ifewunmi:


As much as Islam permits men to have up till four wives, Allah says in the Holy Qur'an:

Al-Qur'an (4:3) If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers - you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship.

But in common life, usually the first part in the above quote from the Qur'an is omitted and what we hear is stated below:

"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." Al-Qur`an (4:3)

Marriage means different things to different people

1. people have "open marriages" where the couple can "see" other people
2.Some have countless wives while others have four and still call it marriage
3.some men marry their fellow men
4.women and women
4.one woman,many men

For the purposes of this thread,we go with the generally accepted and biblically inclined definition

Marriage is defined as a union between [b]a man and a woman.
That is the definition this thread chooses to follow[/b]

Thanks the poster above for your Koranic quotes but that is beyond the subject of this thread.

could not read all u guys wrote but from my own point of view, the trad is the main wedding. the reason for this is that it is when the man comes to the lady's house to ask of her hand in marriage from her parents as done by the servant of Abraham for Isaac and Isreal (both instances in the Holy Bible). any other thing after this is a ceremony. my church accepts traditional marriages and you can come to the church for the church blessing in the house of God. the only difference between the church blessing and church wedding is that the couples might not have the fan fare accompanying the church blessing but a man of God will still bless the union in the house of God in the presence of God and the children of God.

As A Christian, I challenge anyone to show me where the requirement for marriage was stated as "blessing" by a priest or "man of God" in the Bible!

The issue is that over time, customs of people have crept into religion - and vice versa, such that where the custom is GLAMOROUS, it quickly and easily takes such a position that an average, or undeciphering public assumes it to be the correct thing.

My people, don't be deceived, the 3 ingredients of marriage are; 1.PARENTAL CONSENT (of the bride's family) which may or not be signified by a dowry, 2. WILLINGNESS OF THE 2 PARTIES (man and wife) and 3. witnesses to the agreement (which may not necessarily happen simultaneously). Once that is obtained/present, pronto, marriage is done deal, and recognised by GOD. The rest is human ceremony just to show off and belabour those involved.

It is unfortunate that we have exalted the "packaging" i.e. ceremonies (especially church service and reception, engagement, introduction etc) over and above the "core product" i.e. consent and willingness. To the extent that in many cases, those two elements are completely missing, and we still go ahead with the "wedding" and impose it on GOD.

It is not an omission that the Bible does not have a single account of a marriage where a priest presided or joined the couple!! Not even Jesus, he never superintended any wedding or ceremony. Remember, at Cana in Galilee, he was a guest at a wedding, he was not even invited to the high table, let alone conduct the wedding.

GOD is very simple and wants things the easiest way for us as his creatures, but the problem with us is that we have always found ways to complicate issues for ourselves, up to the point that it becomes excessively burdensome and sometimes unbearable for many others, up to the point that we push many to sin in the process. Consider how many have committed sins just to meet up with human standards of "marriage" such as high bride price, cost of rings and dresses/suits, white wedding expenses and receptions, honeymoons etc. while GOD's standard costs nothing, and demands next to nothing.

My brother, if you've done traditional wedding otherwise called engagement, YOU ARE BONA FIDE MARRIED. That has satisfied GOD's standard for marriage as you have fulfilled all righteousness. The 3 ingredients are complete; Bride's Parental Consent, Couple's Willingness, and Witnesses to the union's agreement. Go ahead and fire on, for you are married before the Almighty. Let no one shackle you unnecessarily.

No wonder Jesus says " my yoke is easy, and my burden is light", and who makes them "heavily laden"? The human society!

May GOD have mercy on us all.

binatrix:

could not read all u guys wrote but from my own point of view, the trad is the main wedding. the reason for this is that it is when the man comes to the lady's house to ask of her hand in marriage from her parents as done by the servant of Abraham for Isaac and Isreal (both instances in the Holy Bible). any other thing after this is a ceremony. my church accepts traditional marriages and you can come to the church for the church blessing in the house of God. the only difference between the church blessing and church wedding is that the couples might not have the fan fare accompanying the church blessing but a man of God will still bless the union in the house of God in the presence of God and the children of God.

I thank God for your pastor.
He is a man of wisdom and all other pastors ought to follow suite.

It's annoying that our struggling young men have to beg and borrow money to basically do 2 weddings (Church and traditional)
And we've just accepted that to be their lot.
My mom told me how they had to "raise" money for a brother for his wedding and people "contributed" to the wedding.
What nonsense!!!!!!!

How did a suitor become a charity case and no one is saying anything.
People ought to get back in the word
We don't have to do things to please anyone or just because everyone is doing it.
I hate to have been that wife married to a man that begged a whole congregation and beyond for funds.
I would be happy to elope to Vegas with my love to a quiet unannounced union than owe people from Ajegunle to Orile Iganmu just to entertain people.

God help us

Thou shall not confuse me!!!

marriage is a union between a man and a woman. When the parents are in agreement and der is a written document( legal) in that regard.
A marriage has taken place.

@tkb417:

Does it mean people who cannot write (and read) cannot or do not marry?

And what was there before invention of writing (and material documentation in writing) no marriage?

GOD performed the first marriage between Adam and Eve. There was no "legal document" yet he accepted it as valid.

You see, that idea of documentation is one of those obstacles that have been put up by humans as a "form", which is far from the "substance" of marriage. Tell me, how does the legal document secure and guarantee a marriage? and for how long does it compel the couple to conform and obey the tenets of their so called "vows"? Many find out sooner than they imagined, that it is a worthless piece of paper/document even a few days when they start to fall out, quarrel and bicker.

Divorce courts are filled to the brim with such papers. Don't be deceived, the best marriages are written down in the hearts of the couples. With mutual respect, true love, and fear of GOD. Irrespective of what comes their way, they remain unshaken. Then when people cannot get in between such couples, they start to say things like:

1. The woman has bewitched the husband, or vice versa,
2. They are fools,
3. I don't even know what he/she sees in her/him,
4. Dem be "yeye" people,
5. They should have their heads examined, e.t.c, the list is endless.

Do not put your faith in any physical thing as the source or evidence of your marriage, but the Lord, our GOD.

@Iyes
dont confuse me.
In this era, documentation is a MUST!!

@ yemivictor:

There's no place for "pastoral blessing" as a pre-requisite for a valid marriage!

We Nigerian (Christians) have elevated the position of our pastors beyond the reasonable, and sometimes, substituted them for GOD! This is to the extent that many will not test whatever any pastor tells them with reason or scripture, but act gullibly. The only justification good enough for them is "my pastor says so"

Who is a pastor when it comes to the issue of marriage? What powers or say has he/she in the matter? I pity so many of my brethren, some go to the extent that their pastors make choices of who to date and marry for them! No matter how much they loathe somebody, if the pastor says "marry him/her (i.e. compels them, even against the bride's parental consent) they dare not disagree.

Abeg, don't say such things again. Read my lips: PASTORS DO NOT HAVE ANY ROLE IN VALID MARRIAGES any more than your friends, colleagues and any other acquaintances.

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I agree with Iyes,
no need to say more as he's said it all.

Q: what about the people that can't afford the church wedding immediately after the traditional and choose to wait for months or years? They can't chop? taaaaaaaaaaa

U try being married and waiting.

@iyes
tell them, tell them.

i so much agreed with you that i almost logged in using your name

Marriage is a covenant that binds.  Covenant initiated through words spoken and then later consumated.  Being engaged is a form of marriage that cannot be consumated till the appropriate covenant has been initiated.

Common law marriage is a practical joke.  What common law marriage details is a man and woman living together and approved by law to share a common interest.  In my understanding, it's a burden because you form a yoke within both parties.  The law benefits from this monetarily.  There is no perpetual devotion to each other.

In Texas, a man and woman/boy or girl that lives together for a period of 180 days are considered husband and wife by common law (Nigerians use this to its max).  

It isn't marriage.

Marriages that aren't done in the church also are considered marriages too as far as God is concerned.

iyes:

@tkb417:

Does it mean people who cannot write (and read) cannot or do not marry?

And what was there before invention of writing (and material documentation in writing) no marriage?

GOD performed the first marriage between Adam and Eve. There was no "legal document" yet he accepted it as valid.

You see, that idea of documentation is one of those obstacles that have been put up by humans as a "form", which is far from the "substance" of marriage. Tell me, how does the legal document secure and guarantee a marriage? and for how long does it compel the couple to conform and obey the tenets of their so called "vows"? Many find out sooner than they imagined, that it is a worthless piece of paper/document even a few days when they start to fall out, quarrel and bicker.

Divorce courts are filled to the brim with such papers. Don't be deceived, the best marriages are written down in the hearts of the couples. With mutual respect, true love, and fear of GOD. Irrespective of what comes their way, they remain unshaken. Then when people cannot get in between such couples, they start to say things like:

1. The woman has bewitched the husband, or vice versa,
2. They are fools,
3. I don't even know what he/she sees in her/him,
4. Dem be "yeye" people,
5. They should have their heads examined, e.t.c, the list is endless.

Do not put your faith in any physical thing as the source or evidence of your marriage, but the Lord, our GOD.

My dear stop it O
That document is extremely necessary.
Try dragging a man to court for divorce and sharing of assets and tell the judge that your marriage documents are in your heart.
It will not fly.
You will just be treated as a woman that shacked up with a man and produced a couple of babies.

Marriage comes with a commitment that you two are one and so are your assets and liabilities.
That little piece of document you call it,signifies that union to be legal.
Where polygamy is a crime,it guarantees the man will not marry another without a divorce.
A marriage certificate/license does not guarantee a happy home neither does a marriage without it so what are you saying?

Please don't say the marriage license is nonsense,it ain't.
Ask women who have been through a divorce.
That piece of paper says it .
we have a paper to show a title for our homes
we need a paper receipt for various transactions and purposes
and you think marriage should remain in the heart?
I disagree strongly,no one can reach into your thorax to fish out your intents

@Midolo

Wikipedia is never a source for information because it's a collection of people's opinions and could be changed or edited.  Get a source - buy an encyclopedia.

Use Britianica!  Then your source will considered.

@Iceland

Marriage in Islam is still marriage.  Marriage by common union is a joke.

@Iyes

You need a priest or someone that stands in spiritual authority to perform the rite.  
Personally, I don't believe in all the services they throw in a wedding.  Marriages in actuality is less than 5 minutes.  You only affirm your role wrt whom you choose and a binding prayer is confirmed.  Where you have to throw a party and be $40,000 in debt is sheer stupidity to me.  I seriously don't see the logic there - everyone celebrates with you and they don't put a cent to the amount for the ceremony.

Ivvie:

Marriage is a covenant that binds. Covenant initiated through words spoken and then later consumated. Being engaged is a form of marriage that cannot be consumated till the appropriate covenant has been initiated.

Common law marriage is a practical joke. What common law marriage details is a man and woman living together and approved by law to share a common interest. In my understanding, it's a burden because you form a yoke within both parties. The law benefits from this monetarily. There is no perpetual devotion to each other.

In Texas, a man and woman/boy or girl that lives together for a period of 180 days are considered husband and wife by common law (Nigerians use this to its max).

It isn't marriage.

Marriages that aren't done in the church also are considered marriages too as far as God is concerned.

What Iyes advocated is a common law situation called domestic partnership in Britain.
It's akin to saying a prostitute is an employed wage earner just because she makes money in her services.
Ashewo no be job,na management

marriage documents are important for legal purposes such as sharing of assets and divorce.

the documents are made with the expectation of a marital breakdown

+osisi:

What Iyes advocated is a common law situation called domestic partnership in Britain.
It's akin to saying a prostitute is an employed wage earner just because she makes money in her services.
Ashewo no be job,na management

Prostitution!  That was funny, but never thought of it that way.


Some people don't second an idea or a principle for once in their lives.

toshmann:

marriage documents are important for legal purposes such as sharing of assets and divorce.

the documents are made with the expectation of a marital breakdown

That's right and without it in today's world,there is no contract between the 2 parties.
I don't care what any man says
baby I love you,you're the only mosquito in my net.
If he doesn't sign on the dotted lines,my sisters,carry your ghana must go and go
Marriage is serious business for serious minded folks only.

Iyes,

There's no place for "pastoral blessing" as a pre-requisite for a valid marriage!

 I have been reading all the posts and waiting patiently for someone to say this clearly, THANK YOU JARE!!! But I will also add that for a christian, marriage needs to be legal in the eyes of God as well as in the eyes of the government, so yes you need those certificates when applicable.

And also about parental consent, it's not always as clear cut as some people have demanded here. One of my best friends (a christian) wanted to get married but his parents are not christians and not really involved in his life and not really in the picture. Her mother was not a christian and her father not really a part of her life.

So what was he supposed to do? not marry her because he did not get "consent" from both her parents and his parents?
what if her/his parents who are not christians oppose the marriage for no 'godly' reason? are they supposed to break up and call it quits?

 Every situation is unique and a christian should use God's wisdom and the holyspirit to discern what the right thing to do is.

I beg ooo, once I have paid for her bride price,
men I have right too the goods.

toshmann

so you sef don dey mount Nkechi for 5 years without her papa knowing?

I dey go Umuleri go report you kita

Abeg once una don sign paper for court or do traditional, let the chopping begin. . .this craze for wearing white is silly if you ask me.

While it may signify purity, the guy nko? why him no dey wear white?

If there is any delay over 3 days between court/trad/church blessing, me and madam debo go begin chopping ourselves with zero hesitation

traditional marriage is valid.No very valid.there is no where in the bible where it was stated that one should get married in church.In times of old,the Jews married the traditional way.The choice is urs.

this is really confusing!

traditional or white/church wedding

which one validates bangin!

Abeg make una no spoil me ooooooooo!!!

Really,

give to GOD wat is HIS
stop f**king around.bless ur marriages in church

Let's not get things twisted. Traditional wedding is recognized by God and Church wedding is ordained by God. Ater the traditional wedding, if the husband and wife intend to engage each other, they might as well forget the church wedding. The veil in the christian wedding signifies purity and virginity. If after the traditional wedding, the couple 'chop' themselves, christian wedding or not would not be recognized by God.

I don't know. That's my opinion anyway.

debosky:

toshmann

so you sef don dey mount Nkechi for 5 years without her papa knowing?

I dey go Umuleri go report you kita

my man debo
how you take sabi about Nkechi? debosky i don de suspect you o
anyway, how i go dey with babe dem go say make i no chop?
that no be inappropriate sexual neglect and denial of my fundamental sexual rights?

i no gree o

Ruth and Boaz in the Bible did traditional marriage in the bible. go read up the book of Ruth

When a man pays a bride price, he's married to the lady! trad or no trad, white wedd or no blk wedd. everything else can come latter! Period.

Also back in the days and I think some culture still allows that when you divorce a woman, her family refund everything you gave them including the bride price, goat, yam, etc and no one mention or care about what was spent for the white wedding!

No it is not fornication. Fornication only comes into play when a couple is not married - even when they are yet to wed. Any couple that decides to do the church thing should try not to get pregnant 'cause most churches would frown at it.

@Prince_Onyx

You are very correct my brother. Jesus says we should give unto Ceasar what is ceasars and unto God what is God's. The various forms of wedding was instituted by man. So long as a marriage is binding, it is a marriage and vexes all the rights to the couple.
In traditional Igbo culture, the highest recognized form of marriage is paying the bride price or dowry. Once that is done, you are free to take your wife home until you have enough money for the other ceremonies - traditional and church weddings.

We all should note the difference between marriage and wedding. Marriage is the main thing while wedding is ceremonial. Even my Pastor has followed this line of argument to encourage young men to get married because most of them were scared of the prohibitive costs of weddings. He also encouraged them to wed en mass so as to cut costs as is done in catholic churches.

Its just like saying a graduate cannot work with his certificate until he/she does the graduation ceremony. Its just symbolic.

i am sure you have done nothing wrong. As rightly pointed, God understands every form of legal marriage. You don't need a white wedding for the sanctity of ur' wedlock to be recognized. We must not forget that white wedding is a western thing. There is no place in the Bible that says the wedding has to be in the church. As long as you recognize and admit God's role in joining you 2 together in the front of witnesses, there is nothing wrong. Pls keep on chopping, u have done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, chop till u cant walk right no more . Just kidding. But i am certain you are ok.

What a topic. Any naija person wey talk say only 'white wedding matters' must then be a bastard or son of a bastard, because him father or grand father probably didn't do white wedding in his time.