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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend (18258 Views)
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Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Ivynwa(f): 10:17pm On Oct 15, 2012 |
You and your wife can reorganize if she isn't working and you don't want to be sending stuffs to your MIL every month. She can start working (you may have to start paying housekeepers/nannys) and be able to support her mother every month or you can be giving her allowance from which she can send money to her mother without it getting on your nerves when she has to ask every month. It's natural for her to have thoughts of the welfare of her mother at heart and if she is a stay at home mum taking care of your family there is no way she can send stuffs as she isn't making money. If it gets on your nerves let her make her money or if you both agreed that she stay home to care for your family for you give her the ability to send stuffs to mama by giving her an allowance that way it doesn't get on your nerves and you won't know how often she gives stuffs to her mum. You don't expect her to be living in comfort and not bother whether her mum eats or not, you definitely send stuffs to your own people for sure. It is mostly men who are sure that they can provide every needs of their wives and children that ask their wives(if they are the kind of women that gladly prefer not to work) to stay home while they work for the money. If you asked your wife to stay home while you work---your irritation here shows you that you can't provide all her needs (which includes taking care of her mum by her) so let her work and hustle for the money too. Abuja1: Thank you all for all your advice, but my last baby is just 2years, and if she is working the children will be paying more than what we are paying now,and the children will not have anyone to look after them,when they misbehave because the two of us are working the government will tax us the more coz we have much income,and I have just started our house plan in 9ja,with the little left after our expenditures and she knows all It is good to help in-laws yet you are not obligated to take care of your in-laws. Her having to stay at home to care for your family has taken away her ability to care for her mother as she will like to so you need to be more understanding. You both agreed that she look after the children and you go making your money taking care of your needs & hers, she will definitely feel unhappy that she can't attend to all her responsibilities too which was why she felt enslaved. Give her the freedom to hustle for money too or if you prefer to hustle for both of you then you gotta really hustle for the two. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by touchmeder: 12:01am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Is it not Europe, she wants to send money home abi and i am sure she craves her independence and wishes she could earn a decent wage and have this feeling of self worth and accomplishment I hear the bells of part time tolling. When do you get back from work? Cant you guys work around something around a few hours each evening and during the weekends. And please oga sir dont complain about her being away for too long. Thats the price to pay |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by timilehing(m): 12:14am On Oct 16, 2012 |
lucabraski: Nothing wrong in ur wifes request. If u guys were based in naija, ur wife may probably be working and would have taken up dat responsibility.which burden? If he must do that what about his own extended family burden? And perhaps his immediate family burden which includes you Marriage is not a wife's family business!! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Ivynwa(f): 12:56am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Abuja1: I am a Nigerian living abroad with my wife,we are blessed with kids,I have a good job here, take care of my family, but my wife want us to be sending money every month to her mother,which I tell her is not possible if not we can't take care of our self anymore,she will start complaining that in Nigeria men open shop for there wife take care of there Inlaw and so on, now she is saying many men take there wife like slave here in Europe, i was forse to tell her if she feel she is been treated like a slave that i can afford her flight tickets to 9ja,have i said anything wrong,coz i do help her mother in many ways Wondering whether anger did not cause her to voice out the feelings she is experiencing and some other things she is wishing for (in the bolded). Could it be that she is longing for a business of her own too? Isn't this one of the reasons I think that a woman should be allowed to follow her goals and aspirations even while married, only a lazy woman will be happy to lose her financial freedom (and her ability to do sweet and great things she wishes to do and achieve) after she got married. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 2:03am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Abuja1: have i said anything wrong,coz i do help her mother in many ways I feel that if you explained to her why it is not possible to send more home, then you have not said anything wrong. This is why men need to disclose the amount they are earning to their wives. If you show her what you earn and the total household expenses, she should be reasonable. If not, then send her packing! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 2:10am On Oct 16, 2012 |
safarigirl: Most Nigerians don't realise that places like the US and UK are much more expensive than this country on a daily basis, once they hear you don go jand, that's all the info they need, as far as they're concerned, you've hit the jackpot, and they want their shareTrue Talk!! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by buchibabe: 6:47am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Iyaqueen: D lord will establish u,and bless d work of uir hands. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by emmanwandud(m): 7:06am On Oct 16, 2012 |
xwolverine:y busting his ass |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 7:32am On Oct 16, 2012 |
1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 8:54am On Oct 16, 2012 |
dayokanu: I think you are missing the point here completely. The poster mandated his wife NOT to work so he can further his career . . . while she stay home and takes care of their kids! If that is NOT slavery then I wonder what is. The kids are theirs isn't it. Why cant they meet each other half way If he has to work half the time and then return home to be with the kids (since he doesn't want to pay for a sitter), and then let her do her own ?ob, will she ask him for money to send to her mom? Marriage is supposed to be a partnership not a master/slave r/ship. I'm sure his wife has no qualms making her own money and supportring her mother. If however he refuses to let her work, he should be ready to take up some financial responsibilities on her behalf! Take me for example, my mum's a widow and a pensioner and each and every one of us (her kids) contribute something for her upkeep on a monthly basis. So if my husband decides (for some reason) that I need to stop working and be a stay at home mom, and I (for some reason) accept, isn't it proper that he steps up and contributes my part of my mum's upkeep Does that make me and my family a leech |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 8:59am On Oct 16, 2012 |
^^^ no it doesn't |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:00am On Oct 16, 2012 |
omoabike: This is a completely differnet scenario . . . . Your wife is a slave to her own false life. She wants to be a 'big woman' to her family back home, while putting you and her own kids in dager. A typical I-better-pass-my-neighbour Nigerian mentality. I think she's the one with the poverty mentality she's accusing you of having. My advice . . Reduce her allowance drastically and give her some financial responmsibilitites to carry out, with the money you are giving her. It could be something as little as buying diapers for the kids, or buying their clothes e.t.c. For a former civil servant, I'm surprised at her extravargant lifestyle . . . some women sha! 1 Like |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:01am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Now do some of you ever bother to check every OP's past thread to know if they are serious or not? This one is an unserious one |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:02am On Oct 16, 2012 |
jennykadry: ^^^ no it doesn't Thank you Jenny! I think Dayo has a phobia for spending money. It kind of makes his thoughts one-tracked when it comes to financial responsibilites of a husband. I pity e wife . . . she's in for a BIG fight! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:05am On Oct 16, 2012 |
jennykadry: Now do some of you ever bother to check every OP's past thread to know if they are serious or not? https://www.nairaland.com/1065994/should-marry See me wasting cyber time for nothing . . . mtttcheeeeeeew! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by jaybee3(m): 9:07am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Abuja1: I am a Nigerian living abroad with my wife,we are blessed with kids,I have a good job here, take care of my family, but my wife want us to be sending money every month to her mother,which I tell her is not possible if not we can't take care of our self anymore,she will start complaining that in Nigeria men open shop for there wife take care of there Inlaw and so on, now she is saying many men take there wife like slave here in Europe, i was forse to tell her if she feel she is been treated like a slave that i can afford her flight tickets to 9ja,have i said anything wrong,coz i do help her mother in many waysYou are definitely wrong with that statement Mr. Fair enough your wife and kids are your primary responsibilities. You should have just asked her to save from the allowance you give her or better still a proportion of her salary to send to her folks. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:08am On Oct 16, 2012 |
Ujujoan: ROTFLMAO I remembered his username that was why I went searching the first day he started this thread. I saw the way you were posting with passion so I decided to tell you. You see the one where he is looking for girls to be intimate with? Lmao. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by maclatunji: 9:41am On Oct 16, 2012 |
jennykadry: Now do some of you ever bother to check every OP's past thread to know if they are serious or not? You will do us a favour, when you see a new thread in this section, you should be one of the first people to comment. Let us know if it's real or fake before we start attacking our keyboards. You have continually excelled at catching fake posters- kindly help us out. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 10:27am On Oct 16, 2012 |
jennykadry: The guy na spambot . . NL is fast turning into a huge joke! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by safarigirl(f): 11:21am On Oct 16, 2012 |
pak: I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.You apparently do not understand the post like you claim. First, you're a MAN, the guy says his WIFe not his G.AY partner. It's in a man's place to send stuff to HIS parents, not HIS WIFE's parents, doesn't the mother in question have any OTHER CHILDREN? 2. The woman expects money from her CHUILDREN, back to the same question, is the wife her only child? Or does the woman have a bunch of opportunists as kids who feel that since 'sister' has married a man in 'yankee', let her take care of mama herself? 3. Do you think that husband in question doesn't have relatives to take care of? Or has everyone in his own family died? 4. I can NEVER ask my husband to send money to my people, because luckily for me, my family members are self-sufficient. He should only send if he wants to, not begrudgingly, cos this can cause arguments in a family, soon mama will receive her daughter in MMIA with divorce papers. 5. I repeat, it's selfish and inconsiderate. At least suggest that you send money to mama to start up a small business, not sending her monthly salary. There are women in their seventies that still go to the farm, I'm guessing Mama is not that old. 6. Isn't it in the Bible that "a man shall leave his parents and go to his wife"? 7. Again, you said you're a MAN, emphasis on the word MAN, you work for your money. I'm guessing you're not married, when you do get married, and you're trying to fend for yourself and a family with an ifant, not forgetting your mother, I hope you make enough to add your wife's mother and her entire family to your feeding list, else...... |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Dubemkelly(m): 1:40pm On Oct 16, 2012 |
A common Nigeria mentality assumes life overseas is a bed of roses,no wonder peeps pay thru d nose 2 get a visa 4 their relatives wt d mindset dt things will change 4 d better 4 d family 4getting d fact dat destiny has a role 2 play...Ur wife made a gud suggestn wch a Nigerian cud hv made nd there's nothing bad in dt...Sit her down nd intimate her fully on d level of ur income,ur standard of living buh come 2 think of it,she wud hv demanded if u weren't earning sth big,be dat as it may,schedule ur family mgt nd do dt wch is ok wt u |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by BOAproperties: 2:21pm On Oct 16, 2012 |
Dat is how all women behave,if u are not attention to ur family notin concerned them but their own is compulsory.my friend I wil advice u to do what ur power reach and if she insists let her add to it. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by OILOFGLADNESS: 3:06pm On Oct 16, 2012 |
debrief08: You married a leech from a family of leeches. When they advice you men to marry hard working independent women you will say "they are hard to control", who does this in this age and time? gbam,! you are just to the point, he might have fluanted money and material things to get her, and now he want to relent |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by InvertedHammer: 10:58pm On Oct 16, 2012 |
if I may quote Tom Leykkis of Leykkis 101 fame on this, "DTB":DUMP THAT B..TCH!!! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Abuja1(m): 5:30am On Oct 17, 2012 |
Do you think that husband in question doesn't have relatives to take care of? Or has everyone in his own family died? 4. I can NEVER ask my husband to send money to my people, because luckily for me, my family members are self-sufficient. He should only send if he wants to, not begrudgingly, cos this can cause arguments in a family, soon mama will receive her daughter in MMIA with divorce papers. 5. I repeat, it's selfish and inconsiderate. At least suggest that you send money to mama to start up a small business, not sending her monthly salary. There are women in their seventies that still go to the farm, I'm guessing Mama is not that old. 6. Isn't it in the Bible that "a man shall leave his parents and go to his wife"? 7. Again, you said you're a MAN, emphasis on the word MAN, you work for your money. I'm guessing you're not married, when you do get married, and you're trying to fend for yourself and a family with an ifant, not forgetting your mother, I hope you make enough to add your wife's mother and her entire family to your feeding list, else...... I like what this posts said,I have sent money to her,time without number to add to her business,bought a machine new to generate more money for Okada,new which I spent about 100k but the bike is sold now after 9months,but my wife is not talking of our children or our future home,all her thinking is her mum,so if a man should leave his family and join his wife and the wife should stay with her family? Just asking |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Genius100: 1:17am On Oct 18, 2012 |
Abuja1: Do you think that husband in question doesn't have relatives to take care of? Or has everyone in his own family died? Guy, na wa for you. You need to understand that in most cases, the husband and wife must work in the western world. Do you think the western people that have both parties working are idiots? Guy, you better tell your wife to get a job. As long as her monthly intake is higher than the monthly daycare expense, you're good. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by dayokanu(m): 5:02pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
Ujujoan: My post you quoted was not to the OP but to Ileobatojo. My response to the OP is dayokanu: Let your wife go and get a job and the money for daycare should be contributed by both. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by dayokanu(m): 5:09pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
Ujujoan: Thats why I am choosing my wife properly. I would only marry someone who works and earn money. Not someone who believes her husband is a meal ticket. As for house work We would share it and I might employ a domestic staff if the houseowrk get overwhelming. My mom worked and Just retired in July. For a large part of her working years she did not have a car, washing machine, vacuum cleaner, dish washer etc. And both parents contributed to the upkeep of the family |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 9:51am On Oct 19, 2012 |
dayokanu: no matter how much a wife earns, the role of a husband is to be a protector and provider for his family, once u decide to involve the woman on what is ur role is, do not open your mouth and talk nonsense when she starts behaving like the other man of the house, because u practically gave her the right to do so. know that when you place some of ur duties as a man on her, dont expect her to be submissive. |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by dayokanu(m): 4:23pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
mondi_cheeks: Actually my own wife is supposed to have equal right as I have in the house. I intend to marry a WIFE and not a SLAVE. So she can behave anyhow in the house, She would have the same right as I have in the house. Isnt it a pity that even some women believe they have lesser rights in their marital home. Contributing to a family you call yours is now a reason to declare ALUTA? May God save us from leeches o |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by Nobody: 4:40pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
dayokanu:gender equality means there are no restrictions to the role of a man or a woman in society, everyone is treated equally. it is not so that a woman can behave anyhow, but to award her with equal opportunities men have. common sense will tell you that if she doesnt work she cant get income and if she cant get income she will not be able to assist her parents financially. so if u decide to be a smartass about it and make her a house wife u better know that the burden of helping her family financially will rest on u, if there is any need to do so. its brainless men who run away from their responsiblities and blame their inadequacy on external things. if you know you will not to be able to take care of ur family, ur parents and her parents, its best you let her work so that she can do it her damn self!!! this does not require einstein to figure it out, its common sense! |
Re: My Wife Is Pushing Me To Do Things I Don't Like Please Advice Your Friend by dayokanu(m): 4:46pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
mondi_cheeks: My response to the OP is shown below dayokanu: Let your wife go and get a job and the money for daycare should be contributed by both. And where did you get the impression I want to make my wife a housewife when I openly said it I would never marry a housewife? Or you just coin out questions in your head and provide answers to them? What common sense should tell anyone is that both husband and wife are equal partners in a marriage and I would never denigrate my wife not to talk anyhow, do anyhow. She is my wife and not my slave. She has the right to do anyhow. Even if I make more money and contribute more to the household doesnt take away her right to do anyhow. Unlike you who believes A man should use his financial power to stifle his wife at home. To each his own |
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