vivian chinaza: Hi guys, ok I met this guy sometime ago, he is a nice guy tho not perfect. I wasn't in love with him anyway but I just decided to get close to him and see if the love could develop.

When I got closer to him I found out he is an extravagant spender, he just jumps into things without planning them. He can begin 5 projects at a time without a proper strategy/planning and some of the money he uses for these project are bank loans. This aspect of his lifestyle did not go down with me. I kept talking but at the end of the day he will do what pleases him.

The one that broke the camel's back was when he bought a flashy car while he was yet to complete his buildings at the village and city respectively, he bought the car and made a commitment of over 1m just for tourism/travelling around and staying in 5 star hotels.
I just knew that moment he wasn't for me, this guy really loves me but I'm a careful spender and I love planning things before I do them. So I told him to stop coming cos it won't work out between us. And I moved on and even forgot he existed.

Today he called me probably to find out how I'm managing the flood situation, we got talking and somehow we ended up talking about what happened between us. From his voice I could sense his love and desire for me,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,

How do I deal with this aspect of his life? Can I tame him? Is it really possible? Not that it will guarantee any relationship cos I'm yet to developed feelings for him. But I just wanna try, take this baby step and maybe reconsider.......they say love grows right?

Mature advise pls........

NOIBMUUL: @op

There was no love, yet you decided to get close to him... cos you saw money! nice one

NOIBMUUL: @op

There was no love, yet you decided to get close to him... cos you saw money! nice one

DailyNews: You can change him depending on what he lavish his money on. If its on:
fancy cars, hotels (which must include women of course), unnecessary vacations like u mentioned, etc...u cannot change him cos these habits of a man can hardly be changed by a woman, only him, his male cohorts & bankruptcy can change him.

If he spends it on:

relations, family, community, church, helping people, etc, u can change him more easily, thats y most rich guys marry stingy ladies to help them chase unwanted family members, etc away, but not when he spends it on what he enjoy doing- car flirting, women, clubbing, touring to catch fun, etc.


BTW, a man that spends loaned money, hmm...pls find out his source of income o.

...lastly, don't leave him, hang on but plz zip up! zip up! men, hmm!

pro01: Extravagance is a relative, subjective concept. What one person sees as extravagance might be nothing at all to the other. Besides, the richest people I know are generally the most 'extravagant',. Whereas the people who are frugal to the point of miserliness tend to wallow in their subsistence. In any case, life is too short to be a miser; one might die at any time, so why not enjoy the proceeds of your work while here (as long as you're not living beyond your means)? I know you accountants are taught to be miserly, so this idea wouldn't appeal to you, lol.

The most important thing is that a person knows how to create wealth - and how to generate steady income. Perhaps this should be the most important thing you should be concerned with. If the guy in question knows what he is doing (in terms of generating income), then you should be very happy with that. In fact, his 'extravagance' might be a blessing in disguise, since you can easily obtain large sums of money from him and invest/save it elsewhere. A penny-pinching woman like you would be better off with the sort of man you described. Just take as much money as you can off him, and throw it somewhere you can see it pile up. Just make sure you don't invest it in a ponzi scheme or something of that nature though, lol. Too many miserly people I know tend to be penny wise, pound foolish in their investment decisions, and often lose huge amounts of money that would have been better spent on 'extravagant' self-indulgences.

vivian chinaza:

God forbid that I, vivian will hinder a man from taking care of his family, people etc! I can't even be with a man who cannot take care of his family, especially the mum. Charity they say begins at home!!! Btw, I'm not a stingy woman......I just don't like extravagant lifestyle.

vivian chinaza: Hi guys, ok I met this guy sometime ago, he is a nice guy tho not perfect. I wasn't in love with him anyway but I just decided to get close to him and see if the love could develop.

When I got closer to him I found out he is an extravagant spender, he just jumps into things without planning them. He can begin 5 projects at a time without a proper strategy/planning and some of the money he uses for these project are bank loans. This aspect of his lifestyle did not go down with me. I kept talking but at the end of the day he will do what pleases him.

You dont know what life have in store for you. I started poor untill i got married i never knew i was a heavy spender not untill i made my first buck.
Notwithstanding my wife channelled that habit to acquiring assets.
The truth is that men who spend are very emotional and such quality could be used to tame them or redirect that flaw

The one that broke the camel's back was when he bought a flashy car while he was yet to complete his buildings at the village and city respectively, he bought the car and made a commitment of over 1m just for tourism/travelling around and staying in 5 star hotels.
I just knew that moment he wasn't for me, this guy really loves me but I'm a careful spender and I love planning things before I do them. So I told him to stop coming cos it won't work out between us. And I moved on and even forgot he existed.

Today he called me probably to find out how I'm managing the flood situation, we got talking and somehow we ended up talking about what happened between us. From his voice I could sense his love and desire for me,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,

How do I deal with this aspect of his life? Can I tame him? Is it really possible? Not that it will guarantee any relationship cos I'm yet to developed feelings for him. But I just wanna try, take this baby step and maybe reconsider.......they say love grows right?

Mature advise pls........

NOIBMUUL: @op

There was no love, yet you decided to get close to him... cos you saw money! nice one

DailyNews:

I didn't say u are stingy, but I am trying to let u know what u can change in him & what u cnt change, I hope u got my msg ryt?


Maybe u dnt know, most rich guys love to marry stingy & conservative ladies to help them chase unwanted family members away while they stay in d background acting innocent I am talking from experience, I do most times when I comment. So not saying u are stingy plz.

slimyem: Being with one of such men and have one as a friend at the moment...
All my attempts to tame or manage the extravagance was fruitless.Even when i tried taking charge of his money,he would always come back to ask for it as soon as he went broke.
Sometimes i won by insisting i wasn't letting him have it and sometimes,i lost.
He just never changed.He would spend the money as it comes and wouldn't care what happens tomorrow..
Trying to work on my friend who's like that too and so far..it hasn't produced results.he has simply told me he cant change and i should stop bothering.
.
Grown men hardly ever change and its a sad truth.
You could try Pendo,Dayokanu or Pro01's idea....it might work for you.
Goodluck!!!

vivian chinaza:


Thanks babe! I can't go with Pro01,s advice. Since there is nothing I can do, I will just have to let him go.

berem: You are indeed a good woman! You are trying your best to tame him,but he seems to be wild about his spendings.there are some girls who would even encourage him to lavish his money and dem go chop too and clean mouth,but you are wise enough trying your best to bring him to order.the most painful aspect of it is that its a loan! How on earth is he gonna get the money to pay back?this just reminds me of my neigbour who bought a Toyota Sequaia for 2million meanwhile he still lives on rent in lagos and has no house in the village!
Just try and talk things with him.am sure he is gonna listen to you.

DailyNews:

Hmm, dnt let him go just like that...dnt just take advice from ppl u dnt knw, dnt even knw if they want good for u. its ur life, pls think critically & do sit down with him...be his frnd, that will give u more room to advice him without fear. pls n pls always zip up no matter what, if u dnt, ur respect is gone & he may hardly value ur advice & will believe ur after his wallet & just pretending to be a good person by advising him to stop spending like he do. zip up at all cost, but dnt push him out, be his frnd. stop taking ppls advice in all things, God gave u wisdom, & u can as well introduce him to certain professional counseling on financial mgt, & also draw him closer to God, yes I said God cos any true God fearing man knws how to spend even when he has it in excess thats y its good to be very close to God

vivian chinaza:

Lol, ok my relationship with him has nothing to do with intimacy. I have tried to advise him but to no avail. For instance, the day he made that over 1m commitment we talked about it and I was supposed to go to the seminar with him but couldn't cos I had to be in school and phiam he went and wrote them a cheque against what we discussed, for what? For just pleasure? He had a car, so why in a rush to buy a new one when there were already uncompleted projects. I'm a financial manager,.....if he doesn't take advise from me, then who will he take it from? Honestly, I can't babysit him that way.......

dayokanu: Call him and sit down

Show him your money management skills. Bring out pen and paper, bring out your excel sheets and show him what he can achieve with proper planning.

Some people are impulsive they want to achieve everything at once. I must admit I am like that atimes, Want to build in village, want to build in city, want to build in US all at the same time.

But if you show him what he can achieve with proper planning that he would get there but he needs to plan and take one at a time.

Tell him to give you just 10,000 and see how you would manage it and what you would achieve it and gradually he would have more confidence in you

Maybe the house in the village first next the house in the city, next the cars One thing at a time

Just show him you are a very good manager of money and I am sure he would relax. Most men think a lot women are not good managers of money as they want to spend spend spend buy clothes, buy shoes, buy weaves without planning for the future, they think they only live for the moment. but if you show him you are s different kind of woman that you are ready to sacrifice material things for long term gains He would hand over his life to you.

I have seen one of your previous post and I am impressed by your thinking. Any man who marries you is lucky