Hi. Please read this and i will appreciate all well meaning advices no matter how hurtful it seems.

I am working but on a part time basis yet to land the big one though. I am dating this Guy who is from a different tribe from mine. We have been dating for 2 years now. He is not a graduate though he carries himself well. He lost the job he was doing and since then, is yet to get something tangible. He's working with somebody now but most of the time, there is nothing in terms of finances. I must confess that the most he has ever given me is 3k. I understand though because he doesn't have it. If he had it he would have given. Out of the very little he has, he could even give all to me. I must say that this Guy really loves mi and almost everybody around or that knows us can testify to that.

Now the problem is that i am ready to marry. He has proposed, done that severally but I've never really said yes cos i have my reservations. He doesn't have a house and like i said though he has some prospects businesswise with intentions of schooling, he doesn't have a tangible source of income and currently, he's squating with a family member. He doesn't have a property yet to his name. I have voiced my fears to him and he's asking for some more time like 5 months and things will change.

In as much as i want to stay cos he's my first boyfriend, I really need to move on. I dont know if i can wait anylonger for him. What if at the end of d specified time and nothign happens, he would ask again for more time. I'm not asking that he owns the world but at least the basic things should be there for one to be proposing for marriage.

Please help me cos i dont know what to do. Sincerely profer your solutions. They will be appreciated. Thanks for reading my story.

I forgot to mention that i am a graduate. He's not though, i used to have a problem with that but currently, i dont see it as that bad.

This mentality you have that a man must provide for you will lead you to making terrible mistakes in future.If you have a job and you are a graduate why do you expect money from a jobless,non graduate?

And who says you are ready to marry? Your age?I thought people were ready to marry when they found a compatible loving partner.What if you are ready to marry and you don't find the right guy will you just marry anyone who has ahouse to his name,a graduate with money?I can now understand why loads of girls are in unhappy marriages.

he's asking for some more time like 5 months and things will change.

5 months aint too much time to give.

but how does he intend to change his life in five months?

@blueband, am i wrong in asking that a man take his place in marriage. This is not a relationship i am asking about. It is marrigae and like i mentioned i am yet to land a good job. What i am doing now is on a contract basis and will soon end, nothing much to it.

It is great wisdom to know that you are ready for marriage and not just to dabble into it cos some man came your way. It helps one define any and every relationship you get into. Marriage is not a coincidence that just happens. You prepare yourself for it. I think i am not wrong saying i am ready for marriage. I have been an adult but wasn't ready, now i am.

@zignor, blueband, black gucci, thanks y'all but please tell me what you think i should do. Thanks alot.

steaming:

@blueband, am i wrong in asking that a man take his place in marriage. This is not a relationship i am asking about. It is marrigae and like i mentioned i am yet to land a good job. What i am doing now is on a contract basis and will soon end, nothing much to it.

It is great wisdom to know that you are ready for marriage and not just to dabble into it because some man came your way. It helps one define any and every relationship you get into. Marriage is not a coincidence that just happens. You prepare yourself for it. I think i am not wrong saying i am ready for marriage. I have been an adult but wasn't ready, now i am.

Quite an interesting and very mature answer.I understand where you are coming from.But please don't be in a rush to marry.Dem no dey give first prize to whom marry first.You say you love this guy and you fear for your future with him.He might be feeling pressurised now.But life is funny you know.You leave him now cos you think he is not financially capable of keeping a wife in a house and tomorrow he hits it big and you end up in an unhappy loveless rich marriage.My advise is to stick with him and plan how to overcome this "little" issue.There is nothing love cannot solve.Except ofcourse you are getting "proposals" from other suitable guys that you are already considering.Most times ,people only seek advise to validate an action they intend to take.So they feel less guilty about it.

@ steaming

1.Personally i think you should stay with him and help him out as much as possible i.e look for a good job for him if you can, since you said you're a graduate
(you'll probably benefit from it when he starts making the money)

2.Once he gets the job, he need to get a place of his own

3.Before you finally decide to marry him pls make sure he can take care of you
(we not taking about excessive things like holiday to US or Dubai) e.g Food at home, take you out once in while e.t.c

4.While he's working, if possible he should go to UNIVERSITY part-time and complete his studies.

IF he does not get a better job and steady income before you marry, you are liable to Cheat or Leave him

steaming:

@blueband, am i wrong in asking that a man take his place in marriage. This is not a relationship i am asking about. It is marrigae and like i mentioned i am yet to land a good job. What i am doing now is on a contract basis and will soon end, nothing much to it.

It is great wisdom to know that you are ready for marriage and not just to dabble into it because some man came your way. It helps one define any and every relationship you get into. Marriage is not a coincidence that just happens. You prepare yourself for it. I think i am not wrong saying i am ready for marriage. I have been an adult but wasn't ready, now i am.

I dont get the gist is it that you are ready and he is not popping the question or u proposed instead and he says wait for 5 months? if yes why cant u wait?

blueband:

people only seek advise to validate an action they intend to take.So they feel less guilty about it.

At times people don't actually need the advice, What they have in mind is usually always done.

@Poster if i answer ur questions it will be full of "what ifs"
e.g
What if things change for him within the speculated time?
What if he doesn't still get something to do?
What if u don't find true love again, when u leave him?
What if he changes his attitude to u once things gets good for him?
What if?

My sister do what ur heart pleases. U never have anyone to blame.

@ poster
i must be sincere with u at this point that he may not be ready financially at the end of this five months he promised u

it is very clear frm all indication that this guy truly loves u and as such doesn't want 2 loose u hence that promise

i have to advice u though that u shouldn't pressurize him into doing things we wouldn't have done rather, ur encouragement and support is all he needs

two of u should be prayerful and i can assure u that things will work out at the right time only if u are patient

well,if u think otherwise, best of luck in anyway

My dear poster,

there are so many things togetherness can acheive
there are so many walls unity of purpose can break,
u should appreciate d fact that u have a guy who loves u dearly (what others look for and neva find)
i also appreciate the fact that u have chosen 2 stick with him irrespective of his educational background - a thing many girls will b shy of.
i'll advice u to stick to ur guy and 2gether u can summount all those challenges, life is not always rosy, so many go through rough times more than u're going through now but someday sit down, look back and shed tears of joy.

u must always have tales to tell someday and b proud of how far u have come,
4 u to wear a crown, u must carry a cross
to b glorified, u must have guts,
hope u'll always remeber all these and carry on strongly with ur guy. ciao!

i feel your pain dearie.

follow your heart like someone earlier said. its gonna be best for you.

good luck.

rockiedink:

i feel your pain dearie.

follow your heart like someone earlier said. its going to be best for you.

good luck.

spot on.
all the best gal.

Well no one knows tomorrow,follow your heart.

You’re a graduate; have you ever thought of getting a good job then assisting him finically. If you really love him, you should try and support him finically no matter how small it is.

But if you feel like you said in the concluding letters of your story; if you feel that even after the promised time, things wouldn’t get better, then I would advise you to weigh your options before you quit.

Consider this options.

1. Can you find a suitable replacement for him if you quit?
2. How would he feel if you tell him you’re quitting the relationship due to his financial incompetence?
3. Would you feel guilty in your new relationship whenever the though of your would-be-ex flashes into your mind?
4. If he becomes successful in the future, would you regret the action you took against him in the past?

Consider all these and make a wise decision

Good luck!

From your story, i see something wrong here.You are so much concerned about money and not true love.For God's sake, a dude that has got nothing tangible doing giving you as much as 3k says a whole lot about the kind of person he is and how he takes you.
About marriage, now let's say he makes it big in the next 5 months as he has said and you get married to him, which is meant to be for better, for worse.What will you do in a situation where he has a misfortune and goes back to the bad old broke state? Will you quit??

I bind the spirit of materialism; why should he give you 3k? I personally don't give my girls cash gifts. Which one be place in marriage? My advice is that you move on and then renew your mind.

Its a dicey one we have here
if i were to be critical,there'll be lots of Ifs in my reply.
But i'd rather go like this,slow down a little,work together and between urselves try and come
up with a long term plan (not a five month unrealistic deadline.),dat will ensure that u both win.
More like and they lived happily ever after. ,and not If i had known.

this "story" is all about money and yet more money . . . You dont have a good job yet and you consider yourself more qualified for marriage than a man without a job.

A marriage is about TWO people working together to build a family and not about another reaping where she did not sow all in the name of a ceremony.

Hi Poster,your man is not ready to get married.He needs a job and a home.If you get married to him now will you squat with him where he is now or will you bring him into your own home?This is a very important question you need to ask yourself.

It is not about materialism,a man ought to be able to provide for his wife.I don't know how old you are but you guys have already put in 2 years into this relationship so that must count for something.Reflect on where you are now and how much longer you will be willing wait.There is no guarantee that he will want to marry you when things turn around for him;sad but true.You are the only one in your situation so advice yourself.

hmmm.it's not when we are going ,it's where we are going.the patient dog gets the fatest bone.if u will be leaving him now it's going to be because he has nothing.the guy u will be going to does not have his future guarateed because nobody's future is.you might still find yourself is that kind of of situation ater your marriage to another guy.would YOU then divorce?no condition is permanent.love conquers all.if you love him you will wait for him.the pharaoh u see today u shall see them no more.

steaming:

I forgot to mention that i am a graduate. He's not though, i used to have a problem with that but currently, i dont see it as that bad.

any updates?

hi steam your case is just like pendulum and i will NT be the one to ask you you to quit or stay but i will advise if you are a christian kindly see your pastor

^^This thread is older than you

Poster,
what r ur plans regarding the dude.