Dalby:

You guys will not fail to amuse me. How come it is now they saw the "spirit of laziness" in the man
When she was getting married to the guy, then he had a job and money was streaming in, there was no problem.
This might just be a period of transition for him, afterall the wife did not give him his first job

The man in question is just some proud dude, the lady said after 3months of their wedding, he got suspended from his office for something i dono. . . after his suspension, he refused to resume saying he wasn't worth that punishment . . .the wife did all she can but this man never returned, giving reasons that he's going to look for a better job than his former one.  He's been at home for almost 4yrs. what the heck. . . such people can b real pain in the ass u know.  if u want to get a better job, go to the labour market n work things out. . . we don't get better jobs by staying at home n ranting unecessarily

Original poster, if a Wife does not contribute financially to the household, or sits at home and gossips while the maids do all the work, I guess we can call her useless too as she is not contributing anything.

Nokka:

Original poster, if a Wife does not contribute financially to the household, or sits at home and gossips while the maids do all the work, I guess we can call her useless too as she is not contributing anything.

I agree!

YES. A jobless man is still the head of the family irrespective of his job condition or financial status. He becomes the tail of the family when he's so lazy and irresponsible.Who says he can't dust his resume and look for another job instead of staying at home displaying his ego and his inferiority complex. .If one door closes another opens.I  will respect and love my man irrespective of his condition just that he has to be a little responsible and manly._{Courtesy demands dat}

ell77:

Is that an attempt to compare yourself to God? God created me, my husband did not!

Why should someone compair himself with GOD? GOD made you and made man the head of the woman under the marriage institution

ell77:


Please post things that make sense, this is actually a serious issue, many women suffer because of men like this. I am thankful the majority of Nigerian men I have met are not like this but I pray that these men will seek to do the right thing always. How will Nigeria progress if people subject themselves to such acts of laziness and cruelty?

Have u ever been in the situation where you look for a job?, especially in the Nigerian labour market which is proliferated? How come she did not see that he was a lazyman from the get go?

ell77:

Ok Obasanjo was the ruler of our country. If you were given the chance to remove him from power a year early would you not have done it? As far as I am concerned some titles mean different things when given to different men and it is up to the man to distinguish what they mean - the title can merely be a title and nothing more (a simple sign of pride and vanity-which i care nothing about) or it can be an indication of the role that person plays (rights and responsibilities alike-which i do care about). We have had many leaders, but no true leader. You can always be the head of the family, but not all men are the true heads of their family (or even know what it entails). Since OBJ was president people should agree with everything he did including stealing money, the same goes for our governors of state, why investigate them, leave them to do what they were doing after all, they are the heads and we must be submissive to them!

Some men have no intention of working and promise their wives heaven and earth, then they don't stick to them as soon as they marry, knowing the wife will not divorce because she does not believe in divorce and loves him. I have seen these things with my own eyes. Dalby, please don't treat your wife like that.

In the Nigerian polity, you will always have divergent views, and a leaders responsibility is to listen to all points raised and apply wisdom to say which direction the polity goes, and in this case the home. This is also applicable the world over. The interesting fact is that it is not all the decisions that the head or leader takes that might finally be right. Thus the mantle falls on him to accept responsibility even when things go wrong and it is seen that he has made the wrong choice.
He should learn from his mistakes and move on since no one including the woman is perfect

Also if I had the opportunity, I would have allowed OBJ complete his term.

Providing for the family is only one of the duties of the head of the family, so you should not on that ground alone decapitate him

Simple solutyion to this palava!a woman has to be submissive to her husband(submission of her ego) and a man has to love and care for the wife,makind her happy all the time,and try not to bring tears to her eyes.
try it at home and you'll have easy life!

Hey I have heard and read lots bout ghanians culture, Women are always the key of the family cause thats their culture, hey girl you knw this already, you better come to Nigeria so you can find a man that will go hustle to feed you. If you continue to stay in Ghana you will also feed your husband cause thats ur culture for you, you cant change that culture cause it has been happening even before ur existence. hey please dont be mad at me, just wanna answer ur question.

Dalby:

Why should someone compair himself with GOD? GOD made you and made man the head of the woman under the marriage institution

Have u ever been in the situation where you look for a job?, especially in the Nigerian labour market which is proliferated? How come she did not see that he was a lazyman from the get go?

In the Nigerian polity, you will always have divergent views, and a leaders responsibility is to listen to all points raised and apply wisdom to say which direction the polity goes, and in this case the home. This is also applicable the world over. The interesting fact is that it is not all the decisions that the head or leader takes that might finally be right. Thus the mantle falls on him to accept responsibility even when things go wrong and it is seen that he has made the wrong choice.
He should learn from his mistakes and move on since no one including the woman is perfect

Also if I had the opportunity, I would have allowed OBJ complete his term.

Providing for the family is only one of the duties of the head of the family, so you should not on that ground alone decapitate him

@Dalby - you are the one who compared a man to God.

Also, the point is not that he does not have a job, the point is he does not want to stress himself to look for one, but allows the woman to stress herself doing everything and yet he has time to argue over being the head - is that as important as the welfare of your family?

If it was a mere case of a man losing his job and searching desperately to get one whilst the woman treats him as boy-boy then I will say she is wrong - 100%! Because it can happen to anyone especially in Nigeria, but that is not how I read this story. I personally also know of examples worse than this.

Ok, so what are the man's duties in the family? Remeber there is a difference between duty and right and how can he carry out these duties if he is lazy?

You did not answer my question about all the politicians as you should have, I understand politics, I was discussing the differnece between a title for names sake and a title as a role. What about Abacha and all the other 'presidents' and what about our impeached governors? I am talking about corruption!

If my husband loses his job tomorrow, I can work 3 jobs so long as i know he is trying and he has my back. But if I am meant to work three jobs whilst my husband treads on my back, what will happen whne my back breaks? How will he support the children I leave behind? How will he support himself!  

tjdno:

Hey I have heard and read lots bout ghanians culture, Women are always the key of the family cause thats their culture, hey girl you knw this already, you better come to Nigeria so you can find a man that will go hustle to feed you. If you continue to stay in Ghana you will also feed your husband cause thats your culture for you, you can't change that culture cause it has been happening even before your existence. hey please don't be mad at me, just want to answer your question.

and who fed u with that crap what n what do u know about the whole of ghanaian culture? if someone from one of the lazy tribes in ghana here told u that garbage then u've been fed wrongly! spill that out before your belle mess up!! It's widely blived all over ghana that a woman's office is the kitchen. . .takes care of the hse n kids! With this in the picture, men are educated well so that they can become responsible heads of their families. Whoever told u that might looking after her husband n prolly looking for shelter for so-called husband. B4 u argue, make sure u gat gr8 points n facts for that matter

If he is a christian (as in, not born into a christian family or goes to church every sunday, but actually is baptized), then yes, despite all wrong-doing, he is the head of his family. Of course, the Bible says (paraphrasing) that he who doesn't go to work to earn money/food for his family is worse than an infidel. That however doesn't take away from being the head of his family.

When christians get married, there is always the, "for better or for worse" part of the ceremony. It is not to be taken lightly. That means if you could get married today and fall into a problem within hours of kissing the bride/bridegroom (note to femi-nazis: I am referring to both sides of the equation), both spouses are still to support each other.

Finally, I am sure the lazy trends didn't just show itself. Your success/failure is a sum of what you have done over a period of time to get to that situation. I am pretty sure (if this lady will care to admit) that it was there from the get-go but she chose for whatever reason (good sex, good looks, good money at the time, etc) to ignore it. Now, it has come back to haunt her. I want to believe that in Nigeria, we still "investigate" families before we enter into marriage. I know, to the "enlightened" amongst us this may seem backwards but in my opinion, it makes total sense. If it was thorough, I bet it would have come out sooner or later. Nothing is hidden under the sun.

Bottomline: Is it wrong for the man to be lazy? Yes. Is he still the head of his family regardless? You bet. He still deserves respect regardless. Why? 'cos no one knows tomorrow. You can be in a similar situation and then you will find that his situation was not even as bad.

Remember: Leave vengeance to the Lord. No condition is permanent. Rather than criticize him, we need to pray for him. Even Satan dey fear God. How much more this man?

As always, my 2 cents.

my2cents, very good poing u have there. . . but nobody said the woman disrespects her husband, this is just a simple question asked; is a jobless man still the head of the family if when he's lazy?? simple! You either answer yes or no and then explain ur point, that's all.

I for once will never support or agree with any woman to disrespect her husband cus he's jobless. And yeah, nobody knows tomorrow, marital problems are inevitable but there's always a way out

ell77:

Is that an attempt to compare yourself to God? God created me, my husband did not!

You made that statement, not me.

A friend was complaining about being given too much work, i.e including other peoples jobs to do and he exclaimed
"One must not ride the fastest horse to death"
I dont think that makes him a horse or compares him to one

I actually do not support laziness in any form, but you see with looking for work here, if you send a 100 applications today and you are called for only 5 tests, out of which you attend only one interview. At the interview you interacted with the participants and think you were better than all others. Finally you were not called for the job. The person that was called has an uncle that knows somebody working there.

Tomorrow you send 150 applications and you were not even called at all for even a test talkless of interview. The day after that you send 200 and have5 first stage test to show for it with no interviews.

It gets to a point where the law of diminishing returns sets in, you begin to believe that you need connections which is not there. I would advise her to encourage her husband, and not struggle headship of the home. Sometimes a man does not go out not because he doesn't want to but because there is no money. If he has courage to go above his ego to ask money from the wife for transport and postage materials she begins to expect a miracle. With a result like the above it could really be frustraiting on every one.

efuah, i actually read the post front, back and center

I am replying as a blanket statement. I won't and don't make assumptions or draw conclusions. I only try in my posts to go a step ahead of the conversation cos sooner or later, if you know humans well, it will go down that route.

So to reinforce my answer, I say an emphatic "Yes", he is still the head of his family under the condition that he and the wife are christian. I stress the condition as I don't know enough about other religions to speak for them.

For the gazillionth time i did not say the woman is fighting over headship ooooooooooooooooo haba!!

am only asking a question; is a jobless man still the head of the family? simple!!

my2cents, thx buddy

Nairalanders, either head or no head, a man that can not provide for the needs of his family is called HALF- MAN ! chikena! (Just joking)

Biblically,man is the head of the family.But it doesn't matter who is who, but the koko is to help each other to avoid any lapses! "gbe omo fun oyan, gbe oyan fun omo, ki omo sa ti mu yan ni (Yoruba proverb)

The man in question is suffering from inferiority complex !

Ell,I don't wat to believe that your work here is to criticize

I just think that this head of the family thingy was just given to men to make them feel important. Let them keep it and as you woman know that it's a title with no meaning. You can't tell me, a hard working woman to subject myself to someone who I hadn't known from adam in the name of marriage.

michelin, therein lies the problem.

again, if u r a christian, as in not going to church 2ce a year or expecting to go to heaven by virtue of the fact that your parents are christians, but are actually baptized and believe in what the Bible says, good or bad, then the man is the head of the family.

Now, of course the Bible is a 2-way street. So, in return for the woman being submissive, the man has to love his wife just as Christ loves the church. Again, if u r a christian (as defined above), u can't pick and choose God's word. You have to look at the context and follow it.

You mention 2 concerning things (at least to me): "subject" and "dont know from adam". Firstly, subject is different from being submissive. Secondly, if you dont know the man from adam, then why date/marry him?

Some things don't change over time. One of those things is God's word.

Darling not everyone ends up marrying a her childhood friend.

1. A woman lives under the authority of her parents until she becomes independent. Even still she'll never get out of their controL as long as they are alive.

2. When she marries she still has to be under the authority of another person until death do them apart.

HEY WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR? LITTLE BRAINLESS KIDS WHO CAN'T FEND FOR THEMSELVES??

Mavis, abi o
how u dey

michelin, b4 u start flying the femi-nazi flag, go bck and read my post again

Did i say anything about childhood friend? I am married but not to my childhood sweetheart. I am sure others are as well. In fact, I don't even think that is realistic as the dynamics of society has changed over the years.

I am only going by what you said. You said:

you can't tell me, a hard working woman to subject myself to someone who I hadn't known from adam in the name of marriage.

Begging to digress my question is: why would you marry someone you don't know from adam? No offense, but do you know what you just said means? Before you say, "I do", you have to know the person. I want to believe (and I know cos it didn't happen to me) for the most part (not, "for the most part" arranged marriages aren't the norm. Even if they are, I want to believe that the parties involved at least have a chance to know each other and can say no (I know of pple who have) if they don't want to proceed.

michelin89:

I just think that this head of the family thingy was just given to men to make them feel important. Let them keep it and as you woman know that it's a title with no meaning. You can't tell me, a hard working woman to subject myself to someone who I hadn't known from adam in the name of marriage.

By God's grace, i wont end up with women like you in a marriage.

It is not a matter that even warrants an argument. A man has the responsibility to take care of his family and love his wife according to the bible . . . in turn his wife is to be submissive to him and defer to him as the head of the family. End of story.

Everyone that is upset by the arrangement is free to remain unmarried.

wahala de o, trust naija people to reduce all vituperations to christianity.whatever religion, man na head of ship, chikena.

that being said, there are strong willed women who by their drive and determination, happen to have found success and fulfillment in the work-place.this is acceptable and should be encouraged in so much as she does respect and submits to the authority of her man.

she wouldnt be as successful at work if she didnt hav a patner to share the responsibilities of life and raising a family.since she is focused on a career, her man may unwittingly find himself taking a more influential role at home so that their kids dont suffer lack of upbringing. a case in point is the situation with female doctors with their late shifts.

it all boils down to respect and understanding btw the couple and also, society and extended family keeping their bad-belle noses out of their bizness.a man can be the head without necesarilly being the richer of the two.respect does however beget respect which i think is what the poster wa stryin to point out, d man in question sounds like a foul and objectionable beast.no woman should expose her children to the kolo of such.

i dont preach suffer-head mentality.a man must respect his woman to get her submission.

i don't preach suffer-head mentality.a man must respect his woman to get her submission.

coolkaboom, you hit the nail on the head!

Also, and this is perhaps what has gotten so many people's g'strings knotted in a bunch, being head of the family has nothing to do with money. It has to do with making the difficult decisions and dealing with the consequences of such decisions, good or bad. It has to do with protecting your family when they are down. It has to do with raising children in a way that they don't become a menace to society. Of course, to satisfy some of these, you need money. Money however is what enables you achieve these goals and not the goal in and of itself. Before I make a decision, I ask for my wife's (and eventually my kid's) input. however, in the end, I make the call and good or bad, we live with the consequences. If I am wrong, I am man enough to apologize to my wife and incorporate more of her way of thinking into my (emphasis on "my" decision-making. No wonder so many women are girlfriends and not wives. Who would want to deal with all the crap? That way, if the woman (or man) too do, you dump am, move on. Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

The way I see it, we have veered as a society from a situation where the woman is the body and the man is the head to a situation where the woman is the neck and the man is the head (and we all know what role the neck plays in terms of where the head is pointing at any given time). It crept up subtlely and we ignored it. Now we are in too deep and can't swim out. Am I a male chauvenist? nope. Just saying it like it is. You won't get any political correctness from me.

Finally, of course I am pretty sure all religions acknowledge the man as the head of the household, but I don't like to talk based on emotions but on facts.

You guys are so boring: you keep repeating the same sermon over and over again. When shall I hear something as: I want to do my best to deserve that title.

All I hear are cries of desperate men who know deep in their heart that that title is meaningless. When you are not more successful you completely lose your confident and start acting like psychos.

And please can we leave religions out of this? Marriage between man and woman didn't come with that advent of religion. It already existed. You all sound like religious bigots and hypocrites who keep extrapolating and extracting quotes and quotes from the bible. When it's useful to you, you use it but when it's not, you dump it. These are the same men who go around saying that men cheat by nature and there is nothing they can do about it. I guess then that the line "Love your wife as Christ loves the Church" is a just there to complete the verse; not so important as "Wives be submissive to your husbands".

efuah:

Mavis, abi o
how u dey

I dey fine jor.

my2cents:

michelin, before u start flying the femi-nazi flag, go bck and read my post again

I beg your pardon. This is not feminism or whatever you call it. I am the only one here who seems to be analyzing things from an objective point of view. All of you have been conditioned by some scripts written by men for other men. I guess if the bible had been written by women, it would have been a total different story. I don't regard that book as important as you claim. It's just a bunch of arranged chapters written by different authors. As a matter of fact even the bible itself contains different numbers of books according to the so many forms xtianity. How credible can it be? Not even a bit.

my2cents:

Did i say anything about childhood friend? I am married but not to my childhood sweetheart. I am sure others are as well. In fact, I don't even think that is realistic as the dynamics of society has changed over the years.

The fact that you know a man for so many years changes absolutely nothing. No human should be subjected (yes! This is the right verb because this is exactly what you xtians mean it to be. Even if you say differently, your actions prove me right) to anybody's authority, whether man or woman.

my2cents:

I am only going by what you said. You said:
Begging to digress my question is: why would you marry someone you don't know from adam? No offense, but do you know what you just said means? Before you say, "I do", you have to know the person. I want to believe (and I know because it didn't happen to me) for the most part (not, "for the most part" arranged marriages aren't the norm. Even if they are, I want to believe that the parties involved at least have a chance to know each other and can say no (I know of people who have) if they don't want to proceed.

I have always understood "from adam" to be an expression used to indicate a period of time equal to a life time: as in too far to remember when we met. So I can't really see what all this is all about. Are you saying that as a woman I have to be looking for a man I can submit to before I marry? Does that make sense?

davidylan:

By God's grace, i wont end up with women like you in a marriage.

It is not a matter that even warrants an argument. A man has the responsibility to take care of his family and love his wife according to the bible . . . in turn his wife is to be submissive to him and defer to him as the head of the family. End of story.

Everyone that is upset by the arrangement is free to remain unmarried.

Bald head (still love ya  ), Both the man and the woman have the responsibility to take care of their family: either emotionally or financially. But you are associating the leading position with the one who is more economically sound, why won't you feel hurt when the woman actually earns more?

Your mates have been here saying the head has nothing to do with money and you are claiming it's the man's responsibility to be rich or comfortable. Why put such a huge task upon yourself because it was said by some men? There is no natural law that states it. You are just pure masochists.

I don't regard that book as important as you claim. It's just a bunch of arranged chapters written by different authors. As a matter of fact even the bible itself contains different numbers of books according to the so many forms xtianity. How credible can it be? Not even a bit.

Again michelin, you argue based on emotions and have forgotten the very basis of debate 101: reading the opponent's argument in totality. Read my posts again. I blv I said words to the effect that, "if he is a christian". That qualifies all my posts. From your quote above, there is no need going off on this tangent with you cos it wouldn't apply. I knew you would be giving something up eventually. I just knew it. From my experience with humans, give them time and the real them will come out. That's not to say I now dislike you cos you aren't christian. What I am saying is, sooner or later, what you believe in will find a way into your conversation and in this case it did.

So on that note, I will not reason with you any further (not because you aren't a christian but cos based on my premise above, there is no way you and I will see eye to eye).

my2cents:

Again michelin, you argue based on emotions and have forgotten the very basis of debate 101: reading the opponent's argument in totality. Read my posts again. I blv I said words to the effect that, "if he is a christian". That qualifies all my posts. From your quote above, there is no need going off on this tangent with you because it wouldn't apply. I knew you would be giving something up eventually. I just knew it. From my experience with humans, give them time and the real them will come out. That's not to say I now dislike you because you aren't christian. What I am saying is, sooner or later, what you believe in will find a way into your conversation and in this case it did.

So on that note, I will not reason with you any further (not because you aren't a christian but because based on my premise above, there is no way you and I will see eye to eye).

You are discussing this from a xtian point of view, so why can't I contribue atheistically? What do you want me to do? This a debate as you said and I have, as your opponent, put everything you say into discussion. If you don't want this to happen let's stick to the objectivity of arguing and leave our personal beliefs aside.

I don't understand why you can say you believe it's so because the bible says so and why can't I also say that the book is not so credible.

You are just looking for excuses. I'll wait for a better opponent. Have a nice day.

again (for the umpteenth time ), read my post again:

I am not saying the argument has to be based on one's beliefs. I am giving my answer based on my own beliefs. Now, when you retort, you are free to answer based on your beliefs, but don't rubbish another's in the process. So for example, you could have said, "yeah, I understand where you are coming from but based on my beliefs, this doesn't make sense". I could have said, "that atheistic manner of thinking is crap" but I didn't say that now, did I?

As for opponent, I don't see us as such. I see us reasoning in which case we are peers who are just battling it out ideas-wise. If you approach this (and perhaps) other parts of your life on an opponent-based system, you have a long way to go mi amore.

I believe emphatically that a man is the head of the home.
However,a jobless man that keeps shoving down that fact down his wife's throat is a sorry excuse for a man.
He is both insecure and little.

A real man doesn't have to repeat that phrase "I am the head"
He just is.
Efuah you neighbors of this "efulefu" man ought to take up a collection and buy him a couple of skirts and blouses

michelin89:

Bald head (still love ya ), Both the man and the woman have the responsibility to take care of their family: either emotionally or financially. But you are associating the leading position with the one who is more economically sound, why won't you feel hurt when the woman actually earns more?

Your mates have been here saying the head has nothing to do with money and you are claiming it's the man's responsibility to be rich or comfortable. Why put such a huge task upon yourself because it was said by some men? There is no natural law that states it. You are just pure masochists.

dont get me wrong. When i talk of a man's responsibility to his family it goes well beyond mere financial duties.

A man is the head of his wife. End of story. You want lily livered men who will wipe ur shoes then search well among the Ghanaians.

A man is definitely the head of the family regardless of what ever the circumstance or situation is.

Here in the US we have women that choose to work and have the Man, take care of the kids, run errands, pay the bills, and even do house chore, that doesn't make the man any less the head of the household.

@Topic, sometimes there might be some happenings that are beyond our controll, for instance if the Man of the house becomes terminally ill and incapacitate, life will have to go on and the rest of the family will have to fend for themselves.

THIS THEN DOESN'T MAKE HIM ANY LESS OF A MAN.

@michelin,
There must be a captain in any ship, so goes the marriage. Headship in households by men came by ordination from God and not by their own making. It has nothing to do with men wielding powers over women. The beautiful thing about the bible is that it gave a space for those that will not like to abide by the rules of marriage to stay single.

I am a woman and will never ever try to emasculate my husband because I suddenly became successful financially more than him.

Have you askde yourself why we women always bring these issues whenever we hold the financil key? why do men always keep quiet whenever they provide for their homes but we women will turn around to bite and shout in only six months of our providing for our household.

The truth is that this generation is doing everything possible to remove the ' for better for worse' in the marriage clause. God help us from this impending doom.