"Flow, wetin wet ur trouser for ur p*rick side na?" Ilorin asked as he was seating in front of me on a bike going home. "na rain fall" i responded, "which kin rain wey go wet only ur p*rick side and all ur body go dry? Abi u piss for body?" Ilorin queried. I didn't respond to his silly question. We got home and told the other guys what we went through.


I put on my sound system and played Tupac "keep ur head up". A song that gave me the encouragement to always keep my head up even in difficult moments. As i was singing along and staring at the big tupac wallpaper that hung on my wall, i was distracted by the rather loud ringing of my phone, it was Ireti, she wanted me to come keep her company in her shop.


I was there in no time. She was looking very young and beautiful with her new hair do. "god!! See as this woman fine, she don even fine pass her pekin sef" i tot as i continued staring at her before taking my seat. She told me Dami would be back that evening, maybe by 6pm. "why she no com tell me say na today she go come na" i tot. I glanced at my watch, it was just 4pm, so we had about 2hours to ourselves. "Ugo, i want you to f*uck me again" Ireti said, "darling, y don't we do dat later" i said. "take dis" she said handing what looked like money to me, it was money, i counted it, it was 10k. "take it and use it to take care of urself" she added. "thank u so much" i said giving her a peck. "now let's start, we would do it here" she said pointing at a hidden corner of the shop, "hope nobody would see us?" i asked, " yeah nobody, besides if a customer comes, he or she would knock first and if no reponse from us, he or she would leave the shop" she said. We started making love in the shop, i gave it to her on the floor just like she wanted it. As i entered second round, suddenly i heard..................... "mummy! Mummy!! Mummy where are u" it was Dami calling her mum from outside of the shop. "am dead, its Dami, what do i do?" i asked Ireti who hurriedly tried to put back her clothes on. "take the back door, jump over the fence and you would see a bush path that would lead u home" she whispered. I rushed out through the back door fumbling with wearing my clothes. I hurried out of the back door not knowing the herculean task that lies ahead.


I took my first jump, but i missed my step and hite my head on the wall of the fence. My eyes saw stars. I tried the second time, this time i was almost there, i was hanging to the fence with my left hand, my left hand soon grew weak and i saw myself falling with my face flat on the cemented floor. My eyes saw even more stars. I dusted myself and was prepared for my third attempt. I jumped higher and i was lucky i made it, but it wasn't over yet. As i struggled and reached the top of the fence, i didn't know there were tiny security wires a.k.a barb wires on the fence. I felt pains on my left hand, i looked at it and saw blood goshing. Meanwhile i was seating on the tiny but sharp barb wires. Suddenly.................... "aaaaah, barb wire don tear my nyash oh" i cried with a low voice so nobody would hear.

Una too funny,lolz

Eze Promoe: Flow, i dey feel you. But try to be updating faster. You didn't update throughout Saturday.

my brother no vex na low battery tins

I walked to the gate of my compound limping a bit and with blood stains on the arss area of my trouser. "wetin make u dey waka like dis na? Ant bite u for nyash?" Angom asked me. "no na dog bite me for nyash" i teased, "nothing bite me abeg my nyash just dey scrash me" i lied. "u don bring the table tennis board come abi?" i asked Angom as i noticed the table tennis board he told us he would buy was already in the compound. "yes oh i don bring am oh, na where i go buy am i dey since morning oh" Angom said. Angom had already told Mama Alhaja that he wanted to buy a table tennis board that we would play to keep us busy, mama Alhaja agreed and told him where to place the board when he brings it, which was the exact place Angom placed it. "u be correct man, u try, aleast we go dey rent am for boys wey wan play, u go get ur money wey u take buy am, u go even gain well sef before we serve finish" i said. "nahim make me buy am na, ehen ur babe dey ur room oh" Angom said, "which babe be dat?" i asked, "Juliet na, how many babes u get? She don open ur door she dey inside" Angom said "this boy no know say i get plenty babes, him think say na only Juliet" "but wait oh wetin i go tell Juliet say wound me for nyash and hand, abeg i go tell her say i get accident jor" i tot as i walked holding my arss to my room.


The Aroma of the vegetable soup Juliet was cooking made me realize i was very hungry. She was at the bathroom taking her bath so i hurriedly removed my blood stained clothes and put on clean ones. I threw away the blood stained clothes in the dust bin and pretended as if nothing had happened to me. "hello my darling!!" i said with a bright smile on my face. "where have u been since?" she asked as i kissed and huged her. "well, lets say i have been around like the bird" i said as i continued hugging her. She dished out her delicious vegetable soup, we ate.


It was time for sleep, she was to pass the nite because the next day was sunday. I took some paracetamol before i hit the bed; as if paracetamol would do the magic of relieving the pains in my Arss. It was time to sleep and of course Juliet wanted S'ex. She rolled over to my side of the bed making her b'reast to touch my back. "Ugo lets do na" she said. She calls me Ugo either when she wants S'ex or when she wants money. "Juliet, i don't have the strength dis nite pls" i said as i moved myself to the edge of the bed, this made her angry. "so u don't like what u see in my body again ehn, u are seeing someone else ehn" she said as she removed her clothes revealing her n'akedness. As i turned and saw her n'aked my sleeping d'ick woke up instantly. "i am not seeing anyöne, u are my one and only" i said as i c'aressed her. She moaned greatly as my hands moved to her rather fleshy c'unt. I drew closer to her and she bent down for a "b'low job" mission. The b'low job she gave me was initially like an elixir to the pains on my arss until................... She placed her both hands on my arss for her to regain her balance, and.................. i screamed not because of excitement or sweatness of the b'low job, but because her hands on my arss really hurt me.

Flow u and mazi. Too much......more. Poer tour elbow as u kill da. Boredom am havin@home.....u. Are. Really good@this....• ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ t•o•a•s•t ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ •
*beer* *beer*
/ \
< >
_/ \_ _/ \_
• • t • o • a • s • t •. For u

skoloppy31: Flow u and mazi. Too much......more. Poer tour elbow as u kill da. Boredom am havin@home.....u. Are. Really good@this....• ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ t•o•a•s•t ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ •
*beer* *beer*
/ \
< >
_/ \_ _/ \_
• • t • o • a • s • t •. For u

thanks for the toast, cheers. BTW hope say u no mix the beer with Alomo oh?

Eze Promoe:
No light for una area? You suppose get like 20 batteries na.

u fit buy for him na........mumu

This one u dey call person mumu,u resemble person make go b slowpoke

hahaha......no kill ursef becos of women oh.more update please

Hhahahahehehehaha! She go tink say she dey do fantastic job.

Day broke into Sunday morning, this sunday would be my first sunday of going to church since i came to Ilesa "would u be going to church?" i asked Juliet who was still on bed. "yeah i will" she responded. "then start getting prepared, before we run late" i said as she stood up n'aked; she likes walking n'aked around the room any time we finished having s'ex, as if by so doing she would regain her lost strength. She was still n'aked ironing her clothes, while i was polishing my shoes. Suddenly i heard................... "Flow which church you go go?" Ilorin asked as he barged in on us without knocking. Juliet was facing the door so Ilorin practically saw all parts of her body that was suppose to be hidden. Juliet saw it as no big deal, so did Ilorin. "so una no dey knock for una village abi? i go go church abeg" i responded covering Juliet from Ilorin's sight, "which church be dat?" he asked as i noticed he had a hard-on, "na Winners Chapel na" i responded, "ok i go follow una go oh" Ilorin said as he left.


Soon we were out in the bus-stop waiting for a bus. I initially wanted us to board a bus, but Juliet suggested we entered bike. Ilorin boarded a seperate bike while me and Juliet stoped another bike. Juliet entered first and when it was my turn to enter the bike after her, it was the beggining nightmares. As i raised up my left leg to enter the rather high bike, i heard......................... GBRAAA, initially i tot i had fart, not until i heard.................... GBRAAA again as i tried raising my left leg even higher. "oooh!!! My God" i cried out as i noticed my trouser had torn. "why did u say oh my God?" Juliet asked me as the bike moved, "i said that because i just realize i forgot my bible at home" i lied, "ok, u would use my bible since i have bible applicatiön on my phone" Juliet said. As the bike moved on, i suddenly began to percieve a choking smell as if something was burning. "dis man no fit maintain him bike, see as him engine dey smell" i tot. Suddenly i began to feel my right leg was unsteady, and................. The sole of my expensive "kasino kino" shoes was almost half burnt by the very hot silencer of the bike. "ooooh!! my God" i cried out again, "what is it again Flow?" Juliet asked, "is dis useless silencer oh, it has burnt the right foot of my shoe oh" i cried. "pls move ur right leg a beat so i can share the foot-rest with you, my right leg was on the silencer all this while thats why it burnt my sole" i told Juliet. She did move her leg a beat creating a space for me to place mine. I fumbled with placing my right leg on the Foot-rest, and............ "aaaaaaah!!!!" Juliet shouted, i looked and saw that i had steped on her bare skin with the burnt sole.

Flow,u badt gan ni o...
Why is it that all your updates must kill pesin with laughter?
I don't even read them publicly anymore since the looks I get while laughing is enough to shut someone up but how can I keep quiet in your situation?
<------I beat foxy with the smileys.....

@ foxy....,that was just a joke o,
Wetin man go do before flow updates again?

dayleke: Flow,u badt gan ni o...
Why is it that all your updates must kill pesin with laughter?
I don't even read them publicly anymore since the looks I get while laughing is enough to shut someone up but how can I keep quiet in your situation?
<------I beat foxy with the smileys.....

dayleke u never c laf sef, even me wey dey post if i read wetin i post again i dey laf wella

dayleke: @ foxy....,that was just a joke o,
Wetin man go do before flow updates again?

patience dayleke, just patience. Na pesin wey get patience dey fit wait make moi moi done oh.

So when next are you updating please?

Hahahahahahaha ... Flow e be like say una village people dey find you oh ... All these badluck you alone

"u dey mad abi, ur fada there, come collect money na" all these were the abuses i rained on the bike man as he stoped us in front of the church. "ur papa there, give me my money oh, or else we go fight here" the bike man threatened as he was already set to start throwing punches. "dis man never know say i get red belt for taekwondo oh, i go just give am Doliu chagi (round house kick) for head, i go com use Apoligei (axe kick) finish am, him don die be dat oh" i said within myself as i kept my guard. "íyalàyá" i insulted the bike man with the only Yoruba insult i liked. On hearing this the bike man threw a punch to the air. I still kept my guard as Ilorin came and held the bike man pleading with him in Yoruba. Ilorin paid him his money and he left. At that money i saw two ushers of the church came around the scene, one was tending to Juliet's injury while the other one was asking me what happened, a question i never answered. Juliet told me she would be going home because the injury on her ankle was hurting her seriously and that she couldn't walk well. I agreed with her and gave her my house key for her to go collect her laptop she left charging in my room.


"wetin do ur shoe?" Ilorin asked "na dat useless Okada man na, first my trouser tear as i wan enter the bike, and my shoe com burn again join" i cried as i took a glance at the big hole that was in between my legs, revealing my dirty boxer short. "guy how u go do am na, abi u go go house back?" Ilorin asked, "i no dey go any house, if i go house i no go come back again, and i no wan miss today church because e don tay wey i go church, i go manage am like dat jor" i said as i tried figuring the walking step to use dat would not reveal the big hole in between my legs. I concluded to use CATWALK.


I catwalked slowly as we walked to the enterance of the church. Ilorin laughed uncontrollably at me, "Ilorin u no go behave urself abi, if u dey laf, people for inside the church go laf me sef, but if u no laf, dem go think say naso i dey waka" i cautioned Ilorin who instantly stoped laughing. I entered the church with my "newly found" walking step and the ushers directed me and Ilorin to go seat in front after confirming that we were first timers. "even if una put gun for my head, i no go seat for front" i said to myself as i sited Sammy and Kelvin at a corner of the church, since there were two empty seats close to them, me and Ilorin quickly joined them. "why u sidon like dis na, why u cross ur leg na?" Kelvin asked me, "u dey ask mumu question, u no know say naso Oyibo people dey sidon, i wan sidon like Oyibo na" i lied as i saw Ilorin Laughing. At that moment i saw what made my jaw droped.

Dami and her Mum were seated in front. "so dis girl and her Mama dey come dis church? Why dem no tell me na? Abi na because i no ask them? because if to say i asked dem, dem for tell me" i tot. Dami's Mum caught me staring at her and she winked at me, it took a while before i responded to her wink, as i was about responding to her wink, i noticed she was looking elsewhere but Dami was looking at my direction so i winked at Dami and she smiled. Practically throughout the service i slept because the message was boring, Sammy too slept. We gave offering and as we danced i noticed Ilorin was dancing "Alanta"; the reigning dance then. "guy why u dey dance dis kin dance for church na, see as everybody dey look u" i told Ilorin. "make dem look na, no be house of God i dey" he said as he continued his wierd dance step. We said "the Grace" and i tot it was time to go home when i heard...................... "All first timers pls wait behind".

make sure u find solution to ilorin's problem o

johnwizey: make sure u find solution to ilorin's problem o

naso oh, the guy na mental case

Crazy story!
I don laff die.

Sammy and Kelvin had gone home because they were not first timers. As i listened to the boring welcome message one of the pastor was giving to us, i forgot my legs waren't crossed, it was wide open revealing the big hole in between my legs. I quickly crossed my legs so the pastor talking to us wouldn't see my dirty boxers because i was seating in front, just close to the window. As i did that, i noticed that my burnt shoe sole was fully exposed to the girl seating beside me. "if she like make she see am na, i no send her, i no wan chyke her na, she no even fine sef" i said within me. "would any of u like to be a worker in the church?" the pastor asked. I didn't hear what he asked but my hands were already up, not because i wanted to be a worker but because i was about to wave Dami from the window, she was walking to where her mum's car was parked. "yes! Our brother here has volunteered himself" the pastor said pointing at me, at that moment i tried to bring down my hands but i wasn't fast enough. Instantly the formerly sweet soft drink they offered us became bitter as i drank. About four other persons also raised their hands up volunteering themselves, but the hand i wanted up was not up, Ilorin's hand. "why u no raise ur hands na, u no like to be worker?" i asked Ilorin. "guy na u sabi oh, i no wan be worker oh, wetin u feel like sef, u feel say na ur type dem dey find as worker?" Ilorin teased. "guy i no know which kin devil go raise my hand up oh, na mistake oh, big mistake" i responded.


The pastor took the data of all that wanted to be a worker, i tot of giving a wrong data, but i did otherwise because the main pastor of the church knew me as one the corpers they gave accomodation when we first came to Ilesa, he was even with my phone number, and i couldn't even think of myself changing church now. "guy u don enter hot ogbono soup oh, so u go become worker be that" Ilorin said as we walked to our compound. "no be bad thing na, atleast na God work i go do na" i responded. I entered my room, switched on my TV. As i was watching the concluding part of a Jet Li Movie i had started watching previously, i noticed there was a note on top of the Tv, i opened it and it read: Flow, i took 3k from the Flow bank. PS: lemme go treat myself. It was Juliet. Flow bank is a place under the TV where i do keep money i didn't want to put in my wallet, so when i tell someone i had no money, the person believes me on seeing my empty wallet (sharp Ibo boy brain). Juliet was the only person that knew what part of my house the Flow bank was, though i do change the location from time to time. 8k out of the money Ireti gave me was in the Flow bank that morning, and now 3k was gone.

U burn her leg na,make she go treat am wit d 3k

Splendblex: U burn her leg na,make she go treat am wit d 3k

abi oh

Lol @ make i go treat myself. Nice story. More please

I took a brief nap. I woke up by 4pm. 4pm was the time for match. Man u was to play Everton. I put on my Man u jersey that was crested "Flow hates Chelsea but Loves Man u" behind. But what i never knew was that the jersey would cause me trouble that day. All of us except Kelvin was on our way to the football viewing centre to watch the match. "flow dis ur jersey wey u wear ehnn, no go let all dis chelsea fans beat u oh" Angom said "flow nothing dey happen, no mind Angom na wetin wan carry chelsea fan come watch man u match if no be say dem hate us, so we sef hate dem na" Ilorin said giving me confidence. First half and no goal, so we went outside to buy Akara to eat while we waited for the second half. As we were at the Akara Joint eating, i heard...................... Gbaaaaaaa on my head, "the pesin wey slap me e no go better for him papa" i cursed as i turned to see who gave me the hot slap on my head. I saw two broad chested guys staring back at me at close range. "e no go better for my papa abi?" the one on dreadlocks queried, "no oh, no be wetin i talk oh" i cried out as i swallowed the Akara in my mouth without chewing it, "so u hate chelsea abi?" the one on face cap said, "no oh, bros abeg the jersey no be my own, na dis boy own oh" i said pointing at Ilorin, "Flow u dey mad, no be ur name dey there, which day my name turn to Flow, bros make una no mind am oh, i no be Man u fan sef" Ilorin lied. "bros na lie oh, two of them na Man u fan oh" Sammy said pointing at me and Ilorin. "ok, two of una wey no be Man u fan make una dey go watch second half, dem dis two don enter hot soup today" the guy on dreadlocks said giving me a hot slap on my face. I went blind for five seconds. As a rugged bagga of my caliber, i raised my right hand to give a reply to the slap, but what made me not to give him a reply was the fact that i saw a knife he pointed at me, "if u try dat thing wey u wan do, i go just shok u dis knife" he said. "oya make una lie down" the one on cap commanded. I never wanted to lie down initially but as i saw more of them coming, i had to comply.


As we lied facing the ground, Ilorin was pleading with them but i didn't even say a word. "omo, see this guy oh, see wetin him write for him jersey oh" the guy on dreadlocks informed others stamping his foot on my back. Just then i heard them saying slangs that sounded like baggas slangs, but it wasn't. "Flow dis guys na Eyeh boys oh, me sef na eyeh boy na, y eyeh boys go dey punish their brother" Ilorin said as i quickly recalled that Ilorin had told me sometime that he was a member of Eyeh Confratanity(the cult of birds) while in school. Ilorin stood up and said a slogan, he shook hands with them all and one of them followed him to a corner. On the other hand, the rest of them continued stamping their feet on my back. I tot my spinal cord was broken. Soon Ilorin and the other guy came and i heard the guy telling his friends to stop beating me that Ilorin was their fratanal brother. "but we go must collect dis jersey oh" one of them said to another, "yes him go give una d jersey na" Ilorin answered, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, na only singlet i go wear go house abi" i cursed within. I removed the jersey amidst several hot slaps. "na because una plenty oh nahim make i just dey allow una slap me like dat oh, if na only one person ehn me and dat person to fight na, and i go show d person say bagga no dey carry last" i said to myself as we went to go continue watching the match. Man u was two goals down, that made me more angry. "Flow why u wear only singlet na?" Sammy asked as i sat beside him. "u no see say heat dey, i wan collect breeze na" i responded making Sammy and Angom laugh beyond control.


The match was over, man u lost, 2-1. I walked home with a gloomy face along with my guys. I suddenly realized that i needed to pee. "make una wait for me make i piss" i said "u wan piss the piss wey u hold for ur body wen those guys dey beat u abi, u for piss for ur body wen dem dey beat u na" Ilorin teased. "guy see wetin dem write there oh" Sammy said pointing to the wall opposite me. I looked and saw: Do not Urinate here, fine 5000naira. I smiled and said "no mind this people them dey find who go give dem 5k abi". I noticed Angom who wanted to join me withdrew instantly. "Angom u too dey fear sef, if piss dey catch u, piss jor, no mind wetin dem write here oh". I unzipped my trouser and let a pee that ran as fast as a tap out of my P'enis, as i continued i heard......................... "u dey piss there abi, just continue oh, u don enter hot soup today" a bass voice said from behind me.

From frying pan to fire

Chai! Bros no b small wahala o

Dat ur mumi Dami na bad luck for u o,since u start to dey sleep wth am,na so so wahala u dey enta...nice write up