Dear Forumites..
I am not new to Niaraland and I have gained a lot of useful advice from here. I will just like to state what am going through and would like sincere advices from any matured mind here.

I am a 27 year old lady, married to a 30 year old man whom I Love so much and wouldn't want to trade him for any other man out there.. We have been married for almost 2years now, and we dated for 13 months before getting married. We met in my office, and he was glad to see a Nigerian and I played hard to get but new in that region and I wanted to 9ja person to talk with became friends after playing hard to get for 4months.
We started dating, had little ups and down then decided we wanted to go further and got married.
Before him I had an Ex who unfortunately disvrigined me after keeping myself for so long, I felt he loved me and we would get married so hey why can't he pop it, this was after dating for like 2years, so I trusted him, unfortunately we broke up, I relocated and we sometimes chat and laugh, and he tells me about his new girl friends and we were basically friends, but he kept telling me not to get married, and I kep laughing at him, and he joke he would shoot any man that touches me, that I should always recall he was my first!
I got married and blocked all form of communication with my Ex(s).. Because most times they always want to do a come back, so I blocked them all..

Fastfoward to 2013, I am out of Jobs now, actually doing a course which gives me lot of room or reasons to be at home, I have a little business I do that gives me enough money but most times I am indoors, I do not like going out. My husband works for an airline company as an engineer so he is rarely at home, am bored most times, I tried to resist myself from Fb, mostly am either studying or researching for school work, sometime I got a Fb suggestion you know this person, out of curiosity (WHICH KILLED MANY CATS), I decided to open my Fb acct and it's my Ex, went as far as adding him. Then I get a message, how he Loves me, how he hasn't married yet, how he has been looking for me, and all sorts..
Sincerely, I felt good and happy hearing from him, seeing him was like I was in Love/Lust. I cnt even explain it, and am telling myself you shouldn't feel this way. Replied him and been checking all day for his messages, I have a permanent smile when I get his emails, he is requesting for my number, which I still cannot bring myself to give him, he is busy traveling and almost in the same city I am, I even was crazy enough to think about going to see him over Coffee and have an "INNOCENT" friendly conversation..
As anyone married ever felt this way, I used to think am al xtian and I can never imagine doing or even feeling such things, but I am, am shocked at my self. Am confused, I don't know what to do, because I see myself falling. Kindly advice pleaseeeeeeee

Hi Epic Wify!
I would like to start by saying that what you are feeling or going through is not strange, however you need to seriously watch it! Coming from another perspective, i think there are more important things to occupy your mind/hands with. First, you have a budding business: why don't focus on it and explore more creative ways of expanding your horizon. Secondly; You are studying:why not giveit your all so that you come out tops. This is more like suggesting ways in which you can maximise your idle time.
Your hubby's job makes it difficult for him to be around to spen quality couple time but this is no excuse for re-establishing contact with ex(s)regardless of the circumstance surrounding the split(s).There is a reason why he is an ex!If you both were meant to be married it would have been but incidently nature(God) did not want it that way! Most times the grass is not greener at the other side.What you are feeling is mere fleeting emotion which should be discarded as it soon it came. Mind you, cheating is not only when you sleep with the another person outside of the marriage, there is also what is called EMOTIONAL CHEATING which atimes can be more dangerous than physical cheating.
There is nothing worth missing about that your ex cos in these days/age that virginity is scarce then a man pops it and does not put a ring on it or make concerted efforts to then you tell me he is worth your attention? Desist from comparing him with your hubby, as you said you cant trade your hubby for the world so keep it that way and FLEE from temptation God will help you and pls start by blocking him again or close your FB account already! My 2kobo submission

You sound like my Ex, the only difference is you not in Naija and unlike ur ex I dont call, she does the calling.
Advice
Get ahold of urself.

sub_zidi: Hi Epic Wify!
I would like to start by saying that what you are feeling or going through is not strange, however you need to seriously watch it! Coming from another perspective, i think there are more important things to occupy your mind/hands with. First, you have a budding business: why don't focus on it and explore more creative ways of expanding your horizon. Secondly; You are studying:why not giveit your all so that you come out tops. This is more like suggesting ways in which you can maximise your idle time.
Your hubby's job makes it difficult for him to be around to spen quality couple time but this is no excuse for re-establishing contact with ex(s)regardless of the circumstance surrounding the split(s).There is a reason why he is an ex!If you both were meant to be married it would have been but incidently nature(God) did not want it that way! Most times the grass is not greener at the other side.What you are feeling is mere fleeting emotion which should be discarded as it soon it came. Mind you, cheating is not only when you sleep with the another person outside of the marriage, there is also what is called EMOTIONAL CHEATING which atimes can be more dangerous than physical cheating.
There is nothing worth missing about that your ex cos in these days/age that virginity is scarce then a man pops it and does not put a ring on it or make concerted efforts to then you tell me he is worth your attention? Desist from comparing him with your hubby, as you said you cant trade your hubby for the world so keep it that way and FLEE from temptation God will help you and pls start by blocking him again or close your FB account already! My 2kobo submission

well said!

@Epic, the way feel for your Ex shows something is missing between you and your hubby. There is a probability that your intimate needs are not being met by your hubby or that he is too busy to have quality intimacy/romance/time with you. Also,the fact that your Ex disvirgined you makes the bond between both of you quite strong. It means that you gave him your priceless trophy (your virginity). The virginity of a woman is very powerful(its the emotional soul of the woman) and a lot of men know how powerful and precious it is to the woman. Most times,when a woman gives a man her virginity, some part of her inner self is giving to the man too. A special connection is being established....Here is my advice: block your facebook account so that he does not have access to you, delete his phone number if you still have it,have more intimacy/romance/time with your hubby and try to focus on him,try to be more busy with your business,and with time the feeling will go away.you and your hubby are still young in your marriage so a lot of baggages may still hang around once in a while and it will phase out with time. Please,DO NOT pay him a visit.the day/moment you set eyes on your EX,the chances of sleeping with him is very high. And once you start sleeping your Ex, it will be difficult for you to stop.

You should always reconcile your feelings before jumping in and out of relationships so you will never have the "what if" feeling. Honestly, you are probably in a much better place than you would have been with your ex. I really wonder what you are doing on Facebook. Is there still a thing like facebook? More like showoffbook and cheatbook. Tell him to respect your marriage, deactivate your facebook and face your books. If it is attention your husband is not giving you, tell him and both of you should take time to do things. Being with someone day in and day out, it is easy to get bored and fall into a routine. That is why ex's and other things outside begin to look interesting, shiny and brandnew. Leave that guy alone, if you were with him he will still be telling you stories. It doesnt say much about him morally to be sending those kinds of messages to a married woman of 2years. Respect boundaries. I had an ex in your situation, and really he began to irritate me as i felt i now saw who he really was. At that time he was barely even 2months married. Its very irritating and revealing on who the married one really is. loose morals, wicked, cheat etc..

....

My advice is, stop all form of communication with him, delete him from your facebook friends, deactivate your account if possible. You have a peaceful home (i guess) and a loving husband please do not throw all that away. Focus on your marriage, on your husband and studies you do not need an "EX" to distract you. There is a reason why you two broke up, there is a reason why he is called an "EX" let him go, let him know that you have moved on and now married, YOU need to make him respect YOU and your MARRIAGE.

I'm sure you won't like it if you were to find out that your husband is doing the same thing. Do not make a mistake by giving him your number o.

Thank you all for your response. I sincerely appreciate them..
I don't have his number, it's in one of my old phones (I rarely dispose old phones), he doesn't have mine either, changed it a couple of weeks after I got married.
My husband and I have a good relationship, but like Rollin Fella said, we hardly see (one of the reasons I had to quit my job), despite the fact we work in the same city and sleep on the same bed our work timings are very different. He works from 2:00-3:00pm till 1:00am, I have a regular 8 to 6pm job, I get home mostly at night am tired, I make supper and just sleep, he comes home and meet me asleep, I wake up by 6:40am, while he is still asleep, and the cycle goes on. But we have the weekends, so we felt it was fine, until he said it was better I stop for awhile.
Secondly, we are very close but like all marriages we have little arguments and am a very emotional person, and take things over the top which makes me keep malice and not forgive easily when offended. But all that aside am really Bored! Schools stuff isn't occupying me enough and I Hate going out!
Right now, I do not have a Fb account, or I would rather say I rarely go on it and have just 3 friends, but I have my Ex's email and I mistakenly sent him an email (Quite Stupid) of me.. Right now we have exchanged 2 emails and I would try to stop myself from replying his emails.
I might sound stupid, but I find it all very HARD for me to do, I tell myself I will never see him, the US is too big for us to just bump into each other, but another thing he is my mum's neighbor back in Nig, that's how we met anyway... Something keeps telling me this will be a tough journey, I brought this on myself now I just can't get that FEELING out, I find myself waiting for an email from him, even being touchy if the email is short.. Is it so strange

OP,Is this some kind of joke? Like are you for real?
I don't have any advice for adulteress like you... You should be ashamed if yourself. So that marriage vows was just a nursery rhyme to you?
You're a disgrace to yourself. WTF!!!

Is this a joke?

jidegirl12: OP,Is this some kind of joke? Like are you for real?
I don't have any advice for adulteress like you... You should be ashamed if yourself. So that marriage vows was just a nursery rhyme to you?

Is this a joke?

Like she said, she is bored. This is probably a tales by moonlight thing.

baby_123:

Like she said, she is bored. This is probably a tales by moonlight thing.

Then she should go fvck herself and stop posting rubbish. Like WTF?

jidegirl12:

Then she should go fvck herself and stop posting rubbish. Like WTF?

Well, we fell for it. She has been officially ignored. Obviously seeking some company here.

baby_123:

Well, we fell for it. She has been officially ignored. Obviously seeking some company here.

I guess so.

Epic_chick: Dear Forumites..
I am not new to Niaraland and I have gained a lot of useful advice from here. I will just like to state what am going through and would like sincere advices from any matured mind here.

I am a 27 year old lady, married to a 30 year old man whom I Love so much and wouldn't want to trade him for any other man out there.. We have been married for almost 2years now, and we dated for 13 months before getting married. We met in my office, and he was glad to see a Nigerian and I played hard to get but new in that region and I wanted to 9ja person to talk with became friends after playing hard to get for 4months.
We started dating, had little ups and down then decided we wanted to go further and got married.
Before him I had an Ex who unfortunately disvrigined me after keeping myself for so long, I felt he loved me and we would get married so hey why can't he pop it, this was after dating for like 2years, so I trusted him, unfortunately we broke up, I relocated and we sometimes chat and laugh, and he tells me about his new girl friends and we were basically friends, but he kept telling me not to get married, and I kep laughing at him, and he joke he would shoot any man that touches me, that I should always recall he was my first!
I got married and blocked all form of communication with my Ex(s).. Because most times they always want to do a come back, so I blocked them all..

Fastfoward to 2013, I am out of Jobs now, actually doing a course which gives me lot of room or reasons to be at home, I have a little business I do that gives me enough money but most times I am indoors, I do not like going out. My husband works for an airline company as an engineer so he is rarely at home, am bored most times, I tried to resist myself from Fb, mostly am either studying or researching for school work, sometime I got a Fb suggestion you know this person, out of curiosity (WHICH KILLED MANY CATS), I decided to open my Fb acct and it's my Ex, went as far as adding him. Then I get a message, how he Loves me, how he hasn't married yet, how he has been looking for me, and all sorts..
Sincerely, I felt good and happy hearing from him, seeing him was like I was in Love/Lust. I cnt even explain it, and am telling myself you shouldn't feel this way. Replied him and been checking all day for his messages, I have a permanent smile when I get his emails, he is requesting for my number, which I still cannot bring myself to give him, he is busy traveling and almost in the same city I am, I even was crazy enough to think about going to see him over Coffee and have an "INNOCENT" friendly conversation..
As anyone married ever felt this way, I used to think am al xtian and I can never imagine doing or even feeling such things, but I am, am shocked at my self. Am confused, I don't know what to do, because I see myself falling. Kindly advice pleaseeeeeeee

OP just get a hold of yourself . Your husby is working hard to get you guys going so don't break the dudes heart . Besides you're cheating emotionally .

Your ex is a temptation to you.........avoid him and get rid of him.
May God help you.

@jidegirl12: God bless you.
@OP: if your story is true, then u are very stupid. May your husband find out about those mails. How dumb can u be? You don't need any advice dumbass.

And if the story is not true as observed in some quarters, you need a vibrator, not nairaland.

I hope she does CC. A friend of mine is in the same situation and i just found out that she wants to travel to go visit her ex She has already discussed that with him.

agree with madam CC

and to add to her message - what u are suffering from is lack if attention, if ur ex wanted to marry you why didn't he?

if your husband was giving u the attention u desire do u think either u or ur ex would have time for each other, look you have a husband face your marriage before u are faced with a bigger problem you did not bargain for.

the longer u keep this cyber relationship going the less you will invest emotionally in ur husband. I have said my own.

Epic chick pls heed to chaircover;s advise,and ignore those holy and perfect pple here.they are internet nigerians

peggykorol: Epic chick pls heed to chaircover;s advise,and ignore those holy and perfect pple here.they are internet nigerians

Speak for yourself ma'am, a married woman having butterflies at her ex's ping? Marriage is sacred to me , I don't know idleness is now an excuse for adultery ..... please don't give me that crap.

Poor husband.

jidegirl12:

Speak for yourself ma'am, a married woman having butterflies at her ex's ping? Marriage is sacred to me , I don't know idleness is now an excuse for adultery ..... please don't give me that crap.

Ooohhh, puhlease stop with the "holier than thou" attitude! U might just be banging your gateman or your driver as far as we know. If u don't have anything constructive to say, then shush! No be by force to comment. Rubbish!

bettymafy:

Ooohhh, puhlease stop with the "holier than thou" attitude! U might just be banging your gateman or your driver as far as we know. If u don't have anything constructive to say, then shush! No be by force to comment. Rubbish!

what is "holier than thou" about what she said? Don't make commitments you cannot keep. Damn. adults who should know better are the ones asking stupid questions, acting juvenile and defending nonsense ( as u are doing right now). Constructive my foot. soothingly telling her rubbish.

@OP: u are a big bozo for nursing those thoughts for this long and acting on it.

bettymafy:

Ooohhh, puhlease stop with the "holier than thou" attitude! U might just be banging your gateman or your driver as far as we know. If u don't have anything constructive to say, then shush! No be by force to comment. Rubbish!

'Holier than thou'? I don't have neither gateman nor a driver @betty so stop foaming in the mouth bout my life history and face the topic! Shush!

She's a married woman, she's supposed to control her emotions and have some respect for her husband, it's degrading and not dignifying period.
It beats me why some people bother getting married
Poor man

Thank you all for your advice.
Mrs CC am very grateful for your especially. I read it very carefully and slowly (2ce) to make sure it SINKS PROPERLY.
And to all those bashing me,thank you because it's all CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!I was worse in giving judgement to such matters too, i even thought "A woman should NEVER feel anything and if she does, she is CRAZY and needs to be exterminated"! I was sure it was something i could NEVER do in a 1000 years, but here am i almost falling! But you know how Life just brings what you think you are all good at and throws it at you as a challenge, so i guess thats what happened to me, next time i wouldn't CRUCIFY anyone that has such issue/challenge.
As someone stated above, this weird feelings just started in less than 72 hours,it wasn't i was thinking, it just came from no were (After the Fb suggestion email i got thou).
If it was something i had been feeling then it wasn't so difficult for me, i could have gotten intouch with him and we started from where we ended, i recalled 2 months before my wedding he called me we chatted and kept asking why couldn't i date him again and a lot of other whys. 2 months before my wedding was enough time to still call off the wedding if i detected a single feeling for him, but i didn't!
After the wedding i just decided i would ignore him and his emails, *A mistake i made, because i should have explained to him why didn't, but i felt by blocking him out was the easiest way out.*
Now there was a CRACK somehow in my marriage which i am working very hard to seal, or else more things will keep creeping in through that tiny crack.
He is still asking me the why, and i explained to him today (Dunno if it was wise), that i left him or "Ran Away" from his own words, because we were indulging in PRE-MARITAL SIN, and i didn't want to continue in it, and the best way was to run away 4 years ago, and i couldn't date him again because we were going to continue in it, so had to RUN!
I just feel better releasing it all out! I know God helping me i will work more on myself.

Thank you all once again.

@CC I hear you jare.....'owo to ba wa idle ni devil man lo' she should get a part time job with the schooling or better volunteer in old folks home/daycare... by the time she finish with wailing babies& adults shed be tuckered out.

jidegirl12: @CC I hear you jare.....'owo to ba wa idle ni devil man lo' she should get a part time job with the schooling or better volunteer in old folks home/daycare... by the time she finish with wailing babies& adults shed be tuckered out.

funny!

Go and get pregnant
That your free time will become NO Time

@ OP: a little verbal slap helps. You don't play with such fire. No matter how little,this type can burn badly. In my sincere opinion, you don't NEED to explain anything to anybody about y things didn't workout with them especially when you are married. It is an avenue for manipulation. And imagine ur husband sees it and reads meaning to it and u lose his trust. there is a saying in yoruba " inkan ti eyan o ba fe je, ko ki fi run inu". It means what u don't want to eat u don't smell it lest the temptation overcomes ur resolve. Keep ur resolve, don't communicate with him at all. God will help you.

PS-noone is infallible to such. Nipping it in the bud asap is key. Afterall we are humans

jidegirl12: @CC I hear you jare.....'owo to ba wa idle ni devil man lo' she should get a part time job with the schooling or better volunteer in old folks home/daycare... by the time she finish with wailing babies& adults shed be tuckered out.