I have an uncle who is 48yrs old living in USA. He is a quiet decent guy. But he went through a costly divorce with his Nigerian nurse wife here in USA last year and lost a fortune (mostly on legal fees). Family members want him to remarry to start rebuilding his life and probably have kids who'll represent him in Nigeria. When he spoke to me last week about the idea, I enquired about his financial health after the divorce. He has only $7,000 in his savings though he retained his house and still has an office job. I don’t know his debt status (school loans, credit cards, and mortgage). I am sure he has some. He has a decent house in Nigeria. I am a bit skeptical about him remarrying with only $7,000 savings, because babies don’t eat love! Diapers cost money for real!

I wanted to suggest he re-marries someone with a stable job in Nigeria so the lady can live in his house in Nigeria without putting him under undue pressure to immigrate to USA right away. The lady can visit USA on vacations. Unfortunately, most young ladies in Nigeria want to rush to USA at all cost to scoop dollars not really to marry. He’s definitely not a womanizer and don’t even know where to find eligible Nigerian ladies in USA. Surprisingly he doesn’t even have a date since one year ago..really laid back..LoL!

Please if you live in Nigeria, don’t tell me to advise him to settle with his ex-wife. That’s not how things work in the USA. Once a court orders a divorce here and share things the marriage is permanently over before God and the law. He has two kids from that marriage and his wife has full custody because of their ages.

Any useful suggestion how he can rebuild his life at this age? I asked him to tune in on this thread as a guest. So he’ll be reading suggestions. Please let’s be sensitive before dropping hurting comments. Bad things happen to good people. No one is problem-proof anyway. To the best of my knowledge as an outsider the divorce started when he tried to relocate to Nigeria with his family, which his wife resisted with all might and filed for separation. Things went too far from there, and hatred ensued causing permanent scars.

Remarrying does not mean he has to have kids immediately. As long as he has a good paying job, he is okay. He needs to marry a woman with a career, not one that wants to sit at home and rely on him. Second, he should not restrict himself to Nigerian women. Afterall, his last realtionship with a Nigerian woman did not last. Once he opens himself to women of all races, there will be WAYYYY more opportunities to meet the right woman.

He needs to find a 'divorcee' like himself.
There are very many around the USA and ALL OVER NIGERIA.
Remarrying should not be the priority right now.

To the best of my knowledge as an outsider the divorce started when he tried to relocate to Nigeria with his family, which his wife resisted with all might and filed for separation. Things went too far from there, and hatred ensued causing permanent scars.

Since he wanted to relocate to Nigeria in the first place. . . what stops him from going over to 'rebuild' his life?
I don't blame the wife o! No woman in her right mind will RELOCATE TO NIGERIA WITH AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE!

I wanted to suggest he re-marries someone with a stable job in Nigeria so the lady can live in his house in Nigeria without putting him under undue pressure to immigrate to USA right away. The lady can visit USA on vacations. Unfortunately, most young ladies in Nigeria want to rush to USA at all cost to scoop dollars not really to marry. He’s definitely not a womanizer and don’t even know where to find eligible Nigerian ladies in USA. Surprisingly he doesn’t even have a date since one year ago..really laid back..LoL!

I think your uncle should stay away from 'young' ladies of child bearing ages!
He has 2 children to look after. . .divorced or not!
He needs to date first and take things easy.
After going through a divorce. . . there are emotional scars to be healed.

I don't think Ifully understand the question.

If the wife left him for trying to relocate to naija, then why is he still in the USA? shouldn't he just pack up, sell his house and move back to Nigeria and start a new life there? because if he ends up just staying in the USA, then what will be the point of divorcing his wife?
Why will he tell his wife that he wants to relocate to nigeria when he doesn't even have the concrete plans to do so? 7k will probably be just enough to relocate and live off for a few months maybe. all it will do is give him some time. but does he have a plan to start working once he relocates?

as for diapers, diapers should be bought with salary. not savings. to me, savings are for emergencies. if you have enough for emergencies then invest the rest.
if he can't buy diapers with a salary then use a condom. he has two kids already so why does he need more?...
that's the difference between Africans and Oyinbos. Oyinbo people will not have kids unless they are financially prepared. we nigerians will have tons of kids even when we can barely feed ourselves. Kids should be out of the question if money is a constraint at the moment.

7k savings has no bearing. even 70k savings will have no bearing (i would probably invest that much on a house or education anyway). all it will do is give him time. because surely money will disappear if there is no means of replenishing it (ie. INCOME) Does he have investments? that's the only way I can see him earning an income on his money.
but you say he has an office job so why should he need to tap into savings to buy diapers? when he is not unemployed. and doesn't plan to be unemployed in naija.

in summary: all he needs is a GOOD JOB (whether in naija or abroad) and he'll be fine.

See confusion!
No wonder the wife refuse to go with him o!
Methinks the dude is confused!

He should use the money to pick up his life and prepare for retirement. He is 48 yrs for Pete's sake and already had a family, even though separated from them.

The last thing he should be planning at this stage is getting a new wife.

After he is settled and have enough to care for a wife and kids he can then go for it. If at later age he can't father anyone(maybe his concerns), there is still the adoption process for him to consider.

Lots of kids in Nigeria needs a father.

Life is too short o!

$7000 in his savings, a job and a house after a divorce. What more could he ask for, the guy is in pretty good shape and don't need to remarry.

Vikin:
The last thing he should be planning at this stage is getting a new wife.

OgidiBoy: the guy is in pretty good shape and don't need to remarry.

see all these akatas o. we're talking about a nigerian here.
wait, let me go and find wife for both of you over-grown boys

c.fours:



see all these akatas o. we're talking about a nigerian here.
wait, let me go and find wife for both of you over-grown boys

My dear, this is a delicate matter o....

No. I, am not akata.
No. 2, I don't need a wife as I am one.

Anyway, is up to him. If na wife him want, 7000 usd can get him one, but how long that cash go last.

Finally, make your own opinion na, abi na Sidon look you come!

Having 7k in savings has nothing to do with his ability to buy diaper. Why should he be thinking about diaper sef?
He has a job and a house, thats the only important thing.

chaircover: In my humble opinion, I think that you people are going about this the wrong way and your family and your uncle need to be very clear on what you want.

He is divorced because he wanted to relocate back to Nigeria and the wifey didn't want to go. Now he wants to remarry but keep the wife in Nigeria while he lives in the USA. . . that sounds to me the opposite of what he wanted earlier that led to his divorce.

Your uncle has to make up his mind; Nigeria or the USA and until he is very clear on what he wants and how he intends to do it, cos its all very well packing up and leaving the USA because you have a house in Nigeria, but there are a thousand and one other things to consider such as the kids, school and how he will generate an income whilst in Nigeria. Believe it or not Nigeria is a very expensive country to live in especially when you have standards that you want to keep. Maybe this is all what the wife saw before she decided that she wasn't going to Nigeria with her kids just yet.

Let your uncle sit down and decide on what he wants to do first. Once he is in a more stable position, it will be easier for him to even meet women and sound like a serious person.

BTW 7k and his own house in the USA and Nigeria plus a job he goes to isnt bad going and my one kobo peice of advise is that when you do go looking for a wife for him, please do not lower your standards. He is not desperate. He is a successful man in his own right. Many people dont have a penny in savings or a single brick.

Maybe he wanted his ex-wife to be back in Nigeria taking care of business while he remains in the State, which lead to the separation. Now he wants a Naija wife that will stay in NIgeria.

OP, let him clear this issue first because it seems a very big step to solving his problem.

And am happy to be one of the problem solver

Abeg we should apply common sense here. How is the man confused?

He had amassed quite an amount in savings started planning to relocate to Nigeria to continue life then Wifey disagrees, divorces him and he loses all his money but $7000 in the divorce.

What do you expect him to then relocate with? Your saliva? Or you think they pick money on the streets of Naija? Obviously plans have changed, the man now has to start building again from scratch before thinking of relocating.

So please quit yapping about how confused the man is because it's pretty simple. He needs advices and not quack psychoanalysis.

@Bigheart

I feel sorry for your uncle . Losing all he's worked for because of one divorce. The thing seems like Magic to me. How will a man be ruined just because he was unfortunate to be married to one lady.

Your uncle should learn his lesson. He's still looking for another babe? Well, if he's insistent, he should better strike out marrying in the USA. He should come and marry at home, they are many willing old single/separated/ divorced women to go around. He can have his pick of the bunch.

When he is finally ready financially he can now relocate to Naija to be with his wife. That way even if she decides to divorce him as women are wont to do these days over flimsy excuses, Let me see how she'll go and collect half of his life worth at Badagry Magistrate Court.

^^ on top of that he will still have to factor in child support, alimony and expenses for his two children with his ex wife. Depending on which state he resides, child support alone for 2 kids can be almost as high as 40% of his monthly gross income.

Divorce no be cheap over here ooo. That's why the saying goes "it's cheaper to keep her".

I really don't understand our sisters who claim to be xtians only on t-shirts but not in practice. A wife should be where her husband is or choose to be. Period! He didn't marry you for the American society but for himself. Jonah in the bible suffered for not going where God sent him. Queen Vashti lost her queen title to a teenage girl, Esther, in the bible for becoming petty in her husband's house (God sanctioned her replacement). Sarah called Abraham 'Master' in the Bible...please, naija sistas, do not marry if you want to be in control but if you 'foolishly' choose to marry, respect your religion and culture...shebi the marriage was either done under your religion or tradition? So why throw it aside now because you enter yanki? You can't eat your cake and still have it.

To your uncle, please tell him to look beyond Nigeria. There are eligible single Nigerian ladies in the US who studied there, already adjusted to the US stress and gara-gara... they make better wives in USA (check statistics).

Chei!! see beta!!!..man get office job, get house, his 'manly fluid' dey work kampe (LoL), he even saves money when some men drink with there salary, he dey quiet, no dey womanize, as u mention. Please OP inbox me contact info privately....I go hook am up fast-fast here in the USA with fine sisi ready-made to start dating ASAP... !!

One more thing. . . im piriki dey work?
Abi make we h-ask the wifey the real reason for the 'DIE-VORCE'?
Holy Ghost fit gif belle without phocking o!
NA 'FLUID' I GO PHOCK?
Just saying. . . . .We only dey hia from one side o. . . .

OP. . . Abegggi. . . go call the 'ex-wife'! I wanno hia her own side of the tori.
This ya 'outsider' version nor GUM EBA ATOL ATOL!

^^USA gini?? Abeg Una wan finish the man totally abi? Oga please ooo, If you're reading this, If you see any woman coming for that USA, just take off in the opposite direction with the speed of light times two.

If dog bite you once, the dog must be mad, if the dog come bite you for second time, then na you be the mad man o.

SAFO: ^^ on top of that he will still have to factor in child support, alimony and expenses for his two children with his ex wife. Depending on which state he resides, child support alone for 2 kids can be almost as high as 40% of his monthly gross income.

Divorce no be cheap over here ooo. That's why the saying goes "it's cheaper to keep her".

You mean after spending all that big money divorcing, he'll still come and pay these ones again? Haba.

So if your wife wakes up one morning and says "Useless man, I don't like your face, we must divorce...” You're totally finished be that.

TCD: [size=20pt](^^)[/size]USA gini?? Abeg Una wan finish the man totally abi? Oga please ooo, If you're reading this, If you see any woman coming for that USA, just take off in the opposite direction with the speed of light times two.

If dog bite you once, the dog must be mad, if the dog come bite you for second time, then na you be the mad man o.

Abeg comot dati ya 2 blokos (^^) from my dross! Thank you in h-advance!

Abeg leave my blokos where e dey, na there God want am

TCD:

You mean after spending all that big money divorcing, he'll still come and pay these ones again? Haba.

So if your wife wakes up one morning and says "Useless man, I don't like your face, we must divorce...” You're totally finished be that.

Yes, it's harsh

This country definitely favors women.

How can anyone bash the woman without hearing her side of the story? Na only one person dey 'DIE-VORCE' imsef?
It is my experience that 90% of Nigerian divorces in and out of Nigeria PUT THE BLAME ON NIGERIAN MEN for reasons we ALL know about! GOOD NEWS. . . AMERICA IS A COUNTRY FOR WOMEN. . .and many traditional 'bushmeats' can NEVER handle that FACT!

No wonder the man wanno run to NIGERIA. . .where women are sexua-lly and physically battered/exploited SLAVES 'of indentured matrimonial servitude'!

GOD BLESS AMERICA JARD. . . I ain't going NOWHERE!

Woged2005: I really don't understand our sisters who claim to be xtians only on t-shirts but not in practice. A wife should be where her husband is or choose to be. Period! He didn't marry you for the American society but for himself. Jonah in the bible suffered for not going where God sent him. Queen Vashti lost her queen title to a teenage girl, Esther, in the bible for becoming petty in her husband's house (God sanctioned her replacement). Sarah called Abraham 'Master' in the Bible...please, naija sistas, do not marry if you want to be in control but if you 'foolishly' choose to marry, respect your religion and culture...shebi the marriage was either done under your religion or tradition? So why throw it aside now because you enter yanki? You can't eat your cake and still have it.

To your uncle, please tell him to look beyond Nigeria. There are eligible single Nigerian ladies in the US who studied there, already adjusted to the US stress and gara-gara... they make better wives in USA (check statistics).

Chei!! see beta!!!..man get office job, get house, his 'manly fluid' dey work kampe (LoL), he even saves money when some men drink with there salary, he dey quiet, no dey womanize, as u mention. Please OP inbox me contact info privately....I go hook am up fast-fast here in the USA with fine sisi ready-made to start dating ASAP... !!

You ned to go see the thread on traditional/cultural men

Why is your uncle looking for another wife and kids at this stage of his life. He is almost 50, single and has two kids. I would think that would be any mans dream. Seems as men grow older they look for women who will change their diapers. Let him focus on himself for now and follow his dream of relocating to naija and setting himself up. If he wants to marry he better look for a divorcee or someone unmarried in his age range. Any young girl may potentially marry him for money and plan for the end of his life sooner than he expects. We girls also like fresh blood, and most will endure and elder if the price is right and death will come soon. My advice? He should focus on himself and follow his dreams. Forget a family and wife for now. Besides it is too early, who says him and his first wife cannot reconcile? His family should leave him alone and stop trying to push him into something he should not be seeing as a priority right now. It is okay to be alone. It gives time for thinking and planning. Its his life leave him alone and butt out.

He should date/marry in the USA if it is a must thing for him. No need trying to marry chics friom Nig. I think that venture will be financially costly for his lean pocket.
Another thing, he should focus on raising his children and forget marriage. common now, why should marriage be a goal he must accomplish in 2013.
Haba!

armyofone: He should date/marry in the USA if it is a must thing for him. No need trying to marry chics friom Nig. I think that venture will be financially costly for his lean pocket.
Another thing, he should focus on raising his children and forget marriage. common now, why should marriage be a goal he must accomplish in 2013.
Haba!

Am very sure the first wife was a Nigerian import. . They always open eye and do more than the ones in yankee

Lol . Unfortunately the guys don't learn.

baby_123:

Am very sure the first wife was a Nigerian import. . They always open eye and do more than the ones in yankee

Whats all this talk about remarriage, the man has been there and done that. He should live his life for himself and his kids.

Whats the point of getting married when his wife would be 10,000 miles in Nigeria? So who he go dey Kongo every night?

The best option for him is to find another divorcee or widow of that age range. Dont marry, just be dating In America you can be girlfriend and boyfriend for as long as Possible

But you should also tell him if he cohabits with any woman for 5 yrs straight he can be held liable as a common law marriage and the other woman too can rip him off.

If he starts having babies at 50 whats the point? or how would he take care of them you want a 55yr old man to be changing diapers and carrying baby car seat when he should almost be a Grandfather

So the plan is this

Find a widow or divorcee who is menopausal and cant have babies whether Naija, Oyinbo or Akata.

make sure she also has a good job and can take care of herself.

make sure if she has kids they are grown and out of the house or almost gone to college

Be live in Lovers for 4yrs after 4 yrs separate for 1 yr and come back together and repeat the cycle. Repartriate most of your money or asset to Naija where it cant be split

DONT STAY TOGETHER FOR 5yrs at a stretch

dayokanu: Whats the point of getting married when his wife would be 10,000 miles in Nigeria? So who he go dey Kongo every night?

The best option for him is to find another divorcee or widow of that age range. Dont marry, just be dating In America you can be girlfriend and boyfriend for as long as Possible

But you should also tell him if he cohabits with any woman for 5 yrs straight he can be held liable as a common law marriage and the other woman too can rip him off.

If he starts having babies at 50 whats the point? or how would he take care of them you want a 55yr old man to be changing diapers and carrying baby car seat when he should almost be a Grandfather

So the plan is this

Find a widow or divorcee who is menopausal and cant have babies whether Naija, Oyinbo or Akata.

make sure she also has a good job and can take care of herself.

make sure if she has kids they are grown and out of the house or almost gone to college

Be live in Lovers for 4yrs after 4 yrs separate for 1 yr and come back together and repeat the cycle. Repartriate most of your money or asset to Naija where it cant be split

DONT STAY TOGETHER FOR 5yrs at a stretch

rotflmaooooooo! wow, this Dayo is so stingy. WTF. So dump someone after every 4yrs. Does everyone have to be live in lovers? They can maintain different houses and if he eventually remarries they can have a prenup. Besides the 7,000 dollars is even chicken change. I can bet that a woman of his age and on his level has more. The fact that people are advising him to go to naija with 7,000 is hilarious. If his girlfriend ask for Gucci bag and shoe nko? na war o!