Che che, 3 already? Boys are not smiling.

@topic, your MIL behaviour is not the problem here, the issue is that all is not well between you and your wife now. Your MIL is only acting out a script directed by her daughter.
Be very firm, call your wife and settle whatever differences/issues you have with her. Don't talk about her mom with her,that would be like making her feel too relevant. Concentrate on your wife, deal honestly with all your problems and see your Mil either change overnight or start quarrelling with your wife(as the table is now turned against her)

If all fails, invite your own mom or sisters. Women have a way of sorting themselves out.

ifyalways: Che che, 3 already? Boys are not smiling.

@topic, your MIL behaviour is not the problem here, the issue is that all is not well between you and your wife now. Your MIL is only acting out a script directed by her daughter.
Be very firm, call your wife and settle whatever differences/issues you have with her. Don't talk about her mom with her,that would be like making her feel too relevant. Concentrate on your wife, deal honestly with all your problems and see your Mil either change overnight or start quarrelling with your wife(as the table is now turned against her)

If all fails, invite your own mom or sisters. Women have a way of sorting themselves out.

you dont understand women and mother in laws,you think women as sensible as u just illustrated.the moment he talks to the wife she will go and tell her mother then they will come out stronger.

che che: @ all tanx for your comments, i have been living peacefully with my wife until now, this Baby now is our 3rd child. before now i use to have little misunderstanding with my wife which we never allowed to see the nxt day. but this time, for the past 3 weeks we ve not been discussing as husband and wife again, only when she needs sumting from my pocket. last nite [b]i came back late as a result of traffic, i was surprised when my wife's mother started shouting at me. [/b]i dont know if im married to her or my wife

Na you carry chair give her make she siddon for your house dey shout at you?
What kind of a woman goes for Omugwo and begins to shout on his son-in-law? She does not know her boundaries. The sooner you get a mature member of her family say her children or her husband to gently persuade her to leave the house (if possible without them making it known to her that you want her out)the better for you. Your keeping it a secret from her that you are the one that asked that she leave is not because she does not deserve to know but just to not keep blowing the matter and causing more ill feelings. A real mother on an Omugwo at her child's home respects herself, is hardly heard as in keeps a low profile and does not affect the happiness of her child's home negatively.

If her husband is alive just take him out and discuss the matter with him or even her own son, they already know how she is and you can tell them that you are going thru a difficult time with your wife and needs a lil privacy to sort things out and save your marriage. They can entice her home with one story or the other and voila she is out. Don't let your wife know that you want her mother out too, it can only create more malice between you and her.

che che: My mother-in-law is tearing my home apart. should i tell her its time to leave or i should wait for my wife to do that? my baby is a month old now.

Evening all,

@OP before I say anything, may I please ask a few questions?

1. This is your third child - congratulations by the way - so presumably your MIL has been to stay before?
2. And you still haven't outright dealt with her or devised a strategy with your wife to manage her behaviour?
3. Or are you saying she has suddenly turned ogre and was all sweetness and light prior to this?
4. Plus, she seems to have manouvered your wife into throwing in her lot with her against you?

Altogether sounds one kind sha? Any way sir, apologies upfront, I will be cruel to be kind . You need flogging! Truth be told, sounds like you are taking a bit of a beating already .

Listen carefully - Be a man! (said on my best faux chinese market stall owner voice!)

You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First, don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.

Ah!!!! With all my WTB' siblings, their spouses/partners and my future MIL present, I turned on her like a harbour shark. When I finished there was stunned silence. Meanwhie, I was preparing for strike 2. Needless to say, it was not necessary. From that time on all her family approach me with caution. We've are all lovey dovey now - and I'm great pals with my SIL - but I've still got my finger on the trigger.

We left shortly after. When we got back to mine, I strictly warned my WTB, that if she ever sides with anyone against me - even if I'm wrong - there would be trouble. In fact, If she didn't go to war on my behalf if anyone spoke ill of me or even doubted me...'nuff said.

Men, be men! Better to let your in-laws fear you 100% than disrespect/despise you 1%. Set your stall out on this point as early as possible and don't give an inch. Many will test you to see how much they can get away with. I'm not saying be confrontational or aggressive. Just firm and assertive. Abeg, don't scare your sweetheart away 0!

When we had our first born, both mothers turned up. I said "one can stay at a time". They said how do we arrange it?. I said what's my own?? just make sure that my wife is supported and my son well cared for. I'm off to the gym . There has been no problem whatsoever, or if there has been, they are sure to ensure it does not come to my notice. Yes 0! I deal with my own mother too if required.

Any problems and they would have both been out. And I would have personally given them their marching orders. Forget all this go and call "senior aunty or send for big mummy" wussy/girly-man counsel. It's your home. Command it. And be seen to command it. Skirt is slapping you and you want to call blouse to save you? Nansense.

OP' own is far gone, but I'll say this;

1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remind her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't explain 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

TV01:

-----------You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.
----------
1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remnd her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her. (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't expalin 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

Lol @I love MIL cupcakes

I agree with poster TV01 to some extent. Weeks ago I was telling a man (that came to the forum to report that his wife is abusing him physically) that it is the shoulder that you give to others that they lean on and that he has to stand up for himself. A man or woman should not allow others to walk all over him/her but he/she should be tactful while at it too. When things get commanding it may take excitement out of marriage, seem like a man is heaving too much on his spouse/lording over her and make a wife feel enslaved to such a commanding man as well as make her develop unnecessary fear of her husband who is supposed to be her love partner.

Dear NL, no be small thing o. i called my wife by 2 am to have a heart 2 heart talk with her. as we were talking her mother just came out from the room and ask her to come inside that she needs rest. so i sent for the husband this morning and told him that i want the wife to go back home that i want to put my house in order. that was after i thanked them for all their supports. the father told me that i insulted them for asking his wife to leave my house, the house he advised me to build.

TV01:

Evening all,

@OP before I say anything, may I please ask a few questions?

1. This is your third child - congratulations by the way - so presumably your MIL has been to stay before?
2. And you still haven't outright dealt with her or devised a strategy with your wife to manage her behaviour?
3. Or are you saying she has suddenly turned ogre and was all sweetness and light prior to this?
4. Plus, she seems to have manouvered your wife into throwing in her lot with her against you?

Altogether sounds one kind sha? Any way sir, apologies upfront, I will be cruel to be kind . You need flogging! Truth be told, sounds like you are taking a bit of a beating already .

Listen carefully - Be a man! (said on my best faux chinese market stall owner voice!)

You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First, don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.

Ah!!!! With all my WTB' siblings, their spouses/partners and my future MIL present, I turned on her like a harbour shark. When I finished there was stunned silence. Meanwhie, I was preparing for strike 2. Needless to say, it was not necessary. From that time on all her family approach me with caution. We've are all lovey dovey now - and I'm great pals with my SIL - but I've still got my finger on the trigger.

We left shortly after. When we got back to mine, I strictly warned my WTB, that if she ever sides with anyone against me - even if I'm wrong - there would be trouble. In fact, If she didn't go to war on my behalf if anyone spoke ill of me or even doubted me...'nuff said.

Men, be men! Better to let your in-laws fear you 100% than disrespect/despise you 1%. Set your stall out on this point as early as possible and don't give an inch. Many will test you to see how much they can get away with. I'm not saying be confrontational or aggressive. Just firm and assertive. Abeg, don't scare your sweetheart away 0!

When we had our first born, both mothers turned up. I said "one can stay at a time". They said how do we arrange it?. I said what's my own?? just make sure that my wife is supported and my son well cared for. I'm off to the gym . There has been no problem whatsoever, or if there has been, they are sure to ensure it does not come to my notice. Yes 0! I deal with my own mother too if required.

Any problems and they would have both been out. And I would have personally given them their marching orders. Forget all this go and call "senior aunty or send for big mummy" wussy/girly-man counsel. It's your home. Command it. And be seen to command it. Skirt is slapping you and you want to call blouse to save you? Nansense.

OP' own is far gone, but I'll say this;

1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remind her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't explain 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

you have said it all......

He said that if his wife must leave the house that she must take her daughther along. he said that there was a time he asked me to allow his son to stay in my BQ that i refused and that i belong to an occult therefore i have a plan to use her daughther as a sacrifice.

che che: Dear NL, no be small thing o. i called my wife by 2 am to have a heart 2 heart talk with her. as we were talking her mother just came out from the room and ask her to come inside that she needs rest. so i sent for the husband this morning and told him that i want the wife to go back home that i want to put my house in order. that was after i thanked them for all their supports. the father told me that i insulted them for asking his wife to leave my house, the house he advised me to build.

woooow and your wife had the guts to leave u while the conversation was on to obey her mum
Well i think the way you called your father inlaw if it was on phone wasnt proper at all. You should have actualy gone to see him and discuss this issue with him one on one.

This one sef don pass me small,i know know wetin to talk.... Brb.

I called my uncle to inform him and he said that i should not say anything to them again that i should wait and see if my wife will go with them then they will know what to do.

@che che

Reading your post all over again,am like 'did you actualy send for your father inlaw'
cause you typed *''i sent for her husband this morning''*

if you actualy did that then thats just too rude and pure arrogance (sorry if its an insult but that what i feel).

Let me put it clearer. i called him that i will like to see him for important issue and he said he is already on his way to my house. their house is just like 10 minutes drive from my place. so its not as if i asked him to come.

che che: Let me put it clearer. i called him that i will like to see him for important issue and he said he is already on his way to my house. their house is just like 10 minutes drive from my place. so its not as if i asked him to come.

now i understand you clearer, hmmm,he was already on his way to your house Sound like you have already been reported to him by your wife and mil and was coming to tackle that..... Seem like things has turned sideways for a long while,maybe when you dint allow his son who is also wife brother to stay in your bq, how did you tell him then that you dint want him to stay (its a normal thing they feel bad about it,cause they will feel its your house and the bq is empty) and they calling you a culttist, now thats a big one there man. What have they seen in YOU that makes them think you a cultist or WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THATS OUT OF THIS WORLD that makes them think you a cultist and say you might wanna use your wife for sacrifice

he always come every day. not only him all the family. sometimes about 4 of them will come and stay for more than 2 days. and i know how much i spent anytime they come for such marathon visit, which on every 4dayss interval

Nice to see a real man here on NL for once, not all these pansies masquerading as men. Women need the law laid down for them strongly and firmly.

TV01:

Evening all,

@OP before I say anything, may I please ask a few questions?

1. This is your third child - congratulations by the way - so presumably your MIL has been to stay before?
2. And you still haven't outright dealt with her or devised a strategy with your wife to manage her behaviour?
3. Or are you saying she has suddenly turned ogre and was all sweetness and light prior to this?
4. Plus, she seems to have manouvered your wife into throwing in her lot with her against you?

Altogether sounds one kind sha? Any way sir, apologies upfront, I will be cruel to be kind . You need flogging! Truth be told, sounds like you are taking a bit of a beating already .

Listen carefully - Be a man! (said on my best faux chinese market stall owner voice!)

You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First, don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.

Ah!!!! With all my WTB' siblings, their spouses/partners and my future MIL present, I turned on her like a harbour shark. When I finished there was stunned silence. Meanwhie, I was preparing for strike 2. Needless to say, it was not necessary. From that time on all her family approach me with caution. We've are all lovey dovey now - and I'm great pals with my SIL - but I've still got my finger on the trigger.

We left shortly after. When we got back to mine, I strictly warned my WTB, that if she ever sides with anyone against me - even if I'm wrong - there would be trouble. In fact, If she didn't go to war on my behalf if anyone spoke ill of me or even doubted me...'nuff said.

Men, be men! Better to let your in-laws fear you 100% than disrespect/despise you 1%. Set your stall out on this point as early as possible and don't give an inch. Many will test you to see how much they can get away with. I'm not saying be confrontational or aggressive. Just firm and assertive. Abeg, don't scare your sweetheart away 0!

When we had our first born, both mothers turned up. I said "one can stay at a time". They said how do we arrange it?. I said what's my own?? just make sure that my wife is supported and my son well cared for. I'm off to the gym . There has been no problem whatsoever, or if there has been, they are sure to ensure it does not come to my notice. Yes 0! I deal with my own mother too if required.

Any problems and they would have both been out. And I would have personally given them their marching orders. Forget all this go and call "senior aunty or send for big mummy" wussy/girly-man counsel. It's your home. Command it. And be seen to command it. Skirt is slapping you and you want to call blouse to save you? Nansense.

OP' own is far gone, but I'll say this;

1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remind her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't explain 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

Na wao.

Did your wife follow your mil when she came to disrupt the discussion last night?

Your in-laws and wife have no respect for you, none whatsoever. And living so very close to them does not help matters.

When your FIL said the mother would only leave with her daughter in tow, what was your response?don't tell me you kept mute please?

Where is your own mom?confide in your people, maintain your stance! Give your MIL an ultimatum, she has to leave and if her daughter wants to go with her, fine, so be it! Say it and mean it!!!

I think you are too soft and never laid down the rules from the onset.

Your house is your in laws railway station!you couldn't talk?Haba, its so annonying!

Sorry but you gave your wife and her people the space to walk over and now shyte on top your head.
Borrow some balls and guts if you can't grow one, throw them all out.

Does he want his wife at all costs or he wants peace in his house ? Both aint same.

He can sure have his wife but be ready to endure and live with endless tantrums and insults on his person or man up and ask them to go to hell!

Damage has long been done and at this point he's got nothing much to lose or save by putting his feet down firmly.

So, what do you propose he does? Beg the MIL and wife?

The MIL must go and if the wife says she's leaving with her mom, please let her go. She'll come begging when she stays 1 week and the man no send them.

My fear is that che che my brother no get the mind. They know it and are using it against him seriously.

CC, if the wife sef dey his side and its only in laws misbehaving then I'm all up for involving relatives but as it is now, he needs to first, ACT a man.

Ask the MIL to leave, if the wife says she's joining, oh please let her go. He shouldn't even try to talk sense into her head. That would send signals to them that he's not a vegie anymore and besides you know women, the wife won't stop reminding him how he "begged" her to stay .

His relatives can come in later.he is their(in laws) cash cow, when the wife and all stays out for 1 week without him asking after them, they'll be the one to beg and initiate reconcilation and that's when his relatives would come in. They can now go back to the drawing table and decide on how to live without any in law bullshyte.
If my mom dares come call me out when I'm having a talk with my husband, I'm 100% sure she's sleeping outside that same day. . And the only thing I can do is to either take her to a hotel or plead on her behalf. Argh, some men really need to be MEN oh.

chaircover: ify i dont think he wants his wife to go oooo! if he did he would have turfed them all out a long time ago.

Agreed he allowed things to happen, but what is done is done. How does he solve this with minimal damage? he wants the MIL out, he wants his wife in he home. How does he achieve this?

There is no substitute for a pair of balls.

Ify, all i did was because of the luv i have for my wife. u know my wife being the first and the father not working u should understand what i mean. anyway, my wife called me few minutes ago that she has gone that if i need her that i know where to find her. so i told her that i dont think i will be needing her soon.

I'm the first child and only girl of my family and I do NOT understand any of this. How old is your wife?

Nwanne m are you isolated from your family? Did you marry this lady against their counsel?2 pages and no mention of your family is rather. . . Strange.

Did she leave with your children?I hope you married her properly?

I must confess, this period won't be easy on you, going home to an empty house but trust me, you'll be fine.

Call and inform your immediate family of the development. If possible, get one or two of your most favorite siblings to stay with you now.discipline yourself, don't call your wife, don't pick her calls, don't reply her sms for atleast 1 week. If you paid her dowry, your dad and male uncles can go visit her family(no females to avoid drama) just to remind them the type of war they'll get if anything happens to your kids.

One week and she does not bulge, involve the women. They can now do all the shouting, dirty talks and fights. If that does not work then its time for your kit and kin to go for proper reconcilation, call both families together and trash out everything from the roots and that should include banning all relatives from sleep_over visit for atleast 1 year.

Whatever decisions you make, I hope it works out fine for you.
Btw, I'm assuming all you wrote here is the truth.

As ever, in response to posts I speak both generically and specifically.

Generically it is the divine order – and still for the most part the cultural status quo - that men assume leadership. I say assume, because although it should be taken for granted, some men do not understand the dynamics of how too (or want too rather sadly), and others - both men and women - will often try to deny them this right/responsibility. Ultimately to the detriment of all.

Even in the West – and despite the best efforts of some – it’s still a man’ world. A disciplined, mature and responsible man calls the shots – and right now they are scarce - regardless. Let alone one that possesses all of those qualities and is God fearing with it. A man must still “quit himself like a man”. And such a one will be highly regarded and sought after for a husband.

Let fundamentals drive the situation, not the situation move you away from the fundamentals. What does your faith/worldview require? Understand it and do it. Aand if you get it wrong – as we all do at times – rectify the situation soonest, without fear or favour and be willing to pay the price.

Now to those who referenced my post;

Sis’ Ivynwa – Please take time to read and grasp posts in future. Refer to point 1 of the specific advice I proffered to OP. “Discuss and agree” with his wife was the gist there and was underscored by “communication”. My advice was never about “commanding = instructing/forcing”, but about “commanding = leading/ordering”. The use of the word “commanding” was a reference to Gods testimony of Abram. Point 2 was clear about “wise words and appreciation”. Earlier on I also cautioned about being confrontational or aggressive towards in-laws. I trust that answers your concerns.

Sis’ CC – Not just lucky, but also blessed. And truly the grace of God abounds. Strategy? Me. It’s all about fundamentals and principles. And faith if you have it. I command my home. Simples. And I won’t be run by my in-laws. QED. A wife that sides with her family is no wife. A man of the type I described above will always get a good wife. Wives sef if his worldview permits it. A mis-step at that point by my in-laws – especially if concurred with by my WTB – and I would have considered myself still looking. Whatever their “strategy”, God is still God and my home mine to command.

My WTB’ feelings? Can’t say I was unduly bothered. Any distress would have been short-lived. My concern was building her understanding. She gets it and pertinently, so do her family.

Insults? I’m sure what I wrote to IVY will clear up that point. Combative? Sure, if the situation warrants it. Insultive?. Please don’t unfairly characterise me or read inferences into my posts.

Long memories? As che che narrative here reveals, failure to deal with this issue at onset has led to a catalogue of incidents and one unending saga. Having allowed liberties to be taken early on, the brother is now in a loop of in-law abuse. And you come asking him to overlay his weakness with what exactly? Even as they escalate the oppression on his head.

Onatise doesn’t seem to understand from what I can see. And yes he does seem to have suffered same. I’d guess his positioning and response were also wrong.

Johndoe100 – regards. Most of the women that proffer advise here, should in my opinion just stop. Especially when it comes to the male essence and manly conduct. They give girly counsel, seek to feminise you and then turn around and deal with you for not being a man. Utter bull.

@OP – Your in-laws lord it over you. Treating your home like a hotel and you like a bellboy. Aided and abetting by your “wife” quote/unquote. Hmmm.

In a way your situation is good, as it’s gotten to a point of push comes to shove. Previously you were content to let things slide abi? Not realising that this kind of rubbish always escalates. Until they pack you out of the house and either introduce a new husband or simply take over themselves.

My advice? Gird yourself, don your armour and bear arms. Not just combative, but also warlike. Today na today.

Your kids – not sure where they are in all this. Ensure they are being provided and cared for. If they are with you, get a relative or help to assist if required.

Your wife – make contact with her. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you expect her home, to resume her duties and responsibilities towards you and the kids asap. Don’t make any offers, just set that basic expectation. Don’t let her have use of any of the family assets until she’s back home.

Your In-Laws – can all be dealt with as one. They have no regard for you and you have hitherto validated that. In future, no stays unless previously agreed by you. In the short to near term I would consider that visits should be kept to a minimum if at all. Longer-term, if there is no wholesale change from them, plan to effectively exclude them except for absolutely required contact, until such time as they get it. If they "advised" you to build the house nko? Did they donate the land or sponsor the build?

Your Family - Did you marry your wife well? Let them know what's going on and listen to their counsel. My preference is for you to take the lead in all instances. If it ultimately requires further mediation. Have those who were present when you "married" or Male elders state or concur with your position at any meeting.

In any event, please refer to point 1 of my initial response. Have that time of dialogue with your wife. Feel free to reference the remains of her brothers marriage – is that what she wants for herself? – and to ask if she is seriously planning to return to her parents permanently? Winning her back is key. Your aim is to resume your marriage and progress. Be conciliatory, but not cowardly.

I would personally saddle up, take a few choice men of valour, ransack that their hamlet and reclaim what is mine. But don’t over-extend yourself dude. Feel free to take the girly-girly, limp-wristed advice being proffered and see where that gets you or if it results in meaningful and lasting change.

Thank me later.

T – commanding like a 5 star General, warring like a Legionnaire - V

ps – loving your wife isn’t doing what she wants and kow-towing to your in-laws.

che che: Ify, all i did was because of the luv i have for my wife. u know my wife being the first and the father not working u should understand what i mean. anyway, my wife called me few minutes ago that she has gone that if i need her that i know where to find her. so i told her that i dont think i will be needing her soon.

Wow, I don't think she loves you. While I was reading your previous posts, I was wondering where is your wife in all of these? One would expect her to stand up to her mum, but obviously she's been the one fuelling the situation at the background, your MIL just helped her bring it out in the open. The problem here is your wife, not your MIL or FIL. She doesn't have her priorities straight. Personally, I would call her bluff. You never give in to tantrums, you're only aiding and abetting the situation if you do that.

It's funny none of the males have posted the words 'this is just one side of the story'. . ., tehehehe

This story is really sad. Why are they just treating this man this way. It is no a sin to get married to their daughter and he owns them no obligation (financially or otherwise). @poster, 10 minutes drive is just too close, your in-laws see your house as an extension. They have not giving you their daughter fully. I think you are renting her and they are playing bait with you. Your wife too is to blame, she seems to forget that she is out of an parents house and she now has a family of her own. She has also forgotten that marriage will have issues and those issues are not expected to consume the marriage. She is quick to take her mother's side and forgetting that her mother has her husband intact. Your father-inlaw response is just not right, while take your daughter back when you have given her out. I see a gang-up but God will see you through.

MY TAKE: They want something from you. You have to find that out. Right now the situation is out of hand and any irrational move can result to a separation. You can give them 2 weeks, while you inform your family members of what is going on. A meeting should be arranged and where all issues should be discussed amicably and agreed. But I think you need to get out of your present location after you resolve your problems. Hence, you would be back to square one. Your in-laws need to respect your marriage and give you some space even if they need some financial assistance, your house is not an extension. For now say nothing or little but just listen.