mutter:
Everyone is trying to be better than the other.

It is also noteworthy that the strife among our generation (i.e U40s) didn’t start from us, it was passed down from our fathers, mothers, uncles and aunties. We were consciously and unconsciously conditioned to inherit the beef- even the vegetarians amongst us.

Back to the issue of competition. Anyone from the SE would know that years ago, when one member of a family goes to any state or country, it is normal to see brothers migrating to that place. Once he gets there and sees it is fertile, everybody must land there, whether you like or not- they must teach you how to fish. That is why if you enter lots of South-Eastern families, you’ll notice their fathers and uncles all share youth experience from the same country/state.

However, this unity began to wear off with time. The financial gap between siblings began to widen. It was now common for your parents to tell you not to inform your cousins of your admission process, job interviews or marriage plans. It was now common for parents to compare, whereas in the past, when one child flourishes, everyone takes the glory. No one cared whose child it was or was bothered that their own child took 32nd out 33 pupils- the 33rd pupil didn’t even take the exam.

Everyone wants their kids to be the brightest, their family to come off as the most organized...etc. It is not going to get better o. With the way them dey hide hide things now, make person no go marry im cousin for Lagos.

Richy4:
I have observed that this our generation desperately wants Nuclear Families... It's just a bit sad... Africans were known to be family( extended) oriented... This days, it's just my kid(s), my wife and I.. ..

ediko5:


It seems you didn't grow up with your parent bro.

Ikjosh04:
Well, I'm not close(strong bond) to any member of my family(parents and siblings).

I don't know how to be close to someone, that my life will revolve around the person but, I know I'll definitely make an exception, when I meet that lucky girl(tranquillity in human form) who is my reflection in everything I do!

Fixey:


They assume that watching whites practice good family system as they see of TV, that those same whites don't maintain good relationship with their root family.


If The Kardashian family isn't clear enough to be a portrait for them.

ediko5:
@ Aunty pocohantas, nice analysis.

But from your comments, it all points to fear of being hurt out of envy and jealousy. For instance parents telling their children not to tell their extended family members about their admission overseas or proposed business trip.

There's one saying that envy and jealousy from a blood relative is far deadly compare to that of an outsider.

Richy4:


You are correct… even some of the Europeans that stick to the nuclear family, they usually get their A$$ covered so that they will never need anyone else in terms of emergencies…

For example

<<<<In death situations,… They have funeral policies that covers the family in case of death.. just one phone call, an agent working in that insurance company will be there to guide them through the whole process…..

<<<<Accident… They have medical insurance policies that covered them and their kid(s)…

<<<<Fire outbreak from Home/places of work/business, Theft, etc….Insurance were there to cover them…

But my people who were copying them will never go into details to understand what they were trying to copy....of course death is never in our agenda in Nigeria because it’s not our potion.. …. But when it happens, we remember our extended families that we were avoiding desperately.. you will hear something like … Have you called his family? What about his uncles?, his brothers ..You can’t do this by yourself, his family should be involved!! bla bla bla…

I am not against nuclear family.. but anyone who wants that should try and cover all the loopholes.. so that tomorrow U won’t brand the brothers and uncles wicked if they feel reluctant to help or assist…it’s not ok to do my “wife and I”… then in time of trouble, u remember the extended family..….People are no longer fools…

ediko5:
I realized that there's no much unity and friendship among extended family members anymore compare to when I was a little child like 20 years ago...

What's your opinion on this?

Oizee:
hmmmm, this post brings me so much memories, I remember how families built their houses near each other in my own village just to remain..... I don't know.
now, everything is in secrecy... bcuz of envy, hatred.

Envy on its own is pure evil.
personally I don't think I will build my house close to any family member at all,....my location must be far, they will think twice before they visit bcuz of the expensive transport from their place to mine...
those that usually give people problem are the dependent ones, small thing like dis, wahala don com, they will find complain in ur children, ur wife, her greeting, her cooking and how she responded when they were advising her, they will steal on top and still criticize u dat u didn't treat dem well..... the wealthy ones doesn't have time for nonsense, they visit with gifts along, they still dash u money when they are ready to go back...

extended family good if everyone is blessed with wealth..... at least envy go reduce

Fixey:




My sister, na so you vex reach?


Don't you have good cordial relationships with your brothers and sisters? If you do, would you maintain this your comment after you all get married?

Oizee:
there's cordial relationship with my siblings and I, I'm married but I have already started practicing...... don't blame me, I know what I'm saying

sweetmelanin:
For me it's social media.

Social media has given us an illusion of closeness while we all drift apart in reality... e.g. you see your cousin's pictures on Instagram, their status updates on whatsapp, their career progression on LinkedIn and you feel you know everything there is to know about them.. no need for bonding again, no need for unnecessary chats.. you find that you've gone 2, 3, 4 years without seeing each other and you don't even realise it..

Even when you eventually see each other, there isn't much to discuss because you already know what each other's life is about (as portrayed on social media).. you realise that you aren't close anymore and the relationship is shallow, yet there is no motivation to work on it as we are now so self-centered and focused on our own individual lives.