Been worried lately over this issue. He's a great guy, loving, kind and all. Yet time and time again the issue comes up if I'm still with him, or if there's someone somewhere who's probably doing better than him. Getting a little worked up over things I call 'trivial' like not knowing my friends(I'm not a crowd person. My friends are mostly married women. Or guys. That's me),etc.
Not that he's being unpleasant, but the thing here is, I'm wat u cld call an 'alpha female'. Ambitious, driven and visionary. These I think give him the 'not good enuff' feeling, plus the fact dat he's still a beginner(I'm not yet there either). Whenever he expresses such feelings, I feel him too and attimes wonder to myself, if truly there's someone better for me out there. I dunno.
Sound advice NLers needed, married folks welcome. Tks

i understand sometimes they are scared that in the future you success my supass their own, it painfull but what can you do you are born that way you are on the right track its either he is willing to stay or let go

@ sexybash: u have a point. But do I let him go because of that? He's not a bad person. At all.

zoelife: @ sexybash: u have a point. But do I let him go because of that? He's not a bad person. At all.

the problem is that as time goes one he will no longer be comfortable with your success, and he either slows you down and you start to reason slowly like him or he will opt out, i once dated some one like that infact we did our introduction sef , he was an for that educated,but had low drive for success, i had to threaten him with break up then before e decided to leave his village, after sometime i realized if we got married i will be the man of the house, i broke up the engagement then there were so many things i wanted to do he will tel me they are white "elephant project" he starts to use phrases like we will all die, where are you taking all your certificate and assets to, the IQ of your partner in relationship matter alot either the man or woman
so my dear Zoe if you are a sucker for success you dont need pple like that around you.,marraige is a long term journey,the question you will ask yor self is that are you willing to trust him with your future?

Can one find men who would not feel otherwise? Who aren't already hooked? Already made men cld have their own downsides too.

Sexybash has said it all. Your man needs to up his esteem. Stop making excuses for him. You are not there yet and he's already feeling threatened. What will happend when you become really successful later on inlife

OP, do u regard him as the man in the relationship and respect him too? Cos most guys feel like they are not the only one, especially when u are better of financially and independent too, and such guys are guys with low self worth. I personally do not think that any babe here on earth is better of than me, not that am a chauvinist....thats just me

@irguru, sexybash and godmother: he has no doubts about he being the man in the relationship.
The contention here is- what do I do about it? Is there anything I can do to help how he feels. Or do I remove my commitment and look out for that someone bigger. Like irguru?

Statistics show that women are almost 40% more likely to devorce a man if he makes less money than her. Men instinctively know this, and are uncomfortable staying in such relationships.... its in human DNA. let him go... he sounds like low self esteem to me.

Try and find someone on your financial level or above, gl.

1. He hasn't done me any wrong. He just kindly expressed how he feels.
2. Are there bigger men willing to accomodate and support ambitious women like me and not stifle me?
This is my major concern. Maybe my background is a major pointer. But if u knw decent guys like u describe I wldnt mind.

@lrguru: dats not helping at all.

He may just av self esteem issues.... But one thing u can do is to always b re assuring.. But if u cant cope u better walk...
Although woman wuld always b woman...

zoelife: @lrguru: dats not helping at all.

@zoebaby, i only speak my mind always, and i hate to be the one to make u cry *pettin her*
He ghasto be a man and deal with the ish...sorry if i sound dis way....buh hey sweetie, thats just me!!!

Op, I think you are giving out certain signals consciously or unconsciously. Guys who starts asking or thinking that their babes have someone on the side, may be picking up distress signals from their babe.
You are hyper active, an over achiever, ambitious etc may not really be the reason why your guy feels insecure. He may be reading certain danger signals coming from you.


Am sorry, but I dont know how best to explain my rambling.

Since it's obvious that he has a very low self esteem, there's no better way to help him boost his morale than reassuring him of your love for him and telling him the reasons why u chose him over other guys. Tell him u'll always b there 4 him(dat's if u mean it, of course).

Men are engineered to be d head(and bread winner), so if their spouses appear to take their place, it gradually kills their confidence and morale.

I'm sorry to say but 4rm your previous posts above, it seems u're already contemplating whether to leave him. If u don't love him again, just break up with him and don't make excuses about his low self esteem. If u rily wanna help him, you will.

Ogidi-Olu:

I'm sorry to say but 4rm your previous posts above, it seems u're already contemplating whether to leave him. If u don't love him again, just break up with him and don't make excuses about his low self esteem. If u rily wanna help him, you will.

Gbam. So @Zoelife, the best option really, is to look for someone who thinks they deserve you, even though they probably might not? Women are so fickle. You have the option to dump him and confirm his fears or help him build his self esteem.

Now the guys are commenting. Was beginning to wonder. And it feels good hearing from both sides.
Break-up is the last thing on my mind. My guy is not bad at all. Guess I gt d responses I got because I highlighted just one fault(which can be worked on).
Ah, break up? No way. After all I ve bn thru with my exes'.

zoelife:
Break-up is the last thing on my mind. My guy is not bad at all.
Ah, break up? No way. After all I ve bn thru with my exes'.

Now if you really mean what you just said, then relax and assure him of your love, you will be surprised how fast is going to gain back his self confidence once he knows that he is still the 'man in your life'.

.

Well,the problem is with him not you. He has to build up his confidence and self-esteem.If he continues acting like a sissy,he would eventually back out at the end.

Not at all

Help him and You will enjoy him later!

zoelife: 1. He hasn't done me any wrong. He just kindly expressed how he feels.
2. Are there bigger men willing to accomodate and support ambitious women like me and not stifle me?
This is my major concern. Maybe my background is a major pointer. But if u knw decent guys like u describe I wldnt mind.

I know one if u'r willing to open ur heart 4him...He's upbeat,tall,handsome,dark&rich!

pleep: Statistics show that women are almost 40% more likely to devorce a man if he makes less money than her. Men instinctively know this, and are uncomfortable staying in such relationships.... its in human DNA. let him go... he sounds like low self esteem to me.

Try and find someone on your financial level or above, gl.

That's the surface. Look in the depth.

The fact might not necessarily be that the women start acting 'bossy'. The men most likely start acting like wimpy, whinny, insecure nagging bítches.


@ OP

He doesn't seem very secure. The ONLY thing you can possibly do is to go out of your way to constantly massage his ego. No guarantees though.

He's the only one who can improve the situation. I can only imagine how this get's on your nerves.

In my opinion, since you seem to know him that much, its up to you to be able to manage him. You've got to be in control without making him feel inferior. I'll just say you should manage the situation, talk to him about it and let him know that's who you are and he should be proud of you and your achievements, just like you'll do to him to. It is well with you guys.

binger: Well,the problem is with him not you. He has to build up his confidence and self-esteem.If he continues acting like a sissy,he would eventually back out at the end.

Lol, I doubt if he'll be the one to leave. He'll more likely drive her up a wall...and away.

@OP

Abeg free the guy. Look for a man who matches your drive and intellect. I am always available; you can check my profile picture to see what you are missing.

And you think you'll get the best advice on NL?