zoelife: Now the guys are commenting. Was beginning to wonder. And it feels good hearing from both sides.
Break-up is the last thing on my mind. My guy is not bad at all. Guess I gt d responses I got because I highlighted just one fault(which can be worked on).
Ah, break up? No way. After all I ve bn thru with my exes'.

dederocs:
find another,abi dem tie u rope...abi you be Oprah or Alicia keys.mtcheew,naija girls una too dey form time go reach una go marry unaselves.yeye things.

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

BodyKiss:





Your success might not be the cause of his worries, but your response towards his feelings for you. Based on the quoted and bolded comments above, you're so not sure about this guy. You haven't made up your mind if you should stick with him, I think he's got good instincts.

sexybash: the problem is that as time goes one he will no longer be comfortable with your success, and he either slows you down and you start to reason slowly like him or he will opt out, i once dated some one like that infact we did our introduction sef , he was an for that educated,but had low drive for success, i had to threaten him with break up then before e decided to leave his village, after sometime i realized if we got married i will be the man of the house, i broke up the engagement then there were so many things i wanted to do he will tel me they are white "elephant project" he starts to use phrases like we will all die, where are you taking all your certificate and assets to, the IQ of your partner in relationship matter alot either the man or woman
so my dear Zoe if you are a sucker for success you dont need pple like that around you.,marraige is a long term journey,the question you will ask yor self is that are you willing to trust him with your future?

Doncolio:

First of all,u need to realize the mistake u r making by seeking for help here on NL, coz no1 has d slightest clue of how loving or otherwise this guy is (be very careful in absorbing all u read. U r in the relationship coz u saw somfin knwn only to u.
Secondly, its obvious d guy loves u. Low or high self esteem, judging from ur comment above and you do in a way. But break up is very easy but d regret can be for a life time. Not every1 gets a 2nd chance.
Thirdly, most of d gurls on NL are mostly unmarried with a psychic of a mr. Have and know it all kind of mr. Right in mind. Some will grow old still looking for him (not a curse). But u have a man dats feeling insecure becoz of ur actions or in action. U r talking abt ur life so be careful in takin to advice wen u r in a relationship.
In my own opinion, work more on understanding ur guy and he's reasons for asking such a critical question. Help is self esteem by being more of a lover, help him build on his strong point and be more of his lady rather dan just an ambitious gurl.

zoelife: Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

Xsolutions: From your posts,you have broken up with him in your mind,besides this is most likely not about you becoming more successful than him,but about him measuring up to your definition of success...
Everybody wants to be successful but we all have different views of success.From your posts,there is a missing file of communication based on finding common ground btw the both of you in terms of long term life goals.
And even if your guy had 'low Self esteem' issues,who told you it can't be fixedOr you think a woman is the only one who needs assurance concerning issues in a relationship
How do you know you are not the one who is supposed to edify him in this aspect of his life
Until you start cultivating the 'thinkings' of a wife;'Help-meet' before you get married,you will never be the wife you are supposed to be.
In conclusion...YOU already have a decision pending in your mind...you just want a sort of confirmation to enbolden you to carry it out.
Whatever you want to do...do it quickly and spare the man and even yourself some emotional turbulence.
Cheers...

peclint: @poster, you need to look at the 2 sides of the coin.
Why does he say this
1) is he insecure?
2) Do you give him reasons to say this because of your actions?
3) Is he the less aggressive type who views money as just a means and not necessarily fulfillment.
4) Is he looking for ways to break up with you without hurting you?

You have to figure this out yourself.

As personal examples:
I have a friend whose long term boyfriend broke up with her as she decided against his wish to go for a masters as he was yet to graduate (This is hearsay cos i don't wanna believe this). But honestly when i heard it, i was like the dude is an i.d.iot. I would gladly marry her if we were compatible.

I have also met girls who are high flyers, drive expensive cars and live expensive lifestyles, and we start chatting, they start mouthing off about their job and status and their lifestyles(in my mind, they are empty barrels), i just tune off , smile and continue my search , because in the long run, those things are inconsequential. Someone who doesn't know me, might say it is insecure, on the days i feel like having a laugh, i reel out my credentials, and you need to see how a high flyer mgbeke girl becomes humble.

When going into marriage, i believe that it doesn't matter who brings in the most money.
What matters is that you guys work hard and share what you have.
In the business world, you are just a tool, a number i see in my excel sheets and calculations.
no matter how far you fly, when the business doesn't need you, it throw you out.

zoelife: @irguru, sexybash and godmother: he has no doubts about he being the man in the relationship.
The contention here is- what do I do about it? Is there anything I can do to help how he feels. Or do I remove my commitment and look out for that someone bigger. Like irguru?

Shinatu: I hear people say, 'massage his ego', 'reassure him' encourage him etc.

My dear, you may end up doing that for the rest of your life, you may have to keep on assuring and assuring, untill you ger irritated.

What other wives can say to their successful/'alpha male' husbands during the usual marriage quarells and get away with or get disregarded must not come out of your own mouth.

So like someone righly mentioned, think about it, it may also mean that you may never find the 'suitable' one and get to be 50years old in your father's house, that may be a suicide mission in a Nigerian society.

It may come to settling for the better (to you) of two evils.
That's why you see some ladies and cannot stop wondering what they saw in the men they married, because you cannot see any value the guy is adding to her life than the Mrs. status he has given to her!

zoelife: 1. He hasn't done me any wrong. He just kindly expressed how he feels.
2. Are there bigger men willing to accomodate and support ambitious women like me and not stifle me?
This is my major concern. Maybe my background is a major pointer. But if u knw decent guys like u describe I wldnt mind.

BoboYekini: Men are seriously endangered with these crop of uber-agressive girls(alpha females/trannys, like obadiah said, lol) all over the place. 'Hustlers' they call thenselves now. Smh.