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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by daremiarchs(m): 10:40pm On Jan 21, 2017
Seun:

Why don't you want to lose her? Do you plan to marry her? That would be a bad idea. Deeply religious people and atheists shouldn't marry.

Initially, I thought love will cover up our differences and make us even. But I've been made to realise it just doesn't work that way.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MizMyColi(f): 12:01am On Jan 22, 2017
frank317:
To me, ur relationship is ur relationship and ur belief is ur belief... I have learnt over the years not to allow them cross lines.

Relationship is all about sacrifice, while belief is all about being foolish... I don't let foolish things destroy what I have sacrificed for...

I am currently dating a Catholic Christian even after I lost a Catholic sweetheart to death... We will hit the alter by august... Did u hear me say alter?

Yes u did... If u give in ur best in a relationship, trust me, belief will be a very trivial thing... U must be wise about it.

I start by understanding how deeply religious she is, then I make her help my doubt in religion just to play along, I don't come on strong, but I ensure I am loving. Its a whole lot of mind game. By the time she knows I am an atheist, she cannot do without me, but I will allow her to enjoy her theism.

If u love her, tell her u are willing to work out ur belief, since u have made the mistake of telling her earlier about ur belief. Follow her to church, pretend, it's just belief, u are not hurting her by pretending to belief, infact u are making her happy and also making urself happy. Concentrate on making her love for a whole other reasons and at the end of the day, make belief a secondary issue in ur relationship.

If u try ur best it does not work... Move on. There are many fishes in the river.

This is fraud.

What happens to your children?
Who determines the path they'll tow?

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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Nobody: 12:31am On Jan 22, 2017
Damn this is a tough one.
She not picking your calls is a really bad sign, I guess you could give her some time and then later explain your belief more to her, try to be as inoffensive and reasonable as possible, take it step by step and don't force her, in time she might come to see the logic in your unbelief, non of my christian friends have a problem with my atheism, because I present it as logically as possible, rather than just saying there's no God, I question them about religion and God. In time they all accepted as they could see things from my point of view. I wasn't dating any of them though, so maybe it was dfferent. Just take it slow and let her see things from your perspective.
She either understands or she doesn't.
Remember it's hard for her to hear about your unbelief, atheist are really rare in nigeria, she might have preconceived notions about you that you need to dispel first. Atheism is Satanism and those sort to things.
Hope this helps
daremiarchs
Wish you the best

2 Likes

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 12:34am On Jan 22, 2017
GoodMuyis:


You are not being smart but being deceptive, and selfish at same time. In Love affairs, it is not about what YOU want but WE want. at long run what if she cant handle it when both of you got married, she might develop psychological disorders, and murder you so as to correct her mistakes.

You must have being a wicked soul, I just wish........................

Or is Matrimonial life that important to free thinkers

Go and help urself, I have already taken care of me... It God is not even capable of coming into my relationship. Trust me, u want to be as happy as us.

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by finofaya: 1:28am On Jan 22, 2017
daremiarchs:
There's this lady I've had eyes on since secondary school days. I only made my intentions known to her some months ago which I thought was a waste of time but to my greatest amazement she agreed to be mine.
Things were going on fine between us until today, when I gathered my courage to tell her about my disbelief in religion, and since then she refused picking my calls and I'm very afraid I might lose her cry

I'm in pain and I need serious help from you guys, Seun, pidgin2, frank317 and host of others, what do you think I should do?

Maybe you didn't do PR before breaking the news to her. Most theists consider atheism to be a form a devil worship so she might now be contemplating whether you glorify the devil. You should try to show her that not believing in God means also not believing in the devil, and it does not equate to being a hardened psychopathic criminal whose sole aim in life is material gratification. Give her examples of men who have a lot of money and like to donate to charity who do not profess any belief in God so that she can look at them and realise that she has been picturing godlessness wrong. The fact of their godless philanthropy might help to dissolve her prejudices. If your life has been stellar, character wise, you can use it as an example too. She might decide that you're okay, after all.

Or just count your losses...start over with an ungodly female. You can find a few on nairaland. Your lack of faith might not seem like much to you but to most christians and muslims, especially the devout ones, it's major and likely to cause chronic problems in the relationship which no upright citizen of Nigeria needs in their life.

2 Likes

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Freiburger(m): 2:40am On Jan 22, 2017
For future sake, I won't be runing after a girl who refuses picking my calls. Especially when I'm aware of her reasons for doing so.

Find a way of healing yourself.

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by orisa37: 2:56am On Jan 22, 2017
If they hear you, understand your requirements and accept that you're among them they have Faith like Abraham.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MaziOmenuko: 4:52am On Jan 22, 2017
Lots of nigerians have negative perception about atheism; some think/believe you're outright satanic; peharps the girl in question sees you as anti-christ right now. Trust me, when it comes to matters of salvation, a devout Christian is even advised by the Bible to walk away from their family much less a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I believe you should have made her see you are a good person first before throwing such heavy cross for her to bear.

Btw, I married a Christian. My wife knows I'm irreligious, but then we dated for years and within that period, she has seen and loved me for who I am. I have shown her that with or without Christianity, you can be a moral and just person. We still go to church, I have no qualms about that. I see it as a religious obligation she needs to fufil, and as her husband, I will always support her in whatever she deem necessarily. We discuss freely about Christian doctrines; I recently showed her Deuteronomy 14 and she was amazed at the truth behind tithing. Now she has started donating her tithe to charity.

Your case might be complex, but then you'd have to remind her that 1Pet 4:8 says that LOVE covereth a multitude of sins...

4 Likes

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MaziOmenuko: 5:03am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


This is fraud.

What happens to your children?
Who determines the path they'll tow?

You can never shield your children away from religion, irrespective of your stance. The Nigerian society makes sure of that; right from school, they are exposed to the fables of the Bible and indoctrinated therein, unless you want to home-school. I wouldn't want my children to be the 'weird' ones at school, being aleniated and indirectly prosecuted for being 'anti-christ'.
Religion stares us all in the face, it is thrown at us everywhere we go. Imagine the scenario of a birthday party or a social gathering and you are asked impromptu; 'bro frank, say an opening prayer for us', what do you do? Of course you pop up the 'in Jesus name...' And get the party started. No need to tell everyone...'hey guys, I don't do prayers'.

The children will grow up like everyone else in the society. When they start asking questions like we all did, rather than hush them up, I will be there to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But for the time being, I won't be the reason why the society will ostracize them and treat then like sh!t.

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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 7:26am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


This is fraud.

What happens to your children?
Who determines the path they'll tow?

What will happen to them? They are going to have a loving father who love their mum and works hard to make a happy home? Seriously what do u expect to happen to them?

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 7:40am On Jan 22, 2017
Seun:

Why don't you want to lose her? Do you plan to marry her? That would be a bad idea. Deeply religious people and atheists shouldn't marry.

The good news is that most of them are not deeply religious,that's why there is no point stressing it. I rather b,'my husband does not go to church always' type of husband, rather than my wife seeing me as an atheist.

I don't take all these labels seriously, they contribute absolute nothing so my daily husling. Weather God exist or not, it does not affect how I think in terms of survival and making money, or my relationship with people. I find a way to handle peoples thinking and move on.

I can't marry a religious fanatic though, but luckily, I have not even dated one before. A simple look at most ladies u will find out that they are just trying to live up to everybody's expectations and this unconsciously consumes them... Girls easily sway to a favourable side, they mostly need a man to love them. There is absolutely no need to push ur atheism to them when u can actually live with them as one without hassles. In life we must learn to let some things go. Atheism cannot stop me from loving anybody.

2 Likes

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 7:44am On Jan 22, 2017
MaziOmenuko:
Lots of nigerians have negative perception about atheism; some think/believe you're outright satanic; peharps the girl in question sees you as anti-christ right now. Trust me, when it comes to matters of salvation, a devout Christian is even advised by the Bible to walk away from their family much less a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I believe you should have made her see you are a good person first before throwing such heavy cross for her to bear.

Btw, I married a Christian. My wife knows I'm irreligious, but then we dated for years and within that period, she has seen and loved me for who I am. I have shown her that with or without Christianity, you can be a moral and just person. We still go to church, I have no qualms about that. I see it as a religious obligation she needs to fufil, and as her husband, I will always support her in whatever she deem necessarily. We discuss freely about Christian doctrines; I recently showed her Deuteronomy 14 and she was amazed at the truth behind tithing. Now she has started donating her tithe to charity.

Your case might be complex, but then you'd have to remind her that 1Pet 4:8 says that LOVE covereth a multitude of sins...

U see? I always knew we think alike

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by skeendyke: 8:01am On Jan 22, 2017
Op, you have done very well by revealing your belief to her. If ever she returns to you I guarantee you that your being honest to her has made a solid foundation for a long lasting relationship which could potentially transform into a marital union. If she doesn't return to you then accept the fact and move on. No matter how much we cherish someone if they are not meant for us they will never be. You cannot build a relationship on deception. It will crumble as surely as the sun rises. It doesn't matter how long the deception lasts it will crumble like a castle of sand.

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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by daremiarchs(m): 8:01am On Jan 22, 2017
Lennycool:
Damn this is a tough one.
She not picking your calls is a really bad sign, I guess you could give her some time and then later explain your belief more to her, try to be as inoffensive and reasonable as possible, take it step by step and don't force her, in time she might come to see the logic in your unbelief, non of my christian friends have a problem with my atheism, because I present it as logically as possible, rather than just saying there's no God, I question them about religion and God. In time they all accepted as they could see things from my point of view. I wasn't dating any of them though, so maybe it was dfferent. Just take it slow and let her see things from your perspective.
She either understands or she doesn't.
Remember it's hard for her to hear about your unbelief, atheist are really rare in nigeria, she might have preconceived notions about you that you need to dispel first. Atheism is Satanism and those sort to things.
Hope this helps
daremiarchs
Wish you the best
Thanks a lot man

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MizMyColi(f): 8:47am On Jan 22, 2017
frank317:


What will happen to them? They are going to have a loving father who love their mum and works hard to make a happy home? Seriously what do u expect to happen to them?

I'm talking about belief.
Will you be okay with their mother teaching them everything you love to hate about the God of the bible?
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by akintom(m): 9:05am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


I'm talking about belief.
Will you be okay with their mother teaching them everything you love to hate about the God of the bible?

This is one case of the misconceptions, that folks have about atheism.

Atheism is saying that religious beliefs should not be forced on folks via:

*suggestions
*threats
*legislation
*victimization
*discrimination etc

My wife and kid have liberty to believe whatever they choose, as long as they make such beliefs personal and private to them.

My wife is at liberty to teach my kid religion, as long as she doesn't frown at me also teaching my kid the realistic truth about religion.

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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by chubbyswit(m): 10:05am On Jan 22, 2017
akintom:


This is one case of the misconceptions, that folks have about atheism.

Atheism is saying that religious beliefs should not be forced on folks via:

*suggestions
*threats
*legislation
*victimization
*discrimination etc

My wife and kid have liberty to believe whatever they choose, as long as they make such beliefs personal and private to them.

My wife is at liberty to teach my kid religion, as long as she doesn't frown at me also teaching my kid the realistic truth about religion.
your last paragraph is deceit in its highest form and it will only end up destroying your home.

2 Likes

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MizMyColi(f): 10:28am On Jan 22, 2017
akintom:


This is one case of the misconceptions, that folks have about atheism.

Atheism is saying that religious beliefs should not be forced on folks via:

*suggestions
*threats
*legislation
*victimization
*discrimination etc

My wife and kid have liberty to believe whatever they choose, as long as they make such beliefs personal and private to them.

My wife is at liberty to teach my kid religion, as long as she doesn't frown at me also teaching my kid the realistic truth about religion.

Interesting.
So, in other words, there is no unity in the family as regards belief (whose importance cannot be underplayed).

So your wife teaches them to believe in the God of the Christian Bible...
Then you come in as the head of the family to debunk whatever their mom fills their head with.

Who is fooling who?

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Tonyosas101(m): 10:36am On Jan 22, 2017
menxer:


I have come to understand it takes a lot of study, logical reasoning, and correlation to undo your childhood belief/programming.

Asking her for reasons when most girls are not into logical reasoning of "my pastor said" is asking for trouble.
I concur
I know she won't be able to counter his belief but it will help them get together
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MizMyColi(f): 10:36am On Jan 22, 2017
MaziOmenuko:


You can never shield your children away from religion, irrespective of your stance. The Nigerian society makes sure of that; right from school, they are exposed to the fables of the Bible and indoctrinated therein, unless you want to home-school. I wouldn't want my children to be the 'weird' ones at school, being aleniated and indirectly prosecuted for being 'anti-christ'.
Religion stares us all in the face, it is thrown at us everywhere we go. Imagine the scenario of a birthday party or a social gathering and you are asked impromptu; 'bro frank, say an opening prayer for us', what do you do? Of course you pop up the 'in Jesus name...' And get the party started. No need to tell everyone...'hey guys, I don't do prayers'.

The children will grow up like everyone else in the society. When they start asking questions like we all did, rather than hush them up, I will be there to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But for the time being, I won't be the reason why the society will ostracize them and treat then like sh!t.

I support you.
You have made tangible points.
I don't go to church, but DD is baptized in one.
If I refuse, all hell shall be let loose from relatives. Lol

While it is true that we cannot totally shield them from religion, we can help them lay foundations on certain things, albeit subtly.
Chief among them would be, that they are perfect as they are....they do not need to do anything to feel accepted and loved by me, their Dad or any Deity. The xtian religion is one culprit that erodes self esteem in young people.

I know what it's like growing up for the most part of my life feeling unworthy because I keep sinning and asking for forgiveness. I have experienced what it's like to live in fear of hell...
There is no way I will allow anyone indoctrinate my kids with such. If they teach them, I will pull down that thought process.

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Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Nobody: 10:41am On Jan 22, 2017
MaziOmenuko:


You can never shield your children away from religion, irrespective of your stance. The Nigerian society makes sure of that; right from school, they are exposed to the fables of the Bible and indoctrinated therein, unless you want to home-school. I wouldn't want my children to be the 'weird' ones at school, being aleniated and indirectly prosecuted for being 'anti-christ'.
Religion stares us all in the face, it is thrown at us everywhere we go. Imagine the scenario of a birthday party or a social gathering and you are asked impromptu; 'bro frank, say an opening prayer for us', what do you do? Of course you pop up the 'in Jesus name...' And get the party started. No need to tell everyone...'hey guys, I don't do prayers'.

The children will grow up like everyone else in the society. When they start asking questions like we all did, rather than hush them up, I will be there to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But for the time being, I won't be the reason why the society will ostracize them and treat then like sh!t.

This post is as beautiful as it is honest cool
I like it even though I believe in God....I am not religious though, but I go thru the motions sometimes, inevitable, this
Cheers
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by akintom(m): 10:49am On Jan 22, 2017
chubbyswit:
your last paragraph is deceit in its highest form and it will only end up destroying your home.

You see, religious mentality, certainly makes folks to be myopic and irritatingly shallow in their thinking.

*have you seen or know of Christian folk who married a Muslim folk? And the family is healthy? The children chose either beliefs of the parents?

* you may not know, atheists and theists do have a healthy home.

* are Christians homes not suffering the same challenges that marriages go through?

* are Christians, even the pastors and Bishop not divorcing?

Strive to read the writings of rational folks without religious lens.

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 11:00am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


I'm talking about belief.
Will you be okay with their mother teaching them everything you love to hate about the God of the bible?

The moral teaching in the Bible is very good for kids... Why wouldn't every reasonable father accept it? Kids need to belong, they need to relate with others, I can't deny them of that...

I will always be their father, the truth must be told at the right time.. besides I am too mature and intelligent to allow a common thing as belief in an imaginary being created problem in my family.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by akintom(m): 11:02am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


Interesting.
?
It's interesting to you because, just like most Christians, you folk have difficulty in accepting the fact that the whole of human experience, and in this instance, marriage relationship, is not SOLELY defined by religious illusions and delusions.



MizMyColi:

So, in other words, there is no unity in the family as regards belief (whose importance cannot be underplayed).
?
Who told you that it's all human beings, that values a romance with some horrific and monstrous Jewish Idol, called god by you sheepmaniacs?



MizMyColi:

So your wife teaches them to believe in the God of the Christian Bible...
Then you come in as the head of the family to debunk whatever their mom fills their head with.

Who is fooling who?
Raising a kid in an environment, where as many as possible sources of knowledge is freely made available, and allowing the kid to take their informed decision, is the most healthy one. Ask psychologist, for the expanded benefits of this type of environmental type.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by frank317: 11:02am On Jan 22, 2017
MizMyColi:


I support you.
You have made tangible points.
I don't go to church, but DD is baptized in one.
If I refuse, all hell shall be let loose from relatives. Lol

While it is true that we cannot totally shield them from religion, we can help them lay foundations on certain things, albeit subtly.
Chief among them would be, that they are perfect as they are....they do not need to do anything to feel accepted and loved by me, their Dad or any Deity. The xtian religion is one culprit that erodes self esteem in young people.

I know what it's like growing up for the most part of my life feeling unworthy because I keep sinning and asking for forgiveness. I have experienced what it's like to live in fear of hell...
There is no way I will allow anyone indoctrinate my kids with such. If they teach them, I will pull down that thought process.
Exactly... U got the drill
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Nobody: 11:21am On Jan 22, 2017
very mature advices in this thread.......
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by niyihawking(m): 11:22am On Jan 22, 2017
MaziOmenuko:


You can never shield your children away from religion, irrespective of your stance. The Nigerian society makes sure of that; right from school, they are exposed to the fables of the Bible and indoctrinated therein, unless you want to home-school. I wouldn't want my children to be the 'weird' ones at school, being aleniated and indirectly prosecuted for being 'anti-christ'.
Religion stares us all in the face, it is thrown at us everywhere we go. Imagine the scenario of a birthday party or a social gathering and you are asked impromptu; 'bro frank, say an opening prayer for us', what do you do? Of course you pop up the 'in Jesus name...' And get the party started. No need to tell everyone...'hey guys, I don't do prayers'.

The children will grow up like everyone else in the society. When they start asking questions like we all did, rather than hush them up, I will be there to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But for the time being, I won't be the reason why the society will ostracize them and treat then like sh!t.
your wisdom is immeasurable.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Nobody: 11:37am On Jan 22, 2017
daremiarchs:
There's this lady I've had eyes on since secondary school days. I only made my intentions known to her some months ago which I thought was a waste of time but to my greatest amazement she agreed to be mine.
Things were going on fine between us until today, when I gathered my courage to tell her about my disbelief in religion, and since then she refused picking my calls and I'm very afraid I might lose her cry

I'm in pain and I need serious help from you guys, Seun, pidgin2, frank317 and host of others, what do you think I should do?

What I think you should do is to leave her alone and don't drag her soul to hell with you.

On the other hand, you can genuinely start your search for God in earnest instead of wasting precious time on the internet. Maybe if she sees your efforts she can come back and help you in the search.

If I were her father I'd get a court injunction restraining you from coming within a 5km radius to my daughter. And I mean it.
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by HCpaul(m): 1:21pm On Jan 22, 2017
SirWere:
very mature advices in this thread.......

In fact, extremely mature.

The guy should just find a way to satisfy her emotionally if truly he loves her. That alone will makes her feel happy.

Our pretense some times as atheists are sacrifice.

We just have to understand the environment that we are.... and by doing so, we aught to find a way to enhance our unity and makes other people feel happy.

Atheism helps us to be less emotional or probably to be able to control it.

If been a Christian will make his gal happy, let it be (at least in pretence) .

1 Like

Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by MizMyColi(f): 1:31pm On Jan 22, 2017
frank317:


The moral teaching in the Bible is very good for kids... Why wouldn't every reasonable father accept it? Kids need to belong, they need to relate with others, I can't deny them of that...

I will always be their father, the truth must be told at the right time.. besides I am too mature and intelligent to allow a common thing as belief in an imaginary being created problem in my family.

Imaginary, you say?

Lol
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by daremiarchs(m): 2:35pm On Jan 22, 2017
Ioannes:


What I think you should do is to leave her alone and don't drag her soul to hell with you.

On the other hand, you can genuinely start your search for God in earnest instead of wasting precious time on the internet. Maybe if she sees your efforts she can come back and help you in the search.

If I were her father I'd get a court injunction restraining you from coming within a 5km radius to my daughter. And I mean it.
cry see bad belle
Re: Dear Atheists, Help A Brother In Need. by Nobody: 2:38pm On Jan 22, 2017
daremiarchs:

cry see bad belle

Don't cry dear. It's the fact.

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