Goldieluks: https://www.nairaland.com/1065994/should-marry


OP are you talking about this same girl on your previous post?
Like seriously??

Wow, topic removed, have we been scammed again? Moderators dont you investigate before taking stories to the front page? I posted an important topic on harassment of women in FCT begged that it be on front page for where, na so so fake story dey reach now. At least check the posters history

debrief08: You married a leech from a family of leeches. When they advice you men to marry hard working independent women you will say "they are hard to control", who does this in this age and time?
I do not know the advice to give you if your wife was here I would have adviced her that marriage is a partnership and not a one way street to just consume and consume and siphon money to her mother.
I do not know the impression you gave your wife before you married her, but all men looking for small girls to control, this is eventually what you get

How is he married to a family of leeches?

Honestly, I dont understand your post. Are they asking him to buy her a house or a car or a private jet

Sending home a paltry sum for her mum's upkeep makes her a leech?

pak: I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.

I am a guy and based on the little that has been said I FULLY STAND BY THE WIFE.

The reasons are stated below.


1. I send money to my mum every month. I believe that's the least I can do for her after everything she's been through. and I will be surprised if anybody thinks otherwise.

2. Retirement benefits and pension system is rubbish in this country, I mean so much fraud everywhere and If this woman is a widow, then where in the world do you expect her to get money to survive from, if not the children that she raised.

3. The issue of her mother having other children is out of it. I have always performed my filial obligations without waiting to find out if my siblings are doing same.

4. The OP stated clearly that the wife is not working because she is takin care of the kids ! Sacrificing for the family ! I have never abused anyone on Nland but I will now - If this story is true, You are such a selfish Dolt ! And yet you complain that she request that you send money to her mother ! You must be crazy ! maybe its better to watch her mother starve to death.

5. Now as per the issue of comparing her to other men and opening a shop, I think that's not the issue. The point she's trying to make is that if only she had a means of getting an income, she wouldn't have had to bother you ! This is a sign of someone who is willing to be industrious for crying out loud ! Which leads to my last point . . .

6. Indeed you are most probably treating her like a slave. You are fulfilling your dreams getting married, having kids, pursuing career, while she just sits there as a fodder for you own dreams while hers lay in tatters to the extent that she can't even on her own support her mother. And yet you have never at any point deemed it fit to see if you can in anyway see what you can do to help her achieve financial independence either by encouragement, finance or education. All you know is that if she works, they'll tax you more and there will be nobody to raise the kids ! and yet you run to Nland when its time to provide basic needs.

I mean we are not even talking of providing for nephews or cousins here - her mother ! and someone has the guts to call her a leech !! ridiculous. I mean the man should even treat her as his own mother now !!!

If I get married today, and any foolish girl tries to stop me from providin for my mum ! I can assure you, that will be the very end (that's if I dont throw her down from the tenth floor balcony first)


@Debrief - I've always followed your post on Nland and hav always been very impressed but for once this is too disappointing, being the first poster you have shepherded the remaining guys in the same direction.


@poster - You most likely have a good wife but as I said earlier, you are must be a selfish person, apologize to your wife, appreciate the sacrifices she has made and she's making and do the right thing to your mother (I intentionally did not call her your mother in law)

Thank you soooo much for this post. People needs to stop being hypocritical abeg . . . Ahan!

PS: Please no kill person abeg! Which one be "throw her down from 10th floor)

Ujujoan:

Thank you soooo much for this post. People needs to stop being hypocritical abeg . . . Ahan!

PS: Please no kill person abeg! Which one be "throw her down from 10th floor)

I actually live in a bungalow, so no possibility of doing that really (and also do not believe in violence for any reason )
but that will be one of the worst things any wife (or husband) can do .

Ujujoan:

When did men become so selfish

Sending money home to your MIL is now a herculian task? Why on earth are people beginning to lose their basic responsibility of taking care of their parents

Let me ask you one question, if your wife decides to work as well and leave the welfare of the children to God know who, what will become of your family

Dont you know that even though you bring the cash home, your wife does an equal amount of work in contribution to the family. If not for the kids, she would be working herself and taking care of her mother will not be an issue!

Why does it always have to be about you?

Gosh I HATE selfish MEN!!!

This your post is so brilliant, I feel you deserve a prize.

How in the world can I send half my salary to you at the end of the month


seriously, you spoke my mind

debrief08: My advice would have been to your wife, not to do things she and you cannot afford.
You are married and have to plan properly for the family. Draw up a budget of income and expenditure, so you both can know what is left after expenses and plan what to do with it. When you have kids you will always need a ' piggy bank' for the rainy day.
YOu both decide how much you can send to your mother in law or setting up something she can manage. I dont like the idea of comparing ones spouse to others and these days if women want money they earn it, she should be creative, there are some businesses she can do at home, she could be a care giver to other working mothers and earn a little money so she can have some and not make demands you cant meet

I am based in 9ja and married to a loving man. He respects my family but not with money(my man hand tight with cash sha). So what i do is give what I can to my family, at times I say its from him. At times i hide and give. I also find myself giving to his family on behalf of him and even hiding to give as well. But one thing about him is that he gives himself, he is a neat freak and can just go to my arents house and tidy the entire house. So tey when he is coming to visit my hometown everyon goes around picking everything insight. Bottomline is Money is not the only sign off love. Make her understand why you can't do what she wants, give her some allowance if she is a wise woman she will assist her home with a part and see how easy it is to manage resources. Or maybe she is trying to show her hubby off to her siblings.

okpara ugo: The bad qualities in dis woman described above are:

1. Comparing her husband with other men.

2. Calling your husband a slave driver.

3. Making things a must for her husband even when she cannot contribute to making those things happen.

My advice is you should allow your wife to get a job and dont be over-protective. Your wife may be from the south-south. They place much love on their mothers above their nuclear family members.

thank u for that, in future men like who don't want to take of extended family shouldnt make their wives pregnant that way they can work and take care of their mother and you stop irritating the rest of the world because they never forced u to enter into marriage

sexyval: As a grown man ,I'm surprised u are asking dis question ,shud u even be told,y wait for ur wife to tell u ? After her parents have struggled to train her in school,hoping she'd wud be gainfully employed and assist dem in their old age ,u turn their daughter into a house wife and u are complaining ? Don't u send ur mum money ? #smh#

A typical village girl. Come make i carry you go abroad make you go there dey form house wife.

You dont know that things are more difficult abroad than in Naija. Do you even understand the dignity of labour

slimyem: This is one fake story..
The op's previous posts and threads tell it all...
I'm out!!

Tell me, what makes the story look fake?

If you dont have any contribution, abeg post the cost of garri production in your community.

Yomieluv: na ibo girls u dey date? Na dem get dat kind mentality.

How did you know? Its scary a young man finding a wife these days. I dont blame men anymore who take in live-in lovers and put them in the family way before asking after her parents.

Did a little research, i doubt if this thread is fake, seems the mother in law wahala has been on for years.

debrief08: Did a little research, i doubt if this thread is fake, seems the mother in law wahala has been on for years.

Pls can we have little info about your research.

As in where you able to maintain contact with the OP ? (who seems to have gone AWOL)

lucabraski: Nothing wrong in ur wifes request. If u guys were based in naija, ur wife may probably be working and would have taken up dat responsibility.

Considering d cost of getting househelps over there, ur wife is probably a full time housewife with no income of hers.

She is very right in saying dat most responsible men in naija look for ways to set up their wives, to share family burden.

She said to take care of her in-laws. . . .

@OP, You told her ur situation, but apparently she didn't bliv. . . She has forgotten ur own family, its hers she wants u to take care of abi. . . I see

https://www.nairaland.com/321589/mother-inlaw-problem
why is it that anytime my mother inlaw need money and call my wife, my wife will not be happy any more, even if we dnt have the money then, our sex life will turn apert, please what will i do? b/cos this is distruying my family HELP HELP HELP.
https://www.nairaland.com/130178/wife-against-family
my wife is scarering out every member of my family,she dosen't want to hear anything about them,anytime if i say any thing good about them her face will change,i take care of her mother and my family,i don't know what is going on any more, can anybody advice on this issue

debrief08:
I will Ignore the first part, I will answer the second part. I have suggested babysitting for friends and neighbors, someone suggested buying and selling on ebay. Thirdly what about plain old planning and living within their means?
I was not fortunate to "get a job", I worked my head and hands off to earn everything I have, nothing was given to me on a platter of gold and believe me if you were given my cross to carry with how "fortunate" you think I am and you see the burdens I carry and have carried you will reject it. Everyone has his/ her load, plan your life well and carry it. simple.
I will not accept any husband or wife comparing his/ her spouse with others, that is traumatic and lowers the spouses self esteem. I have been harsh on the poster too. So please read well before you hack down Debrief

I am in a similar issue with my wife and her family. Therefore, I can understand how the OP is feeling. What may be causing the issue is this mentality of some people always trying to proof that they are doing great abroad and in the process giving the wrong impression to people back at home. In my own wife’s case the pressure is from her mum. Every month she sent money to the mum and dad, and also to her siblings some of whom are working. In addition she sends to even people who are just neighbors to her family.
I was transferred out of Nigeria from work and have been out now for over 4 years. Though she was working for the government and her salary was pretty small compared to mine as I work for a Multinational Organization. Since we move I have been paying her a salary that is 3 times what she earned in Naija and have been helping her save the same for her as a savings fund for when we eventually return to Nigeria.This was agreed to by both of us because she seems not to know how to manage savings on her own according to her.
Most times however, she finds ways to ask me for the savings and almost 3 times now I have given her the money just to show that her accusation that I do not plan to give her the savings is not true.
What has happened each of the time however is that the money ends on being spent by her on no tangible things? At one time it was for her to buy shoes and bags and other stuffs for her siblings and family friends on a trip we had to the US for vacation (Vacation was paid for by my company and going to US was her idea) At one time, the excuse was that she gave her dad for the start of a planned construction on her dad's land in their hometown. No constrcution was carried out and the money could not be accounted for by her dad according to her.
What saddens me is that my wife never thinks of herself or our three kids almost everything she gets go to Naija for frivolities because if it is not a request for shoe it is for a cloth or some other unnecessary expense.
My goal of giving her salary is to not make her feels that she could not earn her own money. I take care of all other expenses in the house and I do not complain. What I would want like I have told her once is for her to tell me that she has bought a land somewhere and that she has started construction on the land because the money she gets is enough for her to do that.
My wife accusation is that I fear poverty too much which is why I am always talking about saving and planning for the future. I have given up on her seeing reason the only thing is that after paying her the salary and taking out household expenses, I am using the rest to continue the housing project I have ongoing.
My advice to the OP is to start giving the wife salary from his income because her argument would be that she is not working because you guys moved out of Nigeria. Instead of it becoming an issue between you guys, the salary should take care of that and you just would use the net for the family savings and investment.
@debrief 08
It is not all men that have the issue you mentioned which is looking for a woman to control. In fact I have never been interested in women I could control. I had always wanted a woman who will complement me and a woman who could take care of the house whenever I am not around.
This is because the women in my life before I got married (my mum and elder sister) are very independent and hardworking women.

Let your wife go and get a job and the money for daycare should be contributed by both.

When both of you contribute to the upkeep of the family after the family is done whatever she has left from her own salary she can send to her mom

Simple.

Thats a lesson for those who believe in importing wives from Village. who would turn to financial burden later on

omoabike:
My wife accusation is that I fear poverty too much which is why I am always talking about saving and planning for the future.

Hmm. You are too kind o. She is squandering your hard earned money and you continue to fund her and her family's frivolous ways. The love must be very strong. Good for her.

ileobatojo:

Hmm. You are too kind o. She is squandering your hard earned money and you continue to fund her and her family's frivolous ways. The love must be very strong. Good for her.

Chief
It is not that, as I do not believe she is squandering my money. In fact to me she is squandering her own money because the money was meant for her to spend for herself. Giving her salary is my own way of protecting my "hard earned" money from being squandered.
If I had not given her the salary, most of the frivolous requests would have been directed to me.

Ujujoan:

When did men become so selfish

Sending money home to your MIL is now a herculian task? Why on earth are people beginning to lose their basic responsibility of taking care of their parents

Let me ask you one question, if your wife decides to work as well and leave the welfare of the children to God know who, what will become of your family

Dont you know that even though you bring the cash home, your wife does an equal amount of work in contribution to the family. If not for the kids, she would be working herself and taking care of her mother will not be an issue!

Why does it always have to be about you?

Gosh I HATE selfish MEN!!!

You Nigerian ladies are the ones that are bloody selfish. Did he marry the woman and her mother too? What of the woman's other children? You wanna send money to your ma every month? Get off your fat a$$ from the front of the African Magic TV and go get a fu<king job!!! mtchewwwwww

My dear,as far as you are a man and you get married,automatically,it becomes your duty to take care of your in-laws.so man-up and stop complaining

Pls tell ur wife hw u want ur things to be,$ try find work for her so dat she well carry all her family responsibility,when man married nobody hav right to disturb him,even friends,inlaw,so urge. U don't be by force ur wife,doing something is under ur control,not her

black_beau: My dear,as far as you are a man and you get married,automatically,it becomes your duty to take care of your in-laws.so man-up and stop complaining

Woman to woman, clear your head from this mentality. It is not anyones duty to be responsible for his in laws, He can chip in but a man is not an automatic atm to his in laws.

omoabike:
Chief
It is not that, as I do not believe she is squandering my money. In fact to me she is squandering her own money because the money was meant for her to spend for herself. Giving her salary is my own way of protecting my "hard earned" money from being squandered.
If I had not given her the salary, most of the frivolous requests would have been directed to me.

That would be 'Chief Mrs' thank you

Anyway, thank God for you in her life, she should enjoy. I just hope you have saved enough to continue to fund her wasteful ways should a rainy day come (God forbid). Because after you've spent all these years enabling her, you can be sure she won't expect any different in a downturn.

debrief08:
Woman to woman, clear your head from this mentality. It is not anyones duty to be responsible for his in laws, He can chip in but a man is not an automatic atm to his in laws.

I'm actually so surprised that so many people believe it is a husband's duty to send money monthly to his inlaws. This is the first I am hearing of such a thing to be honest.

ileobatojo:

That would be 'Chief Mrs' thank you

Anyway, thank God for you in her life, she should enjoy. I just hope you have saved enough to continue to fund her wasteful ways should a rainy day come (God forbid). Because after you've spent all these years enabling her, you can be sure she won't expect any different in a downturn.

Sorry about that Chief Mrs

ileobatojo:

I'm actually so surprised that so many people believe it is a husband's duty to send money monthly to his inlaws. This is the first I am hearing of such a thing to be honest.

You would be amazed at how many women believe this.

Imagine some are saying he should be sending money to her parents, On a thread last week, A woman was complaining that she had to pay her own childs hospital bill that very soon she would be asked to pay her childrens shool fees. Just Imagine your own childrens hospital and school fees?

On that same thread the woman was asking why her husband cant thank her for paying 1/3 of the house rent which she lives in.

Thats the thinking of most Nigerian women they are leeches.

Which brings the question what do these type of women contribute in a marriage

Baba Agbomola ti ewe te gbo

HE DOESNT CHARGE A FEE ... MY GRANDPA NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANY MONEY HE EXPECT YOU TO COME AND SHOW APPRECIATION AFTER RESULTS... STOP FALLING FOR FAKE HERBALIST ASK OTHER WHO MEET HIM THROUGH ME ON INTERNET HE DOESNT ASK FOR MONEY ... I specially made this page for my grand father who is 108yrs old he is an Ijebu man with enough power to turn situations around whatever the situation you are going through spiritually all you have to do is consult him i made this page because i cant take over the work and he said this is d only way i there make him happy. Stop going through fake and dubious herbalist seek for baba Agbomola ti ewe te gbo adura ngba a wi be se be as you know Ijebu logun pin si ooo ....


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HE DOESNT CHARGE A FEE ... MY GRANDPA NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANY MONEY HE EXPECT YOU TO COME AND SHOW APPRECIATION AFTER RESULTS... STOP FALLING FOR FAKE HERBALIST ASK OTHER WHO MEET HIM THROUGH ME ON INTERNET HE DOESNT ASK FOR MONEY ...

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Oga let me ask you one question how much your wife dey ask you to send to her mom every month?

because if na 50 pounds.....that one no be money na

but if na 300 to 500 pounds every month then we can support you otherwise......

omoabike:
Sorry about that Chief Mrs

dayokanu:

You would be amazed at how many women believe this.

Imagine some are saying he should be sending money to her parents, On a thread last week, A woman was complaining that she had to pay her own childs hospital bill that very soon she would be asked to pay her childrens shool fees. Just Imagine your own childrens hospital and school fees?

On that same thread the woman was asking why her husband cant thank her for paying 1/3 of the house rent which she lives in.

Thats the thinking of most Nigerian women they are leeches.

Which brings the question what do these type of women contribute in a marriage

I agree with you on this thread but disagree with much of what you said on the other thread. Yes, there really is no big deal in her contributing to the rent and it really does not deserve special thanks (though I suspect that what she has a problem with the most is the guy's stank attitude) but I disagree with the rest.

pak: I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.

I am a guy and based on the little that has been said I FULLY STAND BY THE WIFE.

The reasons are stated below.


1. I send money to my mum every month. I believe that's the least I can do for her after everything she's been through. and I will be surprised if anybody thinks otherwise.

2. Retirement benefits and pension system is rubbish in this country, I mean so much fraud everywhere and If this woman is a widow, then where in the world do you expect her to get money to survive from, if not the children that she raised.

3. The issue of her mother having other children is out of it. I have always performed my filial obligations without waiting to find out if my siblings are doing same.

4. The OP stated clearly that the wife is not working because she is takin care of the kids ! Sacrificing for the family ! I have never abused anyone on Nland but I will now - If this story is true, You are such a selfish Dolt ! And yet you complain that she request that you send money to her mother ! You must be crazy ! maybe its better to watch her mother starve to death.

5. Now as per the issue of comparing her to other men and opening a shop, I think that's not the issue. The point she's trying to make is that if only she had a means of getting an income, she wouldn't have had to bother you ! This is a sign of someone who is willing to be industrious for crying out loud ! Which leads to my last point . . .

6. Indeed you are most probably treating her like a slave. You are fulfilling your dreams getting married, having kids, pursuing career, while she just sits there as a fodder for you own dreams while hers lay in tatters to the extent that she can't even on her own support her mother. And yet you have never at any point deemed it fit to see if you can in anyway see what you can do to help her achieve financial independence either by encouragement, finance or education. All you know is that if she works, they'll tax you more and there will be nobody to raise the kids ! and yet you run to Nland when its time to provide basic needs.

I mean we are not even talking of providing for nephews or cousins here - her mother ! and someone has the guts to call her a leech !! ridiculous. I mean the man should even treat her as his own mother now !!!

If I get married today, and any foolish girl tries to stop me from providin for my mum ! I can assure you, that will be the very end (that's if I dont throw her down from the tenth floor balcony first)


@Debrief - I've always followed your post on Nland and hav always been very impressed but for once this is too disappointing, being the first poster you have shepherded the remaining guys in the same direction.


@poster - You most likely have a good wife but as I said earlier, you are must be a selfish person, apologize to your wife, appreciate the sacrifices she has made and she's making and do the right thing to your mother (I intentionally did not call her your mother in law)

Ah I love this so much. God bless you.

@ poster
Surely, you can't be that out-of-pocket if you are currently doing a house project in Nigeria.

However it is your wife I blame, blame and blame some more! Go and get a job wife, get a job, GET A JOB. Let your mother enjoy her old age, let her enjoy the fruit of her labour. Your mother is your responsibility.

I can't stress it enough how being financial independent is absolutely essential in a marriage regardless of how well to do your husband is.

buchibabe: Many of u here should watch ur mouths and stop running dem anyhow. Dnt forget we r talkin about someones wife who's hubby is also reading ur responses. I believe he wants constructive advices n not insults. Afterall he's nt fighting wit his wife.
Well,@ Op I understand uur situation quite well n know its nt alllll dat rosy abroad wit all d bills to be paid. Bt she should try n get a job to support u. Even if ts child care/nanny stuff,u know get her friends to drop dia kids in ur house so she can take care of dem n be paid,afterall she doesn't hv to pay taxes for dt and she also gets somtin lil to fal bk on n send to her mom instead of dependin solely on u,secondly it avails her d oportunity to stay wit her own kids at home too
She shold just think of somtin to do to fetch her some moni so she won't hv to complain.

welllllllll said, I'am a mother of 2, i dont have papers, i buy stuff to send to 9ja, £1 to max £5, primark and all, she should look out just for SALES item, cargo and sell, then she can support her mother.

The couple could take shift taking care of the kids. That's how it works in outside the country, couples often share responsibilities. The fact that you want a housewife in Europe is alarming and its the root of the problem. Support her to raise your kids.

You can see that the money you are saving in children's school fees is now been demanded towards MIL. check out if its worth the savings.

As for me, I support no obligations to MIL and co outside (festivities, birthday and special occasions), no monthly or regular commitment.