I got married early this year. My wife is a sweet lady,loving and caring lady.The only major problem we face in our young union is religoius issues. I was brought up in the anglican faith while she grew up a catholic. She promised me that she will attend attend the same church with me once we got married, her only condition is that I should wed her in the catholic church. Amidst great opposition from my parents who were against it initially on the basis of religion, I fullfilled my promise to her by holding our wedding in the catholic church.

After our wedding she bluntly refused to attend the anglican church. She even asked me to convert to catholic. Honestly, I am disappointed with her. We have quarreled over this issue several times. As a compromise, I told her to attend my church once a month; that she should continue attending her church. She bluntly refused ,her only condition for agreeing to my idea is that I should attend the catholic church with her sometimes.

I feel I have been conned into marriage.

She is 36 years , we are yet to have any children . Should I divorce her. I am worried about the faith of my future children.she hinted that our children whenever we have one most toe her own line in religious matters.

I stumbled upon a good evidence that one of her ex lovers is a reverend father. She is vey close to this priest who constantly bombard her with phone calls even at odd hours in the night.

I have no evidence that the affair is still on. Please I need sincere advice.

I think you need to sit down and think of the vows you took recently. Did you not promise to love each other through and thin? Your faith is but a small part of your marriage. Why are quibbling over who attends what denomination, is it not the same God you both serve? You need to both respect each other's faith and work on a compromise. Your marriage should be based on mutual respect, love and communication. Though I'm not very religious myself but I'm sure the answer to your dilemma lies in the scriptures. My husband doesn't believe in God, I do yet he is one of the most moral and decent persons I've ever met. Do i chuck him for his lack of belief when he is honest, kind and displays a lot of the traits the bible asks us to demonstrate? Don't get caught up in techinicalities. You married her for who she is not because of what church she might be attending. Don't lose sight of the good things in your marriage.

Religious belief is a major factor in marriage. If I had known that she will turn out this way, I would not have married her

[quote author=shaybe baby]? Don't get caught up in techinicalities. You married her for who she is not because of what church she might be attending. Don't lose sight of the good things in your marriage.


i totally agree with @shaybe baby on this good point of view worth considering

@OP
if that was the reason why you got married, and she is not willing to comply (while you did your part) then there is no other ways than to divorce this deceitful woman, as i am sure that nothing that ever comes out of her mouth would have any weight in your mind in the future.

you have absolutely no evidence of her cheating on you, so keep to facts rather than fiction.

8ogoegbunam: Religious belief is a major factor in marriage. If I had known that she will turn out this way, I would not married her

It is in your opinion but I am saying there are other factors as well. This is but one of many issues you will face in your union. Should we chuck our partners everytime there's a difference of opinion or try to work around those differences. Are you saying that if she attends the same church as you but is a total b**ch at home you'd be happier? She has every right to her faith as do you, it is a fundermental human right. If you can't respect each other, free each other and look for someone who shares the same faith with you but don't go thinking that marriage will be more successful. It might not and what will you do in that instance? Love the person you are with.

She knew she wasn't goin go with you to Anglican in the first place, now because shes 36, considering her age she had to do something. . .that was the reason why she made that decision. Such a woman would leave you as soon as she gets a catholic man of her choice.
On the other hand, you can as well give her freedom of worship but the big question is, would you ever believe in her words again? if your answer is NO. Pls run asap.

The real problem you are having even though you just mentioned it in passing isnt religion/denomination. It is the fact that your wife is adulterous -atleast you suspect her. What a shame! At 36years, she should be mature enough to be responsible and keep a promise.
My advice? Keep pleading hopefully, she'l see reason.

8ogoegbunam: Religious belief is a major factor in marriage. If I had known that she will turn out this way, I would not married her

I have a hard time believing this@Poster. You dated her for a period, right? If religion was so important to you, you would have more seriously ensured that she converted BEFORE the wedding. The problem with many cases where people try to use silly things like religion,weight, height,sexual-orientation etc as reason for divorce, is that many of them had time, and information enough to tackle those issues before making the vow to love that person, AS-IS, for life. If you believed she was in the "WRONG" religion, why did you bother allowing the wedding to take place in a catholic church?

Honestly, I think what you two may need to do is approach this in a more mature way. Go for counseling to understand why she feels she cannot keep her promise to you. LISTEN TO LEARN EXACTLY WHAT GOT HER TO CHANGE HER MIND -- not running off suspecting she is having an affair yet. That is a fast way to kill a marriage. Also try to understand her side of this as much as you can. And maybe then, you two can work as adults that you are to come to a compromise.

I personally do not get the attachment people have to churches given that Jesus was neither an Anglican, nor Catholic, nor pentecostal - not even Orthodox or Episcopalian. Jesus never set up a church when he was here. . . He never told any of his disciples to build for him a church. The command was to go into the world and preach the Gospel to all, healing the sick and those in need. I mean attending church is great but carrying church on your head is a whole 'nother thing that people don't realize is not called for.

shaybe baby:
It is in your opinion but I am saying there are other factors as well. This is but one of many issues you will face in your union. Should we chuck our partners everytime there's a difference of opinion or try to work around those differences. Are you saying that if she attends the same church as you but is a total b**ch at home you'd be happier? She has every right to her faith as do you, it is a fundermental human right. If you can't respect each other, free each other and look for someone who shares the same faith with you but don't go thinking that marriage will be more successful. It might not and what will you do in that instance? Love the person you are with.

My sister, love and honesty roams in 2 parralel lines. I'll be a fool to love someone that isn't trustworthy. Forget all this b**th talks. Its safer to be with a honest and loyal b**th than a disloyal and a deceitful angel.

0n a more serious note i think she[b] DECEIVED[/b] you into marrying her knowing that she will leave her church for yours and lots of relationships these day are founded on this type of deceit once both parties immediately get what they want they fail to keep to their initial promises or agreement before marriage.

xyloxloto: 0n a more serious note i think she[b] DECEIVED[/b] you into marrying her knowing that she will leave her church for yours and lots of relationships these day are founded on this type of deceit once both parties immediately get what they want they fail to keep to their initial promises or agreement before marriage.

um . .. most marriages are that way. In fact in most marriage, a vow or two made is eventually broken. Your argument above makes little sense when you consider reality. Can you count how many people out there break the vows they made when they got married? That is also deceit. A divorce on basis of deceit, especially when you consider he was ok with her catholic faith before the marriage makes little sense.

Reminds me of he story(unrelated) I heard years ago where a man requested that his girlfriend get a 'boob' job. She told him that she would only if he married her. He did but instead she presented him with papers showing how detrimental they are to his health. He went to court demanding a divorce because she refused to get the boob job. When asked why he needed her to get a boob job even though he understood quite well that it could be bad for her health, he responded saying "It has always been my dream to marry a woman with big boobs". The Judge said "But sir, you married a woman with small boobs instead . . "

at 36 its a shame she does not know what compromise is in marriage .honestly i can see u r really worried why put yourself in this kind of situation when you can make her to go your way or she goes the highway

xyloxloto: at 36 its a shame she does not know what compromise is in marriage .honestly i can see u r really worried why put yourself in this kind of situation when you can make her to go your way or she goes the highway

So, if she had been 16, she would know what compromise in a marriage is?

[b]@Kobojunkie [/b]at least you know very well marriage is a contract agreement whether you are 16yrs or 36yrs as long as you sign the agreement it means you understand every content of that agreement at least she was not forced . marriage is a contract it is no different from all types of contract you sign to out there

Thanks all for your advice. I married her in the catholic church due to her plea to me that we should please her parents who are staunch catholics. My grouse is that she lied to me that she will change her sect once we are married.I am a very spiritual person, I have my reservation about the catholic church. I respect all christians and muslims. Everyone have a right to belong to any faith. I believe that the spiritual atmosphere of my home have been poisoned. I have dreams and precepts that guide my life and marriage. I even gave her the choice to pick any of the numerous pentecostal churches were both of us can attend as a couple. Yet she insisted on cathlic church or nothing.am not a sect fanatic, but I believe a couple and kids should attend same sect.

[b]@Kobojunkie[/b]when you refuse to keep to your contract agreement it means you have [b]misled[/b]and being dishonest to people you are obligated to.

xyloxloto: [b]@Kobojunkie[/b]when you refuse to keep to your contract agreement it means you have [b]misled[/b]and being dishonest to people you are obligated to.

Again, In most marriages, VOWS(contracts they made on the day they got married) are broken. However, those marriages don't always end as a result.

xyloxloto: [b]@Kobojunkie [/b]at least you know very well marriage is a contract agreement whether you are 16yrs or 36yrs as long as you sign the agreement it means you understand every content of that agreement at least she was not forced . marriage is a contract it is no different from all types of contract you sign to out there

Please stop being emotional about this. People break their marriage vows(contracts) more frequently than you realize. However, marriages don't always end as a result.

In this case, the promise that was made has little or nothing to do with the marriage itself given the marriage went on even with the fact that the girl was catholic even up until her wedding day. What he is mad about is that she has refused to fulfill a promise she made to him.

[quote author=8ogoegbunam]Thanks all for your advice. I married her in the catholic church due to her plea to me that we should please her parents who are staunch catholics. My grouse is that she lied to me that she will change her sect once we are married.I am a very spiritual person, I have my reservation about the catholic church. I respect all christians and muslims. Everyone have a right to belong to any faith. I believe that the spiritual atmosphere of my home have been poisoned. I have dreams and precepts that guide my life and marriage. I even gave her the choice to pick any of the numerous pentecostal churches were both of us can attend as a couple. Yet she insisted on cathlic church or nothing.am not a sect fanatic, but I believe a couple and kids should attend same sect.


you are the head of the home so act like one , your role according to the bible is to be like a guardian to your family not a boss but you have to take the lead and make her understand you have the final say which church your family attends ,if she keeps disrespecting your authority you have a major problem on your hands








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@Kobojunkie but you can see her refusal to attend the same church with him is a problem to him, some people might overlook it if their wife choose not to attend the same church with them,besides will you attend a church different from the one your husband attend if you were are married?

8ogoegbunam: Thanks all for your advice. I married her in the catholic church due to her plea to me that we should please her parents who are staunch catholics. My grouse is that she lied to me that she will change her sect once we are married.I am a very spiritual person, I have my reservation about the catholic church. I respect all christians and muslims. Everyone have a right to belong to any faith. I believe that the spiritual atmosphere of my home have been poisoned. I have dreams and precepts that guide my life and marriage. I even gave her the choice to pick any of the numerous pentecostal churches were both of us can attend as a couple. Yet she insisted on cathlic church or nothing.am not a sect fanatic, but I believe a couple and kids should attend same sect.

Can we agree that Jesus was more spiritual than you could ever dream, yet he didn't have a sect of his own.

Yes, your wife lied to you that she will change after marriage, but I don't believe even Jesus will tell you that is grounds enough for divorce.

You claim you have your reservations about the catholic church but where were those reservations when you started dating a catholic girl? And where where they when you married her in a catholic church?

If you truly believe that everyone has a right to belong to any faith, why are you trying to FORCE your wife to make a decision ON HER FAITH?

And what spiritual atmosphere could you be speaking of? The one that was there when you dated and eventually married a Catholic woman? Or the one that you have allowed to take root as a result of you deciding divorce an option? Where were your dreams and precepts when you dated and married her catholic? Please stop trying to drag God into this. Do you really think God is impressed with you on this or something?

Look, dude, she lied to you. People get lied to everyday, even the one's they love. What matters is that when that lie is discovered people work to fix the problem.You two can work together to fix this, or you can let your egos run this one.

xyloxloto: @Kobojunkie but you can see her refusal to attend the same church with him is a problem to him, some people might overlook it if their wife choose not to attend the same church with them,besides will you attend a church different from the one your husband attend if you were are married?

Again, people get lied to everyday, and millions across the globe attend different churches than their spouses do. Those people are not demons but human beings. A good example is the Lagos state Governor. He is muslim but his wife is a Catholic, so I am sure you can see how they do not attend the same church/mosque and you do not hear them flying off the handle as you are attempting here to suggest that should be the case.

@Kobojunkie: why are you trying to justify DECEIT and you are making it seem it is okay to be deceitful,it seems you like or are living a life of deceit yourself

xyloxloto: @Kobojunkie: why are you trying to justify DECEIT and you are making it seem it is okay to be deceitful,it seems you like or are living a life of deceit yourself

I have not tried to justify deceit. Only told you to calm your arse down and stop trying to making this bigger than it really should be.

@@Kobojunkie: the point of note here is her DECEIT note about christian and muslim besides how do you justify the christian and muslim compare to two christians who are catholic and anglican?

Did you guys not date at all before you got married?

It appears to me that you probably don't know her very well, and vice versa. Did she not show signs that she's someone of an unyielding nature when it comes to religion matters? And you agreed to marry her in that same church you despised so much? I think, with all honestly, that you may need your head examined.

I do get the feeling that there are likely other issues that may have caused you to grow wearisome of your marriage and you now need any excuse to put an end to it. Your straw grasping couldn't have been anymore pronounced by mentioning: "she's 36 years", ..."we are yet to have children",... "I stumbled upon good evidence", ...."she's very close to this priest",.... "he bombards her with phone calls even at odd hours",..."I think my home is poisoned"!

Why not just spit out what's on your mind already!!

xyloxloto: @@Kobojunkie: the point of note here is her DECEIT note about christian and muslim besides how do you justify the christian and muslim compare to two christians who are catholic and anglican?

Again, stop trying to make this a bigger issue than it really should be.

It is silly to compare two Christians who are catholic and Anglican because nothing of Christianity requires that people PUT sect above all other matters in Christianity. Jesus himself never said anything about Christian sects, let alone that Christian sects should fight against each other.

@OP
The woman you married does not care about you. What the previous posters are not or have not told you is that when a woman of that age exhibits the traits your wife is exhibiting, it simply means that she has her script that she is working to. From experience, the game plan is standard, the next stage will manifest when you give her what she desires most - children. Then you will become surplus to requirements and she may even begin to insult you openly. I don't usually say this, but your wife has found someone she can use, and when she gets what she wants, if you push ANYTHING to hard, she will dump you like yesterdays garbage.

To protect yourself, you must make plans that do not include her. Make sure the plans are comprehensive and implementable. Then try one final time to make her see sense, involve as many people who you both think can talk sense into her. If you get nowhere as I suspect you will, then you go with the plans you have made. Don't listen to all these children telling you theories about marriage, if your wife is 36 or so you must be older, you need to face your problem head on.

I admire the catholic church and respect them , though I have my resevations about them, I do not despise them. I am liberal when it comes to religion,I believe that I can marry any lady, as long as we practise the same religion after marriage.I was even ready to marry muslims as long as the lady converts to christianity. Sorry am not fashola or tinubu. They chose the way their families and marriage should be. I believe I should choose mine.

I am not seeking for straws to use in dumping her.the only issue that will make me dump my wife is adultery apart from the issue at hand. Even at that I can forgive my wife if I receive assurance that it will not repeat itself.

8ogoegbunam: I admire the catholic church and respect them , though I have my resevations about them, I do not despise them. I am liberal when it comes to religion,I believe that I can marry any lady, as long as we practise the same religion after marriage.I was even ready to marry muslims as long as the lady converts to christianity. Sorry am not fashola or tinubu. They chose the way their families and marriage should be. I believe I should choose mine.

My friend, liberal, you are NOT. People who are liberal about religion do not demand others convert their faith for you, and they certainly do not use phrases like 'spiritual atmosphere'. ROLFMAO!! So stop using words that do not apply or you make yourself seem silly.