Hmmm an entrepreneur with a jobless woman as a partner.. meeenn this one go hard for you o. start thinking of how to have a financial back up, can your wife handle any business for now? you should diversify asap, look for how to raise capital so that you can establish a business for her.

You also need to cut down your spending.

300K for naming and baby stuffs? MEEENNN that's too much, SOME PEOPLE spend less than 300k for wedding, why would you use that for naming? WITHDRAWING FROM YOUR CAPITAL?

Bros, your problem is PLANNING and not your wife, in-law, granny or your landlord.

debosky: The honeymoon is over and reality strikes!

I do sympathise with the way you're feeling - many men often go through this 'shock' phase especially if they have kids soon after getting married and if they are carrying all the financial responsibilities. Just a year ago you were just a man running his business living well, now you have to be a husband, a father and a breadwinner too, while running the business and getting no sex as well. My brother, like Yoruba people say ko easy lati je omokunrin - it's not easy being a man.

You need to wake up and face reality - what is done is done. I could spend pages saying why did you get her preggers so early when you didn't have sufficient funds, or that you should have planned better and so on, but that is all history.

You just need to relax, calm down and approach the situation methodically. If you have any excess expenditure, cut it out so you can keep your family provided for (1st priority) and grow your business. Manage your finances by cutting your cloth accordingly and try to get a job if the business is not working out. If you couldn't afford 300k naming, you didn't have to do it - that should be your philosophy from now, only what you can afford!

I agree with your wife that you are simply doing your duty (though she should be appreciative) - who else will take care of your family if not you?

Kids always shake up marriages, and the lack of sex doesn't help either. Like CC said, discuss that aspect with her to find out what the issue is, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE - use PROTECTION or get her long term contraceptives. If you think life is dull with one child, it will be dull x 1,000,000 with two kids to feed in your present state.

Don't give up - things will get better with time. Just don't blame your wife - you knew she was a student when you married her, and you willingly did so. Don't regret what has happened, just use it to learn lessons and forge ahead.

he made bad choices from the word go - he married a struggling student so the income is only coming from one source. as if that wasn't bad enough, he knocked her up @ the very first opportunity. to compound his problem further, he went on to cut his cloth at Bleep-large when he should have cut x-small. i really hope he has learnt his lessons......

raising a family in nigeria is tough even with 2 working parents. this dude has zero skills in project planning. he's now faced with paying his wife's fees, buying handouts for her in school, paying for her accommodation in school, taking care of the baby, etc.

he shoulda married the bankers - he messed up big time and he has screwed up the chance of even securing a loan from them now that they know he abandoned them for a young blood! i say let the nairaland donation start!

@ poster,No one can truly understand what you are passing through because you are the only one wearing the shoe.But one thing I want you to know is that life has differnt phases.This phase of your marriage MUST surely pass.Every Couple you know experienced it,though in different ways.I read a book about somethings to expect in marriage and I came up with this sumary
Below is a breakdown of marital phases,every thing being equal:
1) 1st-10yrs of marriage(honeymoon,setting boundaries/bonding ,coping with pregnancies,financial constraints,health issues)
2)11yrs-20yrs (Making tough decisions concerning childrens education,Inlaws palava,moulding your teenage children)
3)20-40yrs(Seeing your children tru higher institution/financial constraints,Homealone as your kids would be away for studies/married,Making decisions to accept future inlaws)
4)40yrs------Health issues and a whole lot of other dynamics that might come up depending on the forces surronding your marriage.
N;B-Change is the only constant thing in life.above all communication is a strong weapon in every reltionship.You also need GOD.I wish you luck.

Op. They've said it all, I'll just reiterate. Spending about 150% of your accommodation rent on a naming ceremony is way over and above acceptable limits. We've all made financial mistakes, don't spend today regretting it, instead learn from it. Moving forward, I'll advise you prepare a recovery plan, something like diversifying your business or setting up something for your wife. You should also mitigate against undue exposure to financial risks, differentiate between needs and wants and live within your means. It's no longer about you Bro, you've got a wifey and Junior. Balling out now is cowardice, face your challenges and you'll overcome.

As per the sex thing, you should communicate with wifey and let her know say conji dey hold you.

debrief08: You wanted a young wife who had no means of supporting you and you got one. She confessed to you before the wedding you still went ahead because your priority wasnt a helpmate but a younger woman.
I dont know what to say, you got your wife pregnant again without proper planning, you made all these decisions by your self, these are the consequence of those decisions.
Marriage is beyond looks and age, its proper fore sight, planning and commitment. Sit back and draw up a realistic plan, like what can she do? Can she get any Job or start any small business? I understand the CS but why spend so much on a naming ceremony? I have issues with Nigerians and Love for show, why not just do child dedication? simple prayers and name your child no need to gather the whole community and end up in debt, in short no need to give birth to a child when you cannot properly plan for them, what of pampers, school fees etc?
Go back and draw a plan for both of you, a realistic one, take your wife to a family planning clinic and get her on a plan now before she gets another baby. You both need to work together and build something, marriage is not just for S3x and wearing ase obi, its for planning, working and supporting each other.

^^ God Bless you for this insightful contribution.

obowunmi:

You are a poor jobless man living in the UK and you think I'm suppose to have your time. You pounce around the forum insulting people and some women find that funny and attractive. Hmmm ok?! Sorry but I don't have your time. You are void of logic. 24 hrs on Nairaland and you are supposed to be viewed as normal.... Ok! Ladies, grab your man.

It seems this is the rave amongst moorons.

Stop blaming time, just say "Sorry but I don't have the sense".

Derailers o.

chaircover:

I dont know how many times I will tell people that I am only human and not a robot or a saint. You dont know what exactly it was saga said that made me laugh, so dont even go there.

I wouldn't have minded so much if this holier than thou attitude was coming from someone else but from you obowunmi! abeg forget am

If you have any advice for the poster, state it and go along your way jeje. . . no branch chaircovers side.

You show a level of insensitivity when you think someone being called a slowpoke is funny. You are right. You are not a saint.

Sagamite:

It seems this is the rave amongst moorons.

Stop blaming time, just say "Sorry but I don't have the sense".

Glad you have not denied being jobless and poor living in the immigrant quarters in the UK. Wish you well. Keep letting dullards on nairaland keep on telling you that you are smart... I laugh in Chinese.

Best wishes.

Your mates are making forbes list, you are here on nairaland having dullards congratulate you on being smart. Once again, best wishes. I'm outta here.

Johndoe100:

Right, your husband is always truthful. Tell that to your baby. Do you know what it feels like to spend that kind of money?

Don't get emotional on me Jonny.

Besides, was a gun held to his head to spend money the way he did? Did his wife dip her hands into his pockets?

In life, mistakes must be made otherwise we as humans would never learn. I'm not saying the poster made a mistake in spending money on the items / activities, far from it. The mistake here was HOW he spent it. This would be a lesson to both of them to plan a budget and cut their coats according to their family's size.

Now tell me something: How does the violence you've just advocated, re: him beating up his wife, help solve their financial / matrimonial issues?

coogar:

op, don't mind the other posters - i move for starting a donation to get you back on track.
like how much do you think you need to restore you back to what you used to be?

LMAO, Why you raising this guy's hope even for a millisecond. He might actually take you serious. Restore ko, restore ni!

OP, you don enter this one o!! sorry

adorebee: @ poster,No one can truly understand what you are passing through because you are the only one wearing the shoe.But one thing I want you to know is that life has differnt phases.This phase of your marriage MUST surely pass.Every Couple you know experienced it,though in different ways.I read a book about somethings to expect in marriage and I came up with this sumary
Below is a breakdown of marital phases,every thing being equal:
1) 1st-10yrs of marriage(honeymoon,setting boundaries/bonding ,coping with pregnancies,financial constraints,health issues)
2)11yrs-20yrs (Making tough decisions concerning childrens education,Inlaws palava,moulding your teenage children)
3)20-40yrs(Seeing your children tru higher institution/financial constraints,Homealone as your kids would be away for studies/married,Making decisions to accept future inlaws)
4)40yrs------Health issues and a whole lot of other dynamics that might come up depending on the forces surronding your marriage.
N;B-Change is the only constant thing in life.above all communication is a strong weapon in every reltionship.You also need GOD.I wish you luck.

Interesting stuff you've got up there. What's the title of the book if you don't mind my asking?

1 & 2 are inter-changeable apart from the moulding teenage children and the honeymoon thingy. Abeg, that honeymoon phase quickly fizzles out the minute the kids start popping out

No. 4 is depressing o!

Efemena_xy:

Interesting stuff you've got up there. What's the title of the book if you don't mind my asking?

1 & 2 are inter-changeable apart from the moulding teenage children and the honeymoon thingy. Abeg, that honeymoon phase quickly fizzles out the minute the kids start popping out

No. 4 is depressing o!

At number 4 is when some men, who cannot deal with old age, leave their wives to be with younger women who can rock their boat. Viagra!!

obowunmi:

At number 4 is when some men, who cannot deal with old age, leave their wives to be with younger women who can rock their boat. Viagra!!

Ever heard the saying that women get friskier with age? With the kids all grown-up and flown the nest, what stops the wifey from getting it on with a young stud who can keep it up for hours on end??

So the same analogy (mid-life crises) works both ways o! And going by some threads I've seen here on nland (abeg, I just "saw" them in passing), some guys are shamelessly and ferociously advertising their "wares" for sugar mummies

chaircover: Efe I think the financial constraints are ongoing jare

You get over nursery fees, only to go into fees for the kids hobbies, then you have the big purchases in between like property, then the kids higher institution, then the kids wedding. You also want to leave a decent legacy for your kids, so you are investing all along and I havent even talked about financial gifts to family members and others.

My dear, very true.

It's really a rat race for survival here. Nursery fees for under 1's are atrocious.

You get some breathing space at primary school level if you don't mind state education (religious faith schools are the best in my opinion for this). But it's a completely different ball game when they get to secondary school stage, where it really matters. If dem nor enter grammar school, you go begin look private schools for them and those fees are something else.

University education is another wahala, now that Cameroon and his croonies don introduce the £9K tuition fees. And that's excluding the accessories that go with it. i.e accomodation, transportation, etc.

By the time you're done paying off your mortgage, helping them up housing ladder, keeping something aside for them, etc...you don dey enter pensionable age. Anyway, God dey sha