Please I want to know your experience.

Growing up in a Chauvinistic
society where men are viewed as alpha creature without emotions and at such facilitate gross neglect of their psychological well-being. The notion of men as alpha beings has done more harm than good. Men are somehow not expected to have emotions. They are not expected to cry when hurt, the society have also groomed women into viewing men as such (special note to mothers). I won’t play the blame game here, we are all victims of the environment we are born into.

A man is weak when he cries.
He’s not a man if he shows emotions.
He’s just meant to be this being with staunch control over everything and the ability to handle it all.

What bothers me most is the sexual abuse that boys(/men) go through that is somehow swept under the carpet.
Sexual abuse in any gender should be frowned at and treated with utter disdain. But then, I noticed men do not come out often to reports sexual abuse , even if it took place when they were young.
Why is this so?
Are you scared people will mock you? Are you aware that there are agencies that are committed to helping you get justice if you wish?

My question is, does it mean boys are not sexually assaulted? Does it not affect them psychologically? Is our chauvinistic society an enabler of this form of abuse ?

I am a feminist and it really saddens me to see the disservice sexism has done to men. I don’t deny that men have some privileges due to sexism but that’s story for another day.

I often wonder what it must feel like to not cry because I don’t want to be labeled weak.
To always give up my happiness cos I want to be a ‘man’
To not report sexual abuse cos everyone will say “didn’t you enjoy it”?
I know a lot of my peers who were sexually abused but chose not to see it as such, they sort of nonchalantly dismiss it as a ‘no biggy ‘ . But then, I also know those it damaged psychologically.

Are parents aware that boys are also endangered? Are you aware that ‘house boys & house girls’ sexually hunt boys, let’s not even mention aunts. Theirs is even worse in the sense that he can be penetrated anally and also asked be asked to penetrate the girl. Are we even aware that such memories taunt them for life?

Please I want to know the experience of any man who was the victim of sexual assault. How did it start? Any advice for parents of today? Is there something your parents could have done better to protect you? Was the crime perpetrated by family member or strangers? How are you healing? Do you need help? Do you want to talk about it?
Please open up on this thread. Sending you hugs, kisses and love. You are not the problem, you were just a victim.
Your emotions are valid and you don’t have to suppress it. You have the right to be angry.

If we have few more women like this, the society will be sane. I agree with everything you said and having this kinda mentality of thinking outside the box or outside what the society sees as norm is the maturity needed for marriage. Unfortunately many young girls just follow the bandwagon's status quo and expect a different result. Little wonder they have problems in marriage.

An additional info I wanna add is that, men are naturally more on the forgiving side than ladies. It could be an additional reason why they let go of some of such experiences especially the petty ones. If men were to press charges (like women do) on every little offenses they go thru in women's hands including marriage, this world won't be peaceful at all. Unfortunately only few women, such as you, know the pain they bear to forgive and let go of many issues, while women keep repeating same annoying mistakes again and again and keep malice over little issues simply cus she's a woman and the society does not support a pained reaction from the man such as harshness or even beating. If the man does that, another extremely breaking step would be taken by the woman which is divorce... Something contrary to the laws of love and forgiveness.

However I agree there shd be limit to what a man shd swallow in d name of forgiveness for the sake of psychological well-being, health and longevity.

In other words, the grievance or the horror level of the abuse is also a determinant. If it's a really demeaning one, the manly forgiving ability may not come to play anymore

Oluromantic:
If we have few more women like this, the society will be sane. I agree with everything you said and having this kinda mentality of thinking outside the box or outside what the society sees as norm is the maturity needed for marriage. Unfortunately many young girls just follow the bandwagon's status quo and expect a different result. Little wonder they have problems in marriage.

An additional info I wanna add is that, men are naturally more on the forgiving side than ladies. It could be an additional reason why they let go of some of such experiences especially the petty ones. If men were to press charges (like women do) on every little offenses they go thru in women's hands including marriage, this world won't be peaceful at all. Unfortunately only few women, such as you, know the pain they bear to forgive and let go of many issues, while women keep repeating same annoying mistakes again and again and keep malice over little issues simply cus she's a woman and the society does not support a pained reaction from the man such as harshness or even beating. If the man does that, another extremely breaking step would be taken by the woman which is divorce... Something contrary to the laws of love and forgiveness.

However I agree there shd be limit to what a man shd swallow in d name of forgiveness for the sake of psychological well-being, health and longevity.

In other words, the grievance or the horror level of the abuse is also a determinant. If it's a really demeaning one, the manly forgiving ability may not come to play anymore

Lol wetin you dey talk? What has your response got to do with the OP?

It’s very sad to hear men brag they started having sex at 12, no, you were raped. I feel not viewing themselves as victims it’s a way to deal with it. I remember when a Hollywood actor came out that he was sexually assaulted, while the metoo people empathized his fellow men made fun of him. Also, some people don’t even believe a grown man can be raped.

Abused men refuse to see themselves as victims, the toxic culture of male masculinity has aided this evil abusers to continue their evil ways unchecked. It’s a sick cycle. Parents, men and women, while you take steps to avoid your girl child been abused please don’t forget the boys.

Jullima:

Lol wetin you dey talk? What has your response got to do with the OP?

Kunkun say you don't understand so we can know you're too young for what's been talked about instead of shining teeth

Oluromantic:
If we have few more women like this, the society will be sane. I agree with everything you said and having this kinda mentality of thinking outside the box or outside what the society sees as norm is the maturity needed for marriage. Unfortunately many young girls just follow the bandwagon's status quo and expect a different result. Little wonder they have problems in marriage.

An additional info I wanna add is that, men are naturally more on the forgiving side than ladies. It could be an additional reason why they let go of some of such experiences especially the petty ones. If men were to press charges (like women do) on every little offenses they go thru in women's hands including marriage, this world won't be peaceful at all. Unfortunately only few women, such as you, know the pain they bear to forgive and let go of many issues, while women keep repeating same annoying mistakes again and again and keep malice over little issues simply cus she's a woman and the society does not support a pained reaction from the man such as harshness or even beating. If the man does that, another extremely breaking step would be taken by the woman which is divorce... Something contrary to the laws of love and forgiveness.

However I agree there shd be limit to what a man shd swallow in d name of forgiveness for the sake of psychological well-being, health and longevity.

In other words, the grievance or the horror level of the abuse is also a determinant. If it's a really demeaning one, the manly forgiving ability may not come to play anymore

Your opinion is valid. However, I would appreciate if you can give opinion a bit on sexual abuse against men. It will give me better understanding of 2 sides of same coin. Thanks

Jullima:
It’s very sad to hear men brag they started having sex at 12, no, you were raped. I feel not viewing themselves as victims it’s a way to deal with it. I remember when a Hollywood actor came out that he was sexually assaulted, while the metoo people empathized his fellow men made fun of him. Also, some people don’t even believe a grown man can be raped.

Abused men refuse to see themselves as victims, the toxic culture of male masculinity has aided this evil abusers to continue their evil ways unchecked. It’s a sick cycle. Parents, men and women, while you take steps to avoid your girl child been abused please don’t forget the boys.

The bragging part is what gets to me. I don’t see ladies bragging about having sexual relationships so early in life.

This also had me wondering, are women more likely to be damaged psychologically due to abuse cos they are naturally emotional or is it because of they societal grooming?

Just to buttress further, a man can brag about having a body count of 100 and applauded while a lady is shamed for having a body count of 3.

Men are groomed to see sex as between 2 people “the user and the used”. When a man have sex, he somehow believes he is the one ‘using’ them and at such their ego is fueled. However, a woman is groomed to believe she is ‘used’ during sex and at such always view herself as the victim of the circumstance.

Could this be why men fail to understand the concept of rape?

Nellychinma20:


The bragging part is what gets to me. I don’t see ladies bragging about having sexual relationships so early in life.

This also had me wondering, are women more likely to be damaged psychologically due to abuse cos they are naturally emotional or is it because of they societal grooming?

Just to buttress further, a man can brag about having a body count of 100 and applauded while a lady is shamed for having a body count of 3.

Men are groomed to see sex as between 2 people “the user and the used”. When a man have sex, he somehow believes he is the one ‘using’ them and at such their ego is fueled. However, a woman is groomed to believe she is ‘used’ during sex and at such always view herself as the victim of the circumstance.

Could this be why men fail to understand the concept of rape?

You are just starting to hit the nail on the head.

Somehow, society thinks it is 'not so bad' for boys to have early sex experiences: he is not 'disflowered', he can't get pregnant, he is a man so sexual chastity or purity doesn't count.

This then spills into how they view sex on future.

Op I don't know you but I wish to have a lady with such intellect as yours as my wife,
I want to ask you a question

In marriage who do you think should make the final decisions regarding the home

Marriage is a partnership and it’s very important that the 2 partners have ‘common sense’. With common sense life is very easy.
When it comes to decisions that affects both parties diplomacy must be involved to see that no one is constantly sacrificing their happiness for the sake of peace.
I personally believe both reasonable parties must reasonably bring suggestions to the table and decide. But then what if one has better judgment and good decision making abilities, then leave it to that person. Marriage shouldn’t be a tug of war. Both parties must always look out for each other in any decision. Hope this helps

GANAYAD:
Op I don't know you but I wish to have a lady with such intellect as yours as my wife,
I want to ask you a question

In marriage who do you think should make the final decisions regarding the home

Sub consciously as a man your brain is programmed to see sex as a sort of achievement which you can brag about and that makes us cheap only few men can resist a lady's temptation, I think that's why male rape is under reported

I have always been concerned about Male Rape/ Male child molestation too but there is nothing I or any lady can do. Or how do you fight for people who don't feel cheated or harmed or concerned about the situation? Some don't see the injustice, some do not even believe Men can be raped. To them as long as there is "erection" it isn't rape. Sometimes ago, a thread about a guy that was raped some years ago graced NL front page and I was shocked by the comments made by NL posters, majorly Men themselves. I was devastated! Of course I engaged some posters but it was a lost battle. Very annoying!

Yes the society is really a sick one but little do we know that we and our actions make this society.Investigate Rapists, question them and you will realize how much harm that had been done to them when they were young. Most are simply propagating seeds sown into them. How will A male child who was molested, neglected and excepted to grow through it, ever respect a female or her body? A child whose first experience of sexual relief was through manipulations and force will only see these means as ways to relief is sexual urges.
Do you know the pains they go through? And living in a world they aren't permitted to share their awful experience turns them to bitter and vengeful lots!
It's very funny how we neglect Male Child molestation /Male Rape but we scream, wail and complain about Rapists and Pedophiles. Hello? We are only reaping what we sow!... Kick against Rape across all genders then we would have a saner Society!

To the mother's in the house, change your orientation and be your children both male and female best friend. Teach your male child to open up, to express his pains and that it's very okay to cry! Enough of the bottling up just because you want to appear strong! It's killing!

Ariza:
I have always been concerned about Male Rape/ Male child molestation too but there is nothing I or any lady can do. Or how do you fight for people who don't feel cheated or harmed or concerned about the situation? Some don't see the injustice, some do not even believe Men can be raped. To them as long as there is "erection" it isn't rape. Sometimes ago, a thread about a guy that was raped some years ago graced NL front page and I was shocked by the comments made by NL posters, majorly Men themselves. I was devastated! Of course I engaged some posters but it was a lost battle. Very annoying!

It was really annoying. These men don't see themselves as victims rather they view themselves as Pussy devours or explores who are privileged to have tasted pussy earlier.
They try their best to frustrate anyone esp. guy who felt he was abused and want to Speak out for justice.

You would see male who was molested at 12 thanking his abuser for exposing to him such lifestyles.

You would see comment like"Aunty Tina, God bless you where you are" after recounting their childhood sex stories. how would you help someone like that?

Sadly, they grow up with that mentality and extend it to the next generation. The following generation in acknowledgment see it as norm.
The truth? The men are the ones downplay this issue. I truly wish they could speak up and challenge their abusers. We need their support to tackle this issue.

To change the narrative, they should lead the movement. Child molestation should be discouraged and frown up on by all.

Ishilove. Pls move this thread to Frontpage.

Nellychinma20:


The bragging part is what gets to me. I don’t see ladies bragging about having sexual relationships so early in life.

This also had me wondering, are women more likely to be damaged psychologically due to abuse cos they are naturally emotional or is it because of they societal grooming?

Just to buttress further, a man can brag about having a body count of 100 and applauded while a lady is shamed for having a body count of 3.

Men are groomed to see sex as between 2 people “the user and the used”. When a man have sex, he somehow believes he is the one ‘using’ them and at such their ego is fueled. However, a woman is groomed to believe she is ‘used’ during sex and at such always view herself as the victim of the circumstance

Could this be why men fail to understand the concept of rape?

You hit the nail.

CAPSLOCKED:
WHEN A MAN REPORTS RAPE, THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN

1. HIS FELLOW MEN AND SEVERAL WOMEN WILL CALL HIM WEAK FOR ALLOWING WOMEN OVERPOWER HIM.
2. THEY'LL TELL HIM TO STOP PRETENDING LIKE HE DIDN'T ENJOY IT.
3. SOME WOMEN WILL START TO ARGUE ON THE PREMISE, THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO RAPE A MAN.
4. THE MEN AROUND WILL SAY THEY WISH THE RAPE COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM.

OVERALL, NOBODY LOOKS AT A RAPED MAN WITH PITY. THEY SEE A WEAK MAN. THEY SEE A LYING MAN JUST MAKING UP THINGS. THEY SEE A WOMAN-HATER AND VERY EVIL MAN TRYING TO ACCUSE INNOCENT WOMEN OF A CRIME THEY DID NOT COMIT. OUR MODERN DAY FEMINISTS MAY INSTANTLY CLAIM THE WOMEN INVOLVED ARE THE VICTIMS, AND COERCE THEM INTO CLAIMING THEY WERE THE ONES THAT WERE RAPED. THE MAN WILL BE MOCKED AND RIDICULED ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS. IS IT THE POLICE? THEY'LL ASK HIM TO LEAVE THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A CASE.
IN SOME COUNTRIES, IF A FEMALE RAPIST GETS PREGNANT FROM RAPING HER VICTIM, THE VICTIM HAS TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR SOMETHING HE DID NOT CONSENT TO. ELSE, HE GOES TO JAIL FOR GETTING RAPED.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS TO MALE RAPE VICTIMS.

What you typed is not based on reality. It is a fact that most men don’t see themselves as rape victims, because it goes against masculinity, they downplay sexual abuse and mock other men that come forward. If what you say is correct, why aren’t more men speaking out against male sexual abuse? Why don’t they have their own metoo?? It’s because they don’t think they need one, simple.

Facts: women that have come out in support of sexually abused men have been shut down by other men and accused of wussifying men or turning them into simps.

P.S pls can someone pull out that thread of a man that was raped? Go through that thread and you’ll find your answer.

Men please stop normalizing rape, having ‘sex’ at 12, 13 with an older woman is rape not sex. You shouldn’t give these female abusers cover to continue to abuse children unchecked.

Subconsciously? Do you think the environment affects this? Like if you grew up in a society that tell men they are ‘used’ during sex, do you think men will still maintain this stance. I am just curious to know . Thanks

GANAYAD:
Sub consciously as a man your brain is programmed to see sex as a sort of achievement which you can brag about and that makes us cheap only few men can resist a lady's temptation, I think that's why male rape is under reported

Thanks a million. I just learnt a couple of things now. For you to help someone, they must realize they need it. You see patriarchy is a double aged sword, it kills both the oppressor and the oppressed. Cos if equality exist, men won’t suffer most things they suffer today.

If there’s equality, there won’t be need to differentiate any gender’s ability to feel.
We won’t overburden any gender in the aspect of provision.
Parents won’t be protecting girls only from sexual predators.
The list goes on and on.

Ariza:
I have always been concerned about Male Rape/ Male child molestation too but there is nothing I or any lady can do. Or how do you fight for people who don't feel cheated or harmed or concerned about the situation? Some don't see the injustice, some do not even believe Men can be raped. To them as long as there is "erection" it isn't rape. Sometimes ago, a thread about a guy that was raped some years ago graced NL front page and I was shocked by the comments made by NL posters, majorly Men themselves. I was devastated! Of course I engaged some posters but it was a lost battle. Very annoying!

Yes the society is really a sick one but little do we know that we and our actions make this society.Investigate Rapists, question them and you will realize how much harm that had been done to them when they were young. Most are simply propagating seeds sown into them. How will A male child who was molested, neglected and excepted to grow through it, ever respect a female or her body? A child whose first experience of sexual relief was through manipulations and force will only see these means as ways to relief is sexual urges.
Do you know the pains they go through? And living in a world they aren't permitted to share their awful experience turns them to bitter and vengeful lots!
It's very funny how we neglect Male Child molestation /Male Rape but we scream, wail and complain about Rapists and Pedophiles. Hello? We are only reaping what we sow!... Kick against Rape across all genders then we would have a saner Society!

To the mother's in the house, change your orientation and be your children both male and female best friend. Teach your male child to open up, to express his pains and that it's very okay to cry! Enough of the bottling up just because you want to appear strong! It's killing!

That part of ‘as if you didn’t enjoy it’ is what gets to me. Like why do we act like this. Moreover, this is not a Nigerian thing. I have seen it in a lot of places. The constant downplaying of male rape is what dampens the spirit of victims who are trying to speak up. It’s really pathetic.

CAPSLOCKED:
WHEN A MAN REPORTS RAPE, THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN

1. HIS FELLOW MEN AND SEVERAL WOMEN WILL CALL HIM WEAK FOR ALLOWING WOMEN OVERPOWER HIM.
2. THEY'LL TELL HIM TO STOP PRETENDING LIKE HE DIDN'T ENJOY IT.
3. SOME WOMEN WILL START TO ARGUE ON THE PREMISE, THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO RAPE A MAN.
4. THE MEN AROUND WILL SAY THEY WISH THE RAPE COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM.

OVERALL, NOBODY LOOKS AT A RAPED MAN WITH PITY. THEY SEE A WEAK MAN. THEY SEE A LYING MAN JUST MAKING UP THINGS. THEY SEE A WOMAN-HATER AND VERY EVIL MAN TRYING TO ACCUSE INNOCENT WOMEN OF A CRIME THEY DID NOT COMIT. OUR MODERN DAY FEMINISTS MAY INSTANTLY CLAIM THE WOMEN INVOLVED ARE THE VICTIMS, AND COERCE THEM INTO CLAIMING THEY WERE THE ONES THAT WERE RAPED. THE MAN WILL BE MOCKED AND RIDICULED ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS. IS IT THE POLICE? THEY'LL ASK HIM TO LEAVE THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A CASE.
IN SOME COUNTRIES, IF A FEMALE RAPIST GETS PREGNANT FROM RAPING HER VICTIM, THE VICTIM HAS TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR SOMETHING HE DID NOT CONSENT TO. ELSE, HE GOES TO JAIL FOR GETTING RAPED.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS TO MALE RAPE VICTIMS.

Eberechi24:


It was really annoying. These men don't see themselves as victims rather they view themselves as Pussy devours or explores who are privileged to have tasted pussy earlier.
They try their best to frustrate anyone esp. guy who felt he was abused and want to Speak out for justice.

You would see male who was molested at 12 thanking his abuser for exposing to him such lifestyles.

You would see comment like"Aunty Tina, God bless you where you are" after recounting their childhood sex stories. how would you help someone like that?

Sadly, they grow up with that mentality and extend it to the next generation. The following generation in acknowledgment see it as norm.
The truth? The men are the ones downplay this issue. I truly wish they could speak up and challenge their abusers. We need their support to tackle this issue.

To change the narrative, they should lead the movement. Child molestation should be discouraged and frown up on by all.

Ishilove. Pls move this thread to Frontpage.

The boy may grow up with the warped mindset that rape is normal after all with grave consequences for him and the society (repeating the cycle of sexual abuse and warped perception of women /relationships , for instance, baby mama syndrome and gigolo/ sugar mummy lifestyle.).

I was robbed of my phone and gadgets laptop and chain at gun point,I had an iCloud on my device,I saw one of the criminal now using the laptop his pictures and documents appear on my drive,please help broadcast till he is brought to book,his name is Ayankola Yusuf ayomide,he has gone to Egypt Cairo they were 3 that robbed me at gun point my gf was raped and badly beaten the new phone number linked to the phone now is +20 101 5982471,he is a hardened criminal and a thief

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