She is reclusive in nature, so my sisters and friends see her as being too cold towards them, except the ones who has been close or much more around enough to know her real person. She seems to have also experienced the same problem in her new place of work, as she was always complaining how her colleagues hates her and are envious and gossiping her becos of her academical achievements and position in the office despite her young age. But the complaints stopped after working for some few weeks and she now come back from office sometimes smiling. Whenever she is around in my house, she always feel uncomfortable when visitors come visiting, she tries to make me restrict them to only the sitting room. And if any of them happens to leave any form of stain or trash on the floor, table or chair, she gets infuriated and refer to them as dirty and uncivilised (in their absence though). She cant stand anybody sharing my property with me, no matter how close the the person might be. No one touches my shoes, wristwatches, shirts etc. and ofcos, you dare not even enter my room talkless of lying on my bed or using my toilet. This is her nature, cos she not only does this in my house, but also in her house, cos her dad (shortly before his death last year) once told me that he dare not enter her room without her express permission, despite he is 100% responsible for everything there.
She has also specifically stated that no member of our family(mine and her`s) can stay with us when we get married, but that I can render reasonable help to any of them if I so wish. Infact the only reason she has not ask me to send my nephew presently staying with me from packing from my house yet is becos he the one who mostly helps me do the general upkeep of the house(as she lack the strength to do housework despite all her love for cleaningness and orderlingness) , and besides we aren’t married yet, so she dont have the morals to do so. But she has already inform me that she has made arrangement with someone whose duty will be coming to do this household cores on a periodical basis, so I wont have need for my nephew anymore, which means I have to arrange an alternative accommodation for him.
But the good side is that I am in a good relationship with her family members. And she has proven behold doubt that she really loved and care for me, cos we met each other as at when I was passing through some serious stress. But through her support (physically, financially and morally) I was able to bounce back on my on feet, and she has sticked with me ever since. The relationship is about 2years now, yet we are still to experience any major misunderstanding so far. I also love her so dearly cos she is so true and tender to me and she has always tried to make me look and feel good.
Our wedding is in few weeks time, but some pple(including some few relatives) are trying to discourage me, saying she isn’t a wife material due to her introvert nature. I am really confused. My nairaland brothers/sisters, pls I need real advice as to what to do. Pls share your view on this matter.

If you are certain you can put up with her in marriage, then you can proceed.

You have to accept her for who she is and dont ever hope you can change her when you get married, she can only change if she decides to.

By now you should have a simulation and model of your future with her will look like, if you think you can cope and go down that lane with her, proceed,
But if otherwise, then back off.

Well, ur choice! But i'll never marry such a woman who fits into this kind of description!

Well I will say she is the best cos I'm like her.she will be there for u when there is no one to talk to.

k2039: If you are certain you can put off with her in marriage, then you can proceed.

You have to accept her for who she is and dont ever hope you can change her when you get married, she can only change if she decides to.

By now you should have a simulation and model of your future with her will look like, if you think you can cope and go down that lane with her, proceed,
But if otherwise, then back off.

Thanks for the advice, I am greatful. The truth is that I dont personally have any problem with her, I am only concerned about what pple will think about her. What if my relatives draw away from me because they think my wife isnt accomodating? The funny thing is that even her pple complain of the same thing. There was a day she almost walked her own sister out of my house just becos she used my toilet(she calls it our toilet). She said she ought to have used the visitor's toilet instead, just imagine!!!

nicky4lif: Well I will say she is the best cos I'm like her.she will be there for u when there is no one to talk to.

you are like her? What does your bf feel about it?

daroz:
Thanks for the advice, I am greatful. The truth is that I dont personally have any problem with her, I am only concerned about what pple will think about her. What if my relatives draw away from me because they think my wife isnt accomodating? The funny thing is that even her pple complain of the same thing. There was a day she almost walked her own sister out of my house just becos she used my toilet(she calls it our toilet). She said she ought to have used the visitor's toilet instead, just imagine!!!

I strongly suspect your wife to be has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and I'm not joking. Her behavior (especially her extreme germophobia) is outside the realm of normal. What does that mean for you? Your stress (and your family's) will be magnified once married because her own anxieties are manifesting in ways that can really cause friction. You will have to do everything her way or there will be trouble. But she's not doing all this to deliberately cause trouble, it is her way of managing her anxieties/OCD. My advice, get her psychiatric help and live happier (how you can get her to consent to this I don't know, maybe by researching the topic and gently pointing out the possibility to her. You never know, she may be relieved to finally know what's wrong and that there's help for her). Or get ready for a stress filled marriage..

And before you freak out, OCD is just an anxiety problem. It does not mean she is a stark raving lunatic that you need to run away from. I hope you can understand this and hopefully it will help you all understand her better. Don't stigmatize her, there are many sane people walking around with some form of OCD or the other.

Am smelling trouble years to come coz sooner or later ur family will bide u good bye. You should av think about this b4 picking ur wedding day

IA with ileobatojo's post.

daroz:
She cant stand anybody sharing my property with me, no matter how close the the person might be. No one touches my shoes, wristwatches, shirts etc. and ofcos, you dare not even enter my room talkless of lying on my bed or using my toilet. This is her nature, cos she not only does this in my house, but also in her house, cos her dad (shortly before his death last year) once told me that he dare not enter her room without her express permission, despite he is 100% responsible for everything there.

daroz:
Thanks for the advice, I am greatful. The truth is that I dont personally have any problem with her, I am only concerned about what pple will think about her. What if my relatives draw away from me because they think my wife isnt accomodating? The funny thing is that even her pple complain of the same thing. There was a day she almost walked her own sister out of my house just becos she used my toilet(she calls it our toilet). She said she ought to have used the visitor's toilet instead, just imagine!!!

Not healthy.

-

She didn't allow her father to enter her room without her permission-dat's d part dat stuck me most.
Op I hate to be prophetess of doom but I'll.If dis marriage holds get ready 2 sleep in diffrent room and get ready to be nag 2 death.
By d way,what are d things she has ban u frm using?if none dat means she hasn't show u her real self yet.

I dnt think there is anything wrong with ur wife at the moment.

She has boundaries and does a good job communicating them.

Do you have boundaries and do you communicate them, do u say my family is important, if they have a nowhere else to go and i have a spare room or similar i must help.

You need to be the man and decide for the two of you. She pushes her dad around and he allowed it, am not saying women dont deserve utmost privacy, but ur nt hr dad!

Right now she's leading the relationship and telling you how to live ur life (u already hav ur mum fr dat), cursing ur friends and throwing her sis out of ur house. You must learn to speak and communicate who d boss is.

This has nothing gender equality but hierachy. U can marry her only when she accepts ur authority, u r a man nt a child!

now this is a tough one. OP if u marry this lady, then u will be kissing ur family, freedom, fun, happiness, s*x, liberty n longlife goodbye. Cos ur life would be in her hands. Son, I'm afraid u'll be doomed

luvmijeje:
By d way,what are d things she has ban u frm using?if none dat means she hasn't show u her real self yet.

Of cos she has banned me from some certain things, but most of it is for my own advantage. For instance, at d beginning of d relationship, she insisted I quit drinking alcohol. Though I didn't yielded absolutely, I was able to reduce d habit to social drinking alone, and most times, indoor in d company of a trusted neighbour friend who comes most weekends to play PS3 wit me , and she seems to be ok with it. 2ndly, in other to put me in good shape, she has succeeded in making me involve in regular body exercise like backstroke and pressup, and sometimes with her supervision. More also, I am now used to changing my boxers everytime I take my bath(twice a day on d average), cos I know one of d 1st thing she does when she comes over is to try to sniff my boxers to perceive is there is any form of sweat or urinary odour. so i'm now used to general body and environmental cleanliness cos I know anything contrary will put her off.
so as earlier stated, I don't have any personal problem with her, I enjoy her company and she has really improved my life style. But d way she relates with pple around me, and d way they view her is d real issue.

lrguru: now this is a tough one. OP if u marry this lady, then u will be kissing ur family, freedom, fun, happiness, s*x, liberty n longlife goodbye. Cos ur life would be in her hands. Son, I'm afraid u'll be doomed

Gbam!!!

lrguru: now this is a tough one. OP if u marry this lady, then u will be kissing ur family, freedom, fun, happiness, s*x, liberty n longlife goodbye. Cos ur life would be in her hands. Son, I'm afraid u'll be doomed

emilyone:
Gbam!!!

lrguru: now this is a tough one. OP if u marry this lady, then u will be kissing ur family, freedom, fun, happiness, s*x, liberty n longlife goodbye. Cos ur life would be in her hands. Son, I'm afraid u'll be doomed

well, its not like she is this boring, dull,,inactive, antisocial nagging bookworm. No, its far from that. She loves fun and I will say the real problem is that she has this strong indiffernt attitude towards strangers(friends and family alike), except you guys have spent time enough for her to know you better. Also, disorderliness and uncleaniness always makes her uneasy and crazy. So she is so hard to please. Instead, she prefare to withdraw and avoid the company of people.

daroz:



well, its not like she is this boring, dull,,inactive, antisocial nagging bookworm. No, its far from that. She loves fun and I will say the real problem is that she has this strong indiffernt attitude towards strangers(friends and family alike), except you guys have spent time enough for her to know you better. Also, disorderliness and uncleaniness always makes her uneasy and crazy. So she is so hard to please. Instead, she prefare to withdraw and avoid the company of people.

same thing bra!!! We're still on same page

Op as some1 said,she has suceeded in communicating her boundary to u but ve u communicate ur fear,reserved or ur boundary to her?if nt u ve to seat her and tell her ur own needs and what u can't compromise on.

You marry this one, then you are dead. Trust me!

lrguru:

same thing bra!!! We're still on same page

same page, as how?

She loves U. Just has a strange way of showing it.
Her obsession wt cleanliness is over the roof though.Sniffing Ur boxers is d height of it.Dat kind of inspection is reserved 4small kids.
U ar dancing 2her tune now out of love.But be careful as u myt get tired sooner than later.
Seat her down.EXplain dat U dnt expect her 2be perfect. Its normal 4 things 2be disorderly, dat U love her in any imperfection she might have. Get her 2bond wt Ur frnds & family on a 1-on-1 basis,neva wt a crowd.
Like someone adviced, get her psychiatric help. A good counselor will work wonders. Be sure 2be present @ d sessions.

Winneygirl: She loves U. Just has a strange way of showing it.
Her obsession wt cleanliness is over the roof though.Sniffing Ur boxers is d height of it.Dat kind of inspection is reserved 4small kids.
U ar dancing 2her tune now out of love.But be careful as u myt get tired sooner than later.
Seat her down.EXplain dat U dnt expect her 2be perfect. Its normal 4 things 2be disorderly, dat U love her in any imperfection she might have. Get her 2bond wt Ur frnds & family on a 1-on-1 basis,neva wt a crowd.
Like someone adviced, get her psychiatric help. A good counselor will work wonders. Be sure 2be present @ d sessions.

noted, thanks

daroz:

same page, as how?

same page cos we are still sayin same thin n she's going to frustrate u to an early grave

op, you have not correctly identified her problem.... i think her introvert nature is the least of ur worries.. she is firecly possessive, anti social and may not have a good heart. im not trying to discourage you, if u love her so much, u may be able to put up wit her faults but ll u be happy?
u cant have a solution unless u identify d root cause and i think her introvert nature isnt it

confused

Its obvious that you truly love this gurl but there's a big problem and you know it.
I think that you should be talking to her about your worries cos you are only trying to make us see reasons with you by telling us how wonderful your life is with her. Really sorry to say this but in this case, the bad definitely outweighs the Good.
Marriage is a big step and is not about two people isolating themselves from the rest of the world( i'm sure this will be a best case scenario for her) but its about uniting two families and if she cant accommodate your family then that's a problem. Also, She is carving and moulding her perfect man out of you. I know you dont see anything wrong with that but in marriage you are gonna have to do EVERYTHING her way. If i keep typing you'll be too lazy to read my post so lemme conclude by saying you really need to tell her about your worries also, this might be a serious case of OCD as stated earlier so look into it. Goodluck.

gree-die:
op, you have not correctly identified her problem.... i think her introvert nature is the least of ur worries.. she is firecly possessive, anti social and may not have a good heart. im not trying to discourage you, if u love her so much, u may be able to put up wit her faults but ll u be happy?
u cant have a solution unless u identify d root cause and i think her introvert nature isnt it

This.


You can imagine what she'll be like when the pregnancy hormones set in.

You two should spend time reading PR books together and discussing it.
Life is all about affecting people's life .

Dont u get it ? You are the one who is gonna live with her.if u think u love her the way she is,i dont think u need any advice. What matters here,is what u want.

I am thinking of showing her this post, maybe pple's opinion of the matter will help her realise the position of things and force her to change for the better. House what do u think?

daroz: I am thinking of showing her this post, maybe pple's opinion of the matter will help her realise the position of things and force her to change for the better. House what do u think?

Please do.
If she is really an introvert then nl would be her second home.
She has to open up a bit and take the risk of getting people into her life. That's the fun of life
Abi actor dey dey for house act movie? No