How long should one stay in a relationship before marriage? I've been in a relationship with my very good friend for 7 years. In a friendship filled with lots of love, but the relationship is not going to the next level-marriage.

He does not have a job, house, no feasible plans, etc, but I'm working, though I'm not happy cause he is not happy. What do i do? I've got lots of toasters that I've been putting off, because of the guy, What do I do? I need to make a positive decision these year, 2008, my year of fulfillment.

My sista how your man fit talk marriage wen im no get work, house. For now na only love im get to give you and dat no go pay for de rent and all de other things in life. Some people fit meet today and marry tomorrow, e depends on the couples. No forget your biological clock dey tick everyday o, na only you fit decide wetin you wan do for here.

@ poster,
Take to ur heels.

@poster

its ur call think well before u make the next move?

how come you just realised that this relationship is not headed anywhere? it was never moving in the beginning, because if it was, then he shud have found ways of making some cash to keep you as his wife or do you want to feed him for the rest of your life? sister open ur eyes, this is 2008 and i'm glad you realised that.

Depends on how old you are. You've invested time in this relationship, and it might be worth the wait. However, there is a danger that the man may become successful and take off. I know this is a very harsh thing to say but it's often true. So please just watch your back.

My dear jst be patient em.

shebi the guy first dey try? if not wetin u dey wait for since.

Jst keep praying 4 him

MISS WORLD:

How long should one stay in a relationship before marriage? I've been in a relationship with my very good friend for 7 years. In a friendship filled with lots of love, but the relationship is not going to the next level-marriage.

He does not have a job, house, no feasible plans, etc, but I'm working, though I'm not happy cause he is not happy. What do i do? I've got lots of toasters that I've been putting off, because of the guy, What do I do? I need to make a positive decision these year, 2008, my year of fulfillment.

What struck me most is what i ave highlighted above, i mean people are jobless and dont have anything but at least they have plans of doing something to save themselves from the horrible situation but in a case where the fellow has no plans, my dear am sorry you might suffer. first and foremost talk to him and ask him what he is up to and what he intends to do, if no positive response, my dear i am sorry but you have to run . Their are some guys that are just comfortable with laziness and living on a woman, (i have dated one before)and trust me that is how it will be for the rest of your life unless their is a divine intervention.
All i am saying is if you are comfortable with being the bread winner then u can hang on and even marry him if not runnnnnnnnnnnnnnn for your dear life.
My two Cents.

@poster,  The distance between your question and answer is the distance between you knees and the ground. If you want to find fulfilment as you say, then our opinion should not matter. Marriage is not like studying for an exam with a particular set of questions and options, like a to d to choose from. There is no predefined set of rules for success in marriage. Besides, marriage takes three people, your partner, yourself & GOD. You need faith to decide whether you want to get married and you also need the same faith to stay in it. If you truly want to get married to this guy of yours as you claim, despite d fact that he has nothing, then stake your faith and hold on just a little longer. You believe in dis guy & dats y u've held onto him this long. Pray 4 a breakthrough 4 ur guy.

However, if things don't change when you expect them 2 change, does that mean you will abandon the cause?

Your faith is being tested. Every relatiionship has to have a test and a testimony to share with and encourage others. Don't give up on the brink of your miracle. Behind every dark cloud, there's a silver lining.

I suggest you spend time fasting for God to show you his will.

@aysometin

I feel you

@poster,
has d r/ship lasted ten yrs as in d topic or seven yrs as in d body of ur message, whichever, d next step i feel u have 2 take is to first of all discuss with ur lover boy on what he's got in stock 4 u, that time isnt ticking backwards, hear what he'll say b/4 moving on.

sexlover:

@poster, The distance between your question and answer is the distance between you knees and the ground. If you want to find fulfilment as you say, then our opinion should not matter. Marriage is not like studying for an exam with a particular set of questions and options, like a to d to choose from. There is no predefined set of rules for success in marriage. Besides, marriage takes three people, your partner, yourself & GOD. You need faith to decide whether you want to get married and you also need the same faith to stay in it. If you truly want to get married to this guy of yours as you claim, despite d fact that he has nothing, then stake your faith and hold on just a little longer. You believe in this guy & that is y u've held onto him this long. Pray 4 a breakthrough 4 your guy.

However, if things don't change when you expect them 2 change, does that mean you will abandon the cause?

Your faith is being tested. Every relatiionship has to have a test and a testimony to share with and encourage others. Don't give up on the brink of your miracle. Behind every dark cloud, there's a silver lining.

I suggest you spend time fasting for God to show you his will.

sexlover you really make a point especially your last word about seeking for God will that is very important, so my sister look before u leap.

follow ur mind or wait another 7years

@topic
U really gotta move on!

I thot the poster said no feasible plans!!!!!!![/b]So whats with all this u believe in him and hang on and stuff.
Dont Quite get u guys!
Even the bible says a man who can't fend for his family is worse than an infidel and ofcourse we all know no food for lazy man with no [b]feasible plans!

Awon Boiz.
How Far

Thats quite a long time my sister._{A decade}I will advice u still give him more time since u've already waited dis long.talk tins over with him and try to know or envisage his plans and aspirations for the future including you.But if no positive changes, i'll suggest you run as fast as ur legs can carry you.Time waits for no man o._{My view}

You say you are in a relationship with your 'good friend' -
Good friend and u are expecting marriage?

but if u have been in a loving relationship for ten years and its going nowhere- then, what are u waiting for?
He doesnt have a job and doesnt plan to get one. So this is the preview of things to come - he appears irresponsible.

Just see it as ten years of ur life wasted, girl - whats the point of investing into something that has no returns. isnt that just a waste of time.

@poster, is it ten years or seven?

kindly give us an idea of how old you are and the guy in question too.

i really appreciate the different comments i have read so far.

if you really love this guy then i guess both of you can work out things together as both of you have to decide the way forward, what are his plans? will he continue like this? if he can get into a business then you can start  praying  to GOD to bless the business and his effort. as for him doing nothing about it? then you will become the bread winner.

i dont advocate jumping out of a relationship, until all visible options are exhausted, who knows you could be jumping from frying pan to fire, so be careful.

i really appreciate the different comments i have read so far.

if you really love this guy then i guess both of you can work things out together as both of you have to decide the way forward, what are his plans? will he continue like this? if he can get into a business then you can start  praying  to GOD to bless the business and his effort. as for him doing nothing about it? then you will become the bread winner.

i dont advocate jumping out of a relationship, until all visible options are exhausted, who knows you could be jumping from frying pan to fire, so be careful.

According to Holy Bible "Prayer is the master key in every relationship"
If you really love him iron it out with him, try and know his plans for the future.

With God all things are possible.

If sincerely you know that the guy is not a lazy man and he loves you for who you are and
not for the fact that you have a job then you can wait for him and be praying for him.
But
If you are sceptical about him in anyway my dear r. u. n. Run! becos what is the assurance
that he would still stay with you when he gets a job, men could be dangerouse you know?
I will also advise you to be careful and prayerful when you want to go into another relationship.
Having stayed 7yrs with this guy means there is sth good about him
So my dear you know better than all of us.
Seek the face of God over this before you take a decision
best of luck

Why in the world you wait for your man over 7-10 years of relationship---no propose for marriage? TOO LONG!!!

For you if you still love him very much and could not leave him----GO AHEAD MARRY HIM at your own wedding expenses and BE YOURSELF BREADWINNER! nothing wrong with it!!

For me personally, after 6 months to 1 year relationship getting know each other deep level, if this guy STILL IS JOBLESS, LAZY, COMMITMENT-PHOBIA and NO FEASIBLE PLAN----I dump him FAST! NOT DAMN WORTH FOR ME, i cannot allow anyone take advantage of me!

@ poster
7 yEARS
I sincerely hope none of YOU get to dissapoint each other because 7 Good Years no be MOIMOI.

think b4 u act, ure in d best position 2 do it

7/10 years in a relationship with a guy with "no feasible plans"?!!! girl u haven't told us the real problem here. u have to get to the root of the problem: is he under some kind of curse? is he a graduate? can he read and write? is he 'physically challenged', were u betrothed to him at birth? r u older than he is, as in sugar mummy? r u somehow 'irrevocably' tied to him/or indebted to him?, etc.

if none of the above, then RUN as fast as ur legs can carry u. the guy is a leech! and he'll suck u dry!

if u still insist on sticking to with him, , suit urself. afterall jacob in the bible worked for 14 years (7 years + 7 years) for his wife. likewise, u may have just entered the 2nd phase of ur own 14 years!!!
a word is enough for the wise!

7/10 years in a relationship with a guy with "no feasible plans"?!!!  girl u haven't told us the real problem here. u have to get to the root of the problem: is he under some kind of curse? is he a graduate? can he read and write? is he 'physically challenged', were u betrothed to him at birth? r u older than he is, as in sugar mummy? r u somehow 'irrevocably' tied to him/or indebted to him?, etc.

if none of the above, then RUN as fast as ur legs can carry u. the guy is a leech! and he'll suck u dry!

if u still insist on sticking to with him, , suit urself. afterall jacob in the bible worked for 14 years (7 years + 7 years) for his wife. likewise, u may have just entered the 2nd phase of ur own 14 years!!!
a word is enough for the wise!

na curse abi na wetin?

i believe all relationships should be defined. make up your mind as to what to do. hey! remember each day you are getting older. wish you the best.

You people are  funny with all your  posts.
But come o,did she say 7 years or 7 weeks?

_checking

Tufiakwa!!!!! 7 years it is.

@ the poster,run run run.
Someone asked you to pray,I advise you to pray while running.
If you make the mistake of marrying this man,in the next 7 years,you'll be the mother of 7 kids
asking for hand outs from relatives to support them since it seems the only thing this your man has going for him may be his sexual prowess.
dump the zero and get you a hero

choco4life says you should take to your heels,I agree totally.
On your marks,set,goooooooooooooo

there is fire on the mountain run run run run