Realities are being replaced by wishes in many homes, the family unit remains the first centre of change for any children and the authors of that change are the parents or guardians of such born children. The upbringing of a child goes a long way in shaping his destiny, That's why parental care is golden in rearing children.A child that grows up in a hostile env may likely be quarrelsome while d one that grows up in a caring env most times are loving

k2039: To me it's the individual.

Frankly parents could add to it,by telling their kids you are not good enough,you are not this,you are not that(not just parent alone but every negative statement we have heard,our failures,rejection etc).
The point is jut that,once one start to beleieve this comments then one's self esteem is in trouble.

I think He was Ghandi who said this 'they cant take away our self respect except we give it to them'

The reason why I think it has a lot to do with personality is because for the fact that someone said you are stupid doesnt necessarily mean you are,it's his opinion and he is entitled to it.

So every thing then boils down to this,believing in oneself,liking oneself.

For example personaly I dont have a problem with my self esteem(some say I'm arrogant,just because I dont give a damn about what they say,some find it hard to believe in theirself,and for believing so much im myself they label me names,mtcheww),I understand I may not be able to influence what others say about me,but I have the ability to choose the way I respond to them.
I understand we all see the world the way we are and not necessarily the way it is(reality),so everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Whatever anyone says is just an expression of their own opinion.


So OP IT'S more of a personality thing(understanding that I have a control over my mood and how I feel),frankly parents and peer may shape it,it still boils down to taking full responsibility for ones life(even if your parents say you are good enough,if you still dont believe it your self esteem is in trouble and finaly if you base your self esteem on what people say,your esteem is still in trouble because as much as positive comments affect you so will their negative comments also affect you).

Individualy we are all unique,we are special

this knowledge wasn't wit U as a kid... it was acquired as U grow up... it requires special effort to fight low self esteem at this stage...

slimyem: Kilodeee?
So le to yen ni?
I think she did enough by politely warning and telling him off.

abi o, my sister,being a house wife requires wisdom and diplomacy, but i think, i had embarassed him enough. Thanks ma.

You cannot blame a parent for everything a child turns out to be. Self esteem like anything else is a belief. To be exact a belief of ones self but at the end of the day it's still a belief just like religion.

To make my pount am going to use religion. Just because you are brought up in a religious home don't mean you are not going to turn out to be an atheist at the age of 30.

greatgod2012: Personally, i think d parent have a part to play,let me share a personal experience, about 2-3 months ago, a BIL came visiting(a ustudent in one of d unis) and was asking my 4-yrs old daughter some questns, being a shy type, she didnt answer,then he(d visitor) said;why are u so dull? U are just wasting ur parents money, i immediately came in to d discussion and told him dt he should not say dt again dt what my daughter knows, he doesnt know half of it,with emphasis on "my daughter is more intelligent than u"
since then, if anybody ask her anything, she will say "im intelligent"even in school, her aunty once told me dt she told her dt she is an intelligent girl, then, aunty asked,how did she know, she said, my mom said"im intelligent"
i want to believe dt is what she will believe about herself till adulthood when she can take decision on her own.
I am not rulling out d personality factor, but i believe one builds his/her personality on d belief one has about him/herself. So as parents, lets help to build our children's self esteem by confessing positively on their lives, they build their confidence and self-esteem on them, also, we need to monitor d type of gatherings and friends they keep.
May God help us all.

The young man who said that to your little girl has a lot of growing up to do. It was a good thing you where close by to correct that notion. I tell my son who is a year plus that he's so intelligent such that he'll end up as an Harvard trained engineer. Even when he upsets me and I rebuke him, i still end up praising him and speaking positively. Talking a child down usually water's down the child's self esteem and as such, parents should desist from so doing.

agoha_vivi: The young man who said that to your little girl has a lot of growing up to do. It was a good thing you where close by to correct that notion. I tell my son who is a year plus that he's so intelligent such that he'll end up as an Harvard trained engineer. Even when he upsets me and I rebuke him, i still end up praising him and speaking positively. Talking a child down usually water's down the child's self esteem and as such, parents should desist from so doing.

not untill recently, i used to believe m short n felt it was somethin to b shy about, simply cos as A kid my neighbours used to ask me "when will U leave the ground"... n my parents would laugh... it took years of personal effort to get a grip over that issue... wot ure doin for ur kid is the greatest gift U can give...

swizz01: To me I tink low esteem is a personal stuff......cz d moment u start feelin inferior,u'll start degradin urslf......

No body just starts feeling inferior like that. Usually something prompts or triggers it. I once red about a child who used to come bottom in class. Eventually, his parents got him an educational interactive device and soon after, he started coming tops in class. When asked the secret of his wonderful performance he said, I have a computer at home that tells me that I'm brilliant. Can u imagine the impact of the word "brilliant" in his life of this child? That goes a long way to tell you the role we play as parents in building a child's self esteem. A child might still realise his/her self worth inspite of being talked down or spoken ill of but another child when given the same treatment might end up with very low self esteem but both children given opposite treatment would end up being confident of themselves. If this is the case, then every parent should ensure he/she brings out the best in his/her child or ward.

Peers (age-mates) influence self-esteem the most. Since these are the people we compare ourselves to.
and personality matters too. An extrovert is more likely to be sociable and thus have more friends. an Introvert will be less able to "fit in" among peers.

Individual is the major factor.what ppl say n what u observed and finally blived.For example lousy/violent ppl will take u for a fool for just being simple its now left to u to choose which one u are

I think environment and parental influence are mostly responsible.

In Nigeria, the atmosphere in most family homes is hostile bordering on repressive, and self-expression is not encouraged. So you see that Nigerian kids grow up largely lacking self-confidence and emotional intelligence. This is due to the overbearing influence of our culture as well as the stress-filled environment. Nigeria is also quite insular despite being a heterogeneous society. The separation of different cultures has always been there.

When we (Nigerian-trained kids) change environments by going to boarding school, university, leave the country, or even get jobs in multicultural work environments, personalities are adjusted, a better self-image usually emerges, and eventually our social skills are greatly improved.

Our children will be much better than we are. Parents of today are generally more urbane, financially comfortable, and generally liberal, the schools are more private than public, so self-expression is preferred to blanket corporal punishment. Their self-esteem will be a lot better than the current generation of adults.

All of this only goes to show that our society continues to evolve.

carefreewannabe:

thank you. it's beautiful.

lolz, thanks sweetheart.

parents play signicants role in dis issue. Becos dey ar d ist coach of d child b4 d teacher. Nd it wil b worst if any of d parents is illiterate. I remember d impresion I had while growin up as a child. My mum told me dt, 'if adult is talkin 2 u, u shud luk down ie a sign of respect' vis-a-vis. I grow up 2've dis problem of eye contact b4 gettin rid of it gradually.

nurture/parental upbringing and environment plays major role.
Even ones personality could be traced back to the kind of environment and upbringing of the individual.

1. Parent
2. Environment

k2039: To me it's the individual.

Frankly parents could add to it,by telling their kids you are not good enough,you are not this,you are not that(not just parent alone but every negative statement we have heard,our failures,rejection etc).
The point is jut that,once one start to beleieve this comments then one's self esteem is in trouble.

I think He was Ghandi who said this 'they cant take away our self respect except we give it to them'

The reason why I think it has a lot to do with personality is because for the fact that someone said you are stupid doesnt necessarily mean you are,it's his opinion and he is entitled to it.

So every thing then boils down to this,believing in oneself,liking oneself.

For example personaly I dont have a problem with my self esteem(some say I'm arrogant,just because I dont give a damn about what they say,some find it hard to believe in theirself,and for believing so much im myself they label me names,mtcheww),I understand I may not be able to influence what others say about me,but I have the ability to choose the way I respond to them.
I understand we all see the world the way we are and not necessarily the way it is(reality),so everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Whatever anyone says is just an expression of their own opinion.


So OP IT'S more of a personality thing(understanding that I have a control over my mood and how I feel),frankly parents and peer may shape it,it still boils down to taking full responsibility for ones life(even if your parents say you are good enough,if you still dont believe it your self esteem is in trouble and finaly if you base your self esteem on what people say,your esteem is still in trouble because as much as positive comments affect you so will their negative comments also affect you).

Individualy we are all unique,we are special

Bro, you for shorten your speech na.. u know the black man doesnt like reading

Good upbringing/training can be manifest in ones personality,
So personality is an image of background training. Hence good training/nurturing transpires into good personality.
Though there could be exception becos it's one thing to train a child and another thing to retain the training

Nature (personality, genes) vs nurture or environment (parental upbringing, school/peers, media e.t.c) Cant help picking nurture over nature in this issue. So far I'v read the comments, and I beg to differ on the opinion that personality or genes (AbiL's theory) does influence one's self-esteem more than environmental factors. For one thing, I don't see how genes come into the picture. Humans are social creatures, and how we see ourselves is influenced by how others see us, especially in our formative years. True, not all kids turn out the same way, even under the same roof. But it is also true that not all kids are treated the same way, even under the same roof and by the same parents. Imagine a child growing up and constantly being compared with his or her 'genius' sibling, and reminded he/she isnt good enough, or being the b.u.t.t of ridicule or bullying at school. The kid would definitely have a low self-esteem, unless other contributing factors can efectively neutralize the effect.

T_Bademosi: People lived under abusive parents I agree but some people also lived under parents that didn't see any good in them but wasn't physically abused.

Some people lived under parents who are ever loving and wouldn't want them mixing with neighbors or did not allow you to express yourself with outsiders, tell you so much about spirituality, tell you so much about your faults, your shortcomings and the likes.

Are all this things something that can cause an adult to eventually have a self-image issue or its just a problem from that individual?

both do, but the balances tilt more to the upbringing side than the personality side. Since society has a major impact on individuals to a larger extent, the environment in and around the homd can really be a contributing factor to whether a person selfesteem is high or low.

I strongly bliv parental upbringing

Self-esteem tends to personality. We have the Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy and Phlegmatic. If a person possess any of Melancholy and Phlegmatic trait he/she is bond to suffer from inferiority complex while the other two characteristics are out-going people with high self-esteem. I use to suffer inferiority complex (shy even in the midst of perceived high-class friends) in the past so i did a research on my personality and discover i am made up of Melancholy and Phlegmatic trait, the moment i decided to work on myself I have been able to overcome this inferior complex gradually.

The people who raise you have 90% influence on your self esteem. I have an over inflated view of myself because my parents constantly reminded me of how beautiful smart and special I am. Whether that was good or bad we will soon find out!

I think low self esteem has an impact on personality not the other way round. At the same time the personality you have can cause you to make judgements about yourself and may affect your esteem (i wish i was confident, because i'm not confident i cant. . . ) and so on and so forth. But like the egg before the chicken I think the most important influence is your environment. So even if you have an alternative personality your environment is responsible for nurturing you positively for a better sense of self.

Missy_B: It's not much a fault of the individual as it is of his environment.
You're a product of your environment. Your environment mostly determines your view, you act accordingly, and you are, to an extent, your actions.

A person that grew up listening to his parents call him a ne'er-do-well, will never see anything good in himself, and will eventually never do anything good unless he changes his environment, ideas and action.

The responsibility then lies with the individual

dayokanu: I think almost everything in life is on the personality

Blaming upbringing and parent is IMO a cheap cop out

We have siblings who have exactly opposite behaviours. one responsible one a completely irresponsible individual.

Most people from the age of 10 above know whats right from whats wrong. So your decisions are left to you.

We have ppl born and raised by Priest who turned into prostittutes and drug dealers while we have ppl raised by Junkies who became excellent individuals

I cant agree less,it boils down to taking full responsibility for oneself.
Your post made maximum sense

greatgod2012:
I am not rulling out d personality factor, but i believe one builds his/her personality on d belief one has about him/herself.

I agree with everything except this,our personality is based on the discovery of self

seedord247: I think its from the parents.

For i.e.. Check yoruba kids... Hardly you see a yoruba kid that doesnt know how to cursed bcus thats what their parents used in bringi g them up.

Check igbo kids... Hardly you see a igbo boy that does not know how to lie or steal from age 8. Thats why you see them turning drug pushers when they grow up.

Check benin and calabar kids..... Being a frnd of this tribe.... They hardly discipline their kids if they do something wrong.. They give thier kids freedom of speech in family matters while they are very young, their folks even do some nasty things in front of thier kids.... Thats why you see calabars and benin girls all over the street of lagos asking for pay as you f**ck.

Your post made zero sense to me

@OP change environment it would work just be yourself afterward parent can bring your moral down make you feel as if you are still that boy they use to know i bet you if you go out their people would take you to your standard level.

shymexx:

Yeah, it might affect the children until they get to a certain age. However, once you grow past that, and know who you're and your self-worth - you should outgrow that...

Upbringing plays a role but it doesn't fully define who you become socially/psychologically as an adult...

You're the architect of your own reality..

Taking responsibilty for ones life and future,your comment made 100% sense

abiL:


Nope. If plays a vital role, but your upbringing does not define you.

But some people find it difficult to stop blaming their parents, and start taking responsibilities for their own actions.

Ditto

shymexx:

Those people are weaklings - they don't need therapy, they just need to know who they are...

Once you understand yourself and know your capabilities, you shouldn't have self-esteem issues...

Until one discovers who he his,he is bound to suffer from self esteem.
Even if parents keep saying positive things to them it will get to a point where the kids will say '' I BELIEVE,I BELIEVE,I BELIEVE,I BELIEVE, [size=13pt]I DONT BELIEVE"
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tavon: You cannot blame a parent for everything a child turns out to be. Self esteem like anything else is a belief. To be exact a belief of ones self but at the end of the day it's still a belief just like religion.

To make my pount am going to use religion. Just because you are brought up in a religious home don't mean you are not going to turn out to be an atheist at the age of 30.

Infact most atheist are from highly religious home

T_Bademosi: People lived under abusive parents I agree but some people also lived under parents that didn't see any good in them but wasn't physically abused.

Some people lived under parents who are ever loving and wouldn't want them mixing with neighbors or did not allow you to express yourself with outsiders, tell you so much about spirituality, tell you so much about your faults, your shortcomings and the likes.

Are all this things something that can cause an adult to eventually have a self-image issue or its just a problem from that individual?

Good discussion - I think I lived under this. But I think I went to good schools and my teachers helped me develop my self-esteem.

@ AbiL, while its true that someone cannot keep blaming his or her parents, if you don't know any better. Because of your parents, you can easily miss out on many opportunities in life. What happens is the cycle continues. Think of this in the Nigerian context:

Your parents commit atrocities of child abuse from when you were 2 until 9 years old, at 9 - you go to boarding school, maybe there your teacher beats you and what not - in boarding school, you may have an opportunity to see how other children live and hear what they say - the problem is that memories of violence never depart. Maybe you go back home after you graduate from secondary school, your father beats your mom, and he bullies you... You go to University and then you marry,

The problem is that there has been little time for reflection. Little time to heal, no counseling and what not. If you are not carefully, you can easily replicate everything you were exposed to as a child and the cycle continues for your children.