obowunmi: Regardless of the failures of your parents, at some point - adults at some point, have to learn to take responsibility for their lives.

You begin this process by forgiving your parents. Live and MOVE ON.

Seems some posters are beginning to give excuses for bad behavior.

obowunmi: I'm not sure if the Nigerian culture values counseling/therapy at least it doesn't take place in a formal setting and with a certified persons....

I think however happens informally with friends, families, many also use Pastors as therapists. A culture change needs to happen "when" no one knows. But it the mean time, forgiveness needs to happen thru purposeful memory loss or "spiritual means."

obowunmi: Ma'am you know I am secretly in love with you so - I couldn't agree more.

But how does one begin to change this culture? Where to begin?

obowunmi: Ma'am you know I am secretly in love with you so - I couldn't agree more.

But how does one begin to change this culture? Where to begin?

Johndoe100:

Wow debrief and her "baby" lover who has declared his love for her. This is what this section has become.

Meanwhile lets be educated about violence by the the cabal.

debrief08:
That is why I started this thread, first to understand more of the problem from the mans perspective then train my own boys better, See how I can support a programme on this issue.
So many Women support projects, none for men, even if it is just a place to talk and get the pain and burden off their minds.

obowunmi: Will men show up for therapy?

Claus:

Very commendable. I think if it were left to men, there would be no talking, counselling etc. However, these things work. It might be necessary to get men involved in leading the initiative though. Being a man and from what I know of other guys, it's very difficult to show weakness and put oneself in a vulnerable position where there are women around. Society really frowns on the so called "weak" men, so every man is programmed to go around pretending they are strong even if they are dying inside.

If you look at suicide statistics, men are in the overwhelming majority.



From my experience, the place I've seen where men open up to each other is where there are other men that they trust.
It could obviously start small, until word gets round. It needs to be a non-judgemental environment where they can really explore the issues affecting them. I know this thread started with a focus on domestic abuse, but other areas would be useful as well.

coogar:

ifyalways: @Afam, I'll try to break it down.
Some men, I'm sorry to say are stoopid when they are in love. They downgrade themselves, take all and every poo a girl throws at them just because they (think) they are in love. They hurt but because the seex is good or the girl is pretty hang on to relationships that are not healthy.

2 years down the line, they are married to the same girl and you expect the girl to change?no one should be blinded or foolish just Cos s/he is in love. Once you smell abuse, firmly put your feet down and nip it in the bud. No glossing over or overlooking.

I daresay it goes for both sexe, don't tolerate or give anyone room/power to abuse you.

its neither fear nor cowardice but I know that there are certain lines I dare not cross with my husband. He gets my 100% respect because he deserves it and its mutual.

Afam, if as a man, you don't know how to be firm and lead a woman in love, you have no business getting married. You don't have to be a commando, "rule" over your house or turn your home to a barracks either. Just be a Man. . . to the letter.

ifyalways: @Afam, I'll try to break it down.
Some men, I'm sorry to say are stoopid when they are in love. They downgrade themselves, take all and every poo a girl throws at them just because they (think) they are in love. They hurt but because the seex is good or the girl is pretty hang on to relationships that are not healthy.

2 years down the line, they are married to the same girl and you expect the girl to change?no one should be blinded or foolish just Cos s/he is in love. Once you smell abuse, firmly put your feet down and nip it in the bud. No glossing over or overlooking.

I daresay it goes for both sexe, don't tolerate or give anyone room/power to abuse you.

its neither fear nor cowardice but I know that there are certain lines I dare not cross with my husband. He gets my 100% respect because he deserves it and its mutual.

Afam, if as a man, you don't know how to be firm and lead a woman in love, you have no business getting married. You don't have to be a commando, "rule" over your house or turn your home to a barracks either. Just be a Man. . . to the letter.

obowunmi: We ARE, WHO we attract.

Ihedinobi:

I completely agree with that.



Once I subscribed to that, the relationship began to nosedive. It's a really terrible thing now when I look back. Her silences (Gawd, she was proficient at those) were agonizing. Her mystery was maddening. In many more ways than I can think now, I suffered in that relationship. And the funny thing is that I kept thinking that I was the one doing things wrong, not being everything that I should be etc. There was so much intrigue and yet, I couldn't believe that she was playing games with me or manipulating me in any way.

Now that I look back, I wonder.

ifyalways: @Afam, I'll try to break it down.
Some men, I'm sorry to say are stoopid when they are in love. They downgrade themselves, take all and every poo a girl throws at them just because they (think) they are in love. They hurt but because the seex is good or the girl is pretty hang on to relationships that are not healthy.

2 years down the line, they are married to the same girl and you expect the girl to change?no one should be blinded or foolish just Cos s/he is in love. Once you smell abuse, firmly put your feet down and nip it in the bud. No glossing over or overlooking.

I daresay it goes for both sexe, don't tolerate or give anyone room/power to abuse you.

its neither fear nor cowardice but I know that there are certain lines I dare not cross with my husband. He gets my 100% respect because he deserves it and its mutual.

Afam, if as a man, you don't know how to be firm and lead a woman in love, you have no business getting married. You don't have to be a commando, "rule" over your house or turn your home to a barracks either. Just be a Man. . . to the letter.

Genius100:

First, your advise may work to a certain extent in Nigeria because the society generally keep women in check. In the western world, first off, the woman may not neccesarily see the man as the head of the household. Second, if a man tries to be firm and the woman replies him with a volley of abuse, what do you want the man to do? Being firm and all works when the woman responds to the firmness. When she doesn't, your only option is to leave the marriage which isn't easy especially when kids are involved.

Most men just want a peaceful home. Constant nagging and complaining is very excruciating for a man. This issue is so serious that even the bible recognizes the issue in several instances. In Proverbs, it says it is better to live in the desert than to live with a nagging wife. A man can be firm all he wants and check his woman, but when she continues to nag, complain or act in an unreasonable manner constantly, it's almost like your life is getting sucked out of you.

Donlittle: Where is she now? people like her never get married lol

peleson: This topic is about abuse by women to men n NOT by wife to husband.
What happens to those that have been abused verbally or otherwise by step mothers, elder sisters , aunts, brothers wife etc.

biolabee:

if you have any experience to share along that line, it will be cool also.

Abuse is abuse no matter the medium

biolabee:
if you have any experience to share along that line, it will be cool also.

Abuse is abuse no matter the medium