this is the situation report you all i'm grinning so widely now.i'm so very grateful people.soundmind,seun and all.you will be richly blessed.

i spoke to my husband yesterday.put the kids in bed.and called him up for a 'little talk'.he was wondering what the problem was.i sat on his laps and poured out my heart to him.he was looking into my eyes all along.i told him as best as i could how i felt.first he hugged and kissed me,and said he felt a bit left out at some point,and thought the children were taking a toll on me,so he decided to give more time to myself.

my hubby is not one to say his mind at all times.you have to know him to know how he feels often times.but,honestly,this one slipped by me.i felt so bad inside and dropped some tears.he held me close and said he was sorry.he wants the children to know he loves them too and not just their mom.he went further to say that he tells me he loves me,but the kids wont understand that if he said it to them,so he thought action will spaek louder.

i confessed i had wanted to take some time off with the children.he begged me never to do that and that it was always better to talk things over.i then went on to ask why he was putting alot into his work.he said he had more responsibilities now.its not like i did not know that but somehow,it was really getting to me.we talked for over 2 hrs.i asked him the things i was doing wrong and if there was anything he missed in me.he was honest and said he missed our acrobatics in bed,but that he understands that it's because of the baby's birth.the doctor said it would get better with time anyway.i still try to satisfy him,but it gets quite painful if i try too hard. .i used to give him a pedicure,but that died off too.i'll make out time for that.cooking was still good from what he said.we are expatriates in this country,the company provides domestic staff.i still do his cooking despite the fact that i have a cook.he commended me for that.

he was so sorry i felt that way and promised to show more attention.he was just staring at me and then asked'what have i done to deserve you?'tears rolled down my cheeks.he said'i don't know what i'll do if i lost you'.i started crying like a baby-more out of shame than anithing else.he just carried me to the bed and you all know what followed. we had a bath together-he gave me a bath. i woke up to see a love note under my pillow.he's off to work now and has called me 6 times already.he didn't call me till break time before now.

thank you so much people.it really pays to talk things over.i have a really good husband-i must say,but often times we tend to derail.i never ever realised that i was giving so much time to the children.i do things for my kids myself,even though they have some one to do those things.i am so scared of people hurting them i don't know why.my husband pointed that out to me last night too.

anyway,i've learnt my lesson.i don't know what i'll do if i loose him too.my nighties are all out now-the ones i used to wear before i had my 2nd baby.so we'll 'dig it out' tonight-if you know what i mean.

thank you every one.i'll have just been in a big mess if i had taken time out as i threatened.learn from me,it pays to talk things over. i love you all-my good friends.

Good story; I wish you and your family the best in life.

Nice! These are the stories I look forward to as a forum admin.

i was reading your post and my insides just went all mushy, it sounds like a page in a romance novel and i must tell you, u do have a wonderful husband, praying for a man like that, so glad u could work things out, much respect!

i feel like crying!
but i wont!
why?
cos i dont have to!

why?

please stop asking me questions,

why?

@ amsky

Mehnnn!!!  I can't believe u nearly made me cry while reading ur post. I remember reading your post yesterday and i was still thinking bout ur situation early this morning.
Anyways, congrats and i really wish you, ur husband and children the best.

i am very happy for you but pls and pls and pls dont relent in your efforts to continue to please him

GREAT NEWS galfriend happy to hear that you ave finally ironed out things with your man. like i said b4,all the best.

oh my God, this are the things i love seeing here. Glad to know problems are being solved.

thank you all so much.tonib you bet i wont relent.anyway,i'm also a nice fellow-a very wamr person. so pple like me deserve such a wonderful man.it's never so rosy for anyone.but when you put your heart to it,you get the best as a result.i now know never to neglect my man for my babies.i never knew i was doing that.my kids are quite young-3yrs and 7mth respectively.
thank you everybody-from seun to soundmind,tonib lola4eva etc.love you loads.
what's the next topiclet's gist.

we thank God for a problem solved, i wish u and ur family all da best.

What a great thing.
Though i'm not married but i think d prob with most relationships is dat we don't discuss our grieviances with d person who has aggrieved us or we tend to discuss it in a wrong manner. If we take our time to discuss issues with our spouses, they are sensible and humane enough to reason with us and adjust. Aftreall, they were not animal when we started with dem.
Wish everyone here dat is married a very happy home.
Asking about us too? Well i wish those of us who are yet 2 marry a very very happy home too.

What a great thing.
Though i'm not married but i think d prob with most relationships is that we don't discuss our grieviances with d person who has aggrieved us or we tend to discuss it in a wrong manner. If we take our time to discuss issues with our spouses, they are sensible and humane enough to reason with us and adjust. Aftreall, they were not animal when we started with them.
Wish everyone here that is married a very happy home.
Asking about us too? Well i wish those of us who are yet 2 marry a very very happy home too



you are so right there ceecee.if i had not discussed itwith him like you guys sugessted,i'd have taken off with my children by the xmas.talking is my weak point.i am not so good at opening heart or wearing my heart on my sleeve.so my husband knew this and took what i had to tell him seriously.i hardly have come across a situation where i had to call my hubby,sit him down and talk to him.i've done that just 2ce in four years of marriage.1st was when his mom was on my neck for not coming to them with my 3wk old baby,and the second time was when i thiought he was not as excited as i was when i discovered i was pregnant with our 1st child.i  just felt some horrible emotions and did  not bother to lay the cards on the table till nairalanders suggested it;and i was like okay,this is not my strong point,but i can try.and i did and the results were wonderful.he was here for break-my son was in school,daughther was asleep,so we did a bit of smooching-----and em---you know what . he hardly ever comes home for break.!!!!.

as for schevshenko,i was a real virgin when i met my husband.he deflowered me and i'm happy to have given him that gift.he did not know i was a virgin till the moment it happened.he could not believe it but the bleeding was the evidence.i was 20yrs old.a few months later,he proposed to me and the rest as they say is history.when you love ur wife,you love her to the end-virgin or not.now,i had my 2nd baby and it was a horrible experience for me.my husband was by my side all thru the ordeal and he cried with me,and saw all i went thru to give him his longed for baby girl who he will fashi all football matches for.it is only a wicked man who will be unkind to his wife after seeing all that.i can tell you with authority,that meant alot to him and this made us fall in love with each other more.that's why i was so hurt when i thot he was not paying attention to me anymore.during my baby's birth,i had a problem with my hip.it was too small as i'm a slim fellow.by the time they knew it it was already too late,so i had to continue.now 7mths after,the pain is still there.infact 2mths after the baby,i did not let my husband touch me.it was a real pain for me.so my dear,when you get married if you are not married yet,learn to be sensitive to your woman's feelings.

@amsky,
happy for you o, my sister. Learnt a long time ago that there's nothing as helpful as talking about a problem, wheneva i feel like i don't want to, i always remember this avril song where she said ", let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead, "

wow such a touching story. Honestly your husband shld write a manual on "how to be the best hubby and dad".

this is brilliant. congratulations for seeking advice and seun for a job well done in redirecting to this thread.

my mum gave me garry smalley's " making love last forever" some years back as the her best gift to me and how grateful i am for the priviledge of reading such a brilliant book. full of advice and wisdom and practical ones at that.

please please continue to love and talk because as they say in england "jaw jaw is better than war war"

have a good day you all and keep peace with all men

, and they lived happily ever, after!!!


Life is beautiful, when u follow the manual!

Great.
I am happy to hear this.
Remain a good wife as you have been.
To God be the glory.

Great I am so glad you both worked out in marriage!

Communication is THE KEY to make the marriage stronger foundation and wiser!!! Lot of married couples lack of communication!

Hi amsky, am really happy for you. From all that i have read, you have been a very wonderful wife to your husband.

I am actually a virgin and will get married very soon to a guy am very much in love with.
When i get married, i would want to have super sex with my husband.
And I would want to be a very good wife to him in every aspect. I would want to do those acrobatics so he will enjoy having sex with me.
I want to get some tips from you. From all that you have said, you know how to take care of your man in all aspects.
you said something about acrobatics in bed.
Please, can you explain to me and tell me how a woman does acrobatics with her husband in bed?
I would also appreciate it if you would give me list of books that would be helpful to me.
please, does anyone in the house have any contributions?

Thank you all.
long live nairaland!
Seun, this is a very great job you are doing here.

Bless God 4 small mercies.

when you guys see some award going for recognising nigerians who have gone out of their way to make nigeria a better place i suggest you nominate seun

Hey Amsky, I'm new here and never got to read your first post about your situation at home but just reading this update makes feel so happy for you and inspired!! Its so easy to get caught up in everyday stresses and you forget the people who love you and need your attention too. Having kids is always a huge strain on a marriage and you've just proved the age old advice that talking from your heart with no accusations or judgement helps enormously!!

Thank you so much for sharing your story, your husband sounds like a gem! Now I'm off to give my boyfriend a big hug and kiss, good men are rare and should be appreciated!!

Life is beautiful, when u follow the manual!

please pass the life manual

as for acrobatics,it's not difficult.just do your best,be creative in whatever you do with your man.it does not have to be froma book or a movie.i cant be graphic here for the sake of decency.try out all kind s of positions,and you'll be amazed at the result.
your man will treat you like a princess when he knows you have never done 'it'.am not saying he'll treat you like trash if you have,but you'll see in his eyes that he really loves and respects you.marriage is a wonderful thing especially if you both love yourselves.you will derail a bit from time to time,but what makes you a good wife is ur ability to spot these things and correct them.i spotted mine a bit,but was so wrapped up in my feelings that i had planned a get away for a few weeks with my kids,but a problem shared is a problem solved.i shared with wonderfulpple on this forum and they gave wonderful tips.i gave it a shot, and believe me,i'm the better for it now.these guys like being treated like babies sha.i fed my husband last nite as someone suggested here.he was so happy,he kept looking at me.when he got to work today,he sent me a text saying he enjoyed every bit of the feeding.i'm learning new ways to put sparks into it.
as for problems-my dear, you'll get them-infact they may be too much to handle.but when you remember the love you share with this man,and with patience,you can get by them.there are rough times in marriage,but patience works wonders o!!!.i would have been in a mess now if i had not listened.there are really good pple here,who have alot of grey matter bw their ears.i'm not saying discuss ur family issues,but when you cry out,you'll never be letf without help.i've learnt that communication is a virtue.
good luck.

thank you sooooooooo much amsky for your reply and the advice.
i will keep to your advice and i am looking forward to a very blissful marriage with my man.
though, like you said, issues are bound to arise in any relationship but i will handle them
the right way and when i need to discuss with someone, i will not hesitate to come nairaland cos there seems to be
a lot of right/straight thinking individuals here.
thank you so much, once again and keep being the rare gem that you have been to your dear hubby and kids.

cecegorz please, can you give us the manual?
i am waiting eagerly for it oh.

thanx landers, u're all wonderful
its really been so long that i read a thread so matured yet so interesting
congrats amsky

@amsky,

I am very happy for you dear! I am glad things turned out for you the way they did, You've heard alot of this already, but I will still add my own, Goodluck with your marriage and family, and all the best!