computergeek:
Dominique is viewing. Mama please get them to take this to FP. Even if I don't get the advice I need, women really need to follow this thread. Someone could beat you to the brink of death!!! You could land in the hospital!!! I lifted a woman with a broken face into my car, her kids crying, my son speechless.

My husband does not seem like he wants to let this go. He's an activist lol.

Richy4:

The woman is ashamed and embarrassed with herself. She doesn't have any source of income, no job, probably her family has warned her against marrying the man but she went ahead.. that is probably why she wants to die trying.

virgoquin:
look at this one.. you just described the women in your life as the ones who are foolish and befitting of the title.

Mumu that thinks life starts and end with their chewing stick penis. Kwasia!

computergeek:
Lalasticlala I think you guys really need to have a revisit about the kind of posts the forum needs to read. It took me a long time to decide to share this cos I wasn't sure I should discuss any personal issues here, but I had to cos I felt I needed to reach a wide audience of women dying possibly dying in silence.

I'm not teaching you your job but please put the forum to the actual use it was created for. Let someone find a reason to save herself on time.

Amanee:
Just find another babysitter for your son and withdraw the police case. There is nothing you or your husband can do if she doesn't want to charge her husband for battery and assault.

There are many things they can do for her. Op do everything in your power to help her. Do not wait for when she eventually dies before you start regretting on not doing something.
I just pity her children

computergeek:
My son won't be going back there, but I'm worried for her and those innocent kids.

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

pocohantas:
She wouldn't leave just because you want her to leave. She would only leave when she decides to leave- hopefully it isn't to the great beyond.

Nigerian women have been brainwashed into thinking they are nothing without marriage.

Even when it is endangering to their lives, they keep fighting for same marriage. Maybe because they don't have the financial strength to stand alone...

They always forget one thing, the same people that would call you "olosho, divorcee or feminist" for walking out of an abusive marriage...are the same people that will type "RIP, why didn't she leave?". But that is when you are dead anyway.

You can't plase humans. So, just please you...

As for the case, well, obey her wish. She knows him better.

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

computergeek:
Lalasticlala I think you guys really need to have a revisit about the kind of posts the forum needs to read. It took me a long time to decide to share this cos I wasn't sure I should discuss any personal issues here, but I had to cos I felt I needed to reach a wide audience of women dying possibly dying in silence.

I'm not teaching you your job but please put the forum to the actual use it was created for. Let someone find a reason to save herself on time.

daddytime:
Hmmm

This is Stockholm syndrome at its best.

I'd advise you keep your son away from witnessing such traumatic scenes and abuses because it would be very damaging to his young fragile psyche. And to think that such damage wasn't coming directly from his/your homestead? Save the young man all the stress, please.

As for the couple, to talk put for husband and wife matter dey tire person jare

Advocate500:
what have u said in essence? Sorry but ur advice sounds more like that of a selfish woman.

dominique:
Sadly, there's only so much you can do for a woman in an abusive marriage that doesn't want to leave. There's nothing you can do to convince her to flee from danger, but for the sake of her kids don't give up on her. From your narrative, it's easy to conclude that she's from a poor family and doesn't have a steady means of income. Her family will prefer she remains in the marriage as they might not be able to cope with feeding her and her kids. She is not working, so how will she cope with fending for two kids on her own? That's probably what's still keeping her in the marriage, that and the stigma that is attached to divorced women. I wouldn't drop the police case if I were you, let it be on their records that Mr Xyz has an history of physical assault and battery.

Ishilove:

My sister, if I were you I will dabble to the extent people will call me a witch. Not because of the silly woman but for the sake of her innocent children. I will go through her phone and call her family members. I will take pictures and broadcast it to them, making it seem worse than it already is. I will make noise to the extent people will call me busybody. I will even give policemen money to trump up charges like 'attempted murder.'

It's not meddling. It's called tough love.

If she dies from one of the beatings, you will feel guilty because you had a chance to try to save her but you didn't.

I really cannot wrap my head around women enduring domestic abuse. I know some people will advice her to pray, and yes prayer is one of the keys to turning around a bad marriage, but kindly pray far from where his iron fists can dislocate your jaw.

Don't stay in a toxic environment. Flee!!