Efemena_xy:

And I asked you what your understanding of a stable home meant!

Stop hiding under Kobo's skirts / trousers and answer the question!

femishosho@gmai:


ABORTION is a very sensitive issue and one of the most argumentative topics in religion science and life , you are entitled to your opinion and i respect that that is your opinion but my question was not whether to keep my unborn child or to have a termination. i can decide that for myself . my question was one of a less crusial matter and was should i tell the child's biological father i am pregnant or later on he has a child.
like i said that your opinion but i think its generally a well know thing not to advise someone on aborting their child . and i wouldn't dream of putting up a post that says should i have and abortion?

is bit sick

i think somebody may have mentioned earlier and question why i am asking on here , and how can i make a decision based on faceless strangers.

I'm not making my decision on what people say and i defiantly did not ask whether i should abort my baby only i can make that decision and if i wanted help on that i would go to my GP to ask for counselling advice which is usually mandatory before a termination procedure in any case .

I'm not going to make a decision on what people say that would be stupid . i was just looking for opinions of that topic alone . but it seems people have branded me insane for asking .

and as for being ' frustrated, bitter, single mum on the dough' life gives us obstacles its how we over come them im not saying it ail be easy but i think the gift of life is worth it and know many women who are baron and would literally kill to have a child. so think i depends on what way you look at it .
so its how you over come the obstacle which i am confident in achieving . my question was to whether i should tell the dad because i don't know how he will overcome the situation and how that may have a negative effect on me because i don't know how he will react.

Efemena_xy:

On the contrary, your autism shows your level of disjointed reasoning.

Stick to the facts and stop spreading yourself thin!

moonbaby:

Efemena, I don't have to go into a long thread with you. I'm not hiding behind anyone ok.

All I know is stable home or unstable home, a child will turn out either good or bad. Fine stable home can have positive impact on a child but not in all cases. So regardless of the type of home the child roots from, what will be will be.

femishosho@gmai:
my question on here was really stupid. i want to keep my baby tis not about that and after what hes done recently i really am not as so much in love with him as i thought. im not even thinking about whether it is fair to tell him he has a child or not.. am not trying to play god with his life, hes made his bed and he can lie in it.
of course i will never be able to look his wife in the eye and i dnt want her to find out . when the kids here he cant do anything and he will not want to be apart most probably . but while im pregnant i dont know how much he dosnt want the baby and was wondering if i should risk telling him.

femishosho@gmai:
is why im asking wether i shud tell him . and will be pretty hard trying to keep away from him and making it so he cant see me or find out .
but i guess I've answered my own question and was stupid to ask this online.

i just dont want my kid to ask why did my dad not no i was born .that was the main thing i was getting at .. i dont care if he can walk on the other side of the road and ignore me is his problem not mine.

hes a very strong willed nigerian man and he changes somtimes , ive been with him for 4 years and i cant predict wat he will do.

this is why i came on the website to see if anyone wud read this and say that this has happend to them . not for attention

Efemena_xy:

You really believe that?

That the upbringing of a child should be left to destiny, because what ever will be will be?

I laugh in Greek!

In case you don't know, a child when born is a blank slate and is heavily influenced by those around it, and it's environment.

So it stands to reason that a child brought up in a good, loving stable environment with both parents, stand a far better chance of faring better with life than one brought up otherwise.

Kobojunkie:

Gal, you are darting about and hitting on issues that have nothing to do with this. Who said anything about me being pro-life on this thread? What in the world are you rambling about there?

Anywho, when you decide to get back to the topic, let us know.

moonbaby:

Are you thick on something I said what will be will be, who is talking about destiny here. I meant if the child will turn out bad he/she will so stop confusing yourself.

Look up my last post missy, I'm done with you. I've said my piece and it's left for you to continue ranting as usual

Kobojunkie:

You don't want to tell him but you are asking us if you should risk telling him? Do you intend to continue having this man, that you are now sure you are not in love with, in your life?




Why do you think you should need to hide this from him if you don't tell him?

You don't want your kid to ask why dad did not know of his birth, but you don't want to tell the dad?

He is a strong-willed Nigerian man and he changes sometimes? That is balderdash. A strong-willed man, even a Nigerian one, would have kept to the commitment he made his wife to begin with. A man who changes is a man like any other man, Nigerian or not. So, please if you are trying to say that he is an immature brat who might likely try to pretend he can control this, but in the end mess things up for all involved, then I suggest you think carefully and be ready for what is in store for you and your child. I am guessing you may eventually need to be confronted by his wife.

Efemena_xy:

No, I'm not thick, and neither do I rant.

I deal with facts and logic.

What's happening here is that I'm trying to reason with a mentally challenged excuse of a human being (you). Now, unlike you, I don't believe in chance or destiny...and I certainly do not believe that where the upbringing of a child is concerned, what will be will be.

That's a lazy, laid back attitude and such a parent deserves to be shot.

femishosho@gmai:

im saying this on the assumption i carry my baby full term and everything is healthy as I'm only early stages am 3 months . am talking about wen my belly grows he will notice .
and i cant keep him away now , i try to end it and he comes round to mine begging , is going to be difficult trying to hide. if i have the baby in my arms now im sure he will run a mile. but if he catches me being pregnant like he harasses me for sex he will try convince and harass me to get rid of it no doubt.

Kobojunkie:

The [b]only [/b]reason you have not ended is because you don't want to. When you really want to end it, you will. Since you choose to continue bedding this married man, I wonder what you want us to tell you here. This all has to do with you and what you want. If you really wanted to end it, you would do it, so there is no mystical power causing you to continue with this man. This is all you.
Now Sure, if you expect to continue bedding him, you will have a hard time hiding the pregnancy, and honestly, that might be his reason for ending it with you. I doubt the man will want to remain if he sees you are pregnant . . . might ask you to abort it even.

femishosho@gmai:




im saying this on the assumption i carry my baby full term and everything is healthy as I'm only early stages am 3 months . am talking about wen my belly grows he will notice .
and i cant keep him away now , i try to end it and he comes round to mine begging , is going to be difficult trying to hide. if i have the baby in my arms now im sure he will run a mile. but if he catches me being pregnant like he harasses me for sex he will try convince and harass me to get rid of it no doubt. and in england u can have a termination up to 6 months

femishosho@gmai:

i already know that

Kobojunkie:

If you already know all this, then what are you asking us?

femishosho@gmai:


i already know that, i just said he will ask me . and will probably start preaching about god .but we live in the same town thats wat i mean by trying to hide i cant lock myself indoors all day and act like im not in which i have been doing. yes it is an affair but its also complicated emotions .


im not stupid i know how i will handle myself and the baby am not going to be miserable . but hes not going to be happy and i dont know wat effect its gonna have and i can deal with what is going to happen . i dont want his money or him .
but i know he will not be happy at all and how will his bad negative reaction effect me? i dont want him making me and my kids life miserable and tainted.
thats why it will be bad for me to tell him .

so theres that option . or dont tell him and my kid may say but mum u never gave him a chance he may of been good towards me or wanted to meet me . and thats why it will be bad for me not to tell him

and i know even if i try to say its not his kid thers no way he will belive that becuase am with him all the time .

femishosho@gmai:

u sed he will ask me to have an abortion that is wat i meant by i already know

Kobojunkie:

Then, you tell him what you want to do instead? What are you afraid of? You don't live in Nigeria so will he kill you?

Queendo: op Why are u stressing urself I read ur other post u talked abt wanting to breakup a 4year old relationship, my dear u've made d biggest mistake in life by sticking to him when u discovered he got married and had 3 kids my dear if u have d means to take care of urself do dt, but first u must stop him from seeing u tell him to his face u are not a dumping ground, and u dont want to see him again. then do what u mind tells u to do. God will see u thru.Dont tell him if u know he wil engage u in a fight so as not to affect d unborn child, if anything funny happens to d child and d child has challenges i.e not normal u wil have urself to blame.

Efemena_xy:

You know, I started out really hard on @poster, but at the end of the day, she was just a child when all this started - A gullible 16 year old.

I think the shameless man in question here deserves to be held accountable for his actions too.

Not sure how she intends to resolve this as she's reluctant to get her family involved in this...