have their reservations and rightly so.
If you can't get them on your side,maybe you should move on.

ur right , he told his parents 2 much . every girl has a past , at least dis girl is honest for telling him hers . we all know how judgemental 9ja parents can be

aflyingbird:
I dey wonder same q . y did ur parents reject her? @Op

Her past I guess.Maybe cos she's igbo and he's Edo too.

Mimzyy:

If I may ask, what baggage are you talking about exactly?

That she was once a mom?
Or that she had another failed relationship?

You have already assumed (based on your response) that the lady must have been the one at fault. ( I stand to be corrected).

Everyone deserves to be happy and if the guy is genuinely in love with her regardless of her past then why on earth can't he marry her?

"Everyone deserves to be happy" is a false statement.
Does Hitler deserve to be happy? Does the guy who beheaded a kid in the name of islam deserve to be happy?
No.

She already had a kid for one man.
Cohabited with another man for years.
Has a controlling mother.

Why she left the first man after the kids death, we don't know.
Why she left the second man (indeed, why she agreed to stay with him in the first place even when she didn't 'love' him) we dont know.
Why her mother is forcing her on these men, we don't know.

Why his elderly parents would rather die than see him marry her, we don't know.


Tooo much baggage. Very bad start.

His parents have refused. Let him seek love elsewhere.

What if she was maltreated by these two men and she decided that she couldn't take it anymore?

What if she was forced to live with the other man 'cos her parents considered him financially stable and he promised to get them out of their financial misery?

Yes, she might have made poor choices but when a man comes along and she bares it all to him, if the man feels he wants to marry her along with her bag and baggage, then by all means, so be it. His parents will not be there when he eventually marries the woman with no baggage and he isn't fulfilled/happy.

5minsmadness:

"Everyone deserves to be happy" is a false statement.
Does Hitler deserve to be happy? Does the guy who beheaded a kid in the name of islam deserve to be happy?
No.

She already had a kid for one man.
Cohabited with another man for years.
Has a controlling mother.

Why she left the first man after the kids death, we don't know.
Why she left the second man (indeed, why she agreed to stay with him in the first place even when she didn't 'love' him) we dont know.
Why her mother is forcing her on these men, we don't know.

Why his elderly parents woukd rather die than see him marry her, we don't know.


Tooo much baggage. Very bad start.

His parents have refused. Let him seek love elsewhere.

.

Modified.

Mimzyy:

What if she was maltreated by these two men and she decided that she couldn't take it anymore?

What if she was forced to live with the other man 'cos her parents considered him financially stable and he promised to get them out of their financial misery?

Yes, she might have made poor choices but when a man comes along and she bares it all to him, if the man feels he wants to marry her along with her bag and baggage, then by all means, so be it. His parents will not be there when he eventually marries the woman with no baggage and he isn't fulfilled/happy.

Lol, yeah, that sounds very romantic. He should go ahead despite all odds and marry her, regardless of what his parents think. True love conquers all. I actually wrote a topic on that once.

I was wrong.

But hey, I'm not against the lady here. Or even him. If he loves her enough he can go ahead and face whatever comes of it.

Hey mimzyy. Be a dear, delete that last quote will u

Only if you promise to tell me the story behind the quote (behind the scenes ) yes or yes?

5minsmadness:

Lol, yeah, that sounds very romantic. He should go ahead despite all odds and marry her, regardless of what his parents think. True love conquers all. I actually wrote a topic on that once.

I was wrong.

But hey, I'm not against the lady here. Or even him. If he loves her enough he can go ahead and face whatever comes of it.

Hey mimzyy. Be a dear, delete that last quote will u

Mimzyy:
Modified.

She is not a piece of rag.
She is the most beautiful thing he ever set his eyes upon. He remembers the lovely fragrance of her hair days after she has left his company and that alone makes him smile. He stays up at night and watches her sleep, not believing how lucky he is to have found such a gem. She can do no wrong in his eyes, no wrong at all. Her kiss has more meaning than all the other kisses he has ever experienced, heck, he is blind to any other woman around him. She is all that he sees. She is everything to him.
She is his queen, and he has known her even before they met.

But life is not perfect. People, tribe, the past keep bearing down day after day, night after night. Family and friends fight him and those he holds close to heart offer him no help, no help at all. And the worst if it all is, she begins to crack. She isn't strong enough. Her flaws begin to show. He tries to be strong for the both of them but her mother wont let her see road. His parents are already against him. His blood are already against him.
Love has a surprising way of quickly turning sour. Love alone, sadly, is not enough. And when she begins to act insecure and he realizes those men didnt leave her, she left them because she is fickle...then the sacrifices are all for nothing. Nothing at all.

Not too long ago, we had a thread here in this section about a lady who forestalled telling her man about her past (marriage) until eleven months into the relationship.

What happened next? The man quickly dropped her like a hot piece of coal citing she was "deceptive not to have bared it all sooner". The reaction from most males on that thread was that her secrecy was her undoing.

Now we've got a similar scenario, difference being the lady here opened up from the beginning. And how does @op handle the truth? He runs off to mummy and daddy shooting off his mouth, knowing fully well they'll be against the union.

Now he comes on here creating a thread seeking "advice".

Sigh. Boys trying to act like men.

@op: word of advice - you aren't ready for marriage. Wait till you mature a bit more.

5minsmadness:

She is not a piece of rag.
She is the most beautiful thing he ever set his eyes upon. He remembers the lovely fragrance of her hair days after she has left his company and that alone makes him smile. He stays up at night and watches her sleep, not believing how lucky he is to have found such a gem. She can do no wrong in his eyes, no wrong at all. Her kiss has more meaning than all the other kisses he has ever experienced, heck, he is blind to any other woman around him. She is all that he sees. She is everything to him.
She is his queen, and he has known her even before they met.

But life is not perfect. People, tribe, the past keep bearing down day after day, night after night. Family and friends fight him and those he holds close to heart offer him no help, no help at all. And the worst if it all is, she begins to crack. She isn't strong enough. Her flaws begin to show. He tries to be strong for the both of them but her mother wont let her see road. His parents are already against him. His blood are already against him.
Love has a surprising way of quickly turning sour. Love alone, sadly, is not enough. And when she begins to act insecure and he realizes those men didnt leave her, she left them because she is fickle...then the sacrifices are all for nothing. Nothing at all.

are u prophesying?

Phewwwww. Really deep!

5minsmadness:

She is not a piece of rag.
She is the most beautiful thing he ever set his eyes upon. He remembers the lovely fragrance of her hair days after she has left his company and that alone makes him smile. He stays up at night and watches her sleep, not believing how lucky he is to have found such a gem. She can do no wrong in his eyes, no wrong at all. Her kiss has more meaning than all the other kisses he has ever experienced, heck, he is blind to any other woman around him. She is all that he sees. She is everything to him.
She is his queen, and he has known her even before they met.

But life is not perfect. People, tribe, the past keep bearing down day after day, night after night. Family and friends fight him and those he holds close to heart offer him no help, no help at all. And the worst if it all is, she begins to crack. She isn't strong enough. Her flaws begin to show. He tries to be strong for the both of them but her mother wont let her see road. His parents are already against him. His blood are already against him.
Love has a surprising way of quickly turning sour. Love alone, sadly, is not enough. And when she begins to act insecure and he realizes those men didnt leave her, she left them because she is fickle...then the sacrifices are all for nothing. Nothing at all.

I can only say, it's all gonna be ok. Sigh!

.

EfemenaXY:
Not too long ago, we had a thread here in this section about a lady who forestalled telling her man about her past (marriage) until eleven months into the relationship.

What happened next? The man quickly dropped her like a hot piece of coal citing she was "deceptive not to have bared it all sooner". The reaction from most males on that thread was that her secrecy was her undoing.

Now we've got a similar scenario, difference being the lady here open up from the beginning. And how does @op handle the truth? He runs off to mummy and daddy shooting off his mouth, knowing fully well they'll be against the union.

Now he comes on here creating a thread seeking "advice".

Sigh. Boys trying to act like men.

@op: word of advice - you aren't ready for marriage. Wait till you mature a bit more.

thanks for your advice but u forget that marriage is an issue of a much higher act that needs caution because it is for eternity. I will not try to explain why giving my parents the full gist because one day, it will be known. better now than that time, because it will be a family problem. I didn't expect my parents to react in the way, they did! I know they are right but still confused to accept. their reasons are cultural, traditional and morally based!
more importantly, we are just recovering from another shocking experience (story for another day) involving marriage, and also last male child among 3 women. I don't blame them!
i know what to do but just looking for different opinion on this issue.