Bjcole, did u get my apology mail?

Guiterman, are you okay? Are you sane? I normally would ignore you but even for someone as docile as me you have crossed a line.
Don't do this again. I am not an idi-ot, I am not a child, I am not silly, I will tke a lot but I won't take this. I won't say anymore again but I ask you not to repeat this again.

bjcole: m wife's cousin divorced her husband (a cool headed man by IMO) & i told be careful of ur cousin, she was like why, is she nt my sister.I was out of town for a while & she went & stayed wit her, she didnt believe what she saw,newtworking, otunbas, Alhajis & others, she was like, is this what my sister is doing? i told her, didnt i tel u 2 be careful? Now is just hi hi they do, so is dat d kind of person m wife shd go to 4 advice? is it not advice on how 2 be free 4rm men wahala she wil give? abegi

Mr Cole, if you would have sent your wife to this woman for advice even when she was married, then you need to have your head examined. My point?

ileobatojo: You should meet smart, knowledgeable, level headed and reasonable people for advice; married or divorced.

Your wife's cousin has likely never fallen into this category (based on what you are telling us o), whether is be pre, during or post marriage! Please, it is not the fact that she is divorced that makes it not a good idea that your wife follow her advice!

my own advice, dont go to a divorcee for marital advices, they only see d negatives, except if the fellow is married again, besides why even go 2 a divorcee, when u can choose among d married folks, d gud ones, becos there r bad ones, so many examples on this section. 4 me i choose my friends & i wont choose a divorcee as one, what wil he tell me other than women r bundle of wahala, leave her & be free. I ve just given one a long rope becos of useless advices even if u r my brother or sister.

bjcole: m wife's cousin divorced her husband (a cool headed man by IMO) & i told be careful of ur cousin, she was like why, is she nt my sister.I was out of town for a while & she went & stayed wit her, she didnt believe what she saw,newtworking, otunbas, Alhajis & others, she was like, is this what my sister is doing? i told her, didnt i tel u 2 be careful? Now is just hi hi they do, so is dat d kind of person m wife shd go to 4 advice? is it not advice on how 2 be free 4rm men wahala she wil give? abegi

In much the same way you handle advice you get from religious leaders, married people, elderly etc. you are to handle advice from even divorced people. Now, I say this assuming that you are competent enough to know that when you receive advice, from any source out there, you weed out all that which should not apply to you, and you ensure that what you consider even lines up with your own established ideology (to a great extent) before you go ahead with it.

@ ileobatojo, i guess i got ur name well, let me tell u more, may be u wil understand, they practically lived 2gether, when they were in skool & i even got 2 know her through her cousin, becos we lived 2gether in d same town, a gud christian woman. Her hubby ran into some problem financially & some medical issues, she could nt hang on 2 help her husband & when she left d man, divorce threw those options, abi @ dat level, which kind of men wil come ur way, no be married men or she be plywood.

bjcole: @ ileobatojo, i guess i got ur name well, let me tell u more, may be u wil understand, they practically lived 2gether, when they were in skool & i even got 2 know her through her cousin, becos we lived 2gether in d same town, a gud christian woman. Her hubby ran into some problem financially & some medical issues, she could nt hang on 2 help her husband & when she left d man, divorce threw those options, abi @ dat level, which kind of men wil come ur way, no be married men or she be plywood.

So what you're telling me is that after divorce, she immediately got a personality transplant and became completely different from the person she was before divorce? A good Christian woman first divorces her husband for financial and health reasons, then proceeds to follow married Otumbas and Alhajis? A good Christian woman?? Na so divorce get power reach? It magically turns saints into monstrous sinners overnight!

ileobatojo:

So what you're telling me is that after divorce, she immediately got a personality transplant and became completely different from the person she was before divorce? A good Christian woman first divorces her husband for financial and health reasons, then proceeds to follow married Otumbas and Alhajis? A good Christian woman?? Na so divorce get power reach? It magically turns saints into monstrous sinners overnight!

of course
there's a thin line between decency and indecency......after divorce, many women get disillusioned and hopeless.....things spiral out of control and the most decent woman can turn into the most irresponsible. christians do backslide, don't they?

my sister kobojunkie, hope u r a female sha, a yoruba adage says: aguntan 2 ba ba aja rin, a je igbe, i m nt saying some divorcee dnt ve gud advices, just leave ur marital advices off it. what advice do u get 4rm a woman that left her husband becos she could nt cope wit abuses, when u r being abused.I left a divorcee friend dat was telling me 2 watch my wife, she might be sneaking out 2 do some funny, becos his own wife was doing so. Their advice is just nt healthy 4 stable marriage.

coogar: of course
there's a thin line between decency and indecency..after divorce, many women get disi hopelessthings spiral out of control and the most decent woman can turn into the irresponsible. christians do backslide, don't they?

Oga na so, many of d divorced ladies r into married men afairs because d options are limited. Marriage is check & balance, u r nt free 2 do what u want becos of ur spouse. A divorcee is free like a bird, & u knw what a free bird can do.

bjcole: my sister kobojunkie, hope u r a female sha, a yoruba adage says: aguntan 2 ba ba aja rin, a je igbe, i m nt saying some divorcee dnt ve gud advices, just leave ur marital advices off it. what advice do u get 4rm a woman that left her husband becos she could nt cope wit abuses, when u r being abused.I left a divorcee friend dat was telling me 2 watch my wife, she might be sneaking out 2 do some funny, becos his own wife was doing so. Their advice is just nt healthy 4 stable marriage.

Before you quote any yeye adage to me, at least make sure that those who claim to believe it have BENEFITED from the so-called wisdom contained. I will opt for common sense any day. Here's what common sense says . . . EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER. If you want to learn anything, you fail if you focus on only learning from those who have always gotten it right, and you actually succeed when you go out there and find the many possible failures so you get a better understanding of the problem and the many solutions, when and where they can be applied successfully.

Many of the successes you know of today came after so many failures. Even the successes recorded in marriage today(the so-called good advice you get from those you think have it right) were born out of so many failures. You cannot treat the failures like leprosy and somehow think that makes you immune to failure. On the contrary, that actually makes you even more failure prone.

Tgirl4real: Bjcole, did u get my apology mail?

I saw d mail, but i dnt knw how 2 open, i ve not done mails on Nl before & i dnt knw if u wil teach me, since i no belong 2 d inner chamber group.

It is good to relate with divorced people, so dat u will learn how not to become divorcee.

akintun: It is good to relate with divorced people, so dat u will learn how not to become divorcee.

Abi oo!!! Some of them are honest enough to tell you what they think went wrong and how they would do things if they had a do over. Right on Nairaland here, many of you have benefitted from the stories told by divorced persons of their past mistakes and their current triumphs.

akintun: It is good to relate with divorced people, so dat u will learn how not to become divorcee.

relate with divorced people so you would learn not to become one? why not relate with happily married folks and learn how to be happy in marriage. in other words, i should relate with fat people if i want to become slim. relate with the poor if i want to be rich. these comments amuse me.......you guys have got jokes!

akintun: It is good to relate with divorced people, so dat u will learn how not to become divorcee.

That's not true , they are human like you and I, there's nothing special about them that you probably don't already possess , they're just unfortunate to experience a sour taste of being in love case closed! .... I have a 50yr old divorcee friend ( still single) .... I don't think I've learnt any special lesson from her for about our 8years of rapport we just enjoy each other's company that's all.

jidegirl12:

That's not true , they are human like you and I, there's nothing special about them that you probably don't already possess , they're just unfortunate to experience a sour taste of being in love case closed! .... I have a 50yr old divorcee friend ( still single) .... I don't think I've learnt any special lesson from her for about our 8years of rapport we just enjoy each other's company that's all.

you don't mean it.....
seriously, you mean this divorcee does not lecture you on the dos and don'ts of life like ileobatojo aka mama biology opined? are you sure? you must have forgotten. divorced women pack so much intelligence they are almost psychic and they can sniff trouble 1000 miles away except the ones relating to theirs. keep your ears open - jidegirl, your friend knows a lot about marriage and her wise words are golden - pay attention!

Kobojunkie:
Before you quote any yeye adage to me, at least make sure that those who claim to believe it have BENEFITED from the so-called wisdom contained.EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER.

pls, dont ever call my yoruba people adage yeye, i wished u ve a better understanding, a sheep dat moves wit a dog, will it not eat sheat? u claimed experience s d best teacher, there r things u better nt experience at all. Go experience fatal accident so that u can learn 4rm it, teacher

coogar:

you don't mean it.....
seriously, you mean this divorcee does not lecture you on the dos and don'ts of life like ileobatojo aka mama biology opined? are you sure? you must have forgotten. divorced women pack so much intelligence they are almost psychic and they can sniff trouble 1000 miles away except the ones relating to theirs. keep your ears open - jidegirl, your friend knows a lot about marriage and her wise words are golden - pay attention!

You're out of control and criminally biased!!! Trouble maker!!

bjcole: pls, dont ever call my yoruba people adage yeye, i wished u ve a better understanding, a sheep dat moves wit a dog, will it not eat sheat? u claimed experience s d best teacher, there r things u better nt experience at all. Go experience fatal accident so that u can learn 4rm it, teacher

That particular one there is one of the real yeye adages, yeah . . sheep that move about with sheep-dogs are not typically known to eat sh_i_t.

I don't claim it. It is known that humans typically learn best from experience. It does not have to be DIRECT experience but experience in general. For instance, much of what I know today I learned from watching the experience of others. I learnt to watch out for their failures as well, so I can better understand why they fell to avoid meeting such misfortune in my own life. In much the same way, you learn from even the divorced to understand where they succeed and where they failed so you can better avoid those pitfalls in your own life. That is what it means when we say that experience is the best teacher. From my experience, it is really a great way to live a life of little or no regrets -- source wisdom from others so you can avoid the many pit-falls that are typical in life.

coogar:

you don't mean it.....
seriously, you mean this divorcee does not lecture you on the dos and don'ts of life like ileobatojo aka mama biology opined? are you sure? you must have forgotten. divorced women pack so much intelligence they are almost psychic and they can sniff trouble 1000 miles away except the ones relating to theirs. keep your ears open - jidegirl, your friend knows a lot about marriage and her wise words are golden - pay attention!

You're funny..... It's true, I'm not kidding .... I'm chatting with her as I speak type.... and she's older than me but we just clique and nothing more..... I sometimes forget she's older me

Cooger I think you just saved someone in 'submission' thread , go look!

kobojunkie pls seriously, lets get this straight, a lot of people r reading this & some can learn 4rm it. I dnt ve any problem with divorcees at all, they r humans & need our respect & love. D rate @ which its spreading is what i frown at. People here even talk abt it, as if it is d solution 2 any maritals problems. So a ? 4 u, will u take ur marital challenges 2 a divorced friend 2 advice u on what 2 do? honest answer pls

ileobatojo:
You're out of control and criminally biased!!! Trouble maker!!

mama biology - what now?
where's the bias?

jidegirl12:
You're funny..... It's true, I'm not kidding .... I'm chatting with her as I speak type.... and she's older than me but we just clique and nothing more..... I sometimes forget she's older me

that's refreshing to know - i wouldn't mind befriending one too - i need to know "what not to do" in marriage. any takers?

Cooger I think you just saved someone in 'submission' thread , go look!

for real? wow
not surprised though - coogar has always been saving lives!

bjcole: kobojunkie pls seriously, lets get this straight, a lot of people r reading this & some can learn 4rm it. I dnt ve any problem with divorcees at all, they r humans & need our respect & love. D rate @ which its spreading is what i frown at. People here even talk abt it, as if it is d solution 2 any maritals problems. So a ? 4 u, will u take ur marital challenges 2 a divorced friend 2 advice u on what 2 do? honest answer pls

Ever wondered why, even in societies where divorce was considered taboo, it still spread like a plague over the last 30 years or so? Guess what? The reason, I think, is too many people were too busy trying to distance themselves from the divorced and divorce, yet ignoring the many real problems that brought it on. When you look for marital advice, you do not just look to your years in marriage for advice on what to do. You also look to lessons learnt as a single person when looking for advice on what to do in marriage. Why not look to lessons learnt from those who are divorced for lessons to apply in marriage as well? Why treat marriage as if it is some ISOLATED phase/disconnection from normal life, and distant from every other possibles out there?

As a solution to marital problems,well, not everything you consider a "marital" problem really is a "marital" problem. Take for instance the problem of abuse. Abuse of any kind, whether committed within a marriage or outside is abuse and is criminal by law. Only individuals with ulterior motives label it a "marital" problem when in fact it is not. In many cases of abuse I have witnessed, the situation is so deadly that I would recommend divorce before anything else.

There are real grounds for divorce-- I don't question or deny that any day, and people are allowed to take it as far as they want. But that is no reason to decide that no sense can come from divorced people, and avoiding them DOES NOT in anyway leave one IMMUNE to divorce. Even "holier than thous" are not immune.

well, as for me,divorced or not, anybody can give advice, but d most important thing is dt, common sense require that intelligence has to be involved, u weigh d advise given, make use of d useful ones and drop d others that seems not to be useful.
However, not all divorcee are bad, not all of them desire to become one, not all of them can be written off, some are epitome of good qualities, only dt they are unfortunate to find themselves in a loveless and non-endurable relationship, some of them are open, sincere and transparent, from such, one can seek for advise, that is where intelligence, ability to know right from wrong comes in, i think, that is what Kobojunkie was trying to pass across, which im also buying into. Conclusively, i will round up by quoting this adage "eni jin si koto, o ko ara iyoku logbon", even from not talking at all, we learn so much from them as being victims of circumstances, and we try as much as possible to learn not to fall in the same pit they fell into, that is also an advice.
Pls, im talking about d sincere ones, not talking about those who could not endure difficult situations with their spouse. So i rest here.

Kobojunkie:
Why not look to lessons learnt from those who are divorced for lessons to apply in marriage as well? Why treat marriage as if it is some ISOLATED phase/disconnection from normal life, and distant from every other possibles out there?

greatgod2012: well, as for me,divorced or not, anybody can give advice, but d most important thing is dt, common sense require that intelligence has to be involved, u weigh d advise given, make use of d useful ones and drop d others that seems not to be useful.
However, not all divorcee are bad, not all of them desire to become one, not all of them can be written off, some are epitome of good qualities, only dt they are unfortunate to find themselves in a loveless and non-endurable relationship, some of them are open, sincere and transparent, from such, one can seek for advise, that is where intelligence, ability to know right from wrong comes in, i think, that is what Kobojunkie was trying to pass across, which im also buying into. Conclusively, i will round up by quoting this adage "eni jin si koto, o ko ara iyoku logbon", even from not talking at all, we learn so much from them as being victims of circumstances, and we try as much as possible to learn not to fall in the same pit they fell into, that is also an advice.
Pls, im talking about d sincere ones, not talking about those who could not endure difficult situations with their spouse. So i rest here.

You hear that Coogar? You HEAR?!!

Sh*t stirrer! Thankfully no one's swallowing your bait!

*criminally biased against divorced people's experience and advice*

ileobatojo:
You hear that Coogar? You HEAR?!!

Sh*t stirrer! Thankfully no one's swallowing your bait!

*criminally biased against divorced people's experience and advice*

mama biology, no vex o....i never knew you would take this matter too personal!

coogar:

mama biology, no vex o....i never knew you would take this matter too personal!

Don't beg me o, I dey veeex!

Are priest not celibates?

Dont married catholics meet priest 4 advice.


If people who have never been maried give marital advice, how much more those who have once been married.?

When I read this I had to laugh. This sounds like a threat. Aunty debrief, what exactly do you think you can do? I don't normally do this but I can't sit and watch a brother intimidated, so I am calling you out. Whatever, you think you can do, I dey kamkpe. Put up or shut the eff up. Are you not a paid up member of the cabal?

@ Topic,
How can you ask a divorcee for advice? They will only tell you how to join them in their vale of tears. I mean, is that not what debrief does? However I really do wish the OP would get ALL his/her/it's advice or tuition from divorcees. Do you know that there was a time that divorcees where not welcome in polite society. Decent people were ashamed to be seen with divorcees.

debrief08: Guiterman, are you okay? Are you sane? I normally would ignore you but even for someone as docile as me you have crossed a line.
Don't do this again. I am not an idi-ot, I am not a child, I am not silly, I will tke a lot but I won't take this. I won't say anymore again but I ask you not to repeat this again.

It depends.

Some people are so bitter and dishonest even to themselves that they want everyone else to fail just because they failed. Not just divorcees but people that have had bitter, unsuccessful relationships and are finding it difficult holding down a partner. They tend to want to spread their misery and would want to seek for company.

Personally, I stick to my mom and some male friends. When it comes to marital advisory.

bjcole: I saw d mail, but i dnt knw how 2 open, i ve not done mails on Nl before & i dnt knw if u wil teach me, since i no belong 2 d inner chamber group.

lol. where did u get this inner chamber idea from.

If u want to check your NL pm, just check the mail box you registered your NL I.D with. If you don't find it there, check your spam folder.