Somehow a lot of single friends seem to like getting my point of view on issues around relationships and marriage. I don't know why, funny enough they send their friends who also send other friends and I have joked about starting to charge them.
Anyway, I have noticed some things and I feel Men and Women who desire a lasting, respectful and committed relationship can check on before taking the huge step.
As I said its just my veiws, it may be right or wrong but it seems to work for a few people, no harm in sharing.
For Women.
1. Don't get married because you need a provider: Don't get married because you simply need someone who can care for you material and financial needs. Marriage is beyond food, clothes, phones and jewelries. If you get married for this purpose please don go around lamenting that your husband doesn't respect you.
2. Don't marry because you are desperate and you feel that the man is your last bus stop and so you will "manage" all the lousy attitudes with the hope of "changing" him. You can't change anybody, You can cook, clean, Give the best s3x but only him can decide he will change and the truth is that you will get tired of doing these things and then frustration will set in.
3. Have value for yourself, don't trick, trap or decieve a man into marrying you, If you value yourself and build a healthy esteem a good deserving man will beg to marry you.
4. Don't pretend to be who you are not just to get the ring. You don't like partying and he does, don't pretend, his mother and sibblings disrespect you and you you kneel down and accept it with a smile while boiling inside waiting for the ring so that you can "show them", when you enter the house, you are building world war 5 with your hands, if you can't take it, tell your man from day 1 he either calls his family to order and if he can't find someone who loves you enough to demand his family respect you.
5. Be with a man you can respect. Don't pretend and marry a man you have no respect for and start broadcasting his flaws later.

For Men:
1. Don't marry if you think "men are babies". Marry when you see your self as an adult who will take responsibilty for his actions and responsiblity for his wife and family.
2. Don't marry just based on silly sterotypes: village girls are better, younger ladies are more respectful, house wives are more submissive than women who work. Treat every lady you meet with an open mind, people in all groups and catergories anre bad and good, don't limit your self with a closed mind.
3. Know that there is a consequence for every action. She may "take" your cheating but something dies in her everytime you do that, trust is destroyed and you are sitting on a time bomb.
4. Being a man and the head is not a licence to be a bully, it means the buck stops at your table whatever happens in your home. It means you put your family first in every decision, it means you love them more than you love your self, if you are not ready to be selfless, stay single.
5. Most important, Money is not everything, don't bribe her into loving you or buy her love. Marry someone who you can respect and who respects you back for who you are and not for fianancial consideration.

These are the few I can remember now, best wishes to those of you who have found love, those of you still looking use your single time to be the best you. Fully develop yourself and potentials so you can be an addition and a blessing to the right person.

Nicely Said!! if to say u neva marry i for propose, but let me try... Will u hangout with me?

Beautiful piece of writing, emanating balanced words of wisdom.

A good read for those intending to tie the knot. Have you thought of creating this same thread in the ROMANCE SECTION?

Nonetheless, I love it! Well done, Debrief.

Lol, Efe, Thank You. I dey fear Romance section lol, but you are right they need it more, most folks her are already married. Make I drop am there, run

Abi o.
Jeez! Thank God its not one of those beauty fades, beauty is skin deep. Blah blah. You focused on important things, rather than the frustration and anger we see on this NL sometimes.

This no be common sense?Great points,I just hope they learn.

The distrust in the environment is so much that people don't put much effort in developing the relationship together before going into the marriage institution. Guys are afraid to be "mugus", women have "back-up plans" and I am not in anyway against expanding you circle of friends.It is easy to state rules,out their the game is different..it's complicated.But most importantly have an expectation,know what you want, so when you see it you can identify it.

my 2 cent!

debrief08: Somehow a lot of single friends seem to like getting my point of view on issues around relationships and marriage. I don't know why, funny enough they send their friends who also send other friends and I have joked about starting to charge them.

[size=14pt]It is in the bible, the devil and her agents will spread lies to deceive and lead astray the flock. They must present false thinking as the truth to confuse the weak minded. ALL THOSE COMING TO MEET YOU WILL BE LIKE YOU (DIVORCED) WITHIN 3 YEARS.[/size]

Why would anyone want advise on marriage from someone who has so publicly failed at it? And I can speak because I am married and have been married to the same person going on for 20 years.

Johndoe, was that venomous response of yours necessary?

What's wrong with the advice tips debrief's given?

Or do you have a personal problem with her??

Lol, Efe, you must be new.

Johndoe100:

[size=14pt]It is in the bible, the devil and her agents will spread lies to deceive and lead astray the flock. They must present false thinking as the truth to confuse the weak minded. ALL THOSE COMING TO MEET YOU WILL BE LIKE YOU (DIVORCED) WITHIN 3 YEARS.[/size]

Why would anyone want advise on marriage from someone who has so publicly failed at it? And I can speak because I am married and have been married to the same person going on for 20 years.

Somebody needs a hug and a warm feeding bottle. Surely, there is more than meets the eye in your case. I guess you did this for attention and the shock value. How insensitive and cruel. Very unnecessary. Mtscheew!

@ debrief, u did a wonderful work here, i just hope those intending to tie d knot will have to get to reading this type of write-up b4 they do.
Thumb up ma'am!

debrief08: Lol, Efe, you must be new.

Obviously. . . .LOL

So long as the young people get to read what I write, the responses by the usual suspects matter not an iota.

Efemena_xy: Johndoe, was that venomous response of yours necessary?

What's wrong with the advice tips debrief's given?

Or do you have a personal problem with her??

debrief08: Lol, Efe, you must be new.

Efe will never learn. I don tok tire. Ignore the spambot, it's not that hard is it?

debrief08:
5. Most important, Money is not everything, don't bribe her into loving you or buy her love. Marry someone who you can respect and who respects you back for who you are and not for fianancial consideration.

I agree with most of your points. Good luck finding someone whose love is based partly on your financial status though.

jennykadry:

Efe will never learn. I don tok tire. Ignore the spambot, it's not that hard is it?

My sister nor vex. Na over sabi dey worry moi.

But to tell the truth, I find so many of the attacks on Debrief uncalled for! I'm yet to find a post of hers where she's rude or insultive.

Just not fair, that's all...

Efemena_xy: Johndoe, was that venomous response of yours necessary?

What's wrong with the advice tips debrief's given?

Or do you have a personal problem with her??

Was he lying ? As long as he is saying the truth honey, he is welcome. By the way is he ?
We need to drum it into the ears of people preparing for marriage that they will not have a covering over their head if they petulantly make a wrong choice of spouse as a result of effemeral things and divorce them latter.
Infact, we need to make them realise that on here, the punishment for such cowardice is the gallows. This will make them look beyond the brazillian and peruvian hair.
What moral stand does debrief has to put up such a satirical thread. How can you possibly give something you don't have.
If she felt the need to post on here albeit compulsively nothing stopped her from using far more ethical headings like 'The facts I failed to acknowledge going into my first ever marriage' or 'Avoid this mistakes and I am talking from personal experience' you get my drift do you ?
Johndoe, congrats and may you live long enough to enjoy your marriage into it's 70th and 80th year.
You don't know how much of an inspiration you are to us single lads. Now we know holding down a family is not rocket science.

Efemena_xy:

My sister nor vex. Na over sabi dey worry moi.

But to tell the truth, I find so many of the attacks on Debrief uncalled for! I'm yet to find a post of hers where she's rude or insultive.

Just not fair, that's all...

hellooooo my sister, dont get worked up, she has never being rude nor insultive, only dt we cant do without having haters, its natural, God shall reward everyone accordingly. Those attacks make us stronger.

Okay, let me ask u, is it everybody u know dt really love u?........no! Its impossible, u must definately have somebody who will never get satisfied with u, who will always have something to complain about, when it has to do with u, that is life, it makes us stronger. Okay?
@ debrief, ride on, u are too strong to be shaken.

Guitarlife: Was he lying ? As long as he is saying the truth honey, he is welcome. By the way is he ?
We need to drum it into the ears of people preparing for marriage that they will not have a covering over their head if they petulantly make a wrong choice of spouse as a result of effemeral things and divorce them latter.
Infact, we need to make them realise that on here, the punishment for such cowardice is the gallows. This will make them look beyond the brazillian and peruvian hair.
What moral stand does debrief has to put up such a satirical thread. How can you possibly give something you don't have.
If she felt the need to post on here albeit compulsively nothing stopped her from using far more ethical headings like 'The facts I failed to acknowledge going into my first ever marriage' or 'Avoid this mistakes and I am talking from personal experience' you get my drift do you ?
Johndoe, congrats and may you live long enough to enjoy your marriage into it's 70th and 80th year.
You don't know how much of an inspiration you are to us single lads. Now we know holding down a family is not rocket science.

Abeg, commot! You still haven't answered the question. WHAT..IS..WRONG..WITH..Debrief's...ADVICE??!!

Anyway, that aside, I hear today is "Men's Day" whatever that is, and I don send you well wishes.

So why're you ignoring my well wishes? Or are you just being your usual rude self?

https://www.nairaland.com/1107228/international-mens-day-today#13029576

Efemena_xy:

Abeg, commot! You still haven't answered the question. WHAT..IS..WRONG..WITH..Debrief's...ADVICE??!!

Anyway, that aside, I hear today is "Men's Day" whatever that is, and I don send you well wishes.

So why're you ignoring my well wishes? Or are you just being your usual rude self?

https://www.nairaland.com/1107228/international-mens-day-today#13029576

Honey, there is something called morality. Ethically speaking the perspective from which she is speaking from is not only paradoxical but also comical and ironic.
She attempts to mislead people by not putting her own marital antecedents in proper perspective before attempting to mount a moral high ground all in a bid to gain respect and earn an undeserved acclaim as the numero uno consultant on marital affairs on NL.
No doubt chaircover is giving her a run for her money but shouldn't you come with clean hands if you must come to equity/probity ?
She needs to stop masking that festering sore, head to the nearest white garment church, sign in for a 3 months intensive deliverance routine comprising potent and proven tactics to win back her husband and home like weekly baths administered by the shepherd on a beach, spritual excorcism, clinical interractive sessions with older women with succesful marriages .
All this would have transformed her and in 3 months she would have nothing but testimonies to share. She can thank me then .
Thanks for this,

Efemena_xy:



and er...er...Richknvut, JohnDoe & Guitarlife (I'd sooooooooooooooo love to knock konk their heads together!)

Lol Efe, calm down jor, the insult never comot kobo from my body na. Relax, no carry am for head

baby_123: Abi o.
Jeez! Thank God its not one of those beauty fades, beauty is skin deep. Blah blah. You focused on important things, rather than the frustration and anger we see on this NL sometimes.

LOL

@thread and responses- wow!

First of all @OP,I come in peace.
While this is a nice and interesting thread marriage is not as simple as you have made it seem in this thread.
It is a fact that people can be deceptive and a clever future husband or wife can successfully hide a lot of vices from a potential partner.
For instance a smoker could hide his vice from a future partner and he/she may not know about it till they are deep in the marriage.
Secondly a violent person might be able to mask this violent streak until years into the marriage before laying a finger on a potential victim.
Some men develop the cheating spirit way into the marriage- like five years later. Same for women too.
Lots of times outsiders contribute a lot to divorce with unsolicited advise and to me the quickest way to ruin a marriage is taking your private affairs to the public forum.
As I always say no two marriages are the same and what works for your marriage may not work for mine.
Whiler marriage is good and interesting I still liken it to trying to get across a mine field blind folded-3ou nedd to be patient and take one step at a time cos you never know what it isd gonna throw back at you.

,,,

chaircover: The best person to give advise is actually debrief and not us who had it easy.

You think that as an 18 year old, I knew of and followed all of debriefs points up there? Some of us were just very lucky to marry decent men, which in turn made it much easier to be submissive and be good wives and mothers.

number 4 for example would have been a hard one for me as a young lady in my late teens early twenties because I was brought up to respect my elders and so I would respect my inlaws even if they were doing something that I wasnt too keen on and I would have discussed it with my husband instead, but now that I am much older and experienced I say my mind there and then without being rude. So debriefs advice does and will come in handy for the young ones.

Its not rocket science . . . you cannot give what you dont have. She has been there, got the t-shirt and has a right to advise people.

I am seriously trying to understand what this woman has done to many of you. what if she was your sister for goodness sakes?

Don't you get it? She stood before God and man and made a convenant .She swore that she was gonna stand by a man 'in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health till death did them part' . What kind of woman makes a meal of such words.
Was she not aware that things could go awry when she was saying those ?
What am on about is that if she knew quite well that she was gonna skeddadle when and if things hotted up. She shoulda keep her mouth shut.
She could have asked the priest to skip that part and not gone ahead to bellow into the mic when she knew she was just there for the good.
Yeah! What I'm saying is that when she took those vows, she already signed up to die if that was what it would have required to stay in the marriage.
Why don't you read the marriage vows again and then tell me if it's not bondage yes it is. If you can't stand the freaking heat then don't even walk into the oven.
Is that too hard to comprehend ? In conclusion all divorcees are cowards simples especially those who walked out on a marriage cos their lives was at a risk.
They don't have any respect for their words so don't expect me to have any respect for them.

True Richy, No two marriages are the same and people indeed change, these are just little oppinions and small tips.
Madam CC, the In Law thing is tricky and so many people had to learn the had way. Madam, na wa for you self, does anyone need any reason not to like anybody? Leave matter jor.

Guitarlife: Was he lying ? As long as he is saying the truth honey, he is welcome. By the way is he ?
We need to drum it into the ears of people preparing for marriage that they will not have a covering over their head if they petulantly make a wrong choice of spouse as a result of effemeral things and divorce them latter.
Infact, we need to make them realise that on here, the punishment for such cowardice is the gallows. This will make them look beyond the brazillian and peruvian hair.
What moral stand does debrief has to put up such a satirical thread. How can you possibly give something you don't have.
If she felt the need to post on here albeit compulsively nothing stopped her from using far more ethical headings like 'The facts I failed to acknowledge going into my first ever marriage' or 'Avoid this mistakes and I am talking from personal experience' you get my drift do you ?
Johndoe, congrats and may you live long enough to enjoy your marriage into it's 70th and 80th year.
You don't know how much of an inspiration you are to us single lads. Now we know holding down a family is not rocket science.

Why should someone be held responsible for the moral shortcomings(serious one for that matter) of another even if na marriage union?No matter your marital stance,if it is not working it is not,you can't kill anyone for not making it,especially when the marriage is a totally failed one.You are just ranting,just like the average loose valve out there without giving proper logical reasons for your rants.

Johndoe and co,pray u marry a good woman,cos its your type that cheat and sleep with little church girls instead of facing realities-the deacons that preach against divorce and sleep with choir girls.Why can't people just make their points without attacking,insulting and forcing their myopic religious mes*s into people's throat.

Guitarlife: Don't you get it? She stood before God and man and made a convenant .She swore that she was gonna stand by a man 'in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health till death did them part' . What kind of woman makes a meal of such words.
Was she not aware that things could go awry when she was saying those ?
What am on about is that if she knew quite well that she was gonna skeddadle when and if things hotted up. She shoulda keep her mouth shut.
She could have asked the priest to skip that part and not gone ahead to bellow into the mic when she knew she was just there for the good.
Yeah! What I'm saying is that when she took those vows, she already signed up to die if that was what it would have required to stay in the marriage.
Why don't you read the marriage vows again and then tell me if it's not bondage yes it is. If you can't stand the freaking heat then don't even walk into the oven.
Is that too hard to comprehend ? In conclusion all divorcees are cowards simples especially those who walked out on a marriage cos their lives was at a risk.
They don't have any respect for their words so don't expect me to have any respect for them.

sl

I feel for you seriously.And what is your point?

9lifes:

Why should someone be held responsible for the moral shortcomings(serious one for that matter) of another even if na marriage union?No matter your marital stance,if it is not working it is not,you can't kill anyone for not making it,especially when the marriage is a totally failed one.You are just ranting,just like the average loose valve out there without giving proper logical reasons for your rants.

Johndoe and co,pray u marry a good woman,cos its your type that cheat and sleep with little church girls instead of facing realities-the deacons that preach against divorce and sleep with choir girls.Why can't people just make their points without attacking,insulting and forcing their myopic religious mes*s into people's throat.

Didn't you read that Johndoe has been married for over two decades and counting?

9lifes:

Why should someone be held responsible for the moral shortcomings(serious one for that matter) of another even if na marriage union?No matter your marital stance,if it is not working it is not,you can't kill anyone for not making it,especially when the marriage is a totally failed one.You are just ranting,just like the average loose valve out there without giving proper logical reasons for your rants.

Johndoe and co,pray u marry a good woman,cos its your type that cheat and sleep with little church girls instead of facing realities-the deacons that preach against divorce and sleep with choir girls.Why can't people just make their points without attacking,insulting and forcing their myopic religious mes*s into people's throat.

Lemme break this down for you. If you ain't gon stay with the marriage vow that 'condemns' you to one partner all your life then don't take it.
What I am up against is you taking the vow and later rescinding your decision which makes you a coward.
Johndoe has been married for more than twenty years now, and to the same woman of course. Why are you so fixated on the impracticability of marriage.
This is exactly what this feminazi movement is all about. They want you to feel at home and have the impression that you can walk in and out of marriage as you like.
I ain't folding my arms and you know it too.